Ugh, Camp! Space Jam Is A Ridiculous Sports/Science Fiction Film!

The Good: Performances are all right
The Bad: Silly live action/animation blends, No character development, Ridiculous plot
The Basics: Michael Jordan makes a big public relations push with Space Jam, which is an otherwise worthless movie.


My wife and I have very different tastes in movies, but one thing I have noticed is we both have some attachments to films that were very much a part of our respective childhoods. So, some of the movies I used to sell, rolling my eyes the entire time, when I was working at a department store in college are some of her childhood favorites. There are movies she loves that were released after the time it would have been age appropriate for them to garner my attention. I feel like Space Jam, which was beloved by the boy I babysat in high school and afterward, was one such film. Recently, my wife was on a nostalgia trip and had me watch it with her.

And wow, is it terrible! As rumors of Space Jam 2 abound, watching Space Jam might well be the best argument against making a sequel. While at the time, Space Jam might have played as an audacious sports comedy that blended live-action and animated components, it has aged poorly. Now, it stands as a pretty pathetic advertisement for Michael Jordan – not the person, so much as the brand. In Space Jam, Michael Jordan is a brand, a corporate entity and the film takes autobiographical elements of the famous basketball player’s life and combines them with a goofy story of space aliens. The thing is, from a branding perspective, Space Jam is troublingly brilliant. Instead of looking like a basketball player who had the arrogance to assume his talent naturally extended into other sports – namely baseball - Space Jam characterizes Michael Jordan as a man who became successful enough to follow his dreams, fail at them, and then return legitimately to doing the thing he loved and made him a superstar in the first place.

In deep space, the planet of Moron Mountain is run by Swackhammer. Swackhammer’s interstellar amusement park needs some new entertainment and he believes the Looney Tunes would ideal. He sets his henchmen, the Nerdlucks, to conscript Bugs Bunny and his pals to come work for him. The Nerdlucks are very small and Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, Sylvester the cat, and Daffy Duck are not at all threatened by them. In his arrogance, Bugs agrees to a competition against the Nerdlucks with the freedom of the Looney Tunes in the balance. Bugs Bunny chooses basketball.

When the competition is named, the Nerdlucks reveal their true powers. They begin absorbing the basketball talents of people like Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing and they grow to monstrous sizes. So menaced, Bugs Bunny turns to Michael Jordan for aid. Jordan, who is trying to seriously focus on his baseball career, is initially uninterested in creating a basketball team with the Looney Tunes. But, seeing his friends lose their skills, some cajoling from Bill Murray (who wants to play on the same team as Jordan) and the desire to avoid Stan Podolak lead Michael Jordan to put on the jersey again and return to basketball.

Space Jam is very much a kid’s movie. Children are the only ones likely to be at all surprised about the plot or character direction of Space Jam and not be insulted by the product promotion and blatant Brand Jordan feel of the film. Frankly, the film is insulting to sports fans, film aficionados, and black people. The stereotypes in Space Jam are troubling. The fictional representation of Michael Jordan is “keeping it real” with the urban demographic by having collard greens cooked for him by the lady of the house.

That said, the acting in Space Jam is not terrible. Bill Murray and the basketball players – including Michael Jordan – are essentially playing themselves, so they don’t have to stretch. But the live actors interface with the virtual characters flawlessly. The cartoon characters look utterly ridiculous in the real world (one suspects that Space Jam 2 would feature characters that have a CG feel to them), but the actors get their eyelines right for making it appear like they are actually interacting with the animated characters.

Ultimately, Space Jam was a sign of the times; Michael Jordan wanted to return to playing basketball and, after his very public retirement, he had to prove he was still a draw. Space Jam has him playing basketball against animated monsters and if he can take them, of course he can hold his own against humans. Groan.

For other films that mix live action and animated characters, please visit my reviews of:
Rock-A-Doodle
Looney Toons: Back In Action

2.5/10

For other film reviews, please visit my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing.

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Successful Niche Chocolate: Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate Bar!

The Good: Embodies all of the promised flavors, High quality, Does not melt easily
The Bad: Fairly expensive, The bar is hot, but not flavorful and the spiciness is very much a “love it or hate it” flavor.
The Basics: The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate Bars are spicy and delightful for capturing their niche flavor.


Today’s review related to the DVD/Blu-Ray release of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (reviewed here!) is another wonderful candy bar from Wild Ophelia! Representing Panem District 7 is the Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate bar. That chocolate bar falls very much into a niche that seems to be “love it or hate it;” spicy-hot candies. Like the Jelly Belly Tabasco jelly beans (reviewed here!), the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire District 7 Lumber Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate chocolate bars are an acquired taste.

The Wild Ophelia Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate Bars are my third experience with Wild Ophelia chocolate bars and these premium chocolate bars are expensive. The bars that represent District 7 in Panem are a potent blend of spicy and sweet, creamy chocolate (which is not at all waxy).

Basics

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate Bar is a solid milk chocolate bar from Wild Ophelia. Each 2 oz. chocolate bar is wrapped in a cardboard wrapper indicating that it is from District 7. Inside the cardboard case is a thick metallic plastic wrapper (with a seam resembling a Pop Tart more than a chocolate bar). The actual chocolate bar is 4 1/2” long by 2 13/16” wide by 1/4” thick. The Bar has no identifying marks or logos on it, but it is segmented to make three 1 1/2” wide by 2 13/16” long bars. The top features ribbing that give the bar a very Art Deco look that is distinctive.

