Thomas Pynchon Pushes Conspiracies To The Bleeding Edge!

The Good: Some incredible lines, Interesting characters, Some good conspiracy moments
The Bad: The main case, in pure Pynchon form, gets muddied very quickly and stays obscured, Some of the dialogue is not authentic
The Basics: In an engaging novel set in contemporary times, Thomas Pynchon creates a tech-based, economically-motivated conspiracy surrounding the September 11, 2001 World Trade Center attacks.


Before Thomas Pynchon becomes much more overexposed – P.T. Anderson’s next film is an adaptation of Pynchon’s novel Inherent Vice - in the collective conscious in the United States, I am excited to have finished his latest novel, Bleeding Edge. For those who are not familiar with Thomas Pynchon’s writing style, Pynchon is a writer who has meandering narratives and stories that seldom have an actual point. While Bleeding Edge is one of his more coherent novels, it’s another Thomas Pynchon experience where the expected conventions of the genre in which he is writing are completely undermined. The concept of Bleeding Edge is a detective novel that starts as a corporate investigation and leads to a larger conspiracy story. But, in the fine tradition of Thomas Pynchon, Bleeding Edge’s conspiracy is not related to most of the details in the book.

As a result, when I finished reading Bleeding Edge and started to think about the novel, I had to actually go back to the beginning to see what the original point of the book was. It ruins nothing about Bleeding Edge to say that the original purpose of the investigation in the novel is only the start and that the guilty party is known in the book’s earliest pages. Bleeding Edge is not about a private investigator who is investigating billionaire software developer Gabriel Ice; it’s about the conspiracy that investigation leads to . . . and, more than that, the weird personal relationships of the investigator, Maxine Tarnow. Bleeding Edge is like a murder mystery where the first suspect is the murderer and it is revealed pretty early in the book, but the investigation leads to another, more significant crime.

Maxine Tarnow is a private investigator in New York City in 2001 who is estranged from her husband, Horst, and is taking care of their children, Ziggy and Otis. One day in the spring of 2001, documentary filmmaker Reg Despard brings her a case. He is making a documentary about an internet start-up, hashslingrz, which is hiring many workers at great wages after the tech bubble has burst. The suspicious activities make Despard suspicious about the company’s CEO, Gabriel Ice. Investigating Gabriel Ice and hashlingrz, Tarnow discovers that Gabriel Ice is a bad guy who is tied up in a number of shady financial dealings.

After learning about the Deep Web through a company called DeepArcher where she develops a psychological addiction to cyberspace, Maxine finds herself in the company of a shady government operative, Nick Windust. Windust is also investigating Ice and when a programmer is killed, he might be involved. When Despard brings Maxine footage of a dry run of trained killers preparing to shoot down a plane, the magnitude of the crimes Gabriel Ice and Windust are involved in deepens. As the year progresses, Maxine is drawn in deeper and deeper to the conspiracy surrounding the internet, the economy, and the inevitable attack on the World Trade Center that the reader knows is coming.

Bleeding Edge is the first Thomas Pynchon novel set in contemporary times, which is very cool and unfortunately disturbing. The cool aspect is that, for a change, younger readers of Thomas Pynchon are likely to be able to focus on the characters and plot as opposed to being washed up in the eccentricity of the settings Pynchon creates in his novels. There is nothing alien in the concept and world of Bleeding Edge; it’s a familiar, very real world for those who are alive now. The conspiracy that Pynchon uncovers through Maxine is an engaging one that reads as very real and plausible.

In fact, the conspiracy leading up to the September 11, 2001 attacks is linked to economic and political motivations in such a way that those of us who lived through 2001 will be shocked at the elements left out of Bleeding Edge. For a guy who is creating an elaborate conspiracy surrounding the September 11, 2001 attacks, the failure to mention the plane that hit the Pentagon and the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania is astonishing. Hell, that Pynchon fails to mention Donald Rumsfeld’s notorious slip where he admitted the U.S. shot down the plane over Pennsylvania is a troubling oversight.

The only other disturbing aspect of Bleeding Edge is how much the dialogue is inauthentic. Pynchon writes many lines with question marks in the middle of the sentences and making statements into questions and odd colloquialisms not authentic to the time and place. I’m not talking about Rocky Slagiatt’s over-the-top Italian mobster accent; Pynchon writes that fine. But a number of the bits of dialogue are written similar to the broken narrative voice, which is troubling and inorganic.

That said, Bleeding Edge is fleshed out with intriguing characters. Maxine Tarnow is an intriguing protagonist who is smart enough to be credible and has enough darkness in her past (her license was pulled) to be as badass as she becomes. The weird romantic obsession Maxine has with Windust is a cool one and the way it leads to a reconciliation of sorts between her and Horst fits in with the overall weirdness of Thomas Pynchon’s narrative style.

Like most Pynchon novels, the narrative in Bleeding Edge wanders. The concept of the book is focused on Gabriel Ice and hashlingerz, but soon the novel spirals around Ice’s wife, her conspiracy theorist mother, and software programmers who are building the framework of virtual online lives in DeepArcher. The roundabout path and all that it leads to gets farther away from a single, coherent conspiracy idea. Instead, Bleeding Edge fleshes out all of the corrupt individuals Gabriel Ice is associated with and how they are trying to manipulate the tech industry and world politics.

The religious and political aspects of characters in Bleeding Edge are flush with post-September 11 paranoia and that reads as very true (save the neglected elements of the time and place the novel is set in). Government surveillance of Jews and Arabs in Bleeding Edge is common and the motivations behind it is convoluted, but realistic. That makes Windust, who comes into the story fairly late, interesting and a credible foil for Maxine.

Like most Pynchon works, Bleeding Edge is more about the journey than the destination. Pynchon is not about spelling out all the details to a specific conspiracy; he’s about taking the reader on a roundabout journey filled with implications and loose ends. The initial investigation into Gabriel Ice rounds back to Reg and a video that leads into a very different direction. The refreshing aspect of Bleeding Edge, compared to most of Pynchon’s works, is that the novel stays focused on Maxine. That makes it less confusing or pointless than many of Pynchon’s other novels.

For those who want to get into Pynchon, especially for those who discover him through the film Inherent Vice, Bleeding Edge is one of his two most focused books with a single narrative perspective and protagonist, making it a more accessible work than some of his others.

For other works by Thomas Pynchon, please check out my reviews of:
V.
The Crying Of Lot 49
Slow Learner
Gravity's Rainbow
Vineland
Mason & Dixon
Against The Day
Inherent Vice

6.5/10

For other novel reviews, please visit my Novel Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Better As A Middle Act Than A Compelling Episode On Its Own: “Awakening”

The Good: Some of the guest actors
The Bad: Huge continuity problems, Robert Foxworth’s performance, Light on plot (much better at explaining prior episodes and foreshadowing the next), No real character development
The Basics: “Awakening” is a mediocre episode that finds Archer possessing Surak’s katra and Tucker learning about the Vulcan High Command’s real agenda.


Reconciling the Star Trek: Enterprise Vulcans with the Vulcans seen in the rest of the Star Trek franchise was bound to be a headache for the writers and producers of Star Trek: Enterprise. After all, in Star Trek, Spock had characterized the Vulcan culture of logic as being in place and stable for thousands of years, so the generation before Star Trek - where Star Trek: Enterprise is set – should have had the Vulcans acting exactly as they had been in every other Star Trek series. To try to explain why they weren’t and how they evolved into the familiar Vulcans was the subject of a three-part arc in the fourth season of Star Trek: Enterprise. The first part was “The Forge” (reviewed here!) and it continued with “Awakening.”

