Sartori Merlot BellaVitano Cheese: PERFECT!

The Good: Amazing taste, Melts great, Wonderful flavor, Good ingredients
The Bad: Somewhat pricy
The Basics: A perfect cheese, Sartori Merlot BellaVitano is one of the best cheeses to hunt down!


This year for my own little Oscars celebration, I splurged on a whole bunch of treats for the night. I scaled back on some of the meats and cheeses I was going to pick up for the event, but the first choice cheese I picked up was a block of Sartori Merlot BellaVitano cheese. That I purchased the Merlot BellaVitano was a bit of a surprise given how the Sartori Espresso BellaVitano (reviewed here!) completely underwhelmed me.

Even though I don’t drink wine, the Merlot BellaVitano is an incredible, flavorful, cheese that is amazing combination of fruit and cheese flavors. Right before the Oscars, I discovered Sartori Merlot BellaVitano cheese locally for $6.49 for the 5.3 oz. package. Despite the price making it seem like it would be expensive, the Merlot BellaVitano is a perfect cheese, worth every cent!

Basics

Sartori is a manufacturer of premium cheeses in Wisconsin. The intent of most Sartori cheeses is that they will be cheeses that hold their own as snacks that may be served to consumers in fancier settings. They specialize in intriguing cheeses that have different flavors infused into them, like merlot and espresso coffee. Sartori cheeses come in blocks that are premeasured, at least for the Sartori Merlot BellaVitano cheese.

The Merlot BellaVitano cheese is as its name implies. This is a solid white cheese with a wine flavor. Sartori Merlot BellaVitano cheese features a burgundy colored coating and is hard enough to maintain its shape when cut open.

Ease Of Preparation

Sartori Merlot BellaVitano cheese is a cheese, so more often than not, it is used on its own or as an ingredient in a recipe. Preparation of the cheese is pretty simple; cut the plastic away and slice the cheese! Sartori Merlot BellaVitano cheese is very easy to work with. My cheese plane easily sliced through the block repeatedly, though If the cheese dries out at all, it will fracture instead of slicing, like a sharp cheddar. It is exceptionally easy to work with on its own or as an ingredient in recipes.

When the cheese is sliced, it melts beautifully with wonderful evenness and liquidity, making it an ideal ingredient to make flavorful omelets or to replace cheddar cheese in dishes like macaroni and cheese. It is delicious when melted into sandwiches, eggs or even a cream sauce (to make a cheese sauce). The first time I tried this cheese as a component ingredient, was in an omelet and it melted beautifully there.

Taste

The Merlot BellaVitano smells delightfully like red wine. The aroma is almost entirely that of the merlot and none of the cheese it is embedded in.

On the tongue, the story is very different; the Merlot BellaVitano is a very sharp cheese, very analogous to a Parmesan cheese, though the wine in the cheese gives it an even sharper tang. The cheese is flavorful and finishes with a strong wine, Merlot flavor that is delightful and insinuates the fruity flavor of wine more than it embodies it. The sharpness of the cheese compliments the dryness of the wine in the cheese and it makes for a very satisfying combination!

Melted into something like an omelet, the Merlot BellaVitano cheese, the cheese melts perfectly! In its hot, fluidic state, the Merlot BellaVitano tastes very much like an extra sharp cheddar cheese with a hint of sparkling wine flavor as an aftertaste. That makes it an exceptionally flavorful cheese on its own or as a component in dishes!

Nutrition

Sartori Cheeses are not intended to be all that one lives on. But for those who try, the Merlot BellaVitano cheese is not a terribly healthy choice. The wine does not seem to add anything of note to the cheese of nutritional value. A serving size is considered a one inch block (1 oz.). In that, there are 120 calories, 90 of which are from fat. This cheese has 25% of one's daily recommended saturated fat intake, 10% of the RDA of cholesterol, and 7% of the RDA of sodium. On the plus side, it does have 18% of the RDA of calcium and has seven grams of protein. There is also 6% of the RDA of Vitamin A, though there is no alcohol in the cheese.

Obviously, Merlot BellaVitano cheese is a dairy product, so those who are lactose intolerant will have problems with it. This cheese is made primarily of BellaVitano cheese and merlot wine. That makes it mostly natural.

Storage/Cleanup

As a cheese, Sartori Merlot BellaVitano cheese should be kept refrigerated. So long as that happens, it ought to stay fresh for several weeks. I am utterly unable to write about shelf-life as our 5.3 oz block was gone within four days of being opened! So long as it is kept in an airtight, cold environment, it ought to remain fresh and supple. Our package bought before the Oscars had an expiration date of September 12, 2014 (and it got eaten up long before it ever could have expired!).

Merlot BellaVitano is a cheese, so it is not going to stain or ruin anything unless it is ground into a fabric. Baring that, cleanup of nonporous surfaces is as easy as wiping them with a damp cloth. Even the crumbs, however, are aromatic, so this is one that is especially important to clean up after!

Overall

Sartori Merlot BellaVitano cheese is perfect, plain and simple. The cheese and wine flavors are absolutely wonderful together and the cheese is amazing on its own or in dishes.

For other cheese reviews, please check out my takes on:
Yancy’s Fancy Roasted Garlic Cheddar Cheese Curds
New Bridge Mediterranean Cheddar Cheese
Cabot Extra Sharp Cheddar

10/10

For other food and drink reviews, please visit my Food And Drink Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Fun, But By No Means Good: Flubber Fizzles!

The Good: Moments of performance and direction
The Bad: Utterly predictable, Simplistic character arcs, Erratic execution of special effects
The Basics: Flubber is a flop of a family film, despite having an impressive cast.


As the world copes with the suicide of Robin Williams, many of us are finding solace in watching his works. For me, that means rewatching films of his that impressed me, like The Fisher King (reviewed here!); for my wife, it means revisiting the films that delighted her in her childhood. It was she who wanted to watch Flubber, which I had never seen. While I was suitably pleased with the quality of the cast, Flubber is a ridiculous movie that sacrifices most of its moments of merit in order to be family-friendly. The humor is slapstick, the plot and character arcs are thoroughly predictable and the direction is so sloppy in relation to the special effects that only a child will not notice.

Flubber is a Disney live-action film that trades on simplicity and a sense of movement that is more significant than anything in the movie is substantive. As a result, the film features a villain who is adversarial for the sake of being antagonistic, an utterly unrealistic savior (in the form of big business!), and human relationships that are so poorly-conceived as to border on the ridiculous. Despite its many faults, Flubber is fun and easy-to-watch, is more than can be said for some of Robin Williams’s other films geared toward children.

Professor Philip Brainard is such an absentminded professor that he has missed his wedding to Dr. Sara Jean Reynolds two times before. While he promises not to miss it a third time (this time planned to be a big event purposely so he might remember it), Brainard’s floating robot, Weebo (who does all of his scheduling) fails to remind him of it the night before. As a result, the next day Brainard’s experiments in trying to create a sustainable power supply explode and distract him long enough to miss his own wedding. In the process, Brainard inadvertently creates a semi-conscious goo that is exceptionally elastic and has the potential to be used for an unlimited power supply.

But Brainard’s discovery does not solve all of his problems. Instead, Dr. Reynolds is wooed by Brainard’s competitor at the college, Wilson Croft, and the college is due to be shut down due to the machinations of Chester Hoenicker. To try to thwart both, Brainard uses the flubber to help the basketball team thwart their rivals – which costs Hoenicker quite a bit of money and helps Reynolds win a bet against Croft. While Hoenicker sends goons to steal the flubber, Brainard illustrates its uses to Reynolds and together the two work to save the university.

