One Can Review: Myah Clearly Loves Iams Proactive Health Lamb & Rice Premium Dog Food!

The Good: Myah loved it, Very nutritious
The Bad: Comparatively expensive, No dental benefits
The Basics: Myah clearly got a kick out of having Iams Lamb & Rice Premium dog food; too bad it’s far too expensive for me to feed it to her every day!


Even from afar, my wife is working very hard to keep our dog Myah very happy. So, when Facebook had a promo coupon for a free can of Iams dog food, she let me know about it right away. I, accordingly, got the coupon immediately and rushed out to cash it before anyone could prevent it from being redeemed. After all, I could never afford Iams dog food regularly. That was pretty much all I knew about Iams before I picked Myah up her free can. While Myah and I walked around the pet store, I read her the names of the canned Iams dog food and the only one she reacted to was when I said, “Lamb and Rice,” so I figured that was the one she wanted!

I opted to give Myah the can as her last food before her surgery and though Myah didn’t know that would be her last meal before the surgery, she wolfed it down as if she did know that. Myah loves variety, so it’s not much of a surprise that she eagerly ate the food, but what made it very clear that she had a preference for it was that I made chicken nuggets at the same time and she ignored them. Chicken nuggets are one of the human foods Myah absolutely loves and I have never cooked them up and her ignore them. She completely ignored them when I wrestled the Iams Ground Dinner with Lamb & Rice out of the can for her.

Iams One Lamb & Rice Premium is a dog food formulated for adult dogs and the serving sizes on the package vary from dogs ten to one hundred pounds. Myah's serving size was 2 cans, which is very expensive when one considers that a single can would have been $1.50/ea, and to feed Myah at $3.00/day would actually be quite a step up compared to her usual dry dog food. This is a comparatively expensive Iams dog food and is designed more to be an alternative to Science Diet than, for example, Old Roy. For a high end dog food, this is exceptionally good and outside how expensive it is, it has much to offer consumers and their pets.

The Lamb & Rice Premium food comes as a very thick paste, much like a can of refried beans. It took quite a bit for me to wrangle the food out of the can, though the top of the can comes off easily, as it has a flip-top lid that easily peels off. Inside, the food is so thick and ungreasy that it does not come out easily.

The Iams Ground Dinner with Lamb & Rice smells very mealy, surprisingly grainy and it was only as it broke apart coming into Myah’s bowl that it became clear that it had carrots in it! Otherwise, it looked like a brown food with little flecks of green spice in it. Myah licked her bowl absolutely clean after I put it in her bowl. When I cleaned the can out with a chicken nugget, she looked like she was getting a heavenly gift!

Despite the expense, it is easy to see why dog lovers would want to feed their dogs this. First, it does not smell bad at all, despite the mealy aroma. It is not very strong in the scent department. Second, this is a pretty nutritious dog food. The guaranteed analysis of it indicates that it has a minimum of 9% crude protein and 6% crude fat, but no more than 1% crude fiber and 78% moisture. There are Omega Fatty Acids.

As well, those who are concerned about what goes into their pets will be pleased by how close to natural this dog food is. The main ingredients are water sufficient for processing, chicken, and meat by-products. While the last half of the ingredient list is a chemistry riddle I can barely read, the primary ingredients are all recognizable and several are even human friendly! My point is that Iams Proactive Health Lamb & Rice dog food is one of the healthier alternatives for dogs and it is backed by a guarantee that I cannot cash in on because Myah was exceptionally satisfied with her can!

Because this is a soft dog food, there are no dental benefits to using this dog food. I like dog foods and snacks that help keep Myah’s teeth clean and strong.

In the end, Iams Proactive Health Lamb & Rice is a nice treat, but with the expense of it, I would recommend using it as a food supplement. Hopefully, as Myah’s last food before her surgery, she figured the Iams food was a real treat and made her more comfortable about the experience than anxious about it.

For other dog foods, please visit my reviews (with Myah's help!) of:
Rachael Ray Nutrish Real Chicken & Veggies Recipie
Purina One SmartBlend Lamb & Rice
Mixables Colorado Cookout

6.5/10

For other dog products, please be sure to visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Pointless Agony Without Genuine Surrealism Is What One Finds In A Handful Of Dust!

The Good: People look good, generally
The Bad: It's impossible to care. Dull, Poorly written, Poorly put together, Agonizingly bad characters
The Basics: In the terribly boring movie A Handful Of Dust, a couple, together for no apparent reason, splits for little reason and the woman ends up poor and the man ends up in the jungle.


Every now and then, a movie comes along that makes you sit up and say "What?!" This is not that movie. Following watching A Handful Of Dust, I was so bored and disgusted at the waste of time, I popped the disc out of the DVD player before it could crap up any future discs that would occupy the space. The most response I could muster up was "Why did I sit through all of this?" The answer, ultimately, was that I am just not the kind of person to give up on a movie.

A Handful Of Dust tells the story of Tony and Brenda Last, a well-off British couple living in the past. I could look up the year, but it's not worth it. Truly. Here's the plot. The movie begins, it plods along, and then it (mercifully) ends. The film starts with Tony and Brenda together and Tony seems quite busy with his own stuff and Brenda seems quite bored. Brenda finds herself in the company of John Beaver, who is infatuated with Brenda and whom Brenda seems inclined to play around with. Brenda desires a flat away from Tony, so Tony puts up the money for it and Brenda essentially sets up a love nest.

The results are not steamy, sultry, or even interesting. Instead, any genuine love happens off-screen (this movie is PG) and there is little or no real passion between Brenda and John or Tony and anyone. So, while Brenda and Tony are separated from one another, their little foul-mouthed child dies, Brenda is put on an allowance at her new dive and everyone runs out of money. Tony ends up in the jungle with a crazy man and by that point, we wonder why we sat through it.