The chocolate is firm, creamy and not at all waxy; it’s a quality chocolate bar. Individually, the bars are found in the $3.99 range, which is expensive, though I found mine on clearance for $2.99. They are expensive for those who do not like the combination of chili and chocolate, though. For those who like the gourmet combination, this is a pretty reasonable price (especially compared to other niche chocolates).

Ease Of Preparation

Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate bars are chocolate, not getting chili pepper oil out of one’s eyes! Preparing them is as easy as unwrapping the candy bar. Because the chocolate is a premium chocolate product, I recommend eating this a little at a time, not just biting right into the bar.

Taste

The Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate chocolate bar smells mildly of peppers. The aroma of chocolate is almost entirely absent from the bouquet of the Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate bars.

The Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate chocolate bar is sweet and delightful, a perfect embodiment of milk chocolate. The smooth, sweet, milk chocolate flavor coats the tongue in a pleasant, inviting way . . . for about two seconds. Then the chili peppers burn right through the chocolate. The hot peppers assert themselves as a burning spiced flavor immediately and for about two minutes on the tongue. The chocolate seems to mute the taste outside the physical sensation of spicy burn, to there is no real flavor depth to the Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate bar. The best analogy I have is that it’s like getting the heat from the fire without seeing a flame or smelling smoke; the bar is monolithically hot, but not a real flavor besides the hot chili and the milk chocolate.

The The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate bar has a sweet aftertaste that asserts itself only after the chili flavor has been completely burned through and muted. The sweet flavor endures on the tongue for about a minute.

Nutrition

Wild Ophelia makes their fine chocolates with quality ingredients, which is arguably why they range in price in the real world and online anywhere from $2.99 - $10/bar! With the primary ingredients being milk chocolate (41% cacao), chipotle chili powder and alder smoked salt, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate bars are a candy bar, not a legitimate source of nutrition needed to survive. That said, Wild Ophelia uses natural ingredients and organic ingredients where possible; none of the ingredients are unpronounceable. In a 1 ounce serving (which is unfortunate because the seams make the bar breakable into thirds, not halves!), there are 150 calories, 90 of which are from fat. This represents 16% of one’s RDA of fat (33% of the RDA of saturated fat). Each bar has 45 mg of Sodium and 2 grams of protein. There is a smattering of Calcium (4% RDA), Vitamin A (2% RDA), Iron (8% RDA) and Magnesium (6% RDA), but no other vitamins and minerals. In other words, this is not a snack to try to survive on.

While the bars are all natural with no artificial ingredients and have no preservatives, they do contain soy and milk. As well, there is an allergy warning for tree nuts, peanuts, sesame seeds, milk, wheat, and soy. Obviously, with the milk, these The Hunger Games: Catching Fire bars are not Vegan-compliant, though they are Gluten-free.

Storage/Clean-Up

Because the chocolate is generally hard, but a milk chocolate, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate bars are somewhat susceptible to heat. These should be kept cool in order to not melt, but I have not had any problems with mine As long as they are kept cool and dry, these bars will last almost a year (the one I picked up yesterday would have lasted until August 19, 2014, had I not consumed it already).

Clean-up is easy, so long as the chocolate does not melt. The Wild Ophelia Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate bars have wrappers that ought to be properly disposed of, but otherwise, the chocolate washes off skin and non-porous surfaces. It the chocolate melts onto fabric, consult a fabric guide.

Overall

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Smoked Chipotle Chili And Milk Chocolate Bar is good, but not exceptional. While they do spicy very well, Wild Ophelia mutes all other flavors in this bar, making it a tough sell for those who want a flavorful chocolate bar.

For other The Hunger Games merchandise, please check out my reviews of:
2013 Mockingjay Exclusive Hallmark ornament
NECA The Hunger Games trading cards
The Hunger Games DVD

5/10

For more chocolate reviews, please check out my Chocolate Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Smells Good While Drying, No Scent Afterward, Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets Work!

The Good: Adequately dissipates static electricity in the dryer, Smells good while the dryer is on
The Bad: No real scent after use, More expensive than other, comparable products
The Basics: Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets cost a little more than comparable products, but do essentially the same thing,


After a year in our apartment together, my wife wore me down on buying fabric softener sheets. We have an admittedly dry apartment, which is excellent for the transmission of static electricity, but fabric softener sheets have always just seemed like a waste of money to me. Still, when we found them on sale and had a coupon, my wife convinced me to pick up some Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets.

The box of 144 Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets was locally available in the $3.50 range. We selected these because they were on sale, we had a coupon, and my wife loves lavender-scented things. Each sheet of Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener is 9” long by 5” wide when unfolded. The sheets are paper-thin, permeable, and look virtually like every other fabric softener sheet on the market.

Use of the Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets is simple: place one (or two, if the load is large) sheet in the dryer when running it and turn on your dryer. There is nothing else to using these fabric softener sheets, save remembering to dispose of them after the load is done drying!

Before going into the dryer, the Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets have a vaguely floral scent. Lavender is a very distinct aroma and these sheets lack the spicy quality that lavender possesses. There is something much more generic about the scent these sheets have before use than actual lavender, though the aroma is not at all unpleasant. In the dryer, the Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets smell floral for a few minutes, but the scent dissipates. Within fifteen minutes of our dryer getting up to heat, there is no aroma coming from our laundry area. When the clothes come out, there is no scent on them.

