One Of The Better Gone With The Wind Ornaments In Recent Memory Comes When Scarlett Meets Her Match!

The Good: Good balance, Good detailing on Rhett, Good sound chip
The Bad: Seems very expensive, Detailing on Scarlett
The Basics: The Scarlett Meets Her Match Gone With The Wind ornament is actually one of the best ornaments from the film that I have reviewed!


Ever since I started reviewing Hallmark Christmas ornaments, I have included the Gone With The Wind ornament on the list of ornaments I make a priority to review. I’m not exactly sure why; I am not a fan of the film and that admission alone usually garners a pretty nasty reaction by those who are (surprisingly opinionated fanbase, those Gone With The Wind fans!). Fortunately, for 2012, the Hallmark ornament offering for Gone With The Wind is one that objectively holds up quite well. It is the Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament and it is one that is surprisingly easy, even for a non-fan of the film, to like.

For those unfamiliar with the film, Gone With The Wind (click here for my review!) includes a scene wherein Clark Gable’s character Rhett Butler squares off with Scarlett O’Hara. Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett banter with one another and for the first time, Butler effectively puts O'Hara in her place.

It is Rhett Butler, standing before a shocked Scarlett that is the subject of the Scarlett Meets Her Match Hallmark Ornament. To add extra value to this one, Hallmark provided this ornament with a very impressive sound chip.

Basics

The Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament includes only Rhett and Scarlett, connected by his right foot abutting her dress, all cast in solid plastic. The ornament, released in 2012, has drastically varied executions, as it has a decent and generally accurate sculpt of the characters, good detailing on costumes, and Rhett’s face looks good. Unfortunately, Scarlett is presented almost like a cartoon (not animated, but comic strip quality) execution of the character for facial detailing and coloring.

Measuring four inches tall, three inches wide and two and three-eighths inches deep, the Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament is a decent-sized Hallmark ornament. Unfortunately, at the original issue price of $24.95, it is a bit expensive, especially compared to other Gone With The Wind ornaments that featured more of the scenery for the same or less money. Scarlett’s dress, while well-detailed, seems bulky and the ornament seems heavier than many of the other ones released this year.

The Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament has the two characters looking at one another with Rhett looking like he has just said the most deeply ironic thing in the world and Scarlett looking like she was scandalized by it. Rhett’s outfit matches Scarlett’s for quality with Hallmark including detailing like the polka dots on his tie. Scarlett’s dress looks good with subtle detailing around the edges of the ruffles on her dress adding an additional layer of realism to the ornament. The faces are recognizably sculpted and while Rhett looks like Clark Gable, this Scarlett does not look like Vivian Leigh. Given how much detailing the rest of the ornament possesses, it is somewhat surprising that Hallmark did not get Scarlett’s face quite right.

This ornament remains fairly easy to find at Hallmark stores, so there is no reason (yet) to look for it in the secondary market. This ornament features a battery to power the sound effects.

Features

As a Hallmark Keepsake ornament, Scarlett Meets Her Match has a sound effect, but no light effect. There is a button, rather oddly placed right on the front of the ornament on Scarlett’s dress, when pressed, activates the sound chip. The sound chip actually contains a single sound clip from Gone With The Wind. The chip has several seconds of actual dialogue from the scene the ornament represents that plays with sufficient volume out the bottom of the ornament. As a result, when one depresses the button, Vivian Leigh as Scarlett verbally spars with Rhett Butler. The sound chip is more than adequate, but the clip is not one of the many iconic moments from Gone With The Wind. Still, it’s better than having a sound clip that involves Rhett breaking Scarlett’s heart!

Balance

As with all ornaments, the intent of the Hallmark Keepsake Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament is to be hung on a Christmas Tree. And for those creating the ultimate movie nostalgia Christmas Tree, the Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament is a somewhat expensive option that looks good beside ornaments from The Wizard Of Oz and prior Gone With The Wind ornaments. The ornament has the standard brass hook loop embedded into the top center of Rhett's head and it is pretty much the only option for the ornament, though it looks unfortunately obvious there. The Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament hangs level when hung properly and because it is so heavy, it hardly sways unless it is really knocked.

Collectibility

Hallmark Keepsake began delving into the collectibles market in 1991 with Star Trek when it introduced the exceptionally limited edition original U.S.S. Enterprise ornament (click here for that review!). Within a few years, virtually every classic film franchise jumped on the bandwagon and began merchandising with Hallmark as well. Classic properties like Barbie, Disney, The Wizard Of Oz and Gone With The Wind have been made into Hallmark Keepsake Christmas ornaments. Scarlett Meets Her Match is one of the only Gone With The Wind ornaments on the market and the only one mass produced for the franchise in 2012. Fans of the book and film seem to be neutral to the Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament; it is still exceptionally easy to find in the Hallmark stores at this time. Given that only the Limited Edition Gone With The Wind ornaments have appreciated, this mass-produced ornament is not likely to be a great investment piece.

Overview

Fans of Gone With The Wind, Clark Gable, Vivien Leigh, and Hallmark ornaments are likely to be split on this ornament. The sound clip is interesting and fans of Rhett Butler will be thrilled by the level of detail on him. But for those who love Scarlett, the Scarlett Meets Her Match ornament is more disappointing than anything else.

For other Gone With The Wind Hallmark ornaments, please check out my reviews of:
2011 Almost A Kiss
2010 Scarlett O’Hara
2009 “Frankly My Dear”

7/10

For other ornament reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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With A Strange Lack Of Fear, I Continue To Watch Star Trek: Voyager

The Good: Moments of concept, Michael McKean
The Bad: Most of the acting, Execution of plot, Utter lack of real character development
The Basics: In a solidly dull episode, Michael McKean appears as an incarnation of fear, but all the viewer has to fear here is losing interest.


Every now and then, I review something that is so derivative of something that has come before it that my knee jerk reaction is to simply rate it one-star and move on with my life. In the case of Star Trek: Voyager, I continue to find myself disappointed with how derivative the characters and storylines were of Star Trek: The Next Generation (reviewed here!). As I approached the end of the second season on VHS and hit the episode "The Thaw," I was ready for yet another bomb of an episode that I was on the fence about the star rating for. But then there's the final shots of the episode and it's just enough to pull it out of the complete toilet that my initial impression of this episode was being flushed down.