The flubber is a bright green goo that moves on its own and causes anything to which it is attached to bounce in violation of all of the traditional laws of physics. The creation serves as an excuse to have characters like the basketball players bounce across the court in a single leap or bounce back when they fall on their butts. Brainard uses the flubber to make his car fly and that becomes the method by which he and Dr. Reynolds figure out a way to earn enough money to save the college.

The character arcs in Flubber are painfully predictable. Brainard is set up as such an unfocused genius at the outset that any sort of wholesale change to the character in the course of the film would be unrealistic. As a result, much of the character development in Flubber is focused on how the other characters interact with him. Croft is a generic adversary for Brainard in both the personal and professional arena. Croft somehow has survived at the college long enough to live in Brainard’s shadow and steal some of his prior discoveries . . . without ever being reprimanded for it. Similarly, Croft only seems to have any potential for a relationship with Reynolds by the fact that he shows up. Reynolds seems not at all interested in him, but his advances are met with something other than indifference once Brainard misses their third wedding attempt.

While I am always thrilled to see Wil Wheaton in any of his post-Star Trek: The Next Generation roles, his part as Bennett Hoenicker is a distracting enemy that is essentially a third goon from his father. Wheaton’s role is entirely unnecessary and it interfaces poorly with Brainard’s storyline. At least Clancy Brown and Ted Levine might be relegated to the roles of Hoenicker’s goons, but at least they are supposed to be somewhat generic thugs: the addition of a son for Chester adds nothing to the story. Robin Williams and Marcia Gay Harden have fine on-screen chemistry, even if they are not a great cinematic couple.

Flubber makes decent use of Robin Williams’s manic physical acting style, but director Les Mayfield is sloppy with the special effects. The flubber moves at an incredible speed and Mayfield does not make sure to line up the eyelines of Williams or most of the other characters. As a result, most of the characters are not looking anywhere near the flubber or flubber-affected characters when they are bouncing around.

The result is that Flubber is a disappointing film that is utterly forgettable even though it is not unenjoyable while it is on.

For other Disney live-action works, please check out my reviews of:
Saving Mr. Banks
The Lone Ranger
Oz The Great And Powerful
The Odd Life Of Timothy Green
John Carter
Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Tron: Legacy
Oceans
Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time
Alice In Wonderland
Old Dogs
G-Force
Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe
Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl
The Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement
The Princess Diaries
Tron

2.5/10

For other movie reviews, please check out my Film Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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More Subtle Than Sheabang! Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt Satisfies, But Does Not Thrill.

The Good: Good flavor, Nutritionally decent, Fair trade certified
The Bad: More expensive than other Greek Frozen Yogurts, Not the most robust flavor (could be fruitier)
The Basics: The Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt is a less intense Greek frozen yogurt and not likely to wow consumers.


Over the last few years, my wife has gotten me into eating a number of healthier foods. My usual ice cream has been replaced, more often than not, with sorbets and frozen yogurts. So, it is of little surprise that I have been trying more and more of the Ben & Jerry’s Greek frozen yogurts. Unfortunately, while some are robust or interesting, some are proving to me that eating healthy is a sacrifice of flavor. One such Greek frozen yogurt is the Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt.

Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt is not bad at all, but it is not the most flavorful flavor that Ben & Jerry’s has produced. Instead, this is a Greek frozen yogurt that is healthy, adequate for what it promises to be, but is entirely lacking on a “wow factor.”

Basics

Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt comes in a pint container. The Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt is a smooth Greek Frozen Yogurt with a grainy swirl of graham cracker mixed thoroughly into the Greek Frozen Yogurt. Almost every bite of this frozen yogurt has the crustlike chunks in it!

At (locally) $5.99 a pint, the Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt is an expensive Greek Frozen Yogurt, though the flavor is very much worth it. This is made of decent ingredients and it is definitely worth the price.

Ease Of Preparation

The Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt is a Greek Frozen Yogurt with more of a minimal additive than some of the other Ben & Jerry’s Greek frozen yogurts. As a Greek Frozen Yogurt, preparation is ridiculously simple: one need only open the top of the container, scoop out a half cup and consume! There is no trick to preparing or eating the Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt!

Taste

The Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt has no scent to foreshadow the flavor. Instead of smelling like yogurt or fruit, this has, at best, a light vanilla scent. Either way, this is not a strongly aromatic greek frozen yogurt.

On the tongue, the Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt is one of Ben & Jerrys’ more subtle flavors. The dryness of the graham crackers in this Greek frozen yogurt completely cuts the slight sourness that is characteristic of either yogurt or (especially) Greek yogurt. As a result, the swirls of blueberry flavoring in the Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt actually pops. The creamy vanilla of this frozen yogurt contrasts with the sweet, fruity flavor of the blueberries. The combination makes for an understated, but flavorful sweet Greek Frozen Yogurt.

The Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt has a fairly dry aftertaste. The flavor does not linger long on the tongue.

Nutrition

The Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt is a slightly creamy Greek Frozen Yogurt with a dry, very prevalent additive (the graham cracker swirl is in almost every single bite). The pint represents four half-cup servings. In the half-cup serving, there are 200 calories, 60 of which are from fat. The seven grams of fat represent 11% of the RDA of fat, with 15% of one’s RDA of saturated fat coming in the 3 grams of saturated fat in this Greek Frozen Yogurt. One serving has 25 mg of cholesterol (that’s 8% of the RDA!) and 105 mg of Sodium (4% RDA). The only other real nutrients are six grams of protein and 20% of the RDA of Calcium and 4% of the RDA of Vitamin A in the Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt.

Ben & Jerry’s has wonderful ingredients. Made primarily of Skim milk, Greek Yogurt and liquid sugar, there is nothing unpronounceable in the ingredients list. The Blueberry Vanilla Graham Ben & Jerry’s is Kosher, but not marked as gluten free. There are no allergy warnings on the package, but it is fair trade certified.

Storage/Clean-Up

Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt is both a frozen and a dairy product, so it is pretty obvious that it must be kept frozen in order to remain viable. Kept frozen it remains fresh for months; ours was probably on the clearance rack because it expired closer to the purchase date than most.

The Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt is fairly light and it will stain any light fabrics it melts into. If the Greek Frozen Yogurt melts and gets onto fabrics, it will require one to wash it right out. On nonporous surfaces, the Greek Frozen Yogurt wipes off exceptionally easily.

Overall

The Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt is good, but not great. Those who like frozen yogurts might get thrilled by it, but those who love flavorful ice creams will find it lacking.

For other Ben & Jerry’s Ice Creams, be sure to visit my reviews of:
Caramel Buzz ice cream
Raspberry Fudge Greek Frozen Yogurt
What A Cluster Ice Cream

5/10

For other frozen treat reviews, please visit my Ice Cream Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Despite The Expense, Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect Shampoo Does What It Promises And Is Worth The Price!

The Good: Cleans hair exceptionally well, Great lather!
The Bad: Expensive! No recognizable scent.
The Basics: Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect shampoo is a really good shampoo, despite the expense of it.