I’m not sure what the point of scented fabric softener sheets are if they do not make laundry smell richly of the claimed scent, but despite that defect, the Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets work. Our clothes and blankets consistently come out of the dryer static-free and softer than from the clothes washer alone. We have pretty hard water locally, so the fabric softener sheets seem to work to prevent any issues with our clothes that might result from any sort of minerals left after washing our laundry.

Ultimately, the Arm & Hammer Essentials Lavender & Linen Fabric Softener Sheets are good, but because the scent does not endure, I find them harder to enthusiastically recommend for their price. If you can find them on sale and have a coupon, by all means, pick them up, but at full price, those who truly want a high-quality scented fabric softener are likely to find their needs met elsewhere for less cost.

For other laundry-related reviews, please be sure to visit my reviews of:
Lavender And Vanilla Xtra Laundry Detergent
Frigidaire FTF2140ES Tumble Action Frontloading Washer
Tide Coldwater Fresh Scent Detergent

4.5/10

For other household cleaners, please visit my Tools And Cleaners Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Ellen - Season Five: The Peak Season No One Watched (Or Bought!)

The Good: Smart, Funny, Well-written, Decent acting, Good character development
The Bad: Lack of decent DVD bonuses, Somewhat preachy
The Basics: A worthwhile boxed set for fans of Ellen or Ellen DeGeneres comes in the form of the fifth season of Ellen, which presents an openly lesbian protagonist.


There's a strange irony associated with the television show Ellen, the sitcom that originated as a vehicle for the comedy of Ellen DeGeneres: the show's characters become better and more distinctive as characters when the show introduces real elements from the life of Ellen DeGeneres. Yes, strangely the characters become more actualized when the show becomes more autobiographical. As a result, the strongest season of the series may well be season five, now out on DVD.

Having come out of the closet as a lesbian in season four (reviewed here!), Ellen returned with a new direction and a new sense of energy . . . to a network run by Disney where the stockholders were exerting new influence and control over the programming. As a result, Ellen - Season Five would be the last of the season when it and Nothing Sacred were canceled due to pressures from conservative groups. It was a particularly spineless season for ABC, but on DVD, the fifth season of Ellen is preserves for posterity.

Between jobs, Ellen Morgan begins to flounder as she tries to adapt to being an out and proud lesbian and find steady employment. Ellen has her friends to rely on, though Paige continues to take issue with Ellen's lesbianism. Ellen finds herself getting into more and more capers, often as a result of her meddling - most notably with her separated parents, and she finds a new love interest who seems to offer her all she ever wanted.

I remember when the season began airing some people had a real problem with some of the openness of it, starting right off the bat with the season premiere. In the first episode of the boxed set, Ellen begins to question her sexuality. Conservatives loathed, of course, Ellen bringing up anything other than being heterosexual and there were many within the lesbian/gay/bisexual community who hated that Ellen would even question her hard lesbian stance with even the possibility of being bisexual. On DVD, the episode seems very reasonable and very real and surprisingly inoffensive (to anyone, actually). The members of the Community who fell away from the premiere ought to have been brought back by "It's A Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay World!" later in the season, which presents a homonormative world and it's a brilliant statement on tolerance.

With the fifth season of Ellen, the show takes a turn into wide open territory. The episodes are about a lesbian character exploring her newly-realized (or articulated) lesbianism. The show, yes, becomes about what it means to be lesbian in America in the late 1990s. And it's funny, it's quirky and it's socially relevant and poignant. In "Hospital," for example, the comedy explores the lack of civil rights for lifepartners in homosexual relationships and it is poignant and troubling to any who believe in love and the importance of spousal privilege.

So yes, this boxed set is not going to be on the Christmas list of anyone who is intolerant of lesbian/gay/bisexual rights and issues . . . but maybe it ought to be. What the fifth season of Ellen illustrates very well is the common humanity of all peoples and Ellen's sudden lesbianism does not so radically alter her character that she is not able to ramble with pointless segues and nonsequitors, it does not change her devotion to her friends or her desire to see her parents solve their relationship problems. Indeed, if nothing else, Ellen in this season reveals for those who might belabor under any other pretense, that being gay is simply ONE aspect of a personality and it need not be an oppressively dominant one. Ellen Morgan is almost the same as she was in the prior seasons, save she mentions being gay . . . well, a lot.

But coming out and being out gives the show a fertile new territory to explore. Ellen's prior failed relationships are almost written off as a function of her being gay until . . . she gets into a relationship and discovers ALL relationships are work and she doesn't relate easily to anyone! And there's the first time, dealing with Laurie's family (including her daughter), her friends, and finding employment . . . and just working on living with another person.

The boxed set is funny and relevant and clever and worthwhile, more than just for fans of Ellen. Indeed, this might be the most accessible boxed set since season two for simply jumping into the series.

For those unfamiliar with the series, this is who the principle characters of Ellen are and how the fifth season finds them:

Ellen Morgan - Learning what it is to be a part of gay and lesbian culture, Ellen stumbles into dating when she meets Laurie, a single mother who she is instantly attracted to. Ellen and Laurie work on forging a relationship, which occasionally puts Ellen at odds with her friends. Meanwhile, the awkward and goofy Ellen searches for employment, becoming Emma Thompson's assistant and eventually getting (I kid you not) a talk show,

Paige - Less promiscuous than in the past, Paige is still self-involved and struggles to adapt to Ellen's newfound open sexuality. She continues to spar with Spence and miss all the time she and Ellen used to have . . . when Ellen was single,

Spence - Ellen's cousin whose law career is taking off, he is relegated to a supporting position this season and has his biggest moment when he is knocked out by bug spray and wakes up in an alternate universe that teaches him a very important lesson,

Audrey - Still perpetually cheerful and perky and annoying and supportive, Audrey eagerly encourages Ellen to explore her new culture and bears the brunt of many of Paige and Spence's barbs. She and Joe get closer this season,

and Joe - Ellen's good friend and maker of her coffee, he is low-key and often deadpans his reactions to everything around him. He is understated and ironic and never overcomes being a purely supportive character.