The U.S.S. Voyager, oblivious to its quest to returning home, stops at a planet where the inhabitants apparently died in an abrupt ice age approximately nineteen years prior. The arrival of the Voyager triggers a system that reveals the presence of cryogenically frozen people linked to a computer. Janeway sends Torres and Kim into the system to find out what happened. There, the two officers find the three natives of the planet being tortured by a clown who is the computer's manifestation of their fears and their suffering turns dark and unpleasant, a fate Torres and Kim seem doomed to share.

"The Thaw" is one of those unfortunate episodes that never quite lives up to its potential. I like the idea of the people trapped in a computer simulation while their bodies are frozen and being tormented. This idea was much more effectively rendered in The City Of Lost Children (reviewed here!). In "The Thaw," the script is not developed enough, the sets look cheap and the menace is never truly real. Indeed, on Star Trek, there were red shirts, people who beamed down and bit the dust. Star Trek: Voyager employs no such conceit and the menace is simply not there as a result; main characters are never killed in the Star Trek franchise in reality-bending situations. As a result, the menace only extends to the three aliens of the week and the truth is, who cares about them? This is Star Trek: Voyager, at the end of the episode, the ship will leave the planet and the crew will be on to their next adventure.

My point with this deconstructive rant is simple: this is an episode about fear and the nature of it and it's not at all scary. Instead, the Clown is more annoying than terrifying and the room where Kim and Torres are held is simply cheap looking. The result is that the concept of the episode is not well executed and the feel of the piece is more of a drag than anything near insightful.

The only thing that works is Janeway's ending monologue and the resolution to the episode, which I will not ruin for the viewer who is so bored they still feel the need to watch the rest of this piece.

Michael McKean, who was enjoying a resurgence of popularity when this was released thanks to Best In Show (reviewed here!) and an appearance on The X-Files, does well as the Clown. He's interesting to watch, but not as creepy or electrifying as he could be. Instead, McKean performs as well as the script and director will allow him to, resulting in a mediocre character.

Still, it's more than the viewer gets from anyone else this episode. Garrett Wang (Harry Kim) and Roxann Biggs-Dawson (B'Elanna Torres) appear on screen barely able to muster up the enthusiasm for the scenes that are supposedly nightmarish. Robert Picardo does his usual schtick (which I like), but provides nothing new or interesting for his character of the EMH. Kate Mulgrew does excellent work in the final moments of the episode, but outside that is pretty tame.

And that is a severe problem with "The Thaw." Janeway's presence in the episode is to deliver a rousing speech on the nature of fear to combat the Clown, but there is no frame of reference. Instead, she sits around for forty minutes, then leaps on with the words of wisdom. "The Thaw" would have been much better if it had attempted to develop any level of character here. In this case, the episode could have rocked completely had there been a parallel plot focusing on a mission that hinged on Janeway's overcoming her fears (flashbacks would have been wonderful, a la Lost). Instead, the episode is bogged down with substandard imagery to continue to re-establish the premise of the room Kim and Torres find themselves in.

Ultimately, this episode has little appeal even to fans of science fiction or fantasy. It is certainly not insightful enough to attract a general audience interested simply in human development stories. But hey, if you're interested in watching five people supposedly being tortured for an hour (I was more bored and that was the true torture of "The Thaw"), then maybe this is for you!

[Knowing that VHS is essentially a dead medium, it's worth looking into Star Trek: Voyager - The Complete Second Season on DVD, which is also a better economical choice than buying the VHS. Read my review of the sophomore season here!
Thanks!]

3.5/10

For other Star Trek reviews, check out my Star Trek Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2012, 2007 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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An Initially Cool Aurra Sing, The Power Of The Jedi Figure Is Still Worth Picking Up!

The Good: Good articulation, Decent playability, Good accessories, Decent balance
The Bad: Much lighter on the sculpting and coloring details than the new version.
The Basics: The first Aurra Sing figure from the Power Of The Jedi toy line still has enough for fans to covet!


Aurra Sing may not have the name recognition of many of the Star Wars bounty hunters – certainly not in mainstream culture – but her very brief presence in The Phantom Menace was enough to inspire quite a bit of merchandising. In fact, earlier this year when Wal-Mart released its exclusive Discover The Force line, Aurra Sing was figure number 1 (that’s reviewed here!). As I thin out my collection, I realized that in addition to the new version and the 12” Masterpiece Edition Aurra Sing doll (reviewed here!) , I still had the original Power Of The Jedi version of Aurra Sing, which represents her first action figure. And in evaluating her, it is worth noting that Hasbro got quite a bit right with the figure!

For those unfamiliar with Aurra Sing, Aurra Sing is the lone, known, bounty hunter seen in The Phantom Menace (click here for my review of the film). Ghostly pale and armed to the teeth, she fires down upon the podracers for unknown reasons.

The Power Of The Jedi Aurra Sing is the first sculpting of the character for the 4" toy line.

Basics

The Aurra Sing figure is very well-detailed, at least for a figure of that time, and prioritizes giving Aurra Sing one primary pose that she looks badass in over increased flexibility. Aurra Sing looks awesome holding her rifle in a two handed grip and lining up a shot that will kill a Jedi! The determined bounty hunter stands 3 13/16" tall to the top of her topknot hairdo! Aurra Sing was released in 2000 as part of Hasbro's Power Of The Jedi Collection and lacks the character’s fine antenna. The alien bounty hunter is cast entirely in soft plastics.

This toy is a decent sculpt; for a character that was seen ridiculously briefly, this looks just like every picture that exists of her, at least by form. Aurra Sing is a freakishly thin, pale white woman with bright orange hair flowing out of her head in a topknot. Looking mostly humanoid, she has five elongated fingers on each hand and she wears a simple form-fitting outfit and boots that come up to her knees. With molded details like the ties and beads in her hair and bandages tied around her bicep and wrist, this is a fairly detailed sculpt. Despite not having the antenna imbedded in her head, Aurra Sing is molded to look very accurate.

The coloring details are very simple though. Outside a smear on her bodysuit to make her look weathered, Aurra Sing is cast in monotonal colored plastics. She has minimal details painted on, like the chains in her crotch area are molded there, but not uniformly painted. Similarly, her skin is a creepy gray-white. Aurra Sing’s eyes are piercing and gray in a way that makes them look appropriately unnerving. While the color scheme may be a little more monolithic than with the current figure lines, this Aurra Sing still looks pretty awesome and the unclean look to her outfit is a nice selling point (after all, she’s a bounty hunter operating on Tatooine!).