I desperately hope A Handful Of Dust was not Sir Alec Guinness's last film. If so, that makes his death even more of a tragedy. Where to start? What's good: the people look good. They are well-costumed and the cinematography is pretty decent.

But even the cinematography is compromised by a series of bad edits. Throughout the film, there are disturbing and abrupt cuts where the image changes drastically. There is little to no cohesive flow between scenes or even within several key scenes.

The acting is terrible. Not a single actor or actress stands out as giving a performance that is remotely interesting to watch. Kristin Scott Thomas and James Wilby are both terribly bland and there is absolutely no chemistry between them, begging the question from the first frames "why were they chosen for this film?" Wilby is especially monolithic and fails to emote in any meaningful way throughout the movie. Thomas progresses her character into an affair without any real passion or motivation. Rupert Graves is similarly underused and wasted as John Beaver. And it is a miracle that Judi Dench, Anjelica Huston and Sir Alec Guinness agreed to be in this movie; their roles are entirely minor and their talents are wasted in the piece.

None of the characters are likable or even interesting. Aside from being portrayed as bland by actors who seem bored from their earliest parts in the film, the characters themselves are uninteresting. They have no spark of life, no zest. One talks about work and is boring, the other sits around bored. And when the movie shifts - with some abruptness - into the jungle, the pace does not pick up, we just sit and wonder why we haven't turned it off yet.

Are you bored yet reading this? If not, I have failed to do my job. This is a thoroughly uninteresting movie with nothing to recommend it. It is slow, passionless, and agonizing in its lack of intrigue. Instead, it plods along pointlessly and my desire to write no more about it is eclipsed only by this sentiment; if you go against my advise and watch A Handful Of Dust, you are likely to be impressed that I mustered up enough energy afterward to write this much.

[Thud, as my head hits the keyboard] ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . .

For other works with Anjelica Huston, be sure to visit my reviews of:
The Big Year
50/50
The Darjeeling Limited
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
The Royal Tenenbaums
The Mists Of Avalon
Ever After: A Cinderella Story
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

1/10

For other film reviews, be sure to check out my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2012, 2005 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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The Walking Dead: Book One Presents, In As Good As It Gets, The Erratic, Paranoid World Following The Zombie Apocalypse!

The Good: Decent plot progression, Initially interesting characters, Good “bonus features.”
The Bad: Artwork is mediocre at best, Vast awkward character reversals, Characters make some really dumb decisions after the point at which they should know better.
The Basics: Capturing the journey of survivors of a zombie apocalypse, Rick Grimes leads survivors through a wasteland near Atlanta, finding refuge for a very brief time at a farm in The Walking Dead: Book One.


There are very few fads I open myself up to after they have become a sleeper hit. In fact, one of the ways to get me to generally avoid something is when it hits popularity in the mainstream. With The Walking Dead, I found myself enjoying the television show quite a bit and that led me to the graphic novels. I read the first trade paperback, The Walking Dead: Days Gone Bye (reviewed here!) and was pretty much unimpressed. The book was good, but the artwork was terrible and I was left somewhat underwhelmed. Even so, I picked up The Walking Dead: Book One to see where the story continued.

The Walking Dead: Book One is a hardcover compilation of the The Walking Dead books Days Gone Bye and Miles Behind Us. Given that I have already reviewed Days Gone Bye, this review will focus much more on the Miles Behind Us portion of the book. That said, near the end of the review, I’ll explore the extra features that are in the hardcover The Walking Dead: Book One. To cut to the chase on the Miles Behind Us half, the book picks up right where Days Gone Bye left off and it corresponds surprisingly closely with season two of The Walking Dead television show (reviewed here!). For those who want the surprises of what comes in the first half of the book, I would recommend stopping reading here and read my review of Days Gone Bye. The Walking Dead: Book One continues that story, but discussing it is impossible without mentioning the climax of the first half.

Following the death of Shane at Carl’s hands, Rick leads the survivors group around the Atlanta outskirts. They meet Tyreese, his daughter Julie and her boyfriend Chris, as the temperature takes a dive. Rick allows the trio to join the group and as they stumble around in the RV, Tyreese is thrilled to get food. Tyreese begins pulling his own weight and shortly after meeting the group, Lori reveals that she is pregnant to Rick. Facing a child coming into the world freaks Rick out, but things look up when the RV discovers a gated community.

Unfortunately, exploring the gated community leads to casualties, most notably Donna, whose death hits Allen especially hard. Fleeing the community overrun with zombies, the RV becomes home again. While out hunting, Carl is shot and the perpetrator takes Rick and Carl back to the safe farm of Hershel. Hershel allows the refugees to stay on the farm, though Rick is shocked when he reveals that he is keeping the undead locked in his barn! As the group hunkers down, Rick and Hershel’s philosophical differences threaten to undermine them.

While my instinct is to complain about the artwork right off the bat – it is all in black and white, so character design would seem to be especially important, but a good number of the character look similar to one another, like Chris and Glen (who are only really differentiated by the fact that Chris wears glasses). Donna and Andrea look so much alike that in some of the panels following Donna’s death, I was surprised she was still alive (she wasn’t; it was Andrea). The artwork is unimpressive at best and in The Walking Dead: Book One, that is accented by the cover gallery and character sketches found at the back of the compilation. When one sees how good the artwork can be for the book, it seems disappointing that it is not all that on each and every page.

But more disturbing than the artwork – which frequently features characters braining the undead with tools and handguns – are many of the choices made by the characters. As the survivors explore the gated community, people like Donna make ridiculous decisions that change all of their fates. After months of fighting day in and day out to survive, it makes absolutely no sense that she would rush in to one of the abandoned houses there. As a result, some of the big character events actually feel like they are only occurring to service or alter the plot.

Hershel’s character is erratic at best; his son was one of the early victims and his lack of caution when trying to get a very desiccated zombie into the barn makes little sense as well. Hershel oscillates between being a kind and gentle guy and a horribly angry individual who seems especially brutal.