Also in the mix as a supporting character is Laurie, Ellen's accountant, a single mother who is a lesbian and is attracted to Ellen. The two form a relationship, though Laurie is relegated to supporting, recurring character this season.

Ellen - Season Five illustrates a decent growth of the actors in the series. Supporting players David Anthony Higgins (Joe) and Clea Lewis (Audrey) hone their sense of comic timing, even though they are most often used for simply delivering the punchlines. Jeremy Piven comes into his own as Spence and it is easy to see how he got Entourage based on his performances in this season. Similarly, Joley Fisher virtually assures her future employment (she went on to 'Til Death, season one reviewed here!) with her portrayal of Paige, who delivers some of the funniest rebuttles with a genius sense of delivery and timing.

But as with the prior seasons, the show is carried on the back of Ellen DeGeneres, who plays Ellen Morgan. DeGeneres is great this season and she seems at ease with the character in a way that makes Ellen Morgan seem perfectly organic. DeGeneres and Lisa Darr (Laurie) have great on-screen chemistry, making them seem like a viable couple. But even with the redirect into the lgb culture, DeGeneres manages to create a universal character who is funny and she pulls off kissing on-screen with the same ease as she carries out the apparent realism of showing up at a wake dressed as a rooster.

All the way around, this season is consistently funny and worthwhile. On DVD, the supreme disappointment continues to be the lack of exploitation of the medium. the season five boxed set is light on bonus features, with only a series of outtakes to reward buyers of the boxed set. It's likely to disappoint fans who wanted more from the series. It's not enough to not recommend the set, though.

For other final seasons of sitcoms, please visit my reviews of:
30 Rock - Season 7
Frasier - Season 11
Happy Endings - Season 3

8/10

For other television and movie reviews, please check out my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014, 2007 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Catching Fire Release Week Continues With The Awesome Wild Ophelia Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bars!

The Good: Embodies all of the promised flavors, Wonderful quality, Does not melt easily
The Bad: Fairly expensive, Could be just a little more flavorful on the mesquite front.
The Basics: For a delightful blend of meat and chocolate, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bars are well worth hunting down!


I’m celebrating the DVD/Blu-Ray release of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (reviewed here!) with reviews each day of merchandise from the popular The Hunger Games franchise! On the heels of the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate (reviewed here!), I was eager to try the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire District 10 Livestock Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate chocolate bars. This was the second Wild Ophelia chocolate bar I tried; I bought a lot of them from the local drug store and decided to enjoy them and review them based on the order of how good each one sounded to me. The Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bars are delightful and remind me of the Chuao Chocolatier Maple Bacon Bar (reviewed here!) . . . except the Wild Ophelia bars actually live up to their meat flavor.

The Wild Ophelia Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bars are only my second experience with Wild Ophelia chocolate bars and these premium chocolate bars are expensive, but well worth the price. The bars that represent District 10 in Panem are a cool blend of meat and sweet, creamy chocolate (which is not at all waxy), but not overly mesquite-y.

Basics

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bar is a solid milk chocolate bar from Wild Ophelia. Each 2 oz. chocolate bar is wrapped in a cardboard wrapper indicating that it is from District 10. Inside the cardboard case is a thick metallic plastic wrapper (with a seam resembling a Pop Tart more than a chocolate bar). The actual chocolate bar is 4 1/2” long by 2 13/16” wide by 1/4” thick. The Bar has no identifying marks or logos on it, but it is segmented to make three 1 1/2” wide by 2 13/16” long bars. The top features ribbing that give the bar a very Art Deco look that is distinctive.

The chocolate is firm, creamy and not at all waxy; it’s a quality chocolate bar. Individually, the bars are found in the $3.99 range, which is expensive, though I found mine on clearance for $2.99. Given the quality of these bars, it is tough to call them too expensive, especially with the quality of the jerky in it.

Ease Of Preparation

Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate bars are chocolate, not being forced to kill your own food to survive in a bloodsport! Preparing them is as easy as unwrapping the candy bar. Because the chocolate is a premium chocolate product, I recommend eating this a little at a time, not just biting right into the bar.

Taste

The Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate chocolate bar smells wonderful! These chocolate bars smell darker than they are. There is a scent under the chocolate aroma that is incredibly similar to barbecue sauce. The aroma is, no doubt, indicative of the smoked mesquite flavor in the chocolate bar.

In the mouth, the Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate chocolate bar is salty and has a somewhat crispy texture to it. The chocolate is sweet, but the saltiness of the meat overwhelms the milky chocolate flavor. The longer the chocolate lingers on the tongue, the flavors blend and come together with the spicy mesquite flavor of the meat embedded in the bar to create a delightful combination that is utterly uncommon in candy.

The The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate bar has no aftertaste. The flavor is intriguing, deep and embodies exactly what it is supposed to.