Accessories

Aurra Sing is a bounty hunter who comes significantly armed. This version of Aurra Sing features her usual blaster rifle and a blaster pistol. While she has the appropriate holsters for her pistols on both her thighs, the gun on her left side is molded into the holster and is not removable. On her right side, though, Aurra Sing has a removable blaster pistol that is instantly reminiscent of Han Solo’s blaster, save that it has two trigger areas! At 3/4" long, the gunmetal colored pistol is immaculately detailed. The sides of the gun make it look like it has controls and it fits perfectly in her holster or her right hand. While the pistol can fit in her left hand’s grip, it does not look as good there.

Aurra Sing's blaster rifle is a 3 7/8" long silver and brown blaster rifle designed to take the long shot! This gun may be augmented with more colors for the strap and butt, but it is detailed in similar monotones to most of the figure, which is nice in that it matches the quality of the figure. Aurra Sing looks great with this weapon slung over her shoulder, in a one handed or two-handed grip!

As a Power Of The Jedi figure, Aurra Sing also features a Jedi Force File. The little magazine has pictures and describes Aurra Sings habits, abilities, enemies and provides ideas for play with the figure. The Jedi Force File appeals to trading card collectors as well as toy enthusiasts.

Playability

The four inch toy line was designed for play and Aurra Sing is good in that regard. This Power Of The Jedi figure has surprisingly good balance. Flatfooted, she is balanced in her primary cocky pose. Moves out of a flatfooted position, Aurra Sing is much more likely to fall over, but she does have the holes in her heels that would allow her to easily be plugged into any of the playsets or vehicles that have the accompanying pegs.

This version of Aurra Sing is poorly articulated, though. The Power Of The Jedi Aurra Sing comes with only five points of articulation! Aurra Sing has joints at the groin socket, shoulders and neck. While the shoulders are ball-and-socket joints, all posing for the figure involves straight arms. Her head and groin socket joints are simple swivel joints. Despite the limited posing options, Aurra Sing actually looks pretty cool.

Collectibility

Aurra Sing is part of the 2000 Power Of The Jedi four-inch series, a series of Star Wars action figures that featured many new characters and resculpts from the four films that were out at the time, as well as a number of concept figures. Given that this was the first Aurra Sing figure, it seems to have maintained its value well in the secondary market, despite there being newer (and better) sculpts of her available. Still, if you can find her as a bargain, this is a fine figure to pick up!

Overview

Aurra Sing is a very cool figure and despite her few faults, she remains one of the better Power Of The Jedi figures and one worth picking up!

For other Power Of The Jedi figures, please be sure to check out my reviews of:
Bespin Escape Princess Leia
Amanaman with Salacious Crumb
IG-88
Tessek
Deluxe Princess Leia with Sail Barge Cannon
Dagobah Darth Vader
Bespin Escape Lando Calrissian
Bespin Capture Han Solo
Tatooine Patrol Sandtrooper
Saesee Tiin
Ketwol
FX-7
Bespin Guard

7.5/10

For more Star Wars toy reviews, please check out my index page!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Eels Might Have Blinking Lights And Other Revelations, But We're Not Taken In By The Flash.

The Good: Generally good instrumentals and sound, Not a bad use of two c.d.s.
The Bad: Could still hold more, Derivative of other Eels works
The Basics: Thematically and musically repetitive, Blinking Lights And Other Revelations is largely a study in average by Eels.


Alternative music is a genre of music that is very hard to nail down as to what it truly is. After all, literally, "alternative" could encompass anything that is not part of the mainstream or "pop" ("popular") of a time. By that standard, early rap like that of Public Enemy would be "alternative." Similarly, today as country and hip-hop/rap dominate the pop charts artists that are more traditionally rock and roll might be considered "alternative." But far too often, I encounter groups that are labeled as "alternative" as a euphemism for "commercially unsuccessful." Eels is one such group.

The two-disc album Blinking Lights And Other Revelations topped out on the U.S. charts (Billboard 200) at 93. This is not, traditionally, considered a successful album and the ever-changing band known as Eels (which is essentially Mark Oliver Everett, who goes by "E" on many albums, and whomever he is collaborating with at the time) was once again dubbed "alternative." However, listening to the album now, I am left with the question "alternative to what?!" Eels in this incarnation is hardly audacious or so different as to be pioneering any new sound, themes or genre. In fact, it is clearly derivative of every other work of Everett's I've heard back to his album A Man Called E (reviewed here!). Moreover, I was unsurprised to find that Tom Waits had contributed to Blinking Lights And Other Revelations because several of the tracks had a Waits vibe with Everett's smooth voice simply replacing Waits' growl.

Spread over two discs, Blinking Lights And Other Revelations is a collection of thirty-three new songs representing over ninety minutes of music (disc one has 17 songs at 46:55, disc 2 has the remaining 16 tracks at 46:32 ). The album is primarily the creative vision of Everett, who wrote all of the songs, both music and lyrics, save five, which he co-wrote with the likes of Peter Buck and John Sebastian. Everett produced the album and plays a few instruments on it, though more often the tracks are programmed or have others playing the music Everett wrote. Still, it is hard to argue that the result is anything other than Everett's intended musical vision on the album.

Generally, that musical vision is either a mix of repeated sounds from earlier albums or derivations on sounds from other musical artists. So, for example, "Trouble With Dreams" sounds a lot like "Hospital Food" from the Eels album Electro-Shock Blues (reviewed here!). Everett strikes a lot of the same chords on both discs and between the somewhat limited scope of many of the compositions, like the contemplative instrumentals that introduce "Bride Of Theme From Blinking Lights" sound like other compositions on the earlier disc and on other Eels albums.

The other half of the limitations to Blinking Lights And Other Revelations is that many of the songs sound derivative of other people's works. "Dust Of Ages" and "Old Shit/New Shit" sound like Tom Waits wrote and composed them. Similarly, some of Everett's vocals sounds like he is attempting an impersonation of John Flansburg of They Might Be Giants.

The only thing worse than when Everett is derivative on this album is when he creates a sound that is utter sugarpop, as he does on "Hey Man (Now You're Really Living)." The upbeat tempo and peppy vocals are annoying and the listener has to wonder what the intent was. For sure, most of Everett's vocals are mumbled and somewhat garbled and melancholy, but "Hey Man (Now You're Really Living)" sounds like a teen inspirational anthem with the phony clapping noises and the clear enthusiasm. It is enough to make one wonder if they have suddenly skipped tracks onto a completely different artist, it is so unlike anything else on the album.