When my wife picked up a bottle of Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect Shampoo, I was shocked to realize that in my tenure as a reviewer, I had only previously reviewed one Pantene shampoo. Years ago, I reviewed the Pantene Pro-V Daily Moisture Renewal Shampoo (reviewed here!) and I haven’t picked up more Pantene shampoos since. My wife, though, loves trying new things and she thought it was a good time for us to shake up our shampoo usage (which is recommended to prevent build-up as different shampoos have different ingredients, some of which cut through the build-up of others). So, we ended up with a decent-sized bottle of Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect Shampoo.

Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect Shampoo - at least in conjunction with the conditioner - did exactly as the name promised. My hair was noticeably cleaner, less dry and my hair was far less brittle after using the Repair & Protect Shampoo for a month. This shampoo, on its own, always left my hair perfectly clean and far less oily than when I began. Given how much I have been working of late, my hair is usually sweaty and gross after work, so the cleaning power of this shampoo cannot be underestimated.

I tend to like shampoos that both clean and leave hair smelling good. The Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect shampoo did the former well, but the latter poorly. After my first use of the shampoo, my hair was perfectly cleaned and smelled clean and neutral. After my first use of the shampoo and conditioner, my hair was clean, bouncy, more manageable and looked better. The result was so noticeable that my wife smiled at me and said, “I’m glad you finally started using that new shampoo I got us!” The effects after one use were that dramatic. I tend to have hair that gets dry quickly when overwashed and given that my job requires me to wash once or twice per shower per day in order to get it clean after work, I needed a good repairing shampoo. The Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect shampoo was it!

Fortunately, the Repair & Protect Shampoo lived up on its second promise as well. Since starting to use it a month ago, this shampoo has adequately protected it from further breakage. Instead, in conjunction with the Repair & Protect Conditioner, my hair has not returned to a place where it has split ends and similar damage again.

With a cost of approximately $4.99 for a 12.6 fl. oz. bottle, Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect is comparatively expensive. The bottle is smooth and is more flat than round. When wet, it slips out of the hands easily. The cap has a flip-top that makes it very easy to get the shampoo out with only one hand. As well, the large cap makes it even easier, though because the hole is still fairly small, there is no waste from the bottle.

The scent of Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect is very much a chemical smell. The shampoo smells like an indistinct mix of cleansers without anything to recommend it for the aroma. The scent is strong in the bottle and in the shower. However, there is no scent left on the hair after the shampoo is washed out. There is no scent outside "shampoo" and it does not linger in the hair at all when one washes it out. As one who loves interesting smells – fruit or floral - one of my problems with Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect is that it leaves no scent. I have discovered I enjoy shampoos that trigger a scent memory and the generic shampoo scent of this triggers nothing.

Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect is a white, opaque shampoo that is creamy and smooth. It has a nonwatery consistency and while it is not especially thick, it does not need to be watered down to get the most out of the product.

Like most shampoos, there is nothing mysterious to using this product. You wet your hair, lather it up with this shampoo and rinse. Like most shampoos, I can get away with using about a quarter-sized drop and that is so with the Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect. This is pretty consistent with other Pantene products I have used, but I have been shocked by how very well Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect shampoo lathered up. This becomes one of the most foamy shampoos when lathered into the hair that I have ever used. That also helps it wash out exceptionally easily.

This shampoo has an excellent lather quality. It took almost nothing to work it up to a lather and that lather spreads into the hair and cleans amazingly. Indeed, with average usage, the product was one of the easiest shampoos I have used to spread through my hair. This required very little agitation to lather it properly and the results were spectacular, especially for the minimal effort.

This shampoo rinses out incredibly easily, as well. When I am in a hurry and can only wash my hair, the Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect shampoo rinses out very quickly and leaves my hair very clean. Moreover, the shampoo alone leaves the hair without any scent, so there is nothing to rinse out. The Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect required almost no effort to rinse it out, making is a quick shampoo to apply and rinse out.

When a product works this well, it is strange because there is actually so little to say about it. I don't like to spend a ton of time on my hair, but I like the results of a good shampoo or conditioner. The Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect is a great shampoo, but one pays for the quality and it seems like the conditioner associated with this does a lot of the work of moisturizing, as opposed to the shampoo. Still, the repairing aspects of this shampoo cannot be understated.

The Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect Shampoo does not make my hair feel heavy when it is still wet, and once dry, the shampoo lives up to its promise of moisturized, healthy-looking hair. Washing my hair as much as I do, I could end up with very dry hair, but the Repair & Protect Shampoo eliminates any adverse affects to washing hair so much. Restoring my hair to cleanliness and preventing split ends is enough to enthusiastically recommend this shampoo, regardless of the price. Even without the conditioner, that is what Pantene Pro-V Repair & Protect Shampoo does!

For other shampoo reviews, please check out my analysis of:
VO5 Free Me Freesia Shampoo
Suave Mango Mandarin Shampoo
Bigelow Mentha Hair Mint Shampoo

8/10

For other health and beauty reviews, visit my Index Page for an organized listing of the products I have reviewed!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Fights And Conflict Dominate The Depressing Parenthood Season 5

The Good: Decent acting, One or two moments of plot development
The Bad: Utterly oppressive tone, Soap operatic elements, Goofy character choices.
The Basics: A significant change in tone makes Parenthood Season 5 the toughest season to endure yet and one not quite worth watching.


When I sat down to binge watch the fifth season of Parenthood, my wife and I had a discussion about how baffling it was that the series is always on the bubble. Constantly in danger of being cancelled, despite having an amazing cast and likable characters (and being unlike anything on television today), Parenthood has required fans to rally and lobby on behalf of the show each season to get renewed. After watching the fifth season of Parenthood, the only real surprise my wife and I had was that the show actually managed to get renewed for a sixth season!

I am a fan of complicated cinematic works with intriguing characters and I can live with depressing storylines. That said, the fifth season of Parenthood makes Magnolia (reviewed here!) look like a short, peppy movie. No, outside binging on the fifth season, it is hard to see why anyone would come back to the show week after week (interestingly, the inverse reason is one I usually use to argue why the show should survive despite low ratings – that people find it and buy it by the season more than watching week by week). The reason for my complete change of perspective on Parenthood comes from the change in tone that the fifth season has. In its fifth season, Parenthood is not only depressing, but it is utterly oppressive to watch. Watching Parenthood is a thoroughly unpleasant experience, almost from the first episode of the season and certainly the longer the season goes on.

Packed with conflict, Parenthood centers around the three generations of the Braverman family; Zeek Braverman (an ex-Vietnam vet) and his artistic wife living in Berkley, California. They have four adult children: Adam, Sarah, Crosby, and Julia, all of whom have families and children of their own. Adam and his wife Kristina have a young son, Max, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, and a newborn daughter, Nora. Sarah has an adult daughter, Amber, and a college-age son, Drew. Crosby has a son, Jabbar, with his wife, Jasmine, along with the born-in-the-season premiere Aida. The youngest Braverman, Julia, is married to Joel and they have a daughter, Sydney, and an adopted son, Victor.

The fifth season of Parenthood picks up several months after the end of the fourth season (reviewed here!), as Jasmine had pretty much just discovered her pregnancy then and she and Crosby are shopping for baby products when she goes into labor. Hank has moved back to town and when Max’s camera breaks, he stops in at Hank’s studio to get it fixed. Sarah, who is now the superintendant of the apartment building where she has moved, is annoying Amber because she no longer has Drew to rely upon. The initial joy of Aida’s birth and Kristina’s new lease on life inspiring her to run for mayor against Bob Little quickly turn sour. As Joel becomes a serious contender for a housing development project, the abandonment his family faces leads Julia to an emotional affair with another parent at Sydney and Victor’s school. Camille, frustrated by Zeek’s reticence to try new things, abandons Zeek to go to Europe on a painting trip.