For The Walking Dead: Book One, Robert Kirkman, Charlie Aldard, and Cliff Rathburn did a one-shot for Image comics that is included in the book. The one-shot revisits the characters of Morgan and Duane. Despite Kirkman decrying the culture of people who wait for the trade paperbacks (that’s me; I don’t like the clutter, expense, or advertisements in the individual comic books!), The Walking Dead: Book One is a decent value for collectors as it provides an elegant hardbound version of the The Walking Dead story.

The Walking Dead: Book One is a good beginning for the series. It clearly establishes the world of The Walking Dead, even if it has characters who are troublingly erratic and disappointingly rendered. Fans of the television series are likely to enjoy seeing the differences in the plot and characters when reading The Walking Dead: Book One, though for a change, I prefer the televised version.

For other graphic novel reviews, be sure to check out my reviews of:
True Blood: All Together Now
Tron: Betrayal
Twilight The Graphic Novel, Volume 2

6.5/10

For other book reviews, be sure to visit my Book Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Star Trek: Voyager's Near Miss With Perfection Comes In The Form Of "Resolutions"

The Good: Excellent character story, Intriguing concept, Good plot, Exceptional acting
The Bad: The monkey, yes, there's a monkey!
The Basics: With Star Trek Voyager's near miss of "Resolutions," Janeway and Chakotay start a relationship on a distant world they become stranded on.


Every now and again, television series' will team up and coordinate an idea around whatever the anticipated summer blockbuster is. Trends rise and fall, experiments on television and media occur all of the time and sometimes, there are some serious lemons that reverberate through pop culture. After Ross lost his monkey on Friends, the monkey seemed to pop up for episodes on other shows and whether or not it is the same monkey that appears in the Star Trek: Voyager episode "Resolutions," it is irrelevant; the episode aired around the same time as the post-Ross monkey-cameos on television and as a result, it suffers from that.

The U.S.S. Voyager finds itself stopped in orbit around an alien planet where Janeway and Chakotay are being kept in suspended animation. It seems that they've both been bitten by an insect and now are unable to leave the planet lest they die from an environmentally-specific toxin that is now in their systems. The Doctor, baffled by this medical mystery, is reluctantly forced to concede his inadequacy and admit that he has no solution to the problem.

Captain Janeway does, though. Captain Janeway prioritizes the lives of her crew, turns Voyager over to Tuvok and sends the ship on its merry way. Janeway and Chakotay are left with enough supplies to survive and they begin a life anew on this alien world, where Janeway promptly begins her own scientific research into trying to find a cure. Aboard the U.S.S. Voyager, Tuvok finds Harry Kim to be a thorn in his side when the Ensign suggests a bold strategy; contacting the Vidiians to enlist their aid in finding a cure. As Tuvok becomes accustomed to commanding the ship, Janeway and Chakotay become closer in their new home.

"Resolutions" is a quiet episode of Star Trek: Voyager that does what too few episodes of this series even attempts; it creates and maintains a strong, character-driven story that involves characters interacting. Problems are met through characters discussing ideas, agreeing and disagreeing and they are not solved through weapons or cheap special effects shots. No, this is an episode of Star Trek: Voyager where the writers are given the opportunity to write something engaging on how the principle characters interact and the episode flies.

There are two essential character relationships focused on in "Resolutions:" Janeway and Chakotay and Tuvok and the U.S.S. Voyager's crew. Tuvok is put in command, which makes sense as he is Janeway's most trusted and oldest confident aboard the lost ship. Tuvok makes for a great dramatic choice as he is a Vulcan, unused to dealing with an emotional crew like the StarFleet/Maquis crew of Voyager. Tuvok is a strong, reasoned character left in charge of a group of very illogical people who are ruled by their emotions.

That Tuvok's primary foil is Harry Kim, the eager young ensign, plays extraordinarily well. The debates that rage between the two of them remain focused on youthful optimism and the wisdom of experience. As Kim lobbies heavily for Tuvok to approach the Vidiians, Tuvok wisely counters with recent precedents (like "Deadlock" - reviewed here!) and the realities of the horrific enemy the Vidiians represent. Ultimately, though, the humanity of the Doctor's romance with the Vidiian Dr. Pel (in "Lifesigns" - reviewed here!) comes into play. This makes for a nice, tight plot that utilizes a sense of consequences to recent episodes and it plays well with the fans. Even without seeing those two prior episodes, the viewer will not be lost at all; the episodes references the relevant contexts and events of those episodes.

The real story of "Resolutions" is the planetbound one and it works wonderfully! As Janeway adapts to rediscovering her origins as a scientist, Chakotay seeks to serve her as a companion and potential lover/partner. Chakotay's aid and advances create the creature comforts Janeway quickly becomes accustomed to in her new role as a private citizen. In short, "Resolutions" becomes a love story between Janeway and Chakotay and the tension and romance between them is very real and quite strong.

Ironically, this episode represents the peak of their relationship. Last weekend, I was in Las Vegas for a giant Star Trek convention and Kate Mulgrew (who played Janeway) talked about how the Janeway/Chakotay relationship simply could not last and she apologized to Robert Beltran (the actor who played Chakotay) for his part declining in the later years of the series. This episode flies in contrast to the actresses notion that the relationship simply could not work and it also represents the peak of the Chakotay character.

What brings this episode to the brink of perfection is that the character elements are kept front and center. Tuvok does not simply become a pushover for the crew's whining, Janeway does not give up trying to find a cure and Chakotay does not give up pursuing Janeway. It's a strong, character-driven story and it does everything a great character study and romance ought to do.