Nutrition

Wild Ophelia makes their fine chocolates with quality ingredients, which is arguably why they range in price in the real world and online anywhere from $2.99 - $10/bar! With the primary ingredients being milk chocolate (41% cacao), organic beef jerky, and organic apple cider vinegar, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate bars are a candy bar, not a legitimate source of nutrition needed to survive. That said, Wild Ophelia uses natural ingredients and organic ingredients where possible; none of the ingredients are unpronounceable. In a 28 gram serving (1 ounce, which is odd because the seams make the bar breakable into thirds, not halves!), there are 150 calories, 90 of which are from fat. This represents 15% of one’s RDA of fat (31% of the RDA of saturated fat). Each bar has 40 mg of Sodium (which makes sense given that there is beef jerky in the bars!) and 2 grams of protein. There is a smattering of Calcium (4% RDA), Iron (8% RDA) and Magnesium (4% RDA), but no other vitamins and minerals. In other words, this is not a snack to try to survive on.

While the bars are all natural with no artificial ingredients and have no preservatives, they do contain soy, milk, and real meat. As well, there is an allergy warning for tree nuts, peanuts, sesame seeds, milk, wheat, and soy. Obviously, with the beef jerky and milk, these The Hunger Games: Catching Fire bars are not Vegan-compliant.

Storage/Clean-Up

Because the chocolate is generally hard, but a milk chocolate, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate bars are somewhat susceptible to heat. These should be kept cool in order to not melt, but I have not had any problems with mine As long as they are kept cool and dry, these bars will last almost a year (the one I picked up yesterday would have lasted until August 26, 2014, had it not been devoured by my wife and I).

Clean-up is easy, so long as the chocolate does not melt. The Wild Ophelia Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate bars have wrappers that ought to be properly disposed of, but otherwise, the chocolate washes off skin and non-porous surfaces. It the chocolate melts onto fabric, consult a fabric guide.

Overall

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Beef Jerky & Smoked Mesquite And Milk Chocolate Bar is only really robbed of perfection by the lack of a more robust mesquite flavor (it has the scent!) and the cost of the bars, though the expense is pretty justifiable given how yummy they are!

For other The Hunger Games merchandise, please check out my reviews of:
2013 Mockingjay Exclusive Hallmark ornament
NECA The Hunger Games trading cards
The Hunger Games DVD

8/10

For more food reviews, please check out my Food Review Index Page!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Happy Oscar Sunday! A Visually Striking, Boring, Bothersome Story: The Wait

The Good: Good direction, Purposely unsettling mood.
The Bad: Characters make little to no sense, Nothing exceptional on the acting front, Absolutely nauseating sense of mood.
The Basics: Alternately vague and mysterious and intensely specific and horrifyingly real, The Wait is a troubling mood piece.


Mood pieces are a tough sell in modern cinema. I’m not saying that only David Lynch can really pull off a mood piece, but after Mulholland Drive (reviewed here!), it is hard to make a real, deep, moody, visually-striking, dreamlike film (despite there being a rational order to Mulholland Drive that makes the dream movie actually make complete sense). “Mood pieces” are films that are far more concerned with style over substance and they belabor the creation or manipulation of a specific emotion over telling a concrete, linear, or rational story. The Wait is a mood piece and if you’ve never heard of it, there is a reason; it’s an independent film that had exceptionally little in the way of exposure. I’m starting my day of celebrating the year in cinema (tonight I’m having a little Oscars celebration!) with an indie film and The Wait was an unfortunate choice.

The reason none of the nominees for Best Picture are mood films is that mood films are tough to pull off effectively, exceptionally difficult on rewatchability and are marketed by no major studios or film distributors. The Wait embodies many of the problems of the indie mood piece; it is dense and flighty, deals with troubling topics and manipulates/confuses the viewer. In fact, I have not felt more consistently nauseated through the act of watching a film since Tideland (reviewed here!). Set in a small resort community in Oregon during a forest fire, I was sold on watching The Wait because it stars Jena Malone (whose part in the film becomes substantive long after I was already grossed out, bored, and stopped caring about the film). The Wait is like Tideland meets Dreamland (reviewed here!), but it is a film devoid of all charm, originality or characters worth caring about. So, while the movie very effectively creates a mood, it is homogenously unpleasant and not worth allowing oneself to be manipulated for the hour and a half.

Opening with the death of her mother in their remote house, Emma is surprised to get a telephone call from a woman she does not know. The woman knows that she is a Libra and her mother has just died and she tells Emma to hold tight, implying that her mother will resurrect. Emma tells her sister, Angela, who reasonably disbelieves the idea that their mother could come back from the dead. Despite it being unlike her, Emma asks Angela to wait on dealing with their mother’s body. While they deal with the body and the decision to wait, Emma’s children get freaked out and their neighbors in the small community of cabins react to their own lives.

Emma seems to believe that her mother’s resurrection will occur and that the act could get the family onto the morning news programs. She begins planning a celebration with her daughter, though as night falls, Angela calls the coroners to come take the body. The sisters begin a showdown with one another over their course of action and their history with their mother.

Mood pieces are not supposed to make rational sense necessarily, but The Wait tries to make some rational connections as Angela tries to justify why her mother might resurrect (based on silicon in the ground and fire retardant magnesium being dropped all around). The explanation comes between emotional outbursts, after unfathomably irrational moments, and when the character is clearly in a state of shock. Like any other film, mood pieces have to get the viewer to care about the characters long enough to sit through the movie; The Wait fails to do that.