As the election nears, Kristina is devastated when Bob Little goes negative, drudging up all he can of Adam’s dirt to destroy her campaign. When Ryan returns from Afghanistan, he and Amber promptly get engaged, which causes a deep rift between Amber and Sarah. Drew’s college experience is dominated by the headgames of a young woman with whom he is infatuated (who wants a no-strings relationship, yet tugs on him when his ex-girlfriend comes to visit). Max’s friendship with Hank leads Hank to suspect that he, too, has Asperger’s Syndrome and Crosby’s life becomes complicated by both his house getting infected with mold and his mother-in-law’s insistence that Aida get baptized. But the story gets worst for Julia and Joel when Julia kisses Ed Brooks and Joel moves out and Camille’s return from Europe has led her to want to explore more of the world . . . and the only way to do that is for her and Zeek to sell the Braverman house!

Because the plots, which are heavily serialized, are an ongoing family drama, the plots are far less important than the characters. Unfortunately, in the fifth season of Parenthood, many of the character choices and plot developments have more of a feeling of being a soap opera than legitimate and organic developments. As a perfect example, as Julia heads down the road to an emotional affair, there is not a single callback to the relationship Joel had (that she was jealous of) in the first season with another parent. In other words, for people who actually appreciate the characters in Parenthood, the fifth season forces viewers to roll their eyes as characters make choices that completely betray their former experiences. In the fifth season, the principle characters in Parenthood are:

Adam Braverman – Thrilled to have his wife back again, he is less than supportive of her desire to run for Mayor than she wants him to be. When one of the more problematic acts recording at the Luncheonette is dropped by their label, he convinces Crosby to start their own label. More peripheral than usual, Adam works to support his family but has little to do on his own (though he clearly latches onto Hank for hope that Max might have a real future),

Kristina Braverman – Having survived cancer, she has a new lease on life. Determined not to simply work for a candidate she does not believe in, she runs for Mayor of Berkeley. Pushed by an efficient campaign manager, Kristina has a rough time of raising money and winning over hearts and minds until a debate where she openly uses Max to score political points. Refusing to go negative, Kristina holds to her values through the entire election. When Max is treated poorly by his history teacher near the end of the school year, Kristina becomes determined to open a charter school for Berkley’s special students,

Max Braverman – A child with Asperger’s, his last year of middle school is riddled with social problems. While he has fewer outbursts, he becomes inflexible when spending time at Hank’s studio doing photography (which causes complications with him and Hank’s daughter and his aunt Sarah). He loses his best friend and is bullied at school, which causes Kristina to once more take up

Sarah Braverman – The eldest daughter of Zeek and Camille, mother to Amber and Drew, she has a new job as a building superintendant and she starts a new career as a photographer. She competes against Hank for a bid for a surfing magazine and when she wins it, she has to turn to Hank for guidance and supplies. One of her tenants annoys her, until she realizes that the man is not the womanizing cad he appears, but an amazing humanitarian. Even so, she finds herself gravitating more toward Hank, especially in the wake of her fall-out with Amber,

Amber Holt – Sarah’s daughter. She impulsively accepts Ryan’s impromptu proposal when he returns to the United States. Soon, though, she begins to question whether or not the relationship is viable (thanks to Sarah’s meddling) and she starts forcing issues with Ryan. While working at the Luncheonette, she starts to draw the eye of a musician and she gets empowered by doing some vocals of her own. In the wake of Ryan’s decision to return to Afghanistan, she and Drew go through their depressed phase together,

Drew Holt – Sarah’s son, he is a Freshman at the University Of California at Berkeley. There, he becomes confused by Natalie, a young woman who lives in his dorm and seems to be deep and interesting, but just wants casual sexual hook-ups. He does not get along with his slovenly roommate and works with Adam and Crosby to develop an appreciation of Joni Mitchell (to try to win over Natalie). When Natalie’s headgames begin to unsettle him, Amy’s sudden appearance gives him more of the type of relationship he actually wants. When his roommate sleeps with Natalie, he moves in with Amber and discovers the joys of pot,

Crosby Braverman – Now happily married with Jasmine, he gets seriously sleep-deprived when Aida is born. While he initially tries to support Jasmine with the nighttime feedings, he soon reverts to form. Even so, he works to be a good dad and is sure to take Jabbar out from time to time. He quickly comes to loathe the lead singer of the band Adam signs and he is distressed when his mother-in-law insists on Aida being baptized. He is forced to accept that Camille is selling the house and the mold that infests his home is his fault,

Jabbar Trussell – Crosby and Jasmine’s son, he is largely a nonentity this season, though he begins ballet, much to Crosby’s chagrin,

Jasmine Trussell – Taking care of Jabbar and Aida, she becomes a level-head that keeps Crosby in line. She is unwilling to fight her mother when Renee insists on Aida getting baptized. She helps campaign for Kristina and is upset to learn that Crosby is not registered to vote. She is actually the sane voice that gets Oliver Rome to head back to the studio when he temporarily moves in,

Julia Braverman-Graham – Wife of Joel, mother of Sydney and Victor, she is late to signing up for parent assignments on the kids’ first day. She ends up on the sustainability committee with Ed Brooks. As she and Joel get more and more distant, she turns to Ed for emotional support. Unable to find work as a lawyer thanks to her vindictive ex-boss and shocked when Ed’s marriage falls apart, she attempts to find meaning in her life. When she admits Ed kissed her, Joel leaves and she struggles with their separation and his unwillingness to fight for their marriage,

Joel Graham – Now a serious contender as a developer, he wins a bid on a housing complex, working with a famous architect, Pete (who is a woman). He becomes deeply focused in the project, to the neglect of his children and Julia. At a school fundraiser, he sees Julia and Ed (who is drunk) and attacks him. When Julia admits she has had an emotional affair with Ed, Joel walks out. Refusing to accept Julia’s apologies, he starts spoiling their children and dealing with life on his own. Abandoned by most of the Bravermans (like Crosby and Jasmine who replace him as Aida’s godfather when the baby is christened), he only experiences a pull when the children are involved,

Sydney Graham – Pretty much a nonentity until Joel leaves, she snottily accuses Victor of breaking up the family,

Victor Graham – After his teachers reveal that he is very far behind in his reading level, he is struggles to read better. After much debate, he is pulled back from fifth to fourth grade, which causes him all sorts of issues. However, his reading improves when Zeek tutors him by having him read the manual to the car he (and Victor) rebuild,

Hank Rizzoli – The photographer returns to Berkeley having failed to start a decent life with his daughter in Minnesota. He almost immediately begins to bond with Max, who starts coming in and showing off his photography. He is compassionate toward Max and tries not to use the boy for information on Sarah. Coincidence has him running into Sarah when she is with, alternately, Carl Fletcher and Mark Cyr, though working with Dr. Pelikan gets him to the point where he is able to express to Sarah how he actually feels. He actually starts working for Sarah when she wins the surfing brochure account,

Camille Braverman – Furious over having her life constantly put on hold, she tries to frame her “third act” with Zeek, but finds him resistant. She takes a stand for herself by going off to Italy to paint after Zeek refuses to talk about selling the house and he gets the antique Pontiac instead. She is eager to expand her horizons and she returns from Italy with the desire to go off to France for a similar opportunity. When her children seem to side with Zeek over her on the issue of selling the house, she feels even more alone than before,

and Zeek Braverman – Abandoned by his wife after he picks up a classic car to start rebuilding, he starts helping Victor read by getting him to assist with the repairs. After Camille makes her dissatisfaction known to him, he builds a firepit for her at the house. When she goes off to Italy, he struggles with his day to day maintenance of the house. Finding he cannot live without Camille and fearing that he might have Alzheimer’s, he becomes more flexible when she returns to the States, even though she wants to continue doing things without him.