And on their planet, Janeway and Chakotay find a little monkey. The idea for its presence is not a bad one. Janeway seeks to capture the monkey to find out how it survives the same toxins that keep Janeway and Chakotay bound to the planet. But there's at least one scene too many featuring the mammal and it causes one to cringe even years later. But then, no one is rewatching "Resolutions" for the trendy monkey.

Not every series has a perfect hour of television, indeed, most do not. Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (which had arguably the greatest hour of television of all time with "Duet" - reviewed here!) set the bar high by each having at least one perfect hour of television. The assumption seemed to be that Star Trek: Voyager would just inherit greatness as a result of being a part of that franchise. "Resolutions" is the closest it comes and it robs the viewer of the potential perfect hour of television with a trendy appearance by a small, cute monkey that could have been better used resolving some of the character aspects of the Janeway/Chakotay relationship.

[Knowing that VHS is essentially a dead medium, it's worth looking into Star Trek: Voyager - The Complete Second Season on DVD, which is also a better economical choice than buying the VHS. Read my review of the sophomore season here!
Thanks!]

9.5/10

For other Star Trek reviews, be sure to check out my Television Review Index Page for an organized listing.

© 2012, 2007 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Hallmark Illustrates How It Has Forsaken The Star Trek Fans With The 2012 “An Extraordinary Meeting” Ornament!

The Good: Interesting concept, The sound clip, Good costuming and hair on Spock Prime
The Bad: Not a great likeness of characters, Expensive for the quality, No light effect, Silly backing, Terrible animated look for characters
The Basics: A disappointing ornament that makes Spock and Spock Prime look more like animated characters, the 2012 "An Extraordinary Meeting" ornament is a huge letdown.


In 2012, it is finally entirely clear to anyone who might have had their doubts: Hallmark has forsaken Star Trek entirely for Star Wars for their ornament line. The quality of the Star Wars ornaments is exceptional and the Star Trek ornaments is steadily degrading. With this year’s ornament releases, there is a clear difference in quality and detailing level between the two franchises. Star Wars has become a huge annual cash cow for Hallmark (which might be why they devote their resources to multiple exclusives each year!) whereas Star Trek has, apparently, not been (though I argue it’s because they keep producing substandard ornaments that do not inspire consumers to spend). Sadly, the “An Extraordinary Meeting” ornament is another in a recent series of letdowns for Star Trek ornament fans.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, "An Extraordinary Meeting" features a representation of one of the final moments of the 2009 movie Star Trek (reviewed here!) where Spock and Spock Prime meet and say good-bye to one another.

It is Spock and Spock Prime saluting one another that is the subject of the "An Extraordinary Meeting" Hallmark Ornament. To add extra value to this one, Hallmark provided this ornament with a decent sound chip that plays a few sound clips from the scene.

Basics

The "An Extraordinary Meeting" ornament recreates the moment Spock and Spock Prime meet and prepare to go their own separate ways. The ornament, released in 2012, is a mixed bag as it has some interesting features and detailing, but the characters lack realistic detailing and shading.

Still, Hallmark clearly made an effort on the characters in some ways as they are detailed with accurate pointed ears and both the ornaments have reasonably good texture on the costumes and Spock Prime’s hair looks realistic. Measuring four inches tall, four and one-quarter inches wide and one and seven-eighths inches deep, the "An Extraordinary Meeting" ornament is one of the larger Star Trek diorama ornaments and with the sound feature, it commanded a $29.95 price when it was originally released.

The Hallmark "An Extraordinary Meeting" ornament is made of a durable plastic and has the the two officers facing one another. The sculpts are clearly of Spock and Spock prime, though the sculpts are very basic. The background is a somewhat ridiculous looking sticker with the StarFleet delta shield, instead of anything that tries to realistically capture the real set the scene was shot in. The characters have their hands up in the traditional Vulcan salute, but the ornament is very underdetails. To wit, neither of the characters has their fingernails molded on. I mention this because the sophistication of the Star Wars ornaments makes it clear Hallmark has the technology to do that.

Considering that the devil is in the details, the ornament is ridiculous. Spock Prime's face is not quite angular enough and Spock’s face is a bit round. They both look animated and somewhat silly. Neither character has realistic skin tones, especially given that neither has a green tinge to them. Spock Prime actually looks disturbingly pale and has no age lines.

Features

As a Hallmark Keepsake ornament, "An Extraordinary Meeting" could have both a light effect and a sound effect, but this one only has a sound effect. That may irk some fans who have paid less in the past for ornaments that have both. The "An Extraordinary Meeting" ornament is battery-operated and it comes with the batteries needed to run it. Hallmark placed the button on the side of the backdrop of the ornament.

The button, when pressed, activates the sound chip. The sound chip actually contains four different clips from Star Trek. Rather extraordinarily, the chip has several seconds of dialogue between Spock and Spock Prime directly from the film!

Balance

As with all ornaments, the intent of the Hallmark Keepsake "An Extraordinary Meeting" ornament is to be hung on a Christmas Tree. And for those creating the ultimate Star Trek Christmas Tree, the "An Extraordinary Meeting" ornament is a high-priced option that is a tough sell, despite the sound chip. The ornament has the standard brass hook loop embedded into the top center of the backdrop. This is fairly obvious, but not obtrusive, and it is necessary for the ornament. Hanging from that loop, the ornament is generally well-balanced. The right side is a bit heavier than the left and the ornament hangs with about fifteen degrees to the right. With a balance issue like that, the ornament is dragged down even more.

Collectibility

Hallmark Keepsake began delving into the collectibles market in 1991 with Star Trek when it introduced the exceptionally limited edition original U.S.S. Enterprise ornament (click here for that review!). Since then, they have made ornament replicas of almost all of the major starships and many of the characters from the franchise and they have all been more mass produced than that first one. The "An Extraordinary Meeting" ornament has been bought more by fans so far, but not by the public at large. In fact, two of the Hallmarks I went to said they hadn’t sold any of theirs! Given the lack of quality and the expense, I suspect that it will not be a good investment ornament.