Amid the death, creepy relationship between Emma and her daughter and Ian (Angela’s son) wrestling with the emotional consequences of his friend making a pass at him (while Ian remains obsessed with a girl nearby), The Wait falls down because the characters fail to react with a sense of realistic consequence. Perhaps the most problematic is Angela. Angela reveals to Emma early in the film that she was molested by her mother. So, when the mysterious neighbor, Ben, shows interest in Angela’s niece, there is a logical disconnect that makes no sense. Instead of wondering why the hell an adult stranger would want to make a young girl a gift or have some of her possessions, Angela enables him. Angela’s lack of a protective instinct toward her niece makes no sense, especially for a woman who is not in denial of her past abuse.

What also makes no sense – in a way that is essential to making one willing to experience the mood piece and enjoy the experience at all – is how Angela humors Emma from the beginning. First, the phone call Emma gets is painfully vague (and its source is revealed late in the film), which makes it a pretty big leap for Emma to be willing to believe Tia meant that her mother would resurrect. But Angela goes along with it. Angela’s willingness to humor Emma makes no sense: Angela has unresolved issues toward her mother (why the hell would she want her mother to return?!), does not believe in reincarnation, and Emma is crazy. Emma is not crazy in a vague, not medically-substantiated way: she is bat shit crazy with a severe personality disorder that makes her irrational, self-centered and a credible threat to her child, Angela, and Angela’s son. But Angela humors her, going along with her loopy plan to keep their mother’s corpse around on the hope it will reanimate.

All The Wait has going for it is the direction. M. Blash may have written a senseless script, but he directs it well. The Wait is murky and creates a constantly unsettling mood. Blash may have gotten great performances out of Jena Malone and Chloe Sevigny before, but here they are poorly used (when she is not acting spasmodically manic, Sevigny’s Emma just stares creepily into the camera). Still, he makes the film look good with a sense of style and production values that are professional.

It is not worth it, though. The Wait is, at best, a movie that will make one’s stomach clench up and twist over and over again as the characters on screen act in unsettling manners and in inorganic ways that defy logic, basic human emotion or any sense of rationality. For a day when I plan to enjoy my love of the cinematic arts, The Wait was a bad choice.

For other works featuring Jena Malone, be sure to visit my reviews of:
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Sucker Punch
The Soloist
Pride & Prejudice
Saved!
Donnie Darko

1/10

For other movie reviews, please check out my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing.

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Good Metaphor, Terrible Application (In Terms Of Continuity): “The Forge”

The Good: Themes, Decent performances, Moments of character
The Bad: Woefully misapplied concept for the Vulcans, Continuity issues (within and without)
The Basics: “The Forge” is stuck with the difficult task of reconciling the Vulcan Problem and does so with a story that would have been brilliant . . . for any race other than the Vulcans!


When Star Trek: Enterprise began, it did so with a fundamental problem: co-creator and co-executive producer Brannon Braga openly admitted he hated the original Star Trek and he did not want to be bound by what came before in creating the prequel series. After years of gruesome divergences from Star Trek continuity, Braga was replaced and the fourth season became a time where the challenge of the show was to try to make it start to resemble more the look, feel, and thematic concepts of Star Trek. One of the big problems for fans of Star Trek with Enterprise right off the bat had been the characterization of the Vulcans. Hardly logical (they were brimming with contempt for humans and played as arrogant liars from the outset), the Enterprise Vulcans bore little resemblance to the Vulcans seen throughout the rest of Star Trek. So, with “The Forge,” the writers of Star Trek: Enterprise worked to reshape the Vulcans into the more logical, familiar, Vulcans that fans knew and loved.

That task fell – for the first part of the three-episode arc – to Star Trek novelists Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens. While the duo is usually spot on for making connections within the Star Trek universe, with “The Forge” they are given a virtually impossible task . . . and they dropped the ball. I love stories of religious hypocrisy and revisionism; I have no problem with institutionalized religion, but I find it seldom matches the faith that such organizations claim to be organized around. Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens seem to have a similar belief. Unfortunately, with “The Forge,” they apply such a story to the Vulcans and they open a huge can of worms for those who have any care for Star Trek continuity.

Opening seventeen years prior on Vulcan, with the discovery of an artifact pertaining to Surak, Admiral Forrest visits Vulcan. There, Ambassador Soval confesses to Forrest that Vulcans are afraid of humans because humans remind Vulcans of their primitive selves. When a bomb goes off, destroying much of the Embassy, Archer loses Forrest and the Enterprise arrives at Vulcan. There, they meet with the head of the Vulcan High Command, Administrator V’Las, and are told that there are suspects in the bombing: the Andorians and Syrranites (Vulcans who follow a corrupted version of Surak’s teachings).

While investigating the bombing, Reed and Mayweather narrowly escape another bomb’s detonation. In the process, they get DNA from the bomb, belonging to “a well-known Syrranite” named T’Pau. While Soval discredits the Syrranite angle to Archer, T’Pol’s husband Koss gives T’Pol a family heirloom, allegedly from her Syrranite mother. T’Pol uses the IDIC Koss gave her to uncover a holographic map which she believes will lead her to her mother. While Phlox discredits the DNA evidence linking T’Pau to the bombing, T’Pol and Archer begin a perilous quest along the route Surak allegedly took along the Forge, one of the most brutal locations on Vulcan.