“Awakening” marks the return of T’Pol’s mother, previously seen in “Home” (reviewed here!) and given the nature of the Syrranites (whom T’Les is associated with), it seems strange that T’Les would have been so accommodating over T’Pol’s emotional entanglement with Tucker. “Awakening” illustrates well the problem of executing a prequel with little respect for the original material. With so much information given to Archer about katras and Vulcan culture, the continuity issues the episode creates are huge. Either the concept of katras should not be new to Admiral Kirk in Star Trek III: The Search For Spock (reviewed here!) or the Enterprise crew in Star Trek should not have the deeply ingrained belief that Vulcan culture and history has been based in peace and logic for so long. Hell, in “Awakening,” Vulcan shuttles shoot at the StarFleet shuttlepod as a pretty direct act of aggression.

“Awakening” picks up right where “The Forge” left off with the Enterprise at Vulcan investigating the bombing of the Earth embassy there.

With Archer and T’Pol captured by the Syrranites, T’Pol is reunited with her mother in the middle of the Vulcan desert. Having exposed the potential conspiracy surrounding the Earth embassy bombing, Ambassador Soval is relieved of his duties, ostensibly because Administrator V’Las is in on the implication of the Syrranites. Soval warns Tucker that Archer and T’Pol might be in grave danger from V’Las and his forces as they seek to exterminate the Syrranites.

As T’Pol and T’Les discuss what the Syrranites actually believe, Archer finds himself suffering from the effects of the Vulcan mind-meld from when the desert guide died. Archer has visions of Surak and soon T’Pau – the leader-apparent of the Syrranites now that Syrran is dead – confirms that Surak’s katra is in Archer’s head. While T’Pol explains Vulcan mysticism to Archer and Tucker and Soval work to rescue the officers, V’Las prepares an orbital bombardment on the Forge.

For all my appreciation of Robert Foxworth, “Awakening” is not his best performance in the Star Trek franchise. Arguably cast because of the similarities between V’Las and his prior character, Admiral Leyton, Foxworth plays the Vulcan Administrator with a smirk and unvarnished disdain that is anything but logical (or emotionally reserved). While Kara Zediker (T’Pau), Gary Graham (Soval) and Joanna Cassidy (T’Les) all play Vulcans wonderfully in the episode, outside a single moment of shock crossing his face, John Rubinstein plays the scene-stealing Vulcan in “Awakening.” For a guy who played creepy and menacing so perfectly in Angel (reviewed here!), Rubinstein manages to play entirely emotionless incredibly well. His dispassion accents the undertones of anger that Foxworth puts into V’Las and make the Vulcan seem anything but controlled.

Bruce Gray makes his final Star Trek appearance as the vision of Surak and he does a decent job. Any differences between Gray’s interpretation of Surak and the one that appeared in “The Savage Curtain” (reviewed here!) can easily be explained away by the prior on-screen Surak being a figment of Spock’s imagination.

“Awakening” is an exposition-heavy episode. Surprisingly little actually happens in “Awakening;” more time is spent explaining events that have already occurred (the conspiracy surrounding the embassy bombing) and the nature of the Vulcan biology/philosophy. On Vulcan, Archer is told all about Vulcan mysticism and T’Pau attempts to remove the katra from him, but otherwise much of the scenes on Vulcan with Archer and T’Pol are a bunch of people talking about philosophies and comparative religion. On the other plot, little happens as well; Tucker and Phlox exposed the conspiracy in the prior episode. In “Awakening,” they simply find themselves repeatedly blocked by V’Las until V’Las bombards the Forge. Similarly, “Awakening” foreshadows the final part in the arc when Soval reveals V’Las’s agenda in the episode’s final minutes. But, again, within “Awakening,” not much actually happens.

Despite a significant death in the last moments of “Awakening,” the episode is not at all rich in character. Archer is pushed along as the result of – essentially – the ghost inside him and Tucker just proceeds with the investigation until he has only dead ends before him. What could have been a powerful T’Pol episode is stunted by her and her mother’s scenes being used for tremendous amounts of exposition as opposed to actual character growth.

Ultimately, “Awakening” is an episode that works better in the context of its arc, as opposed to a free-standing episode. It does explain the first part well and sets up the final episode in the arc, but does little else.

The three biggest gaffes in “Awakening:”
3. Given the way V’Las act, there should be no prejudice in Star Trek that Vulcans are pacifists,
2. In Star Trek III: The Search For Spock, Spock tried to save his katra so it could be returned to a proper receptacle on Vulcan. There is no reason T’Les should not have made a similar attempt,
1. There is no reason whatsoever that T’Pau would sound nothing like she did in “Amok Time” (reviewed here!), yet her dialect is entirely different in “Awakening!”

[Knowing that single episodes are an inefficient way to get episodes, it's worth looking into Star Trek: Enterprise - The Complete Fourth Season on DVD or Blu-Ray, which is also a better economical choice than buying individual episodes. Read my review of the final season here!
Thanks!]

For other works with Robert Foxworth, please visit my reviews of:
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
Transformers
Six Feet Under
“Paradise Lost” - Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
“Homefront” - Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

4.5/10

For other Star Trek episode and movie reviews, please visit my Star Trek Review Index Page!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Midnight Release Party Snack! Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate Bar!

The Good: An interesting mix of peanuts and chocolate, High quality, Does not melt easily
The Bad: A bit expensive, More peanut than peanut butter flavored.
The Basics: The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate Bars are an interesting alternative to sweet treats like Reese’s Peanut Butter cups and are a high quality way to get a chocolate/peanut fix!


As fans of the franchise queue up for the DVD/Blu-Ray release of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (reviewed here!), it’s a good idea to bring a snack! Tonight, the snack I’m recommending is the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate bar. Representing Panem District 6 is the “Transportation” Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate bar. This chocolate bar is good, but calls to mind an argument I made when reviewing the Lindt Peanut Butter Lindor Truffles (reviewed here!): if you’re going to make something that tastes like a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup, you have to work real hard to justify charging quite a bit more.

The Wild Ophelia Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate Bars do not suffer from that same conceit; they do not attempt to mimic the popular, inexpensive Reese’s/Hershey’s product. Instead, Wild Ophelia makes a distinctive, solid candy bar with minimal peanut butter and more broken up pieces of peanuts. That might make it more like a Mr. Goodbar or a Crunchy Peanut Butter Cup, but the distinction is enough to take note of. Those looking for a blend of chocolate and peanut butter are likely to be more disappointed than those looking for an incredible combination of milk chocolate and peanuts.

Basics

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate Bar is a solid milk chocolate bar with peanut chunks embedded in it (visible and felt on the bottom, which is more textured than most of the Wild Ophelia bars) from Wild Ophelia. Each 2 oz. chocolate bar is wrapped in a cardboard wrapper indicating that it is from District 6. Inside the cardboard case is a thick metallic plastic wrapper (with a seam resembling a Pop Tart more than a chocolate bar). The actual chocolate bar is 4 1/2” long by 2 13/16” wide by 1/4” thick. The bar has no identifying marks or logos on it, but it is segmented to make three 1 1/2” wide by 2 13/16” long bars. The top features ribbing that give the bar a very Art Deco look that is identical to all of the other The Hunger Games: Catching Fire bars I was able to find.

The chocolate is not at all waxy, but it is softer than some of the other Wild Ophelia bars. Individually, the bars are found in the $3.99 range, which is expensive, though I found mine on clearance for $2.99. They are expensive compared to other chocolate and peanut candies, though they taste like they are made with better chocolate and real peanuts!