Overview

Fans of the Star Trek franchise, Spock, the real Spock, J.J. Abram’s Star Trek, and Hallmark ornaments are likely to be utterly disappointed by the “An Extraordinary Meeting” ornament.

For other Star Trek diorama Hallmark ornaments reviews, please check out my reviews of:
2011 "Mirror, Mirror" ornament
2010 "Amok Time" ornament
2009 "The Menagerie" ornament
2004 "The City On The Edge Of Forever" ornament

4/10

For other ornament reviews, please visit my index page for an organized listing!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Despite My Love Of Sophie B. Hawkins, The “California Here I Come” Single Flops!

The Good: Two wonderful songs.
The Bad: Nothing original, Short, Poor use of the medium.
The Basics: Good music, poor use of the medium, “California Here I Come” is not Sophie B. Hawkins’s strongest single endeavor.


Those who know me well know that one of my favorite musical artists of all time is Sophie B. Hawkins, a pop-rock singer who has been more widely considered a “one hit wonder” (despite the fact that she has had two Top Ten hits in the United States). I was thrilled to see Hawkins in concert several times a few years back (and it was actually on the Sophie B. Hawkins message boards that I first learned of Epinions!). So, it takes a lot for me to not recommend one of Hawkins’ works. I write this as the preface for “California Here I Come” because no matter how much I love the works of Sophie B. Hawkins, it is truly only the most obsessive, die-hard collectors who will need to hunt this single down.

Sophie B. Hawkins tends to be a very independent artist and I’ve been a fan of her work since her debut, Tongues & Tails, which spawned the hit “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover.” The follow-up single which almost no one heard was “California Here I Come.” It can actually be found surprisingly easy in the secondary market because it was such a shelfwarmer. The unfortunate aspect of it for fans of Hawkins is that there is nothing unique to the disc to make listeners want to bother hunting it down.

With only two tracks, clocking out at less than nine minutes of music, “California Here I Come” is very much an unimpressive c.d. single, but also very much the musical vision of Sophie B. Hawkins. Hawkins wrote both the title track and “Saviour Child,” the “b-side” song on the disc. As well, Hawkins performs both the lead vocals and plays keyboards on both songs. The problem most collectors and listeners will have with shelling out anything for this album is that both tracks are identical to how they appear not only on Tongues & Tails, but on the album The Best Of Sophie B. Hawkins! There is nothing unique to this album and it is a poor use of the compact disc medium as it utilizes so little capacity of a disc.

That said, the music on “California Here I Come” is remarkably good. Both songs are pop-rock with an emphasis on good lyrics and accenting the voice of Sophie B. Hawkins. The title track is a dance-pop song about running away to California to try to make dreams come true and leave demons behind. It is keyboard driven and has a somewhat simplistic dance-pop sound to it. As well, it is not one of Hawkins’ best written songs with lines like “California I’ll be there / Let me fall into your hair / I won’t be guilty for my New York City care / My sister come along with me / Our God is offering our share / California I’ll be there“ (“California Here I Come”). This is a simpler rhyme scheme than most songs on the radio and most of Hawkins’s songs, which might be why it never took to the air the way she and Columbia hoped. That said, the song is one of the few traveling songs in pop-rock in the early 90s and the use of the Lord’s Prayer in it is pretty innovative.

As for “Saviour Child,” that song gives Hawkins a chance to show her full vocal range. Starting slowly and in the alto range, she goes into the soprano range and illustrates amazing capacity for parts of this ballad. Singing about loneliness and loss, Hawkins is at her most expressive and emotive when she sings “Yeah child / I am crying / 'cause I know just how you're feeling / But there won't be an answer / For a long long while / So promise me / You won't stop dreaming” (“Saviour Child”). The song has a more pop-driven refrain, which does undermine some of the emotional intensity of the rest of the lines, but it is still a remarkably poetic and empathetic song.

But in the end, despite the writing, playing and singing talents of Sophie B. Hawkins, this is just a single and it is not the strongest one in the world. Anyone who wants the music on this disc would do better to get either of the albums these two songs are on.

For other works by Sophie B. Hawkins, please check out my reviews of:
"Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover" (single)
Tongues And Tails
"I Want You" (single)
"Right Beside You" (single)
Whaler
"As I Lay Me Down" (single)
The Cream Will Rise (documentary)
Timbre
Wilderness
Live! Bad Kitty Board Mix
The Crossing

3/10

For other music reviews, be sure to check out my Music Review Index Page for all the music reviews I have written!

© 2012, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Are The Cadbury Screme Eggs Worth Picking Up? Not on their own!

The Good: Good taste, Generally decent ingredients, Stores well, Good chocolate
The Bad: Pricey until after Halloween.
The Basics: The Cadbury Screme Egg is a new attempt by Cadbury to cash in on the popularity of their Easter treat at Halloween.


I am a huge fan of Cadbury Crème Eggs. So, when I saw an advertisement for the new Cadbury Screme Egg, I was intrigued. I’ve reviewed the entire line before now and so I eagerly rushed out to pick up the new Screme Egg. The Cadbury Screme Egg is the new Halloween offering of the popular candy. Unfortunately, it is virtually identical to the Cadbury Screme Egg, save that the “yolk” is lime green in color and the wrapper is black, purple, and green as opposed to the usual blue, red, and green.

There is no difference in taste with the Screme Egg and I was disappointed to find I could not find any bulk packs of these new eggs. I was also a bit disappointed because I hoped when I learned of the Screme Egg that maybe Cadbury had finally gotten around to making a chocolate mint cream egg!

Basics

Cadbury Screme Eggs are a new Halloween delight manufactured by Hershey in Canada, whatwith Hershey having a license from British chocolatiers Cadbury UK Limited. Each egg is an oblate spheroid one and three-quarter inches tall by one and a quarter inches in diameter at its thickest point. Cadbury Screme Eggs are, as their name implies, egg-shaped and each one comes individually wrapped in a foil wrapper. Cadbury Screme Eggs are sold individually locally at $.89/ea, which is very pricy as far as I am concerned.