Most of what is on Blinking Lights And Other Revelations are songs that are deeply melancholy ("I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart") or deep childhood desires filled with unfulfilled idealism ("Understanding Salesman"). Everett's music is seldom happy and as a result, most of the album is presented with a feeling like it is Everett's catharsis for his own damage.

Take, for example, the Eels song "Son Of A Bitch." This song is very much autobiographical from Everett's life as he presents "Daddy was a drunk / A most unpleasant man / Asleep on the floor / Just inside the front door / With a smile underneath his red nose / The wrong look his way / Well that could really wreck his day / And believe me when I say / It would wreck your day too" ("Son Of A Bitch"). The thing is, creating a musical storysong, even one that is either depressing or autobiographical, can still turn out wonderfully, but in this case, the song falls flat. It is generally atonal, and the result is while it might have been perfectly necessary for Everett to get through some of his baggage, he imposes his issues on the listener without rewarding them with anything a musical, which is pretty much the point of listening to a c.d.

This is not to say that all of the Eels songs that might be autobiographical or melancholy are not good. Indeed, Everett proves his ability to write on some of the most depressing tracks on the album. Even with plain language, Everett articulates concepts of loneliness, regret and ennui: "Wake up in the night and think of all the years / Falling from the ceiling and covering your ears / You don't know how you're gonna get out / You don't know how you'll get out / I'll go none too bravely / Into the night / I'm so tired of living / The suicide life / That ain't no reason to live" ("Suicide Life"). Eels might be dark on some of these tracks, but the darkness is compelling, real and expressed in a way all adults who have had any trying time will be able to understand them and empathize with the depth of the emotions expressed.

Unfortunately, not all of the lyrics are sterling. I was shocked that Peter Buck's contribution to the writing ("To Lick Your Boots") included some of the most awful rhymes on the album. But Everett manages to take the cake with the poorest example of diction and rhyming on "Sweet Li'l Thing." That song includes such dramatically contrived lines as "The feeling of understanding is very rare / For someone like me it's hard to find / Somebody to care / She's got a way about her / Changes everything / She's got a way about her / She's my sweet li'l thing" ("Sweet Li'l Thing"). Perhaps the only thing more insulting about having obvious rhymes like "rare/care" is how Everett rhymes "her" and "thing" with themselves.

Instrumentally, Blinking Lights And Other Revelations is remarkably average with a very standard sounding pop-rock sensibility to it. The songs are mostly keyboard driven and they tend to all be melancholy (with the one prior noted exception). Everett is occasionally original enough to cover this up with sampled sounds, as he does on "Sweet Li'l Thing" where the lyrics are obscured some by sampled whistles. But generally, the album is rather predictable and musically average.

The result is a lot of music that sounds largely the same and is singing about much the same stuff that Eels has presented at least as well on prior albums. This, then, makes it easy for those looking for the next big thing easy to pass on Blinking Lights And Other Revelations.

The best tracks are "Suicide Life" (Disc 1) and "I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart" (Disc 2), the low points are "The Other Shoe" (Disc 1) and "Hey Man (Now You're Really Living" (Disc 2).

For other Artist Of The Month reviews, be sure to visit my reviews of:
It Ain’t Easy: The Essential Recordings - Wilson Pickett
Forty Licks - The Rolling Stones
Seal (2) - Seal

5/10

For other music reviews, be sure to check out my Music Review Index Page for a comprehensive list of all the albums and singles I have reviewed!

© 2012, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Adding Sugar Makes Oregon Chai Original Chai Tea A Little Less Average Than It Might Have Been!

The Good: Amazing aroma, Good taste, Easy to prepare, Caffeinated
The Bad: Needs sugar to get the most out of its flavor, Extraneous tea garbage
The Basics: My first experience with Oregon Chai is their “The Original” Chai Tea and it is good, but better with a touch of sugar.


I am a person who loves tea. My index page on beverages is dominated by the tea reviews I have written and I continue to branch out to explore other tea brands and tea types whenever possible. Before she left for the summer, my wife bought all sorts of tea for me to try and review while she was gone. One of the new companies (at least for me) that she bought a bit of product from was Oregon Chai. Going through the boxes of Oregon Chai tea that she picked up, I thought I would start with what I hope might be a baseline tea: The Original Chai Tea.

It is, as one might expect, a very average tea, but with just a little sugar, it becomes something a little bit better!

Basics

The Original Chai is a tea from Oregon Chai. It is a tea that has caffeine and it is a fairly strong chai tea. The Original Chai comes in Oregon Chai's standard individually-wrapped tea bags, means that each tea bag has a wax papery envelope it is sealed in for freshness. Each tea bag has a five-inch string with a little paper tab at the end, which is quite a bit more waste than I like from a tea bag. When I make pots of tea, I tend to use two bags and making a steeping pot of The Original Chai reminds me of why I like the easy environmentalism of Celestial Seasonings' stringless bags. A box of The Original Chai comes with 20 individually-wrapped tea bags.

The Original Chai is marketed as a chai spiced tea and it succeeds more on the aroma than it does on the execution, at least until sugar is added to it!

Ease of Preparation

The Original Chai is a chai tea, which means preparation is as easy as boiling a pot of water! The Original Chai, as the directions clearly state, requires water that is boiling. A single tea bag will make the standard 8 oz. coffee mug worth of tea and reusing the tea bags yields a mug full which is about 3/4 strength. It was only when reusing the teabag (or when the tea was cold) I found the tea to have a dry aftertaste.

To prepare The Original Chai, simply boil up some water, and pour it over the tea bags in a cup, mug or steeping pot. This tea is recommended to take three to five minutes to steep and with boiling water, the tea was ready at the four minute mark and letting it steep longer does not truly change the results. Letting the tea steep more than five minutes does not net any additional flavor, nor does it denature the flavor of the tea. However, after brewing for five minutes, trying to reuse the teabag is likely to net the consumer a weaker second cup or pot, though this was a tea that was very easy to enjoy reusing the bags from.

Taste

Brewed fresh, the Oregon Chai Original Chai Tea smells delightfully of chai and cinnamon. The aroma is very warming and inviting and it embodies exactly what one expects from a chai tea. In fact, this smells like a teahouse on a busy day, its scent is so potent and spicy!

On the taste front, the Original Chai tea has a very deep and surprisingly rich flavor to it. Outside a powerful secondary taste of cinnamon – dry and spicy – the Oregon Chai Original Chai tea tastes just like a high-quality black tea. The flavor is more forthright and concentrated than one might usually associate with a chai tea.