Ease Of Preparation

Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate bars are chocolate, not making your own peanut butter with peanuts you’ve grown yourself! Preparing them is as easy as unwrapping the candy bar. Because the chocolate is a premium chocolate product, I recommend eating this a little at a time, not just biting right into the bar.

Taste

The Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate chocolate bar smells delightfully like both sweet chocolate and peanut butter. The Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate bars have an aroma that is very natural (the peanuts smell like peanuts, not like the inside of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – there is a difference!) and the chocolate scent foreshadows the flavor wonderfully.

On the tongue, the flavor of peanuts and peanut butter dominates. The Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate chocolate bar has an instantly nutty flavor, cut by the sweet, rich chocolate flavor of the chocolate coating. Interestingly, the chocolate coating keeps the nut flavor from being overly dry, so these chocolate bars carry a very true peanut and peanut butter flavor, without having a salty or dry aspect to it. This allows the buttery flavor of peanuts to blend with the chocolate flavor in a very organic way, as opposed to having the two flavors competing in the mouth.

The The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate bar has a sweet aftertaste that endures on the tongue for about thirty seconds.

Nutrition

Wild Ophelia makes their fine chocolates with quality ingredients, which is arguably why they range in price in the real world and online anywhere from $2.99 - $10/bar! With the primary ingredients being milk chocolate (41% cacao), peanut butter, and dry roasted runner peanuts, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate bars are a candy bar, not a legitimate source of nutrition needed to survive. Because they use real peanuts they have a little more in the way of calories than some of the other Wild Ophelia bars. Wild Ophelia uses natural ingredients and organic ingredients where possible; none of the ingredients are unpronounceable. In a 1 ounce serving (which is unfortunate because the seams make the bar breakable into thirds, not halves!), there are 160 calories, 100 of which are from fat. This represents 17% of one’s RDA of fat (29% of the RDA of saturated fat). Each bar has 25 mg of Sodium and 3 grams of protein. There is a smattering of Calcium (4% RDA), Iron (10% RDA) and Magnesium (6% RDA), but no other vitamins and minerals. In other words, this is not a snack to try to survive on.

While the bars are all natural with no artificial ingredients and have no preservatives, they do contain soy, peanuts, and milk. As well, there is an allergy warning for tree nuts, peanuts, sesame seeds, milk, wheat, and soy. Obviously, with the milk, these The Hunger Games: Catching Fire bars are not Vegan-compliant, though they are Gluten-free.

Storage/Clean-Up

Because the chocolate is soft, as most milk chocolate is, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate bars are somewhat susceptible to heat. These should be kept cool in order to not melt. As long as they are kept cool and dry, these bars will last almost a year (the one I picked up at the beginning of the week would have lasted until August 26, 2014, had I not consumed it already).

Clean-up is easy, so long as the chocolate does not melt. The Wild Ophelia Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate bars have wrappers that ought to be properly disposed of, but otherwise, the chocolate washes off skin and non-porous surfaces. It the chocolate melts onto fabric, consult a fabric guide.

Overall

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crunchy Runner Peanuts In Peanut Butter And Milk Chocolate Bar is good and actually fills the consumer up, but it’s not an extraordinary option for the price, making it a slightly tougher sell than some other chocolate and peanut/peanut butter candies.

For other Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire candy bars, please check out my reviews of:
District 12 Mining Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate Bars
District 5 Power Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate Bar
District 7 Lumber Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate Bar
District 10 Livestock Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bars
District 3 Technology Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bars

6.5/10

For more chocolate reviews, please check out my Chocolate Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Undermining Itself With Age: The Chief O’Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform Figure Is Not Playmates’s Finest!

The Good: Good sculpt, Good coloring, Decent variety of accessories.
The Bad: Accessory coloring, Very overproduced, Very bland facial expression, Lacks skin depth and shading, Poor balance, Inability to hold some accessories.
The Basics: The Chief O’Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform was an initially fair figure that has since degraded some.


When it comes to Star Trek: Deep Space Nine action figures, I was initially incredibly biased toward them: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine was my favorite series in the Star Trek franchise and when Playmates Toys started the figure line, I was very excited. Unfortunately, when the second line of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine figures was announced by Playmates, I was preemptively disappointed (with just cause). Most of the figures in the line were not original; they were reworks of previously-released Star Trek: Deep Space Nine action figures and few of those recycled figures were of interest to me. One of the few I did get enthusiastic for was the Chief O’Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform. The reason I got excited for that figure was that Playmates had released the StarFleet Officers Collectors Set and I was augmenting the display piece with figures in their Dress Uniforms that were not included in the Collectors Set.

Chief O'Brien, for those who were not tuned in to Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (reviewed here!), was the Chief Of Operations and the only enlisted regular of space station Deep Space Nine. And while every other Star Trek series has had a miracle worker chief engineer, O'Brien was the Chief Of Operations on Deep Space Nine and the Chief Engineer on the U.S.S. Defiant. This was a big step up for him as he was a transporter chief on the U.S.S. Enterprise on Star Trek: The Next Generation. The Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform figure features O'Brien as he appeared in special episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, most notably “Data’s Day” (released here!) and “Rejoined” (reviewed here!).

Basics

The Star Trek: Deep Space Nine 1995 Collection of action figures contained twelve figures and it was largely made up of guest characters and obscure variants of the command crew of Deep Space Nine. Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform is the human officer, looking just as he did when he was forced to dress up for important events. O'Brien appears in his second release figure (there were two O’Briens in the second line) as an pretty generic gold-uniformed StarFleet officer in Dress Uniform. He is attired in his gold and black StarFleet Dress uniform. This was one of the most common action figures in the assortment and it remains fairly easy to find even now. Still, card collectors helped keep this from being a complete pegwarmer as it features a SkyBox pog exclusive to the action figure, which made it hunted by trading card collectors as well.

The Chief O'Brien figure is the human StarFleet officer as he appeared in the infrequent episodes where O’Brien wore the Dress Uniform, with the yellow uniform and with a head of curly hair. Chief O'Brien is attired in his mustard yellow (for Engineering division) Dress Uniform. The outfit is colored appropriately, including the single open gold/black rank pip on the collar, though there is no physical distinction between the body of this O’Brien and the Data and Geordi in Dress Uniform figures (save the pips).

Standing four and thirteen-sixteenths inches tall, this is a decent likeness of Chief O'Brien immortalized in plastic. The character is molded with his hands ready to hold most of his accessories in a half-closed position. His legs have a fairly straight-legged stance, so this figure stands up and looks like he is ready to be displayed, as opposed to an action pose which made some of the earlier Star Trek figures more problematic for posing in displays. Chief O'Brien has poor balance off his stand, though on the stand, it strangely remains just stable enough to stand. There is a decent level of uniform detailing, including the communicator pin on the chest being both molded into the figure and then painted on. The sculpted details include such finer details as fingernails, but not knuckles.

Chief O'Brien's face is molded in a bland, neutral expression that includes an characteristically furrowed brow. The hair is tough to capture for an O'Brien figure as O'Brien had curly hair, but Playmates made a fair go at it with a wavy, textured look to the molded hair. At least it doesn't look like O'Brien is wearing a helmet.

The paint job is fair at best, especially for the face. The skin tones are monotonal white with no shading or subtlety. The figure's lips are unpainted. As well, O'Brien's eyes are black with white pupils, which is disturbing. On the body of the figure, the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine figures seem to have been rushed to market as there is nothing truly unique with this figure. As well, the bottoms of the pants lack the piping detail the actual uniform had.