On the acting front, Parenthood Season Five has all of the principle performers acting perfectly within their (now) well-established characters. Erika Christensen and Sam Jaeger make the separation of Julia and Joel absolutely agonizing to watch (even when the plot pushes them in unfortunately predictable directions). Monica Potter makes Kristina seem perfectly mayoral during her campaign and when Max Burkholder delivers one of Max’s saddest monologues to date, Potter and Peter Krause react in the most heartwrenching ways possible without uttering a single line. Miles Heizer continues to impress with his subtle performances of Drew’s internal conflicts in his character’s arc with Natalie.

More than anyone else, it is Mae Whitman who gives the performance of the season. In Parenthood Season Five, Whitman has an erratic arc that has her character falling for Ryan, a man with many of the same character faults as her father. Amber is occasionally brilliantly self-aware and at other times entirely moronic. She also gets back into drinking and marijuana despite having the show’s most painful history with them (which she recalls in one episode where she confesses to Ryan that she was in a terrible car accident). While her character is written somewhat inconsistency, Mae Whitman’s performance is anything but erratic. Instead, Whitman is a pro and the scene where she ends up in the bar at which her father works, Whitman gives a genius performance of a drunk person that it is absolutely captivating. Seriously, it is a crime she was not even nominated for an Emmy.

But even the few moments of amazing performances are not enough to save the fifth season of Parenthood. This is a season as agonizing to watch as animal experimentation videos from the 1940s. The fifth season of Parenthood is unpleasant and only die-hard fans will want to watch the entire thing (and in as short a timeframe as possible); those tuning in to any single episode from the fifth season of Parenthood are unlikely to ever want to return to the show. The struggles these characters go through in the fifth season are excruciating and those who do not have an emotional connection to the Bravermans before these episodes will be too saddened by what they go through here to want to watch more of them than even one hour’s worth of their struggles.

For other works with David Denman, be sure to visit my reviews of:
After Earth
Smart People
Big Fish
Angel

4/10

For other television program and DVD set reviews, please visit my Television Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Transitions That Lead To Hope: The Walking Dead - Book Eight Might Be An Incredible Set-Up Book!

The Good: Good character development, Engaging-enough plot.
The Bad: Mediocre artwork, Repetitive in context
The Basics: The Walking Dead - Book Eight finds the survivors near Washington coming into contact with more survivors and foreshadowing a war to come!


As I prepare to binge-watch the entire fourth season of The Walking Dead, I am catching up on the graphic novels for The Walking Dead. While I have already reviewed The Walking Dead: We Find Ourselves (reviewed here!), I picked up the larger volume The Walking Dead - Book Eight, which includes that volume’s “chapters.” The story of The Walking Dead in Book Eight is the twelve issues of the serialized comic book (issues 85 – 95) in anthology form and the story is long-beyond the point where readers can simply pick up the book and start the series.

That said, The Walking Dead - Book Eight is a solid story for fans of the story of “survival horror.” More than most of the prior volumes, The Walking Dead - Book Eight has the characters in the universe of The Walking Dead moving beyond the day to day struggle against the undead who have been wandering the world since the outbreak. Almost two years after the initial outbreak, Rick Grimes and his survivors have found safety within the walls of a community near Alexandria, Virginia. The Walking Dead - Book Eight is a good transition book that involves Grimes and his community both getting settled and then moving into the world outside, which makes for a surprisingly compelling narrative, even if it is not the most complicated plot.

After Nicholas freaks out and draws a gun on Rick in the survivor’s community, the community consolidates and comes together. Weeks later, coming back from a supply run, the survivors are followed. Heading out, Michonne and Abraham encounter Paul Monroe. Monroe responds to the pair by defensively capturing Abraham until Rick Grimes appears to negotiate with him. Monroe, who is called Jesus by his community, tells Rick that he comes from a community, Hilltop, which has started trading with other survivors groups. After an extended interrogation, Rick comes to believe Jesus and he and a small team (which, much to his chagrin, includes Carl) go back to visit Hilltop.

At Hilltop, Jesus introduces Rick to Gregory, the community’s leader. Shortly after they meet, though, one of Hilltop’s citizens returns from a supply run and he tries to kill Gregory and then Rick. In self-defense, Rick kills the man and that inspires Jesus to open up to him. Hilltop is exactly what it seems; a community that has successfully started to trade with other survivor villages. Unfortunately, Hilltop is also under the thumb of Negan, a warlord who offers a protection racket from the walkers in exchange for half of all that Hilltop produces or trades for. Rick decides to take up the cause, offering defense to Hilltop in exchange for supplies.

The big decision Rick makes in The Walking Dead - Book Eight does not have any consequences within this book; it comes in far too late to be what the book is about. Instead, this volume is an essential as a bridge between the impossible problems faced by people living in a world where zombies ravage them at any opportunity and a narrative that might start to focus more on the challenges of the survivors reassembling the world. The Walking Dead - Book Eight is about how hardened humans relate to one another and how they begin to create relationships, communities and a world at large after the apocalypse. The story of The Walking Dead makes an important transition in Book Eight between a far less realistic adversary and the problems that would come from those who survive that experience trying to create something more.

The Walking Dead - Book Eight is a foreshadowing book and given the hope I have for where the story might go, it is very easy to recommend it. Rick Grimes makes some important decisions in The Walking Dead - Book Eight and the transition from nebulous hordes of zombie adversaries to another human enemy promises to shake up the formula of The Walking Dead.

Sadly, like normal, The Walking Dead - Book Eight features artwork that is often mediocre. Charlie Aldard does amazing artwork for the big splash pages, but the smaller panels have such a lack of detail that the story frequently has poor flow as a result. That said, The Walking Dead - Book Eight is not the most visual storyline, so the craptastic artwork does not matter as much as in some of the prior books. That, along with actually developing the characters makes The Walking Dead - Book Eight worth reading!

For other The Walking Dead books, check out my reviews of:
Days Gone Bye
Book One
Book Two
Book Three
Book Four
Book Five
Fear The Hunters
Life Among Them
Book Seven

7.5/10

For other graphic novel reviews, please check out my Graphic Novel Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Flavorful And Enjoyable, Seth Greenberg’s Authentic New York Orange Brownie Crunch Is Worth Hunting Down!

The Good: Delicious! Good ingredients
The Bad: Packaging does not protect the Brownie Crunch, Not especially nutritious
The Basics: For my second sampling of Seth Greenberg’s Authentic New York Brownie Crunch, I discover the Orange Brownie Crunch, which is impressive!