Cadbury Screme Eggs are an egg comprised of milk chocolate surrounding a sugary goo that is delicious. The shell is about an eighth of an inch thick. This shell covers a thick vanilla-flavored cream center.

Ease Of Preparation

These are candy, so preparing them is as simple as unwrapping the foil wrapper around the actual Cadbury Egg one wishes to eat. There is no special way to unwrap or eat Cadbury Screme Egg, though sometimes the Cadbury Screme Eggs are not sealed perfectly and their sugary center leaks out, sticking to the foil. This can make it harder to unwrap the egg, but a good thumbnail takes care of all of the foil and leaves one prepared to devour or savor this seasonal treat.

Taste

The Cadbury Screme Egg smells like fine milk chocolate or hot chocolate.

Unless one has the Cadbury Screme Eggs in an annoyingly warm environment, the shell of the egg must be bit into in order to consume the egg. The chocolate is delightfully hard for a milk chocolate and any fear that these would have the waxy, mass-produced flavor of most Halloween chocolates is dispelled the moment the chocolate hits the tongue. Cadbury Screme Eggs have a very simple, not-entirely-sweet chocolate for the shell. It has good give without fracturing too much.

The real treat comes inside the Cadbury Screme Egg. The center is a white (and green for an apparently slimy "yolk") cream that is like slightly liquefied frosting. This is thoroughly sweet and entirely sugary in its flavor with only a mild hint of vanilla to the center. What makes it so perfect in the taste is that the chocolate shell is just bitter enough to be sweetened by the center cream and the cream would be sickeningly sweet, were it not for the chocolate.

Nutrition

Cadbury Screme Eggs are candy, so it is tough to look at these for something nutritious and then blame them for not being healthy. Cadbury Screme Eggs taste amazing and are limited, which is probably why they are so expensive. The primary ingredients are milk chocolate, sugar, and corn syrup. There is nothing unpronounable in these candies, which I appreciate.

A serving of Cadbury Screme Eggs is considered one egg. From one egg, one consumes 150 calories, 150 of those calories being from fat. There is less than five milligrams of cholesterol, a marginal amount (15 mg) of sodium, and there are no vitamins in these. There is 2% of one's daily calcium, but this is hardly enough to justify gorging oneself on them!

Honestly, these are candy and anyone looking to them for actual nutrition needs to get a reality check. These are not Vegan-compliant, nor are they recommended for anyone with a nut allergy as they are produced on the same equipment that peanuts (and tree nuts) pass over. They are, not marked as kosher, nor gluten-free.

Storage/Clean-up

One of the reasons I love Cadbury Creme Eggs is because they keep so exceptionally well and I have to assume that the Screme Eggs hold up as well. After Halloween, I might buy them on clearance and freeze them in my deep freeze, but given how expensive these are initially, I am not inclined to stock up yet.

As for cleanup, throw the wrappers in the garbage and you've taken care of cleanup! Outside that, there is no real cleanup needed, unless one is eating them in a hot environment. In that case, it is likely one would need to wash their hands. If Cadbury Screme Eggs melt into most fabrics, they will stain, both for the chocolate coating and the cream center. For that style of cleanup, be sure to consult a fabric guide for whatever you stained.

Overall

The Chocolate Screme Eggs take my favorite seasonal candy and repeat it for Halloween, without any (that I can find) bulk, making it too pricy to be truly special.

For other Cadbury Egg reviews, please check out:
Cadbury Caramel Egg
Cadbury Chocolate Egg
Cadbury Crème Egg

8/10

For other food and drink reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Plots Move, Characters Twist, But Still Dark Shadows Volume 13 Is Less Paranormal Than Melodramatic.

The Good: The plots progress and character actions move them.
The Bad: Medium issues, Terrible acting, Plots are very soap operatic.
The Basics: While Dark Shadows Volume 13 is not as bad as some of the soap opera's prior installments, it is still not worth buying, especially on VHS.


These days, I find it takes quite a bit for me to rate a Dark Shadows VHS tape higher than one star. The reason for that is simple; in the current plotline of Dark Shadows episodes I am reviewing, I have found the series to be less original and engaging and more and more melodramatic like the worst soap operas are. For sure, the 1960s were still finding the conceits of the soap opera genre, but some of the basic plots - abductions, forced weddings, etc. - were standards even then. At the toss of the coin, Dark Shadows Volume 13, which is very much a soap operatic week of the series (as opposed to a supernatural week) had just enough going for it to give a two-star rating to. This might not be a ringing endorsement, but for discriminating readers and fans of the show, it is worth noting that - soap operatic as it may be - this week of the series is not as horrible as some of the weeks.

Dark Shadows" was a soap opera in the 1960s which garnered a cult following which fell in love with it. Despite its campy qualities, a second series of the show was done and there was a revival special as well as current attempts to bring the series back. But, despite the fact that the show had supernatural characters like the vampire Barnabas Collins, Dark Shadows was largely a soap opera. In Volume 13 on VHS Dark Shadows is more a soap opera than anything else but at least the story progresses and the series seems to be going somewhere.

Volume 13 is a week of Dark Shadows episodes where the story largely neglects the supernatural and instead focuses on a very standard soap opera plot: the blackmail marriage. In this case, Elizabeth Collins-Stoddard has been manipulated by Jason McGuire and the result is not terribly inspired, but it does have the consequences of McGuire's blackmails and the resolution to a very drawn out plot.

"Volume 13" features episodes sixty-one through sixty-five and is more like a soap opera than anything from science fiction or fantasy. This basically picks up right where “Volume 12” (reviewed here!) left off, with Elizabeth Collins-Stoddard stopping her wedding to Jason McGuire and exposing the truth about their mutual past.