As the figure has aged an issue has surfaced; the O’Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform was made of two different types of plastic. As a result, the torso and chest piece of the figure has remained mustard yellow, while the softer arms of the figure have a yellow that has discolored to olive green. That is a problem for fans and collectors.

Accessories

Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform comes with six accessories, including the base, some of which are unique to this figure. Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform comes with a StarFleet Type 1 phaser, a StarFleet carrying case, Pattern Enhancer, Cello and boy and the base. The Action base is a StarFleet delta shield symbol with the name "O'BRIEN" stuck on it with a cheap, black sticker. The center of the base has a peg which fits into the hole in either of Chief O'Brien's feet! When Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform stands flatfooted on the stand, he is stable for balance and has a decent, neutral display appearance. The base is not enough to support O'Brien in more outlandish poses, though the figure’s lack of flexibility and articulation to the legs does not allow him to be placed in more than one pose for all intents and purposes.

The StarFleet phaser was a reworked Type I phaser accessory. This version was a 2 3/16" long prop which features the handheld beam weapon with a bright pink phaser beam emitting from it. The phaser has good molded details, down to the different buttons and a display screen, but is light on the coloring details. In addition to not having a black grip, the phaser does not have detailing on the buttons or power indicator, so it is homogeneously silver to the beam, then monotonally pink. O'Brien's hands are molded so he may carry the weapon in either hand, though it is such a clumsy grip that it ends up being wielded more like a sword than a phaser weapon.

The StarFleet carrying case is a tube that may be slung nicely over the shoulder of the O’Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform figure. The tube was 1” long and 1/2” in diameter. It had a thin strap that makes the overall carrying case 2” tall. This is a monotonal red/maroon accessory with a white StarFleet logo silk screened onto it. Outside its coloring, it fits the figure perfectly.

The pattern enhancer is based on the prop used in episodes like “Power Play” (reviewed here!). It is a 2 1/2" tall pole that ends in four feet. It looks much like a model of the Seattle Space Needle with feet. This is a bulkier and less tall version of the actual prop, though it is recognizable for what it is.

The cello and bow are a wonderful accessory for this particular figure; O’Brien played his cello while wearing the Dress Uniform in “Data’s Day.” The bow is a 1 7/8” long stick with a gap in it. The rounded grip fits in O’Brien’s left hand, but the figure lacks the articulation necessary to make it look like O’Brien is actually playing the cello. The cello is a 2 3/4” oversized violin (it lacks the stick at the bottom that cellos have to keep them off the ground). The body of the cello is textured to look like wood, but the accessory is cast entirely in an unrealistic red/maroon plastic.

This is the unfortunate aspect of all four of Chief O'Brien's accessories; they are molded in an unrealistic maroon/red plastic which looks unlike what any of the props looked like on the show. Clearly Playmates went through some effort to sculpt the accessories realistically, but the coloring minimizes the sense of realism and clashes with the coloring of the figure. Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform is over-accessorized and with the lame coloring of the accessories, it is a bit of a drawback for the overall figure.

Even so, Playmates included a pog trading card unique to the figure from SkyBox which attracted trading card collectors to this figure in addition to toy collectors. The trading card has a shot of O’Brien’s head over the wormhole. The back has a simple checklist of the figures that came with pogs.

Playability

Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform continued a generally high level quality from Playmates and he was quite good at the time, pleasing collectors and fans alike. Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform is appropriately stiff, but has decent poseability. Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform is endowed with eleven points of articulation (though the articulation at the groin socket is minimal – only about ten degrees each way of range of motion): knees, groin socket, biceps, elbows, shoulders, and neck. All of the joints, save the elbows and knees, are simple swivel joints. As a result, the neck turns left to right, but the head cannot nod. Similarly, the shoulders are not ball and socket joints and only rotate. Still, Playmates dealt with this limitation by having a swivel joint in the bicep, that allows everything below to turn and offers real decent poseability!

Moreover, for use with actual play, Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform may bend or extend at the elbows, which offers a greater amount of movement potential making him one of the more realistic Star Trek action figures to play with (for those who actually play with these toys!). On his base, Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform is exceptionally stable, though the legs do not move enough to offer real posing variety. Off the stand, the figure falls over exceptionally easily.

Collectibility

Playmates overproduced the second wave of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine figures and Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform was a slow seller of the assortment. Despite appearing on two Star Trek series, Chief O'Brien was still a pegwarmer. As a result, he has not appreciated at all in value since his initial release almost twenty years ago.

That said, at least Playmates tried to make the figures collectible. Each figure has an individual number on the bottom of his right foot. In the attempt to make them appear limited, they had numbers stamped on them, though one has to seriously wonder how limited something should be considered when there are at least 56000 figures out there (my Chief O'Brien is #055495!).

Overview

The Chief O'Brien In StarFleet Dress Uniform figure was an unfortunately problematic figure in terms of grip and accessory coloring, but it has aged poorly with the arms discoloring, lowering its overall value in the long run.

For other figures from this same series of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine figures, please check out my reviews of:
Commander Benjamin Sisko In StarFleet Dress Uniform
Chief Miles Edward O’Brien In StarFleet Duty Uniform
Lieutenant Thomas Riker
Doctor Julian Bashir In StarFleet Duty Uniform
Jake Sisko
Rom and Nog
The Tosk
Q
Vedek Bareil

4/10

For other toy reviews, please visit my Toy Review Index Page for an organized listing.

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Countdown Continues: Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate Bars!

The Good: Embodies all of the promised flavors perfectly, High quality, Does not melt easily
The Bad: Pricy.
The Basics: The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate Bars are perfect. Period.


I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I like when companies try to be ambitious and make flavorful foods that I might like, even when I am disappointed when they do not attain their goal. So, when a company scales back on something they might have presented ambitiously and failed at, but succeed with the scaled back version, I try to give credit where credit is due. As I have been doing daily reviews of Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire candy bars (oh no, I’m about to run out!), as my own little celebration leading up to Friday’s DVD/Blu-Ray release of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (reviewed here!), I have occasionally found myself disappointed by a bar that promises a complex flavor, but does not live up on all fronts. So, it is with quite a bit of excitement and legitimate praise that I come to today’s bar, the Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate bar. Representing Katniss’s own Panem District 12 is the Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate bar. That chocolate bar tastes exactly as it is supposed to with its flavors of chocolate and salt.

The Wild Ophelia Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate Bars are my fifth experience with Wild Ophelia chocolate bars and these premium chocolate bars are pricier than many other candy bars, but on par with other premium chocolate bars and given how well these live up to their promised flavor, they are priced appropriately. The bars that represent District 12 in Panem are a flavorful blend of sweet, creamy chocolate and exciting-on-the-tongue salt!

Basics

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate Bar is a solid milk chocolate bar from Wild Ophelia. Each 2 oz. chocolate bar is wrapped in a cardboard wrapper indicating that it is from District 7. Inside the cardboard case is a thick metallic plastic wrapper (with a seam resembling a Pop Tart more than a chocolate bar). The actual chocolate bar is 4 1/2” long by 2 13/16” wide by 1/4” thick. The Bar has no identifying marks or logos on it, but it is segmented to make three 1 1/2” wide by 2 13/16” long bars. The top features ribbing that give the bar a very Art Deco look that is distinctive.

The chocolate is not at all waxy, but it is softer than other Wild Ophelia bars I have tried so far. Individually, the bars are found in the $3.99 range, which is expensive, though I found mine on clearance for $2.99. For those who like the gourmet combination of chocolate and salt, this is well worth the price (especially compared to other niche chocolates).