It’s a rare thing that I go back to a company that did not entirely wow me the first time out. Seth Greenberg’s Authentic New York Brownie Crunch left me somewhat underwhelmed with its Cinnamon Cappuccino Brownie Crunch (reviewed here!), so that I gave the brand another shot with its Orange Brownie Crunch is a rare thing. I am SO glad that I did!

Seth Greenberg’s Orange Brownie Crunch is impressive and almost singlehandedly justifies the existence of the entire brownie crunch snack line!

Basics

Redefining the nature of traditional brownies, Orange Brownie Crunch are 3/16" thick and, when unbroken, they are 3” long by 3” wide rectangular “chips” (or cookies). Each piece of Orange Brownie Crunch is fairly rough on both sides, like the bottom of a brownie that has been very much overcooked to solidify with the bubbles from the batter. Orange Brownie Crunch comes in a 4 oz. bag. According to the nutrition facts, a serving of Orange Brownie Crunch is one ounce, 28 grams and there are four servings per container. Measuring out this bag, we found that meant four pieces of Brownie Crunch per serving. Our bag, bought on the discount rack at my local grocery store, had only two completely intact, unbroken, pieces.

For those who have never had Brownie Crunch before, Brownie Crunch are flat, hard chips that are similar to bagel chips. Moisture - or saliva - dissolves Brownie Crunch on the tongue. They are more like a thin cookie than a soft, chewy brownie and bought in the store, most of the pieces of Brownie Crunch were broken up bits. The Orange Brownie Bites have the little chocolate chips (orange chocolate flavored chips) embedded in the tops of the Brownie Crunch. They actually look like they are melted into the tops. Some of the pieces have as few as two chocolate chips in them, some as many as twelve!

Ease Of Preparation

Unlike making brownies from scratch, Brownie Crunch is easy to prepare. Simply open the resealable bag and remove four pieces and consume. There is no other preparation needed; this is a ready-to-eat product. As one who absolutely loves the end of cereal (cereal crumbs), I found a certain delight in taking the two tablespoons of crumbs at the bottom of the bag, adding milk to it and eating it like cereal crumbs! The novelty of that, however, does not justify the expense of the Brownie Crunch.

Taste

Orange Brownie Crunch smells amazing! This Brownie Crunch smells entirely like orange, without any real hint of chocolate or brownie that the Brownie Crunch possesses.

On the taste front, the Orange Brownie Crunch is very dry, but wonderfully citrus flavored. This flavor of Brownie Crunch has an incredible blend of orange and chocolate to it. This Brownie Crunch is mildly chocolatey and it blends with the orange in a way that is not at all overwhelming for either flavor. The blend is an interesting mix of the two flavors.

There is a minimal aftertaste to the Orange Brownie Crunch and the aftertaste is much stronger that of chocolate than orange. That leaves the mouth a little dry, as if one had just had a strong, black coffee, as opposed to the sour one expects from citrus from the orange flavor.

Nutrition

Orange Brownie Crunch is a baked sweet food, so it is entirely predictable that it would not be the most nutritious product in the known universe. The Orange Brownie Crunch pieces are made primarily of sugar, flour, and water. There are, surprisingly, no unidentifiable ingredients in this food product and nothing that seems at all artificial (in fact, this is one of the few mass-produced product I have reviewed where the ingredients list reads more like a recipe than a chemical equation!). The bag of Orange Brownie Crunch carries an allergy warning for wheat, eggs, soy, tree nuts and milk.

Orange Brownie Crunch has 120 calories per serving, 20 of which are from fat, though it is tough to stick with the somewhat nebulous serving size of 28 grams. The 2.5 grams of fat represent 4% of the recommended daily value of fat and 8% of the daily recommended saturated fat; there are no trans fats in this Brownie Crunch. As well, there are 50 milligrams of sodium and 19 grams of sugars (23 total grams of carbohydrates). There is are two grams of protein and 10% of one’s RDA of Iron in a serving of Orange Brownie Crunch, but there are no other real nutrients in these.

These are not nutritious, but have nothing bad in them, so they make for a healthier sweet snack, though they are not Vegan compliant.

Storage/Clean-up

The Orange Brownie Crunch stores just fine in its bag, breakage aside, and as long as they are kept in a cool, dry (preferably dark) place it ought to last for a few months. The bag I bought several weeks ago bore an August 25, 2014 expiration date (I ate this all up before the expiration date!). This might not be an ideal food product to stock up on.

Unless one really crunches down sloppily on these, cleanup ought not to be an issue. The Orange Brownie Crunch generates quite a few crumbs, but they are pretty easy to clean up.

Overall

Seth Greenberg’s Orange Brownie Crunch is amazing on the taste and ingredient fronts, which makes for a delightful dessert snack!

For other sweet snacks, please be sure to visit my reviews of:
Sheila G's Salted Caramel Brownie Brittle
Lay’s Cappuccino Potato Chips
Blue Diamond Strawberry Almonds

8/10

For other food or drink reviews, please visit my Food And Drink Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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“I, Borg” For Doctor Who? The Inevitable Return Of The “Dalek” Tries For Something Substantive!

The Good: Character development, Plot progression, Impressive acting (especially by Christopher Eccleston)
The Bad: Thematically heavy-handed in context
The Basics: “Dalek” restores a single villainous adversary to the Doctor Who universe . . . with powerful results for The Doctor and Rose.


In Star Trek: The Next Generation, one of the most compelling character arcs involved Captain Jean-Luc Picard wrestling with the consequences of his abduction by the villainous Borg. In one of the few serialized elements of the largely episodic series, Picard’s emotional confrontation with a single Borg was explored in a popular and powerful episode called “I, Borg” (reviewed here!). It is tough for genre fans not to make a comparison between “I, Borg” and the Doctor Who episode “Dalek.”

For those not hip on Doctor Who, the most popular, powerful, recurring villains are the Daleks. The 2006 Doctor Who reboot was set following the end of the Great Time War, which was alluded to in bits and pieces throughout the first five episodes. In “Dalek,” the conflict is made a bit more explicit as The Doctor is forced to wrestle with the consequences of his actions that resolved the Great Time War. Unfortunately, The Doctor was responsible for the genocide of the entire race that fought the Time Lords. The Doctor was the last surviving Time Lord, but in ending the Great Time War, he supposedly destroyed each and every Dalek in existence. In “Dalek,” The Doctor finds out that he is not the only survivor of the Great Time War: there is a single Dalek alive as well!

The TARDIS is drawn off course to 2012 Utah where The Doctor and Rose find themselves in a subterranean museum. The facility is packed with artifacts that are all related to The Doctor’s prior adventures and experiences (like a stuffed Slitheen arm and a Cyberman head). The museum’s owner is Henry Van Stanton, who promptly captures The Doctor and Rose. Van Stanton is keen on information on his one living specimen in his collection, a creature he calls a Metaltron and that has life readings inside its metal shell. The creature is a Dalek and despite the Doctor’s initial fear of it, he is delighted when it turns out the Dalek is powerless and unable to harm him. Revealing the nature of the Daleks to Van Stanton, Henry Van Stanton realizes that The Doctor is not human.

With The Doctor captured, Rose – who has befriended Van Stanton’s genius assistant, Adam Mitchell – witnesses the Dalek being tortured. Feeling compassion for the creature, Rose breaks into the chamber that houses the Dalek and, as it appears to die, she reaches out and touches its metal housing. That allows the Dalek to extrapolate her DNA and regenerate its organic component. Repaired and absorbing the whole of human knowledge from the internet, the Dalek goes on a killing spree and menaces the entire facility. To prevent the Dalek from killing everyone, Rose and The Doctor use captured alien technology to slow the Dalek down. In the ensuing combat, The Doctor puts Rose in mortal peril and together they work to keep the menace contained to the facility.