With a teaspoon of sugar, the black tea flavor is entirely wiped out in favor of a spicy array of flavors. In addition to the sweetness from the sugar, the Original Chai tea takes on the distinct flavors of cloves and cinnamon. As an odd trade-off, though, the tea develops a powerfully dry aftertaste to it. When cold, the tea is just dark, bitter, and dry.

Nutrition

That Oregon Chai’s The Original Chai is dominated by a black tea flavor is utterly unsurprising because the primary ingredient is Assam black tea! The primary ingredients for The Original Chai are: Assam black tea, ginger root, and clove bud. The Original Chai tea contains about 50 mg of caffeine.

Were it not for the sugar I add when I make The Original Chai, this tea would be devoid of any nutritional value. It contains no calories, fat, sodium, carbohydrates or protein.

Storage/Clean-up

Oregon Chai's The Original Chai is a fairly dark black tea. As a result, cleanup is rather simple, save on fabrics. The mugs and steeping pot easily rinse out. This tea will stain if it is left on fabrics, so simply do not let the tea cups or mugs linger on light colored materials that might stain!

The Original Chai is easy to clean up after - the tea bags may be disposed in the garbage, or composted if you have a good garden and/or compost pile. One of the nice things about this tea - like most - is that so long as it is kept cool and dry, it can last for a long time and it is easy to clean up. However, like all Oregon Chai teabags, there is extra waste from the strings, paper tabs and individual wrappings around each bag.

Overall

For my first experience with Oregon Chai, I found the The Original Chai tea to be heavier than expected but a delightful spiced tea when sugar was added to it.

For other teas, please check out my reviews of:
Bigelow Sweet Dreams
Yogi Ginger Organic
Dilmah Ceylon Green

5.5/10

For other beverage reviews, please check out my Food Review Index Page!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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The Incredibly True Adventure Of Two Girls In Love Is Perfection That Doesn't Take Itself Seriously!

The Good: Funny, Romantic, Realistic, Competent acting
The Bad: Predictable plot
The Basics: The best romantic comedy has to offer, The Incredibly True Adventure Of Two Girls In Love is fun and enjoyable. Good luck finding it in stores, though!


It's rare that a romantic comedy holds up over the years. It takes something truly extraordinary to stand up over the years and comedies suffer especially due to the nature of humor - i.e. we laugh far more often at what we don't expect. Romantic comedies suffer even more because we know the plot. The Incredibly True Adventure Of Two Girls In Love is one of only three romantic comedies (the others being When Harry Met Sally. . . and Love Actually, reviewed here!) that I find myself enjoying upon multiple viewings, much less owning.

Randy Dean is your stereotypical high school out and proud lesbian living with her aunt, smoking pot, slacking off and doing other stereotypically diesel dyke things, like getting it on with a local married femme in the gas station bathroom. One day, into her life drives Evie, an affluent young woman who is on the college track, is in the process of distancing herself from her possessive, needy boyfriend and whose neuroses include being convinced her expensive SUV needs repairs. She and Randy begin an unlikely friendship that develops into love and soon the cost of that romance begins to become evident as Evie's friends leave her, Randy's grades slip and everything in both of their worlds comes crashing down.

The strength of this piece is not necessarily that it is about two women as opposed to a heterosexual relationship, but because it is about two youths and it is something special. Rather than insulting young people with inane low expectations and silly assumptions, this film capitalizes on the strengths of young love. So, some of the most enjoyable and exciting scenes of The Incredibly True Adventure Of Two Girls In Love involve Randy and Evie just doing normal things teenagers do. Randy draws comics for Evie, Evie introduces her to opera, the two have a sleepover, and they share poetry and days outdoors.

This movie presents two people, the intelligent, emotionally unsure Evie and the less academic, more Id Randy Dean and explores their explorations of their differences and their needs as they come together. It's one of the few films with voice-overs that are useful and that work. With more backstory than the average romantic comedy, The Incredibly True Adventure Of Two Girls In Love overcomes its low budget with intelligent dialogue, believable acting and highly realistic characters. In fact, the voice-overs that cover the simple, young act of passing notes in lockers and hallway passes becomes one of the distinct treats of this movie. The voice-overs serve to imply a lot of the relationship building that too many movies assume happens between characters that have no genuine chemistry.

But here, the characters have chemistry. Despite the rocky beginnings, Evie and Randy have a great deal of chemistry and it works well for establishing the possibility of a relationship between them. In short, when they begin to actually talk with one another, the chemistry is there, it's not forced and when Randy is able to admit she does not know what words mean and Evie patiently and kindly explains them without judging her, there realistic possibility that the two could make a romance work seems quite evident.

Part of the chemistry comes with the ease with which the leads play their parts. Nicole Parker is brilliant and beautiful as Evie. Parker lends a dignity and articulation that is essential to playing Evie and she has a bearing that makes Evie seem instantly more mature than her years. So, when Evie talks of things like love, she seems like a credible source because actress Nicole Parker seems so comfortable and strong on the subject. It helps Parker that the male foil who her character is dumping slouches through his bit role, making him seem more pathetic and needy than even the lines he presents make him out to be. Parker has great on-screen chemistry with co-star Laurel Holloman.

Holloman plays Randy Dean and she does it amazingly. Holloman is at ease with the controversy of playing a lesbian character, even at her young age in this movie. She seems equally at ease playing off the mature presentation of Nicole Parker and the campy, over-the-top quasi-lesbian Wendy, played with brilliant wackiness by Miss Maggie Moore. Holloman creates a memorable Randy Dean by mumbling her way through the role that makes her seem very young and flustered by genuine love, as opposed to simply sex.

Maria Maggenti does a great job as writer-director of The Incredibly True Adventure Of Two Girls In Love and hearing her commentary on the DVD is insightful. She laments the problems of making a movie on such a low budget and getting it distributed. It's wonderful to hear her thoughts and some of the backstory of making the movie (i.e. for example, it's funny - and refreshing - to hear about how gay-friendly the cast and crew were such that they had a difficult time finding someone to drive by and yell "Dyke!" in one of the scenes where Evie and Randy are first getting to know each other). But more than that, it's wonderful to watch a movie about gays and lesbians where people are simply experiencing the problems (mostly) of young love. No one is getting beaten to death, no one is threatened constantly and that's nice. At some point, this movie will be passe and a novelty. Until then, it's artistically valuable and eminently rewatchable.

That's not to say the film is without rough edges. While the movie easily overcomes its obvious low budget with class and quality, what is less negotiable is that the lesbian aspects are built on stereotypes. You don't get much more femme than Evie and the pot-smoking, guitar playing Randy is pretty much the archetype of dyke. The disadvantage of being the first, best "lesbian" film is that it is built on what people expect to see in the characters.