Ease Of Preparation

Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate bars are chocolate, not mining salt with one’s bare hands! Preparing them is as easy as unwrapping the candy bar. Because the chocolate is a premium chocolate product, I recommend eating this a little at a time, not just biting right into the bar.

Taste

The Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate chocolate bar smells solely of chocolate. The Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate bars smell only like the creamy, sweet chocolate they are supposed to and that prepares the consumer well for the taste experience!

The Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate chocolate bar is sweet and delightful, a perfect embodiment of milk chocolate. The smooth, sweet, milk chocolate flavor coats the tongue in a pleasant, inviting way and then cedes to the recognizable, strangely complimentary flavor of salt. The blends with the creamy sweetness of chocolate before evaporating on the tongue . . . leaving only a sweet aftertaste in its wake.

The The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate bar has a sweet aftertaste that endures on the tongue for about a minute after the salt flavor has dissipated and it is delightful.

Nutrition

Wild Ophelia makes their fine chocolates with quality ingredients, which is arguably why they range in price in the real world and online anywhere from $2.99 - $10/bar! With the primary ingredients being milk chocolate (41% cacao) and pink Himalayan salt, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate bars are a candy bar, not a legitimate source of nutrition needed to survive. That said, Wild Ophelia uses natural ingredients and organic ingredients where possible; none of the ingredients are unpronounceable. In a 1 ounce serving (which is unfortunate because the seams make the bar breakable into thirds, not halves!), there are 150 calories, 110 of which are from fat. This represents 19% of one’s RDA of fat (38% of the RDA of saturated fat). Each bar has 50 mg of Sodium and 2 grams of protein. There is a smattering of Calcium (2% RDA), Iron (20% RDA) and Magnesium (15% RDA), but no other vitamins and minerals. In other words, this is not a snack to try to survive on.

While the bars are all natural with no artificial ingredients and have no preservatives, they do contain soy and milk. As well, there is an allergy warning for tree nuts, peanuts, sesame seeds, milk, wheat, and soy. Obviously, with the milk, these The Hunger Games: Catching Fire bars are not Vegan-compliant, though they are Gluten-free.

Storage/Clean-Up

Because the chocolate is soft, as most milk chocolate is, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate bars are fairly susceptible to heat. These should be kept cool in order to not melt. As long as they are kept cool and dry, these bars will last almost a year (the one I picked up yesterday would have lasted until August 29, 2014, had I not consumed it already).

Clean-up is easy, so long as the chocolate does not melt. The Wild Ophelia Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate bars have wrappers that ought to be properly disposed of, but otherwise, the chocolate washes off skin and non-porous surfaces. It the chocolate melts onto fabric, consult a fabric guide.

Overall

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Mined Salt And Milk Chocolate Bar is an arguably unimaginative flavor of chocolate bar (but hey, District 12 is simple, dirty, and poor, so a gourmet bar would hardly make sense, right?), but Wild Ophelia perfectly nails the flavors it promises to with it, making it an unlikely perfect candy bar worth every penny!

For other Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire candy bars, please check out my reviews of:
District 5 Power Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate Bar
District 7 Lumber Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate Bar
District 10 Livestock Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bars
District 3 Technology Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bars

10/10

For more chocolate reviews, please check out my Chocolate Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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A Paradigm Shift Or Preposterous? “T.A.H.I.T.I.”

The Good: Engaging story, Decent acting, Good effects
The Bad: Light on character development, Big Moral Decision is something of a no-brainer.
The Basics: While supposed to be significant for telling the story of how the Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. try to save Skye’s life, “T.A.H.I.T.I.” is notable truly for finally, conclusively, revealing how Coulson’s resurrection was attained for the series.


If one were to believe the hype, the latest episode of Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., “T.A.H.I.T.I.,” is the episode where the Marvel cinematic universe will indelibly change and viewers will finally get the television show that they were teased with all along. That’s hype for you; Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. has struggled to find its footing with fans for many reasons, not the least of which is that the show has been taking its time getting to its point and purpose. Many Marvel fans seemed to hope that Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. might be like The X-Files (reviewed here!) or the bottle episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (reviewed here!) where the “alien/demon Of The Week” was replaced with a Recognizable Marvel Villain Of The Week. Alas, for the fans, though; Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been incredibly slow to commit to a-listers. To be clear, the appearance of a-list actor Samuel L. Jackson for a cameo in “0-8-4” (reviewed here!) was very cool, but while Jackson is an a-list actor, his Marvel Universe character of Nick Fury has, at best, been a second string, cameo character as opposed to an integral member of any film in which his character has appeared.

So, as viewers eagerly await the cinematic release of Captain America: The Winter Soldier and see if there is any crossover with Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., the narrative picks back up with “T.A.H.I.T.I.” “T.A.H.I.T.I.” picks up almost immediately after “T.R.A.C.K.S.” (reviewed here!) and given the way “T.R.A.C.K.S.” leaves one character near death, it is impossible to discuss “T.A.H.I.T.I.” without some references to “T.R.A.C.K.S.,” though “T.A.H.I.T.I.” manages to follow up without continuing the exciting Deathlok arc of the prior episode.

With Skye dying and S.H.I.E.L.D.’s nearest doctors unable to help, Agent Coulson pulls May off beating the captured villain, Ian Quinn, to fly the plane to Bethesda for the S.H.I.E.L.D. doctors who resurrected him. With three fighter planes threatening to bring The Bus down, S.H.I.E.L.D. has Agent John Garrett rendezvousing with the plane-based headquarters. Simmons and Fitz make a troubling discovery as the plane heads to Bethesda; Coulson’s resurrection was not done at a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility and none of the doctors listed in the official S.H.I.E.L.D. report on the incident actually exist. Under interrogation from Garrett and Coulson, Quinn admits that the Clairvoyant for whom he works could not see how Coulson was resurrected and he was ordered to shoot Skye in order to force S.H.I.E.L.D.’s hand.

Using S.H.I.E.L.D. archives, Fitz and Simmons discover the non-S.H.I.E.L.D. facility known as the Guest House where Coulson’s operation took place. With Garrett, Coulson, Ward and Fitz infiltrate the Guest House where the two operatives left in the bunker resist the S.H.I.E.L.D. team’s entrance. Trapped in the Guest House with a failsafe detonator preparing to eliminate all evidence of the facility, Garrett and Ward work to disarm the bunker’s bomb while Coulson and Fitz look for the wonder drug GH-325, which should regenerate Skye’s damaged tissue. When Coulson sees part of the Guest House labeled T.A.H.I.T.I., he goes into a trance and is convinced that GH-325 is dangerous to Skye.

One of the problems with “T.A.H.I.T.I.” is how the episode fits into the larger Marvel mythos and Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.; the emotional resonance of the episode hinges entirely on the viewer caring about Skye. Given that Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a direct follow-up to larger-than-life Marvel Universe-based movies, where Presidents lives are in the balance, extradimensional beings attack Earth and threaten the multiverse and creatures are created who wipe out large sections of major cities, Skye is not only a minor character, but a troublingly unlikable/insignificant one. The prior thirteen episodes of Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. may have put some focus on Skye, but they have failed to make the viewer truly care about her. She’s in the show for obvious sex appeal, but her character is erratic and not in a compelling or interesting way like, for example, Spike from the Buffyverse. In other words, “T.A.H.I.T.I.” hinges on putting Coulson in a position to make an unenviable decision; save Skye and give the Clairvoyant what he needs or let her die and throw the Clairvoyant off his game.