Since “The Andorian Incident” (reviewed here!), the Vulcans have been problematically represented. As Archer notes in “The Forge,” Vulcans frequently lie; but in all subsequent incarnations of Star Trek, Vulcans are characterized as truthful to a fault. While Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens are saddled with reconciling that – as well as pretty much undoing the concept of Vulcan mind-melds being uncouth as seen in “Stigma” (reviewed here!) – their solution is nowhere near as compelling as it has to be to sway fans. The idea that Vulcans have a monolithic culture, centered around logic, is completely undermined by the idea that that culture was established during the Star Trek: Enterprise time period and witnessed by humans! Moreover, it completely undermines the character arc of Spock in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (reviewed here!) to have Spock realize that logic is only the beginning; Spock is basically retconned as a guy rebelling against his father’s beliefs, his father’s generation. You don’t get much more human than that!

The other significant issue with “The Forge” is a practical (production) element; Reed and Mayweather get an early scene and it feels like the writers and producers were just stretching to find a use for them. There’s no practical reason for the ship’s navigator/helmsman to be involved in a bomb investigation. On the minutiae side, the StarFleet embassy worker is identified as a Corporal; he was a StarFleet officer, not a M.A.C.O.S. soldier (StarFleet does not have Corporals). On the amusing front, Robert Foxworth pops up as V’Las . . . which means both times Earth facilities have been bombed in the Star Trek franchise, Robert Foxworth was cast to play an influential leader near the blast investigation (the other being “Homefront,” reviewed here!).

The acting in “The Forge” is wonderful. Vaughn Armstrong’s brief, final scene as Admiral Forrest is understated and does not telegraph what is coming. Gary Graham returns as Soval and plays him once again with perfect emotional detachment. Foxworth and Michael Nouri make great additions to the pantheons of notable actors playing Vulcans as they are able to play dispassionate expertly.

The plot of “The Forge” moves along rapidly. The episode transitions nicely from an investigation to a survival story and teases well where the arc is going. In the latter minutes of the episode, “The Forge” takes an intriguing turn that is strong enough to intrigue viewers into coming back. The a-plot and b-plot play off one another in a very watchable way.

“The Forge” is a little lighter on character development than one might hope, but it’s not bad. T’Pol is teased with the idea that her mother is a traitor. Archer does not have any real character development, but “The Forge” finds him at the beginning of the arc with a lot for Scott Bakula to do. The net result is an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise that is not bad television, but is bad Star Trek.

The three biggest gaffes in “The Forge:”
3. Archer and T’Pol encounter a Sehlat; there is no reason that an expert in biology and xenobiology like Dr. McCoy would not know what one was in “Journey To Babel” (reviewed here!),
2. A Vulcan Civil War over the most basic precepts of Vulcans would radically alter the cultural stigma and assumptions humans only a generation later would have. As a result, Spock should not have been either as much of a mystery, nor expected to be as monolithic in Star Trek,
1. Vulcans are lightyears ahead of humans in every form of technology; that Ambassador Soval still had open cuts after three days is utterly ridiculous.

[Knowing that single episodes are an inefficient way to get episodes, it's worth looking into Star Trek: Enterprise - The Complete Fourth Season on DVD or Blu-Ray, which is also a better economical choice than buying individual episodes. Read my review of the final season here!
Thanks!]

For other works with Michael Nouri, please visit my reviews of:
The Proposal
The Terminal
Finding Forrester

6/10

For other Star Trek episode and movie reviews, please visit my Star Trek Review Index Page!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Happy The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Release Week! Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bars Delight!

The Good: Great taste, Wonderful quality, Does not melt easily
The Bad: Lacking on the salt flavor, Fairly expensive.
The Basics: Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bars are worth their price . . . for anyone who absolutely loves dark chocolate and coffee flavors!


With the release of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (reviewed here!) on DVD and Blu-Ray this week, I’m finding myself amused by and enjoying the merchandise surrounding the franchise. For the cinematic release of The Hunger Games, licensees were a bit more conservative and NECA seemed to take the most risk, producing both action figures and a trading card set (reviewed here!) for the film. Today, I swung by a drug store and found most of a display of Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire chocolates! The gimmick is an interesting one; apparently the chocolatier Wild Ophelia manufactured twelve different chocolate bars (one for each District in Panem, the world of The Hunger Games). While this seems like just a classier, dressed up version of the cookies I bought as a kid themed for Return Of The Jedi, looking over the ingredients and concepts of the six bars I was actually able to find (I wish I could get my hands on the other six now!), I very willingly let Wild Ophelia suck me in. Because I like to try new things that I might actually like, my first selection is the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire District 3 Technology Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate chocolate bars.

The Wild Ophelia Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bars are my first experience with Wild Ophelia chocolate bars and it is clear the company is providing a premium product (given how expensive the bars are). Fortunately, the bars intended to represent District 3 in Panem is worth it. They have a powerful dark chocolate flavor, augmented by a delightful coffee texture and taste!

Basics

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bar is a solid dark chocolate bar from Wild Ophelia. Each 2 oz. chocolate bar is wrapped in a cardboard wrapper indicating that it is from District 3. Inside the cardboard case is a thick metallic plastic wrapper (with a seam resembling a Pop Tart more than a chocolate bar). The actual chocolate bar is 4 1/2” long by 2 13/16” wide by 1/4” thick. The Bar has no identifying marks or logos on it, but it is segmented to make three 1 1/2” wide by 2 13/16” long bars. The top features ribbing that give the bar a very Art Deco look that is distinctive.

The chocolate is very dark and incredibly solid. Individually, the bars are found in the $3.99 range, which is expensive, though I found mine on clearance for $2.99. Given the quality of these bars, it is tough to call them too expensive.