Don't let that detract you from seeing it; it's a fun movie and it is the ultimate in romantic comedy. It's perfection and it doesn't take itself too seriously. It's a nice change from the ordinary.

For other works starring Laurel Holloman, check out my review of:
Angel - Season 3
Boogie Nights

10/10

For other film reviews, be sure to check out my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2012, 2009, 2007 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Despite The Price, Gollum Loves The Meow Mix Market Select Real Salmon & Ocean Fish In Gravy Cat Food!

The Good: Nothing bad in it, Gollum loves it
The Bad: Comparatively expensive
The Basics: Despite being expensive and environmentally unsound in its packaging when it is on sale, my cat loves for me to pick him up Meow Mix Real Salmon & Ocean Fish in gravy catfood.


Lately, whenever I go to the pet store, I try very hard to balance what I get for each of my animals. While my rabbit has certainly not been as privileged as Myah (my Siberian Husky) or the cat (Gollum!), I’ve tried to balance. On the last trip, I picked Gollum up some Meow Mix Market Select Real Salmon & Ocean Fish in gravy cat food because it was on sale for 75% off. I have not, traditionally, bought much wet cat food because it is more expensive and Gollum likes canned tuna just as much. The Meow Mix salmon and ocean fish might be reason enough to change my mind on that!

Meow Mix comes in a plastic 2.75 oz. single serve container. Supposedly, Gollum for his weight and age should eat two of these cans per day! Even on sale, that would be a pricy endeavor, but when I did open the container, Gollum came running for it. Gollum seems to know enough not to eat it all at one time, as he generally licks the gravy right off and eats half the container’s worth of food before stopping himself. He is not so judgmental with tuna when I give him that.

The Real Salmon & Ocean Fish in gravy opens up easily enough in the 2.75 oz. can. The small can has a thin plastic lid that easily pulls off. Opening the containter reveals the food inside. Market Select Real Salmon & Ocean Fish in gravy looks like a little blocks of fish that has been soaked in clear gravy long enough to bloat up into ¼” blocks. These block-shaped meat bites are then packed into the can with a fluid that resembles gravy (or, sad to say, mucus) and they may be dispensed into a cat's food dish by either smacking it against the bottom of the dish or spooning the contents out into the dish. Actually, this wet cat food may be eaten right out of the can as there are no sharp edges on the plastic.

As for the Real Salmon & Ocean Fish in gravy itself, the catfood smells shockingly like actual salmon, so it is easy to believe that there is real fish in it. Gollum eats it all up as if it is entirely real fish as well.

The Market Select Real Salmon & Ocean Fish in gravy claims to be the perfect balance of nutrition and taste and it has nothing noticeable bad in it (I'm not a Chem student, so I can't speak for all of the preservatives). But considering that the primary ingredients are fish broth, fish and chicken, Meow Mix seems to have its act together on making an essentially good product. According to the guaranteed analysis on the container, there is a minimum of 8% crude protein and 2% crude fat and no more than 1.5% crude fiber, 3% ash, and 82% moisture. This is not wheat-free.

The recommended serving size is two (2.75 oz.) cans per day, but I cannot afford to give Gollum this regularly. Hard catfood also has clear dental benefits that the Market Select Real Salmon & Ocean Fish in gravy does not have. When the cats chew (to split into bite-sized pieces) their hard catfood, it scrapes plaque and tartar off their teeth. There is no such physical operation going on with this catfood. Gollum's mouth smelled like tuna for three hours after he licked up the gravy and ate this food.

Finally, the 2.75 oz. container is the least efficient and environmentally sound way to purchase this catfood. In addition to being the most proportionately expensive way (buying by the single can always is), the sheer amount of waste this generates in plastic containers and the foil wrappers is stifling to anyone with an environmental conscience. That said, to show Gollum that I love him, I am thrilled to give him this once in a while as a treat!

For other cat foods, please visit my reviews of:
9 Lives Daily Essentials Salmon, Chicken & Beef Cat Food
Purina Pro Plan Seafood Stew Entree
Purina One SmartBlend Salmon And Tuna Cat Food

7/10

For other pet product reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Mansfield Park Is Easy To Watch, Hard To Care

The Good: Dialog, Scenery, Costumes, Frances O'Connor! Cinematography
The Bad: It's Austen, so it's slower than glass warping, Plot, Characters are all "types."
The Basics: Excellent for Austen fans, good for anyone who appreciates beauty. A definite "chick flick" - redeeming for guys solely by having a gorgeous protagonist!


If you're like me and you shudder when you think of the world of Jane Austen, wherein the mores and societal mandates seem ridiculous, pretentious, and boring, it seems odd that I would actually recommend this film to you. Also, it might be hard for you to believe me. I get that. The truth is, the choice to recommend this movie did come down to the classic toss of the coin and - because I was indecisive on this one - it is a very weak recommendation.

Mansfield Park doesn't accomplish a lot in terms of plot. It's pretty much the typical "British woman falls for guy A, leaves guy A, gets close to guy B and in the process realizes guy A was the right one" plot of 19th Century British literature. Please, don't sound so shocked! It's a pretty solid formula (Jane Austen, Jane Eyre, you name it) so this film has almost no points for plot. I could say more about the plot, but it is pointless and that is my point. You've seen this movie before. It has been made and remade and remade again in both literature and film. While watching the movie, you'll feel like you are watching "types" more than characters. There is little that distinguishes the characters in Mansfield Park from, say, the characters in Villette. So, to be sure, the plot is not the reason to subject yourself to this movie.

The dialog is occasionally witty, when it's not being typically 19th Century evasive. By that, I mean that frequently, the characters will not say what is on their minds. They obscure their feelings and their meanings and that can be tiresome to watch. When they are not doing that, the movie is funny and interesting and moves at a decent pace. Unfortunately, that does not happen terribly frequently.

The characters are interesting enough, most more so than the average film. Well, the female characters are interesting enough. In Mansfield Park, the protagonist, Fanny, is stuck between two men: Edmund and Thomas. Both of them are fairly uninteresting. The moments when Fanny (Frances O'Connor) speaks to the audience directly, are pulled off with great amusement.

After the cinematography, scenery and costumes, which are all exceptional, we're left at a dead heat, a completely average film that leaves me split over whether to recommend it or not.