In a world where so many huge events have been seen and villains like the Abomination, Mandarin, and Loki exist, the idea of empowering an adversary like the Clairvoyant who seems to have equal resources to S.H.I.E.L.D. and some superhuman abilities is a no-brainer for an intelligence or military-like organization like S.H.I.E.L.D. Despite Skye being a mysterious 084 case and Coulson and Ward having some protective instinct toward her, the trade off is not a fair one; if the Clairvoyant has motivated most of the action that has preceded “T.A.H.I.T.I.” in Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. one non-agent’s life is a fair trade to keep the villain from getting empowered.

“T.A.H.I.T.I.” actually, finally, answers the first season’s initial mystery of how Agent Coulson was resurrected in a straightforward, complete way. Those who suspected (reasonably, given all the clues prior to “The Magical Place”) that Coulson was a S.H.I.E.L.D. Life Model Decoy are likely to only experience a moment’s disappointment after the truth is finally revealed in “T.A.H.I.T.I.” In fact, the only thing that doesn’t truly make sense about how S.H.I.E.L.D. resurrected Coulson is the speed at which they synthesized the drugs needed to do so.

On the character front, “T.A.H.I.T.I.” continues the deep friendship between Coulson and May, but does little else other than introduce a potential future love interest for Simmons and create more backstory for Ward and Coulson through the introduction of the character Garrett. Like Victoria Hand before him, Garrett is brought on as a guest character in a way that instantly generates backstory and some sense of conflict without having an enduring effect on the S.H.I.E.L.D. team we watch week after week. In other words, those hoping Bill Paxton’s Garrett might get a spin-off would really be stretching for it.

That said, Bill Paxton does a decent job of forcefully entering the Marvel Cinematic Universe as Garrett and Garrett’s chief lieutenant, Agent Triplett, is ably played by B.J. Britt (albeit with a very rushed seeded romance line and a somewhat preposterous fight sequence with Ward). The main cast does well with “T.A.H.I.T.I.,” though there are no truly exceptional single performances. To be fair, it’s not That Kind Of Episode; the emotional context for the episode is pretty much out of the way by the end of the first act and the episode becomes a race against time that does not offer much in the way of time for character reflection.

In fine Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. tradition, “T.A.H.I.T.I.” hits its climax a little early, offers a brief moment of introspection and then uses the last few minutes to set up the next big arc. But those hoping for an a-list hero to aid the team against the villain who pops up for the final minutes will remain disappointed. But that’s for next week . . .

On its own, “T.A.H.I.T.I.” may not solve all the prior problems of Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., but it does present an exciting race against time story that definitively answers lingering questions from the outset of the series and pushes the overall story arc of Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. forward in an interesting-enough way to make one want to tune in again.

For other works with Bill Paxton, please visit my reviews of:
Haywire
Titanic
Aliens
The Terminator

[Knowing that single episodes are an inefficient way to get episodes, it's worth looking into Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. - The Complete First Season on DVD or Blu-Ray, which is also a better economical choice than buying individual episodes. Read my review of the debut season here!
Thanks!]

7/10

For other television reviews, please visit my Television Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Indistinct Joni: Taming The Tiger Disappoints The Listener

The Good: Moments of vocals, Moments of lyrics
The Bad: Songs blend together, Mitchell's voice is mumbly and unimpressive, Most music, Overproduced
The Basics: In the course of my review, I trundle out of denial to admit that Joni Mitchell made a real lemon with Taming The Tiger.


There's a disappointing quality to some of the Joni Mitchell works I've been listening to of late; the way she began to overproduce some of her works in the late-1990s, for example. And when I put Taming The Tiger on my high rotation play to be able to write about it, I suddenly discovered that Mitchell's works were truly disappointing me. After seven listens to Taming The Tiger - the eighth spinning of the disc is happening as I write this review - I realized I couldn't say what exactly I had heard. I've listened to this album over and over again and not one track has stood out, not one line, not one lyric.

With Taming The Tiger, Joni Mitchell presents an overproduced, melancholy album that blends from one track to another into an indistinct musical mess.

With eleven tracks clocking in at 44:19, Taming The Tiger was produced by Mitchell and she wrote all of the songs and sings the primary vocals on all of the tracks. As well, she plays the bass, keyboards and percussion. She is presented as the album's mixer, co-art director and arranger as well. This represents another very pure vision of the singer-songwriter's musical and lyrical intent. This means that Mitchell bears the responsibility for the results.

And it's a boring album. The tracks generally sound like one another, the lyrics are nowhere near as distinct or interesting as her prior albums and there is nothing new on this album that pops and informs the listener that Mitchell still has something to say.

The strong point for Joni Mitchell's prior albums has been her lyrics. On Taming The Tiger, Mitchell seems bored with writing and presents some of the most disappointing and repetitive lyrics of any of her albums. Take, for example, the album's title track. After a few indistinct lines, the song degenerates into multiple repetitions of just "Tiger tiger burning bright / Nice kitty, kitty / (Boring!)" (Taming The Tiger). And the way the song is presented, all that can truly be heard is "tiger tiger" and "kitty kitty" and it is just wrenchingly dull to the ears.

Unlike prior albums, Taming The Tiger is not a collection of musical stories. Instead, this is a philosophical album with Mitchell presenting her thoughts on love ("Love Puts On A New Face," "Face Lift"), changes in friendship ("Stay In Touch"), and the failure to deal with the consequences of history ("No Apologies"). The songs generally lack the innovative poetics and high level of diction usually associated with Joni Mitchell's poetic works.

Take, for example, "Lead Balloon," which does manage to use the word "kowtow" (which she spells "cowtow"). The title is repeated twenty five times. What is worse is that "lead" is repeated an additional thirty-two times! It's repetitive and indistinct and it is boring to listen to in a way I never would have suspected Mitchell could sink to. But believe me, after one hears "lead balloon" sung with repetition and a disturbing lack of enthusiasm, the word "mind-numbing" becomes the best one may say about it.

In fact, on the entire album, the only line that stands out is ". . . Love takes so much courage / Love takes so much shit" ("Face Lift"). Unfortunately, even that line is undermined by what comes after it, song dialogue that rhymes that line with "Snap out of it" and it just makes even "Face Lift" seem like the songwriter was bored while writing it.

Part of the problem with the lyrics on Taming The Tiger is the presentation of them. Mitchell abandons her previous soprano range for vocals that are entirely in the alto and tenor range. Mitchell has the ability to sing with a smoky quality that instantly evokes sultry nightclubs and genuine passion. On Taming The Tiger, that is not evident.

Instead, Mitchell mumbles through "Harlem In Havana" and "Life On Mars." She fails to sing in front of her own production on "Love Puts On A New Face," "Face Life," and "My Best To You." She is drown out by her own percussion and instrumentals on virtually every song and the only song that has a truly comprehensible lyric is "Lead Balloon," with its repetitive refrain and its opening of "Kiss my ass!"

Mitchell does not challenge the listener to hear anything different in her performance than what she has given us on prior albums in the past and this disappointing lack of range and musical vision. Instead, she sings with an understated quality that exists entirely in the lower ranges of the voice and she blends her voice with the keyboards and bass so it is even harder to understand what she is singing. This is especially troubling on "No Apologies" where she mumbles and hits her pitch almost precisely on the same places as the keyboards.

In other words, when Mitchell isn't mumbling her way through her own lyrics, she is producing the vocals into the music in a way that blends them so that the experience is more inarticulate than anything else.