Episode sixty-one has Elizabeth stopping her wedding to rob Jason of his power over her by confessing to her first husband's murder. Following her confession and the judge running out, Elizabeth relates the complete tale of the night she murdered Paul Stoddard. When Paul tries to take Elizabeth's fortune and walk out on her, Elizabeth accidentally kills him while trying to walk out on her. Jason McGuire arrives and helps Elizabeth out by burying the body.

In episode sixty-two, Jason challenges the assemblage to prove that Elizabeth's confession is the truth. Elizabeth calls the sheriff to confess and Jason runs out. While Roger and Burke hunt down Jason, the sheriff arrives. Elizabeth allows the sheriff and Burke to dig up Paul's body, despite Jason's insistence that there is no body there to find!

Episode sixty-three has Burke and Sheriff Patterson digging up a box in the basement which is supposed to contain Paul Stoddard's body and they are shocked to break the box open to discover there is nothing in the box. Patterson gives Jason McGuire until sundown to leave Collinsport forever.

In the sixty-fourth episode, Jason McGuire hides out, trying to break into the Old House. Inside, Barnabas Collins reveals that he is ready to proceed with developing the next Josette. Willie Loomis asks him questions about who it might be and is given the cold shoulder by Barnabas. Jason finds Willie and extorts him for some of Barnabas's jewels so he can leave town in the black. Willie provides him with only a single ring, which leads Jason to break into the Old House.

Episode sixty-five has Carolyn returning to Elizabeth, who is bedridden with guilt waiting for her to come home. Carolyn learns the full truth, that Paul Stoddard's death may have been faked by Jason, and forgives Elizabeth. Jason is caught by Willie in the Old House. While Willie begs Jason to leave, Jason will have none of it.

"Volume 13" has nothing superlative and on VHS, it looks remarkably bad. The videos were not retouched and as such possess a grainy quality. Beyond that, the plot progresses, even if it is predictable and degenerates into a chase.

What knocks "Volume 13" up is the fact that the plot moves because of the character elements, not just a contrived nature of plot needing to move. Elizabeth Collins-Stoddard finally takes control of her own destiny and the result makes one feel like they are actually watching a strong female character. In the flashback sequences, the viewer finally sees what happened in the Elizabeth/Jason backstory and this is useful for exploring how trapped Elizabeth felt for so long.

Joan Bennett does a fair job as Elizabeth Collins-Stoddard and she plays strong very well. Nancy Barrett is more stiff and Dennis Patrick makes a decent exit as Jason McGuire. In these episodes, Patrick actually works out well, though his character is still utterly unlikable. Dark Shadows was basically shot in one-take each episode, so when the actors make mistakes, like looking at the wrong cameras, they are kept in.

The result is a soap opera that plays like a soap opera ought to. The viewer cares about the characters and the acting is not homogeneously bad. Instead, this video flops because the presentation is erratic and dated and the viewer quickly becomes tired of how much information is repeated. Still, Dark Shadows fans will want to watch this once, if not a second time.

[For a much better value, check out Dark Shadows Volume 2 on DVD, reviewed here, as it has over forty episodes on the currently dominant medium!]

For other supernatural stories with soap opera qualities, please check out my reviews of:
Blood And Chocolate
Carnivale
Twilight

3/10

For other television reviews, please be sure to check out my Television Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2012, 2010 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Energizer Succeeds In Making A Charging Station That Workd!

The Good: Durable charger, Easy-to-use, Includes batteries, Batteries retain their charge
The Bad: Only comes with ones style of battery.
The Basics: The Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger is a pretty wonderful charging station.

I was very surprised, a few months ago, when I reviewed the Duracell Go Mobile Charger (reviewed here!) that the product did not really live up. So, I was pleasantly surprised when the Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger actually was an excellent battery charger/recharger. My wife picked herself up one at the beginning of summer and she has been using it very steadily since. I was happy with the fact that the batteries, being rotated each day for a full recharging/draining cycle, continue to hold their charge very well. The Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger is a nice alternative for those who go through a lot of batteries. We found ours for under $15.00 and it has definitely been worth it for how much we have saved in batteries.

The Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger is a full charging system for two types of batteries, though it only comes with one. It comes with the wall charger and 4 AA Energizer rechargeable batteries. The Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger, the physical unit, is 4 3/4” tall by 2 5/8” wide by 1 5/8” deep and it is designed to hold four batteries at any time. As a result, it may hold the four batteries the unit comes with or four AA or four AAA batteries at any time. The Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger is a fairly stylish recharger with clear ports for recharging your batteries in.

The Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger is exceptionally easy to use. Simply look into the battery compartment and check out the etchings inside. They make it clear how the batteries are supposed to be oriented. Place two to four batteries – they must always be recharged in pairs! – into the Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger according to the diagram inside the charger. Then, plug the unit into a wall socket. The front has a light up LED that indicates that the unit is on and charging. When the batteries are not at all charged, the light on the front glows a bright green. Both sides have lights to indicate the charging.

When the batteries are charged, the light turns off and the unit shuts off automatically.

Because the charger worked so well, my wife and I bought more Energizer rechargeable batteries in order to keep a rotating supply of batteries charged and charging. Within two months of normal use, the Energizer batteries that came with the Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger showed no wear as far as charging time or the time retaining the charge. Both internally and externally, these batteries hold up for charging and wear.

Ultimately, the Energizer Recharge AA/AAA Charger works exceptionally well and the batteries for it do what they promise. All I could have hoped for would have been that the unit came with four AAA batteries in addition to the four AA batteries in order to get the most out of the charger!

For other power supply reviews, be sure to visit my reviews of:
CB-5L charger
Nikon L16 AA batteries
AV600 Monster Cable Power Protector

8.5/10

For other electronics reviews, be sure to visit my Electronics Reviews Index Page for an organized listing of all the electronics I have reviewed!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Go Is Not A Completely Dumb Teen Movie!