The truth is, Patricia Rozema - the director - is saddled with taking a fairly boring Jane Austen novel and putting it on the screen. Her compensation is not in making the pace any quicker or the characters any more genuine or real, but rather providing beautiful scenery to look at. This is a movie that, when it gets slowest, the camera pans over beautiful verdant landscapes. There's an almost surreal quality to the film in the way it distracts from the story by trying to provide more things to look at.

Frances O'Connor, playing the protagonist Fanny, puts the film over. Simply, she is stunningly beautiful. No matter what problems this film has, no matter how boring it gets in places, O'Connor is remarkably easy to look at and she acts well. Even if she wasn't, she hides it by being very easy to look at. Her co-stars, Jonny Lee Miller and Alessandro Nivola (Edmund and Henry, respectively), do little to add anything to their character's characters with their performances. Embeth Davidtz is fine as Mary Crawford and she looks quite natural in the period costume.

Actually, the whole "look" of the film is excellent, but the bottom line is, Frances O'Connor's simple, un-Hollywood beauty alone makes this film worth the price of admission. There's not more to say about this movie; it is a story that has been told thousands of times, this time it is the same. It just looks better than most.

For other works with Frances O’Connor, check out my reviews of:
A.I.: Artificial Intelligence
Bedazzled

6/10

For other movie reviews, please visit my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2012, 2005 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green Showcases Two Adventures Of Guy Gardner!

The Good: Two good adventures, Interesting character mix, Interesting sense of voice in the first half of the book.
The Bad: No real character development, Feels like a lull between more important acts, Inconsistent artwork
The Basics: As the Green Lantern Corps is rebuilt, Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green tells two Guy Gardner stories that flesh out some of the newer members of the Corps.


The more stories I read of Guy Gardner during the rebirth of the Green Lantern Corps, the more I like him. Kyle Rayner becomes something of a nonentity and John Stewart disappears from the Green Lantern narrative until a plot-convenient moment. But Guy Gardner is consistently doing things in the DC Universe and I actually like that. He has been transformed from an obnoxious, monolithic character into one who is fun to read and who actually makes sense as an Honor Guard Lantern. So, when I finally got in Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green, I was – if anything – biased in favor of it. Unfortunately, it is stiflingly average.

Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green comes at a time in the Green Lantern narrative when Hal Jordan has been resurrected and is on Earth. So, Guy Gardner has left Earth to go train new Green Lantern recruits in the new, better-than-before Green Lantern Corps. He is an awkward leader, but one whose adventures tend to get him into trouble when he is off Oa, in between training the new recruits. Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green introduces more elements to the Corps that are intriguing and some of the new characters work so well that I found myself wishing that they had been in other parts of the narrative!

The trade paperback anthology Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green is two stories in one book. The first story is “The Dark Side Of Green,” while the rest of the book is dominated by a second arc. “The Dark Side Of Green” is a three-part adventure that teams Guy Gardner up with new Lantern recruit R’amay Holl, a butterfly-like alien woman. The pair is sent with a message from the Guardians to Corona Seven, a frozen wasteland world on the edge of the known universe. There, they find Daggle, a shape-changer who has an allegiance to the Corps that is not made immediately clear. The mission from Oa, however, is exceptionally clear: Daggle, R’amay, and Guy Gardner must stop Dominator scientists from creating a new, more deadly race of Dominators that can threaten Earth once again. Mutating through the use of a powerful asteroid, a new Dominator leader plans to finish off the galaxy, starting with Earth!

There is actually quite a bit to like about “The Dark Side Of Green,” not the least of which is the way R’amay Holls speaks. She uses-speaks with language that frequently reflects-inflects the multiple layers of meaning she wishes-needs to convey at any given time-moment. It does not take long to realize what writer Keith Champagne is doing with the dialect and it works incredibly well to create a new, distinctive character. Moreover, the moments R’amay’s word choice contradicts itself, it illustrates well how conflicted moments can be and that is a nice touch.

The mission utilizes some pretty cool conceits. Because the three officers are going undercover, they cannot use their Rings. So, Daggle provides them with essentially a pill that gives them Green Lantern powers for a few days at a time, without their rings. This leads to some very cool character design elements that make this part of the story look and feel very fresh. Shrouded as they are, the trio gets into more dangerous situations, including Guy Gardner having his mind violated by a blind, mutated, telepathic Khund.

What character development there is in Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green comes exclusively within this first story. First, R’amay Holl is hardly as naïve and powerless as she might initially appear. She becomes such an interesting and vital character that it actually upset me that she has not popped up in any subsequent storylines. She and Guy Gardner made an interesting team. Guy Gardner, whose heart is pretty much broken from the death of Ice (though at this point, she may have already been resurrected and just asking him for time to get her bearings again), is still something of a pig (checking out R’amay Holl while they are flying through hyperspace), but he seems to develop a genuine emotional bond with her over the course of the mission and that makes the whole adventure have a more realistic and compelling quality than yet another alien who wants to destroy the Earth.

“The Dark Side Of Green” would probably have meant quite a bit more to me had I read any prior work in the DC Universe that involved Dominators. As it was, there was nothing in the story that was incomprehensible, it just didn’t seem like any more of a threat than usual.

The latter (slightly more than) half of Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green is a four-part story that brings together some disparate elements and storylines in the Green Lantern Corps. Starting with Salaak busting Guy Gardner for another year, Gardner is sent to assist two rookies in reassembling the multiplanet nexus Clustral. While Soranik Natu heals people on Korugar and works to overcome the prejudice against the Green Lantern Corps there, Vath and Isamot Kol visit Mogo. There, Vath hopes Isamot will get over his wife’s infidelity. But when the reptile encounters Green Man and is weirded out by him, he refuses to enter Mogo’s forest for healing. Kilowog, however, does not make the same choice. Frustrated by bickering between Soranik and her new partner, Princess Iolande, he visits Mogo and enters the forest.

There, Kilowog is infected by a fungus that turns him against the Corps. When Guy Gardner is accused of killing the two Lanterns he is annoyed at given complications at Clustral, Kilowog becomes furious at the due process he is given. With Soranik’s help, Isamot, Vath, and Guy Gardner journey to Mogo to find out what has gone wrong there . . . and to stop Kilowog from harming any of them in the process!

The second story in Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green has a distinct lack of focus. The portion of the story that focuses on Guy Gardner seems all over the place until the tie to Mogo is made. The idea that Gardner might be accused of something horrible seems unfortunately familiar. However, at this point in his character arc, there is not likely to be any reader who actually believes that Gardner is a murderer, so it pretty much guts the character aspect of the story.