The emotional punch of “Dalek” comes at the episode’s outset and climax, with a long stretch in between where the episode degenerates into a firefight between Van Stanton’s forces and the Dalek. The initial reactions of The Doctor when confronted with the Dalek takes the character through the entire emotional range and it’s an impressive acting exercise for Christopher Eccleston. Realistically, Eccleston portrays The Doctor as horrified, then euphoric, then angry and the transitions hardly seem erratic as they would from a lesser actor. When The Doctor witnesses the might of the Dalek, Eccleston’s portrayal of utter shock is incredible.

“Dalek” features decent transitions between the action-packed portions and the philosophical elements. Despite the somewhat abrupt initial transition from a very conversation-realistic (if not heavy) episode to an extended chase sequence that is light on dialogue and heavy on gunplay. But then, Doctor Who fans and those who like good television have reason to rejoice; “Dalek” turns philosophical with The Doctor actually talking with the Dalek. When Stanton’s people are unable to keep the bulkheads in the bunker open, the episode utilizes the opportunity to have The Doctor go on a moralistic tirade. It’s refreshing to watch science fiction that has a philosophical component and watching both The Doctor and Rose debate with the confused Dalek is intriguing and interesting to watch.

The episode, however, is a little more problematic in context. “Dalek” is episode six and three of the five adversaries from those episodes have identical motivations. The villain in “The End Of The World” (reviewed here!) and in the Slitheen arc are both after profit. Greed is a motivation for villains, but so far it’s the motivation for all the big villains and with Henry Van Stanton being motivated by profit motive, too, the theme is getting pretty stale by this point. That said, within the episode, the theme works wonderfully. Van Stanton’s greed is a foil to the Dalek, which wants nothing other than to exert its superiority over all other life forms, and because it cannot be bribed, only a philosophical battle makes sense for resolving the conflict.

Amid the philosophy and character journey for The Doctor, one which is intended to bring him some sense of peace following the issues that brought him to Earth at the outset of the series, the relationship between The Doctor and Rose Tyler deepens. This episode marks a departure from the usual flirting between The Doctor and Rose and instead it gives them a chance to explore something more intense. After Rose flirts with Adam, she tries to absolve The Doctor of his guilt when she is convinced she will be killed by the Dalek. That moment is an intense bonding moment that cements their relationship in a way that the prior episodes have only been building to. That an emotionless Dalek can recognize The Doctor’s love for Rose pretty much codifies the implicit romance between them.

On the design front, “Dalek” makes an intriguing implicit statement about the relationship between the Time Lords and Daleks. The Daleks are designed with a color scheme and metal balls that are similar to the interior of the TARDIS. That the two opposing races are so, apparently, intertwined, seems to imply that the Daleks and Time Lords are really only philosophically different and in their technological focus (destruction vs. exploration).

“Dalek” is not quite on the philosophical level of “I, Borg,” though it makes a powerful statement and is a solidly entertaining hour of television. This is one of the more impressive conceptual episodes of Doctor Who that actually pushes forward the characters as opposed to working hard to sell a convoluted plot or audacious theme. The Doctor is a fun and interesting character, but the conflict in this episode does not quite reach a philosophical peak that one might hope for (Rose actually has one of the biggest epiphanic moments).

[Knowing that single episodes are an inefficient way to get episodes, it's worth looking into Doctor Who - The Complete First Season on DVD or Blu-Ray, which is also a better economical choice than buying individual episodes. Read my review of the sole season with the Ninth Doctor here!
Thanks!]

For other works with Corey Johnson, please visit my reviews of:
X-Men: First Class
Kick-Ass
Hellboy
The Mummy

9/10

For other Doctor Who episode and season reviews, please visit my Doctor Who Review Index Page!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Pricy, But Cool, The 2014 Sandcrawler Star Wars Ornament Is Worth It!

The Good: Great Sculpt, Interesting sound effect, Impressive balance
The Bad: Seems expensive
The Basics: Despite the size, the only real detraction to the 2014 Sandcrawler Star Wars ornament is its price.


For a nice change of pace, Star Wars fans are getting a pretty easy year when it comes to Hallmark ornaments. Usually, Star Wars fans get exploited for several ornaments and many of the pricier ones. While there is a convention-exclusive Star Wars ornament, there was no preview weekend exclusive for Star Wars fans. As if to compensate for the lack of a preview weekend exclusive, it feels like Hallmark jacked up the price on their more simple vehicle ornament this year. This year’s Star Wars vehicle ornament is the Sandcrawler.

The "Sandcrawler" was seen early in A New Hope (reviewed here!). The Sandcrawler was seen on Tatooine. It was the vehicle that picked up C-3PO and R2-D2 in the desert and carried them to the Skywalker moisture farm. Interestingly, for the iconic nature of the sandcrawler, it was only seen for a little bit of time in one Star Wars film.

It is the Sandcrawler vehicle on its own that is the subject of the 2014 Sandcrawler Hallmark ornament.

Basics

The "Sandcrawler" ornament faithfully recreates the Sandcrawler on its own. The ornament, released in 2014, is an impressive work of sculpted detailing and craftsmanship. Measuring four inches long, 2" wide and 1 1/2" wide, this Hallmark Keepsake ornament still seemed a little pricy at the original issue price of $29.95.

The Hallmark "Sandcrawler" ornament is made of a durable plastic and has a Sandcrawler without any desert ground underneat the treads. The ornament is colored in more than just simple monotones, so the Sandcrawler looks like a weathered vehicle working in the real world. The copper and browns of the vehicles sides contrast beautifully with the gunmetal of the treads.

The Sandcrawler is extraordinarily detailed with such fine work as the window in the upper portion of the side of the Sandcrawler. Near the top, front, of the Sandcrawler is the windshield that seems like it would give Jawas there a view out the front of the vehicle. The windshield on this toy is opaque, black, and the glossy finish which contrasts nicely with the matte finish of the rest of the Sandcrawler and gives it a realistic look.

Features

The "Sandcrawler" ornament has the bonus feature of a sound effect! Unlike some ornaments that light up, the stark nature of the Sandcrawler prevents the vehicle from being adorned with much in the way of light effects. As a result, there are no diodes that emit light and, in fact, this ornament does not plug into a light strand.

On the back of the ornament, there is a simple button. Pressing the button activates a sound chip. The ornament plays several seconds of sound effects out a small speaker on the ornament. The sound effects are the noises of the Sandcrawler, dialogue from C-3PO when he finds R2-D2, 3PO’s famous “We’re doomed” line and the sound of a gonk droid.

The sound function is powered by three small 1.5V batteries (watch batteries), which are included. The batteries seem to hold out for at least fifty activations of the ornament, which I figure is a season or two of entertainment from this ornament.

Balance

As with all ornaments, the intent of the Hallmark Keepsake "Sandcrawler" ornament is to be hung on a Christmas Tree. And for those creating the ultimate Star Wars Christmas Tree, the "Sandcrawler" ornament is a pretty wonderful accent piece. The ornament has the standard steel hook loop embedded into the top center of the Sandcrawler. As a result, the ornament, when affixed to a tree with a hook, hangs perfectly balanced from that loop.