Musically, Taming The Tiger is a light rock/jazz sound that blends one track to another in a way that makes it difficult to differentiate one track from another. In fact, the only song that has any distinction musically is the beginning of "Harlem In Havana" and it did not take me long before I realized that the reason that sounded familiar to me was that it begins sounding like "Jolene" off Janis Ian's God And The F.B.I. (reviewed here!).

Here's the thing, Taming The Tiger has gone over into a ninth spinning as I've tried to articulate my thoughts for this review and the truth that I've been avoiding - and was prepared to deny in my ultimate rating - is that this is a terrible album. As the ninth listen comes to a close and I type faster to try to avoid hearing this album again, I realize that I dread the thought that I might have to. This is narcolepsy-inducing music and truth be told, my desire to rate it at a 4 is just denial of that fact.

None of the lyrics pop and if they did, the vocals are so garbled and mumbled through and produced over that the only ones that come through are the over-repeated ones. The instrumentals are dull and similar track-to-track and are virtually all slow and carry a melancholy weight to them and it's a boring album. Joni Mitchell has done better and anyone who wants to hear and enjoy her works would do best to avoid this outing.

Ultimately, I could not even figure a single track from this album that might appear on a "Greatest Hits" anthology if ever her entire body of work were anthologized. That's how indistinct these songs are and how disappointing this slow, cumbersome album is.

The best track might be the instrumental finale, "Tiger Bones." The album is pretty homogeneously dull, though.

For other works by Joni Mitchell, please visit my reviews of:
Song To A Seagull
Ladies Of The Canyon
Blue
Turbulent Indigo

2/10

For other music reviews, please check out my Music Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014, 2008 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Great Chocolate, Underwhelming Bar: Catching Fire Release Week Continues With Wild Ophelia’s Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate Bar!

The Good: Amazing dark chocolate flavor, Wonderful quality, Does not melt easily
The Bad: Unfortunately weak additive flavor, Fairly expensive.
The Basics: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate Bars from Wild Ophelia are an interesting idea that is executed without enough of the promised additive to make it worth picking up.


Friday’s DVD release of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (reviewed here!) is rapidly approaching and I feel lucky to have stocked up on Wild Ophelia’s The Hunger Games: Catching Fire candy bars. I think it’s important to say up front in my review of Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire District 5 Power Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate chocolate bars that for the problems that this candy bar has, the chocolate is not one of them. Wild Ophelia makes an exceptionally good, high-quality dark chocolate. The flavor of the dark chocolate in these bars is of a quality that almost justifies their price. Given how many other incredible dark chocolate bars Wild Ophelia and its parent company, Vosges Haut-Chocolat, make, it is not worth spending a dime on a chocolate bar from the company that does not live up to its promised unique flavor. Unfortunately, Wild Ophelia’s bar with Caramel Corn does not do that.

The Wild Ophelia Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate Bars are good chocolate, but a poor combination of the flavors.

Basics

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate Bar is a solid dark chocolate bar from Wild Ophelia. Each 2 oz. chocolate bar is wrapped in a cardboard wrapper indicating that it is from District 5. Inside the cardboard case is a thick metallic plastic wrapper (with a seam resembling a Pop Tart more than a chocolate bar). The actual chocolate bar is 4 1/2” long by 2 13/16” wide by 1/4” thick. The Bar has no identifying marks or logos on it, but it is segmented to make three 1 1/2” wide by 2 13/16” long bars. The top features ribbing that give the bar a very Art Deco look that is distinctive.

The chocolate is very dark and incredibly solid. Individually, the bars are found in the $3.99 range, which is expensive, though I found mine on clearance for $2.99. Given the quality of these bars, it is tough to call them too expensive.

Ease Of Preparation

Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate bars are chocolate, not finding food within the game arena in the Hunger Games! Preparing them is as easy as unwrapping the candy bar. Because the chocolate is pricy, at least for what it is, it should not be eaten in huge bites!

Taste

The Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate chocolate bar has a scent that is entirely dominated by the chocolate. The bar smells strongly of rich, dark, unsweetened chocolate. The bar smells exclusively of dark chocolate, but nothing close to caramel corn or popped corn.

On the tongue, Wild Ophelia creates an exceptionally good dark chocolate. The Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate chocolate bar is dark and rich and it must truly linger in the mouth for the chocolate to melt away. After it dissolves, there is a salty, muted flavor that is vaguely like caramel corn. There is not much of the familiar, delightful buttery flavor of caramel corn and while the amazing chocolate is great, the caramel corn is little more than a texture to the chocolate bar.

The The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate bar has a slightly bitter aftertaste that lingers on the tongue for about a minute after one is done consuming the bar. After that flavor fades, the sweetness of the caramel coating on the caramel corn brittle is evident again.

Nutrition

Wild Ophelia makes their fine chocolates with fine ingredients, which is arguably why they are so expensive. With the primary ingredients being dark chocolate (70% cacao), caramel corn brittle, and sea salt, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate bars are not bad, but they are candy. However, Wild Ophelia does use natural ingredients and organic ingredients where possible; none of the ingredients are unpronounceable. In a 1 ounce serving (which is odd because there is no easy way to break the bar into two equal pieces), there are 140 calories, 90 of which are from fat. This represents 16% of one’s RDA of fat (34% of the RDA of saturated fat). Each bar has 10 mg of Sodium and 2 grams of protein. There is a smattering of Calcium (2% RDA), Iron (15% RDA) and Magnesium (10% RDA), but no other vitamins and minerals. In other words, this is not a snack to try to survive on.

While the bars are all natural and have no preservatives, they do contain soy. As well, there is an allergy warning for tree nuts, peanuts, sesame seeds, milk, wheat, and soy, which implies that these The Hunger Games: Catching Fire bars are not Vegan-compliant. They are, however, Gluten Free.

Storage/Clean-Up

Because the chocolate is so hard, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate bars are not especially susceptible to heat. Still, these should be kept cool in order to not melt. With that in mind, as long as they are kept cool and dry, these will last almost a year (the one I picked up today would have lasted until August 26, 2014, had it not been consumed by my wife and I).

Clean-up is easy, so long as the chocolate does not melt. The Wild Ophelia Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate bars have wrappers that ought to be properly disposed of, but otherwise, the chocolate washes off skin and non-porous surfaces. It the chocolate melts onto fabric, consult a fabric guide.

Overall

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Crispy Crunchy Caramel Corn And Dark Chocolate Bar is hard to call a failure; it’s a tasty chocolate, but it does not live up to the promise of its multiple flavors. That makes for an expensive dark chocolate bar in cute packaging.

For other Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire candy bars, please check out my reviews of:
District 7 Lumber Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate Bar
District 10 Livestock Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bars
District 3 Technology Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bars

4/10

For more food reviews, please check out my Food Review Index Page!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Flight Meets Taken With Non-Stop

The Good: Decent acting, Good pacing
The Bad: Very familiar plot/character structure
The Basics: Liam Neeson and a strong supporting cast make the very familiar elements of Non-Stop into a cinematic experience that is nonetheless enjoyable.


I wonder how Liam Neeson feels about being an action hero at his age. Having watched Neeson establish himself on films like The Mission (reviewed here!) and Schindler’s List (reviewed here!), it seems interesting that he changed the direction of his career (or allowed it to be changed). With his latest film, Non-Stop, he is once again playing more of an action hero than a cerebral character. Non-Stop is smarter than most hostage dramas or action thrillers, but it does degenerate into a pretty typical action movie.