Like many Green Lantern Corps books, Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green tries to service too many characters in the latter half. Vath and Isamot have pretty much already resolved their inherent issues as a Rannian and a Thanagarian. Soranik Natu, who has one of the longer character arcs, fits well with Princess Iolande and Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green marks the beginning of their partnership. But Iolande, especially, has her own motivations and character complications that make it harder to buy when she just joins a team-up story. For a change, realism gets in the way of the story being told. By contrast, when Iolande and Soranik have to stop the Children of the White Lobe, that story is engaging. But, it does not contribute to the larger Mogo-related story; it’s a big universe with a lot going on.

This arc in Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green is characterized by mediocre artwork. In fact, as the story opens, I swear the artwork takes on the form of Muppet Babies as Salaak and Soranik look like underdeveloped, childlike versions of themselves! The artwork is generally simpler in the second story and that makes the quality of the first story stand out.

The artwork is not enough to sink Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green, but between the inconsistent artwork and the very predictable plot structure of the second story (and the lack of real character development there), Green Lantern Corps: The Dark Side Of Green is much more average than extraordinary.

For other Green Lantern Corps books, be sure to check out my reviews of:
Recharge
To Be A Lantern
The Sinestro Corps War Volume 1
Tales Of The Sinestro Corps
The Sinestro Corps War Volume 2
Ring Quest
Sins Of The Star Sapphire
Emerald Eclipse
Blackest Night: Tales Of The Corps
Blackest Night: Green Lantern Corps
Revolt Of The Alpha Lanterns

5/10

For other graphic novel reviews, be sure to check out my Graphic Novel Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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A Journey Worth Avoiding Is Star Trek: Voyager's "Innocence."

The Good: Tim Russ keeps a straight face throughout the episode
The Bad: Acting, Plot, Lack of real character development, Pacing, Everything
The Basics: When Tuvok crashes on an alien moon, he finds whiny children there and the audience finds boredom.


There is an unfortunate tendency, in the experiences one does not enjoy, to rush through reviewing them because when something is truly terrible, analyzing it in too profound a depth begins to feel like kicking something weak when it is down. So it is with "Innocence," one of the last episodes in the second season of Star Trek: Voyager and one of those episodes of television that makes the strong argument for the idea that there's nothing new under the sun, certainly not in the Star Trek pantheon.

As the U.S.S. Voyager continues to amble home without any real sense of purpose or direction, Janeway opens up negotiations with the leader of the Drayans, an alien race that seems to be defined solely by the wearing of a veil. The negotiations are almost instantly complicated when a shuttlecraft carrying Lieutenant Tuvok crashes on one of the moons of Draya II. Unfortunately for Tuvok, it's a sacred place and the Drayans are pretty much furious that he is there.

Tuvok is not alone, though. He soon finds himself in the company of three children. The children, who have tattoos on their foreheads, fear for their lives, telling Tuvok that they, too, crashed on the moon. Tuvok seeks to protect them and assuage them of their fears of a monster in the woods (and in a nearby cave), which Tuvok cannot seem to find. Tuvok begins to protect them, without understanding quite what he is protecting them from.

Until the end. And the payoff is terrible and dull and it certainly does not justify the forty minutes that precede it. Yes, the Drayan sacred moon is there for a reason and when the children exhibit nothing but fear for the place, it would have helped the mood if 1. there were a credible sense of threat and 2. the children could act. Because there is neither, "Innocence" stagnates as a colossal waste of time wherein Tuvok finds himself lecturing to calm down and behave and I'm just about falling asleep writing about it.

It's only in the episode's first few moments that the show seems like it might have a purpose or a real direction, but ultimately "Innocence" plays out like a one-line pitch that sold an episode. "What if Voyager went to a planet where the people . . .?" "Sure, that sounds neat. Write it, we'll buy it!" Hmmm . . . . now I have to make that into a 43 minute episode, I have no idea how that's going to work. That's what "Innocence" feels like; one line about the "alien of the week" stretched (poorly) out for almost an hour until the viewer finally finds out how that sentence ends.

Sadly, the art department seems to take a similarly lazy approach to the episode. The adult Drayans, who Janeway and the crew of Voyager deal with, are characterized by charcoal gray outfits and veils that barely cover their faces. They have faint tattoos on their foreheads. The children that Tuvok deals with wear colorful outfits, but are only separated from being human by the tattoo that makes a widow's peak into their forehead. It's easily one of the dullest alien concepts to ever grace any of the Star Trek franchises.

That lack of creativity and vision that the script and effects suffer from is continued into the tone and the acting. The tone of the episode is dull. The viewer doesn't believe, care or even wonder about the presence of a monster in the woods. Unlike something like the creature in the woods on Lost (reviewed here!), there is no genuine suggestion of a menace outside the children's fears and they just seem . . . well, childish. In that way, the threat they suggest is vague, whiny and unreal. And for those watching a program intended for adults, this is just boring and a waste of time.

This entire problem is not helped at all by the child actors who perform the roles of the three Drayan children. There's a famous quote in show business about not working with children or animals if one wants to have a successful shoot and I suspect that the producers of Star Trek: Voyager never quite learned that lesson (there will later be a monkey to ruin an otherwise perfect episode and in later seasons, there are many more children on the ship). "Innocence" is the first nail in that coffin. None of the three children light the world on fire with their acting. In fact, none of the three amaze the viewer with anything even remotely belaying competence.

Sadly, this is not Tim Russ's finest hour either. Russ plays Tuvok the Vulcan security chief and "Innocence" attempts to remind the viewer that Tuvok has a wife and children back home that we might want to care about on some level. Russ portrays Tuvok with his usual emotional detachment, but there is nothing genuinely new in his performance in this episode to recommend him. Instead, his performance around the clunky children seems stiff and dull rather than passionless and insightful.

The ultimate result is that "Innocence" becomes one of the most forgettable episodes of Star Trek: Voyager and, indeed, one of the poorest examples of what Star Trek can do in the entire pantheon. Much of the episode is Tuvok and the children sitting around waiting while Tuvok tries to calm them down and the children whine about how scared they are. It's worth avoiding, and this is simply one of a hundred similar products not worth your time or attention.

[Knowing that VHS is essentially a dead medium, it's worth looking into Star Trek: Voyager - The Complete Second Season on DVD, which is also a better economical choice than buying the VHS. Read my review of the sophomore season here!
Thanks!]

1.5/10

For other Star Trek franchise episode and movie reviews, be sure to check out my Star Trek Review Index Page!

© 2012, 2007 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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