This ornament has very little sway, as well; with the standard fishhook-style ornament hanger, the "Sandcrawler" ornament has a little bit of side to side play, but otherwise, the ground hangs nicely level, maintaining the illusion that the vehicle is traveling over level ground.

Collectibility

Hallmark Keepsake began delving into the collectibles market in 1991 with Star Trek when it introduced the exceptionally limited edition original U.S.S. Enterprise ornament (click here for that review!). Since then, Hallmark has branched out into other serious franchises like Star Wars and Harry Potter. Hallmark Keepsake ornaments tend to be mass produced and the "Sandcrawler" ornament seems to be following in that trend. As a result, it is a harder sell at full retail price, but given the popularity of Star Wars, whether or not this will appreciate in value. Either way, at the moment it seems to not be a sell-out at all.

Overview

Fans of A New Hope, Jawas and Sandcrawlers will likely enjoy the 2014 Star Wars vehicle ornament, but for the price it might be a tougher sell to general ornament enthusiasts. Regardless of the price, the Sandcrawler is an amazingly-sculpted, colored and balanced ornament with a neat sound clip worth picking up!

For other Hallmark ornaments of Star Wars ships, please check out my reviews of:
2006 Imperial AT-AT
2009 Luke's Landspeeder
2010 Rebel Snowspeeder
2011 Slave I
2012 TIE Interceptor
2013 All Terrain Scout Transport (AT-ST)

8.5/10

For other ornament reviews, please visit my Ornament Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Aging No Better Than Its Initial Release, Hook Is Bloated And Boring!

The Good: Decent character arc for the protagonist
The Bad: Mediocre performances all around, Varying quality of special effects, Plot progression in the midsection is dull
The Basics: A family adventure that provides a live-action Peter Pan story, Hook is an unfortunately dull take that has the lawyer Peter Banning put on a quest to save his children by reverting to his prior persona of Peter Pan.


Last month, with the untimely death of Robin Williams, my wife and I felt an instant desire to rewatch works by Robin Williams that we had not seen in quite some time. For me, that took the form of wanting to watch The Fisher King (reviewed here!), for her she had a powerful desire to rewatch Hook. Hook was one of those films that I had managed to avoid in my young adulthood – when it was released, I was past the age where I had any interest in kid’s movies and I was still too young for the adult themes in Hook to resonate – but, as it turns out, it was one of the formative films for my wife. I recall the movie being on in the staff lounge when I worked at a summer camp (I avoided it by going off on my own to read, as I frequently did), but until my wife sat us down to watch it, I had never actually seen Hook. In watching Hook, I realized that I never paid tribute to the passing of Bob Hoskins, who also died this year (I’ll rectify that later this week!). Unfortunately for the legacies of Robin Williams, Bob Hoskins and the rest of the cast who will one day leave this work behind as part of their legacy, Hook is not an exceptional film in any way.

Steven Spielberg, who directed Hook, is famously quoted as saying “People have forgotten how to tell a story. Stories don't have a middle or an end any more. They usually have a beginning that never stops beginning” and he certainly is right about that. Most movies do not develop or only do so in truly predictable, banal ways. Unfortunately, with Hook, Spielberg (who was not involved with writing the film) illustrates well that even with a solid sense of development, it is possible to make a pretty terrible movie. Hook is not the worst movie ever, but it is a film crippled by mediocrity, hampered by predictability and is so concerned with telling a specific story of one character’s arc that is completely neglects a sensible development for several of the other characters (most notably the titled villain).

While finding an audience should not be a huge problem, rewatching Hook is a great example of how a movie without a clear focus of to whom the story is being told can be troubling. The film is painfully boring for children for almost the first third, too goofy for adults in the second and third parts to pay off for adults and ultimately acts as an overlong The Little Rascals sketch with an obscenely long build-up.

Peter Banning is an American lawyer who hates flying on planes, is tremendously focused on his work, and neglects his two children most of the time. After missing his son, Jack’s, baseball game, Peter, his wife, and children head to London where Peter’s “great grandmother” Wendy is being honored for her lifetime of charity work for orphans. While Peter, Wendy and Moira are out at the dinner, Jack and Maggie are kidnapped from their beds by the malicious Captain Hook. Peter is miffed, though Wendy tries to get him to believe that he has to go to find the children. Peter is visited by Tinkerbell, who takes him to Neverland.

There, Peter awakens in the pirate’s village where he finds his children and Captain Hook. Hook slowly comes to accept that Banning is Peter Pan (even though Banning does not), but finds the straight-laced lawyer an unworthy opponent for his wrath. To save Peter’s life and the life of his children, Tinkerbell tells Hook that she can get Peter to remember who he is within three days and they can have the battle Hook wants. So, while Hook tries to convert Jack to his cause, Peter is taken to the Lost Boys where Rufio and his child gang retrain him to use his imagination and recall that he is Peter Pan.

The thing about Hook is that Hook is so dramatically underdeveloped in contrast to Peter that he comes across as a monolithic villain. He has had decades to get over the fact that Peter Pan cost him his hand and he essentially rules the seas around Neverland, so provoking a fight with Peter that could cause him to lose everything seems utterly moronic. Lacking a compelling villain who has a clear and compelling need for revenge, Hook becomes a somewhat ridiculous grudge match where one of the participants does not even bear a grudge!

Fortunately, Captain Hook is given the whole plotline that has him turning Jack Banning to his side, to drive a wedge between Peter and his own son. That concept at least makes Hook smart and gives Dustin Hoffman as Hook additional screentime.

But Hook is too straightforward otherwise to keep the interest of the viewer. Peter Banning was always going to go through the journey to realize that he was Peter Pan; everyone around him has been right all along. This was never going to be a reality-bending film experience where people surrounding Peter Banning are all crazy and they get wrong who Peter Pan has become. So, going into Hook, the deck is stacked against those hoping for an audacious film experience. Peter Banning’s arc from uptight lawyer to Peter Pan is actually remarkably good and well-developed. The entire film smartly moves Peter along on his journey of self-discovery (or rediscovery) in a way that works beautifully.

The acting in Hook is mediocre. Dustin Hoffman plays Hook as bored and goofy as opposed to truly menacing, so the hold Hook has over the other pirates does not seem at all realistic. Julia Roberts, due to the special effects process of making her appear smaller, seldom gets eyelines right for interacting with other actors. As a result, Tinkerbell seems disconnected from other characters and Roberts is clearly not interacting with Robin Williams or Dustin Hoffman in most of the scenes they share. Robin Williams is fine as Peter, though he has absolutely no on-screen chemistry with Caroline Goodall (who plays Peter’s wife, Moira) and he fails to land a key scene where Peter Pan tells Jack that the happy thought that allows him to fly is related to his son. Poor Bob Hoskins is relegated to the role of ridiculous Disney-style comic relief sidekick as Smee.

The result is that Hook has a clear beginning, middle, and end and a protagonist whose story develops, but none of it is truly compelling. Too slow to be a great kid’s movie, too goofy to entertain adults, Hook fizzles.

For other works with Caroline Goodall, please check out my reviews of:
My Life In Ruins
Alias - Season 5
The Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement
The Princess Diaries
The Mists Of Avalon
Schindler’s List

3/10

For other movie reviews, please check out my Film Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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