The Good: Surprisingly well put together, Decent acting, Lines of dialog
The Bad: Annoying, idiotic characters, Low opinion of youth culture
The Basics: If you want to watch young people use drugs, hang out, get into pointless chases and otherwise use bad judgment, Go is the perfect film for you.


"Teensploitation" is a word that has recently made it into the dictionary. It refers to any film or work that exploits young people as a crucial element of selling the movie, television show or lip gloss. Basically, it is the name for the whole genre of movies that tries to explore what being a young person is. It's a weird word and I am surprised it made it into the dictionary; it seems like more of a fad than a word with any real staying power. Nevertheless, there it is and I thought of the word as I sat down to watch the DVD of Go.

I honestly did not have high expectations for this movie. When I watch it again, which I will, I am bound to watch it with higher expectations than I had the first time around. Go is the teensploitation version of Pulp Fiction.

Told in three parts, in roughly chronological order, this is the story of three groups of people and their adventures over the course of a single night and how they all come together. It is the story of Ronna, who is about to be evicted from her apartment, so she goes along with a plan to score some ecstasy for some strangers and discovers that she can make a killing selling chewable aspirin and diet pills to posers at a rave. It is the story of Simon, a drug dealer who takes off for Las Vegas for a night and ends up on the run after putting his hands on a stripper. It is the story of Adam and Zack, a pair of gay actors who have ended up at the mercy of a police officer named Burke, who uses the two to set up Simon and instead end up setting up Ronna.

The three stories come together when Ronna is almost killed at the rave, Simon heads back to Todd's (his supplier) house to find Todd selling him out and Adam and Zack discovering they are cheating on one another with the same man. All with hilarious consequences.

Okay, the consequences are not hilarious. In fact, it is troubling how downright stupid just about every character in this movie is. Even the goody-goody Claire uses drugs, so it's hard to find real empathy in any of these characters. They are all weak-willed or flat out stupid and John August (the writer) and Doug Liman (the director) have a very low opinion of youth and their level of judgment. Claire, who seems intelligent and morally-upstanding at the beginning, allows herself to be used as collateral to Todd, uses speed, and ultimately uses her wits to arrange the almost moronic - though funny - resolution of the dilemma of Simon.

Simon is a flat-out idiot and it is problematic that so much time is spent on his character. He is not interesting to watch, yet a third of the film - at least - is his story. Simon is a loser drug dealer and it is hard to feel any empathy for his buffoonishness. Even worse, on the trip to Vegas, he is accompanied by Tiny (in a baffling element, Breckin Meyer, who played Tiny is one of the top-billed credited actors of this movie!) and Singh who are such worthless, pointless characters that they are dispatched at the earliest possible moment.

Indeed, throughout the Simon section of the movie, it is Taye Diggs' character Marcus that steals the scenes. He is interesting, reasonably intelligent and it is a shame that he was not worked into the script better. In fact, he is such a cool character, one wonders why he is hanging around such losers as Simon and Tiny. As well, seeing more of Marcus and his reactions to the hicks he runs into in Vegas would have given the movie Go a bit more depth and genuine character.

Finally, the Adam and Zack portion of the movie is interesting, but not enough to resolve the film. In fact, after their altercations with Burke and their hunt for Jimmy, their mutual lover, they disappear and the movie becomes about tying it all together. That is done by using Claire and Todd, but it is done without giving the pair a full section of their own (as Ronna, Simon and Adam and Zack are given).

What makes the film even remotely viewable is the dialog and the acting. The dialog is often funny. In fact, listening to the posers Ronna sells fake drugs to is funny as are Ronna's exploiting others the way she is exploited when she goes to get the drugs from Todd. There is a lot that is funny and the lines are well delivered.

The cast is pretty impressive. Sarah Polley does a good job of getting the viewers into the world with her strange, almost bland performance of Ronna. Jay Mohr and Scott Wolf are energetic as Zack and Adam. Katie Holmes, cute as ever, plays Claire with an interesting combination of coyness, intelligence and reason, which fails only in the writing of the character. And Timothy Olyphant portrays Todd with a wonderful mix of menace and style that makes the drug supplier one of the more interesting and watchable characters in the piece.

The film, however, is stolen by two actors: Taye Diggs and William Fichtner. Diggs plays Marcus as cool and levelheaded. He uses his limited time on screen to create a sage character that is interesting and slick. He plays the role with a looseness that is cool and he emanates an air of style. He brings a real sense of professionalism and character to the middle portion of the movie.

It is ironic, then, that in a teensploitation movie, the notable actor would be William Fichtner, who was in his forties when the movie was made. Fichtner plays Burke and he makes the role into something that is uncomfortably sleazy. Fichtner makes Burke a potential menace to Adam and Zack with leering and a wonderful control of eye movements and body language. He is a master and when his character's motives are revealed, the build-up that Fichtner has created using his tone, body language and movement, the result is one of the funniest in the work.

But, in the end, Go is probably not worth your time. Why? None of the characters are good. I am a person who loves characters who live in shades of gray or are outright evil. The problem here is there is no reference point, they are all gray and they create a piece that is more murky than interesting. None of the characters are completely likable and as a result, much of the movie hinges on individual lines and fails to come together as a piece worth repeated viewings.

The plus side? If you are into teensploitation, this gives you pretty much everything you might want, assuming you figure all teens use drugs and are incapable of ever using good judgment. And the DVD has a surprising number of extras for such a mediocre movie.

For other works with William Fitchner, be sure to check out my reviews of:
Date Night
The Dark Knight
Invasion
Ultraviolet
Mr. And Mrs. Smith
Crash

6.5/10

For other film reviews, be sure to check out my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2012, 2005 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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