The most refreshing aspect of Non-Stop is actually in how conventional it actually is. Early in the film, it appears like Non-Stop will change into a painfully predictable psychological thriller; Non-Stop has a man using a Blackberry-style smartphone and the early clues make it seem like it might be Bill himself orchestrating the threat to the plane he is on. Fortunately, Non-Stop is not an aerial Hide And Seek (reviewed here!) and the hero is appropriately heroic and the villains of the movie actually make enough sense to have orchestrated the events surrounding Bill Marks and the transatlantic flight.

Bill Marks is aboard a non-stop flight to London, drinking, and stressed. He is seated next to Jen, who is an incredibly calm woman who switches to take a window seat. At 10:53 P.M., Bill gets a text message over the plane’s secure network. The message reveals that there is someone aboard the plane (as they reference Bill going into the bathroom and smoking) who wants $150 million transferred to a specific account or someone on the plane will die in twenty minutes. Marks has to reveal himself as an air marshal when the threat is made and he enlists Jen and the flight attendant, Nancy.

Watching the footage of the video cameras, Bill realizes that the other air marshal, Jack Hammond, is the one making the extortion attempt. Confronting him, Bill has to kill the other marshal in order to incapacitate him. The TSA Agent back in the U.S., Marenick, relieves Bill of duty and has the pilot take away his badge and gun when it seems that the text messages Bill received were from an account in his name. Reviewing Hammond’s phone, Marks realizes that Hammond was being extorted for a briefcase full of cocaine he was transporting. Regrouping, Bill, Nancy, and Jen search for the extortionist before they can kill again.

Non-Stop takes its time getting going. The film works to establish Bill Marks well before he is revealed to be an air marshal. He seems like just a strung-out alcoholic who hates flying and has a little bit of a temper. But once in the air and menaced, Marks becomes a surprisingly sober, methodical investigator and it is easy to empathize with him. The film has several of the genre conceits; the plucky sidekick (Jen) and the obvious element that needs protecting (there is a little girl on the flight who Marks helps calm down and actually get on the plane), but the idea that there is a conspiratorial network as opposed to a single villain plays out well in Non-Stop.

On the acting front, it’s hard not to be thrilled to see Corey Stoll in something new. Stoll was a breakout performer in the first season of House Of Cards (reviewed here!) and Non-Stop uses his ability to play irritated and somewhat tormented well, while still giving him the chance to go deeper as Austin Reilly. Director Jaume Collet-Serra might focus the camera on Stoll in ways that immediately arouse the audience’s suspicion, but Stoll does a decent job of making Reilly interesting-enough on his own.

The film’s leads, Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore are solid as Bill Marks and Jen Summers, respectively. Neeson does fine as Marks, but he does not give the viewer anything they have not seen from him before. Similarly, we’re used to seeing Julianne Moore as smart, perceptive, collected characters, so Summers is no stretch for her, either. That said, the two leads are smart and gracious enough to give the supporting actors Scoot McNairy, Anson Mount, Michelle Dockery (who adds the realistic human element in the form of Nancy the flight attendant), Nate Parker, and Lupita Nyong’o the chance to shine and make their minor characters have a similar amount of depth in the world of Non-Stop as the leads. All of the characters feel like they fit into the world as Non-Stop presents it and the actors have a lot to do with making the one-dimensional characters seem deeper.

Non-Stop is not a great film or an overly original thriller, but it uses the familiar conceits well and in a way that does not insult the viewer’s intelligence, which is refreshing for a February film release!

For other action films, please check out my reviews of:
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Never Say Never Again
16 Blocks

6.5/10

For other film reviews, please check out my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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A Quality Treat, Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences Could Have Been Perfect . . .

The Good: Tastes good, Good ingredients, Reasonably priced for a premium frozen dessert.
The Bad: Not as flavorful as chocolate lovers might want for a product that promises three chocolates
The Basics: Breyers Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences is delicious, but sweeter and creamier than it is true to a Triple Chocolate flavor.


Recently, my wife had a day where she needed a real pick-me-up. She decided to have a night off her healthy diet and with the potato chips and cheeses she decided to indulge in, she was won over by the appearance in our local grocery store of the new Breyers premium line of Gelato Indulgences. She selected the Triple Chocolate Gelato as her first and it had the desired effect; sharing it raised her spirits and it made for a good shared experience. Objectively, though, the frozen dessert treat is easily robbed of perfection by the quality of the chocolate shavings on the top of the gelato and the weakness of one of the three chocolates it possesses.

Breyers’s Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences is a fairly simple Gelato frozen dessert with a white chocolatey swirl and shavings of white/milk chocolate. It is flavorful, but the chocolate flavor is not as robust as one might hope, even from a gelato.

Basics

Breyers Gelato Indulgences comes in a resealable plastic container, just a little smaller than a half gallon. The Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences is a smooth, creamy Gelato: two basic Gelato flavors mixed with chocolate shavings and a weak white chocolatey swirl that is, at best, generically sweet. At (locally) $4.99 a half container, the Breyers Gelato Indulgences is an affordable premium Gelato. This is a good frozen dairy dessert, if not a truly great one.

Ease Of Preparation

Breyers Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences is a very basic frozen dessert. As a Gelato Indulgences, preparation is ridiculously simple: one need only open the top of the container, scoop out a half cup and consume! There is no trick to preparing or eating the Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences.

Taste

The Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences smells like chocolate and, interesting a liquor aroma. The scent is subtle, but chocolatey.

The Breyers Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences is essentially broken into two flavors. The white chocolatey sauce is generically sweet. The chocolate flakes are waxy and unremarkable. But, the dark chocolate side is milky, but dry and appropriately chocolatey. The chocolate flavor is dark, sweet and slightly dry, like one expects from dark chocolate. The milk chocolate side is much sweeter, milky chocolate in flavor and bearing a very sweet aftertaste.

Nutrition

The Breyers Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences is a very light, mostly smooth, Gelato Indulgences with a barely-noticeable swirl and a light covering of chocolate shavings. The28.5 fl. oz. container represents seven half-cup servings. In the half-cup serving, there are 160 calories, 60 of which are from fat. The seven grams of fat represent 11% of the RDA of fat, with 23% of one’s RDA of saturated fat coming in the 4.5 grams of saturated fat in this Gelato Indulgences. One serving has 15 mg of cholesterol (that’s 5% of the RDA!) and 70 mg of Sodium (3% RDA). The only other real nutrient is three grams of protein, though there is also 8% of the RDA of Calcium and Iron and 6% of the RDA of Vitamin A in the Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences.

Breyers has decent ingredients, too. Made primarily of Milk, White Chocolatey Sauce, and sugar, Triple Chocolate is a decent Gelato Indulgences! There is nothing unpronounceable in the ingredients list.

Storage/Clean-Up

Breyers Gelato Indulgences is both a frozen and a dairy product, so it is pretty obvious that it must be kept frozen in order to remain viable. Kept frozen it remains fresh for months (my half gallon had an expiration date of March 30, 2015).

The Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences is half light, opaque brown and half a brown so dark it looks almost like it is black and it will stain light clothing. When the Gelato Indulgences melts and gets onto fabrics, it will require one to wash it right out. On nonporous surfaces, the Gelato Indulgences wipes off exceptionally easily.

Overall

Breyers Triple Chocolate Gelato Indulgences is a good, flavorful Gelato that is light and chocolatey, but is not a flavorful as it should be in order to make it rise to the level of a truly indispensible premium dessert product.

For other Breyers frozen dairy desserts, be sure to visit my reviews of:
Blasts Banana Split ice cream
Carbsmart Vanilla ice cream
Oreo Cookies & Cream Mint Ice Cream

7/10

For other food reviews, please visit my Food Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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