Ease Of Preparation

Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate bars are chocolate, not surviving The Hunger Games! Preparing them is as easy as unwrapping the candy bar. Because the chocolate is pricy, I recommend eating this a little at a time, not just biting right into the bar.

Taste

The Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate chocolate bar is very aromatic; the bar smells strongly of rich, dark, unsweetened chocolate. The bar smells exclusively of dark chocolate and it is mouthwatering for anyone who loves high quality, rich dark chocolate.

On the tongue, Wild Ophelia provides a completely delightful dark chocolate with real flavor depth with their Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate chocolate bar. The chocolate is dark and rich and it must truly linger in the mouth for the chocolate to melt away. As it does, though, what little sweetness chocolate possesses is replaced by the bold, bitter flavor of the coffee that is ground into the bar. The added texture from the coffee beans makes for an intriguing experience in the mouth and, interestingly, helps keep the flavors rotating over the taste buds!

What the Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate bar lacks is a recognizable salt flavor. The bitterness of the coffee and droolworthy dark chocolate completely overwhelm any sense of sodium in the flavor palate.

The The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate bar has a slightly bitter aftertaste that lingers on the tongue for about three minutes after one is done consuming the bar.

Nutrition

Wild Ophelia makes their fine chocolates with fine ingredients, which is arguably why they are so expensive. With the primary ingredients being dark chocolate (70% cacao), ground coffee and sea salt, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate bars are not a wonderful food to try to survive on (but who expects that from a candy bar?!). However, they do use natural ingredients and organic ingredients where possible; none of the ingredients are unpronounceable. In a 1 ounce serving (which is odd because there is no easy way to break the bar into two equal pieces), there are 150 calories, 110 of which are from fat. This represents 19% of one’s RDA of fat (38% of the RDA of saturated fat). Each bar has 25 mg of Sodium and 2 grams of protein. There is a smattering of Calcium,(2% RDA), Iron (20% RDA) and Magnesium (10% RDA), but no other vitamins and minerals. In other words, this is not a snack to try to survive on.

While the bars are all natural and have no preservatives, they do contain soy. As well, there is an allergy warning for tree nuts, peanuts, sesame seeds, milk, wheat, and soy, which implies that these The Hunger Games: Catching Fire bars are not Vegan-compliant. They are, however, Gluten Free.

Storage/Clean-Up

Because the chocolate is so hard, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate bars are not especially susceptible to heat. Still, these should be kept cool in order to not melt. With that in mind, as long as they are kept cool and dry, these will last almost a year (the one I picked up today would have lasted until August 2014, had it not been devoured by my wife and I).

Clean-up is easy, so long as the chocolate does not melt. The Wild Ophelia Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate bars have wrappers that ought to be properly disposed of, but otherwise, the chocolate washes off skin and non-porous surfaces. It the chocolate melts onto fabric, consult a fabric guide.

Overall

The Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bar is delicious, but I’m weirded out by how it is segmented in a way that is entirely inorganic to the serving size. Why didn’t Wild Ophelia segment the bar in halves or make the serving size 1/3 of a bar (2/3 oz.) so the nutritional information would actually be useful?! Between that and the fact that the promised salt flavor is pretty much absent from the bar’s flavor palate robs the bar of a perfect rating. Even for the price, though, the Wild Ophelia The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Arabica Coffee & Crystal Salt And Dark Chocolate Bar is a pretty wonderful candy worth tracking down!

For other fancy candies, please check out my reviews of:
Chuao Chocolatier Maple Bacon Bar
Endangered Species Chocolate Dark Chocolate With Forest Mint Bar
Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate & Strawberry Chocolate Squares

8.5/10

For more food reviews, please check out my Food Review Index Page!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Exactly As It Was Previewed To Be: Why Endless Love Disappoints.

The Good: Acting is okay, Direction is good
The Bad: Painfully predictable plot, Formulaic character development
The Basics: Endless Love is a disappointing romance that is so formulaic and obvious that it’s almost unsurprising that pretty much the entire film is shown in the preview trailer.


Right around Valentine’s Day every year, movie studios release films that are date movies. For 2014, Nicholas Sparks fans had to sit out a pure rendition of one of his books adapted for the big screen, but they get the next best thing with Endless Love. Endless Love has all of the same conceits as a Nicholas Sparks book/movie and it is even presented by the studio like a Sparks film would be. There is something about the romantic drama geared for Valentine’s Day release that inspires movie studios to show virtually the entire film in the preview trailer.

And my first reaction to Endless Love is “Poor Bruce Greenwood.” Bruce Greenwood was cut out of a future in the Star Trek franchise in last year’s Star Trek Into Darkness (reviewed here!) and now he appears in a blasé romantic drama as the film’s antagonist . . . who is written so monolithically that there’s really no cliché left unplayed with his character. Greenwood plays Hugh Butterfield, a protective father still mourning the loss of one of his three children, who keeps his smart, blonde daughter in check so tightly that the seventeen year-old is a virtual unknown to her classmates.

On the day of their graduation from high school, David Elliot notices the reclusive girl from his class, Jade Butterfield. When the Butterfield family goes out to the local inn later, where David works, Jade is filled with the desire to get to know her classmates better and she asks her father to allow her to throw a graduation party. When David and his friend Mace get fired from the Inn for borrowing a car they drive off when they are supposed to valet park, even Jade’s father, Hugh, notices. Hugh recognizes David when he arrives at the Butterfield house during the party and is upset when Jade shows a clear attraction to him (including coming out of a closet with David when Hugh does a toast for his daughter at the party).

With two weeks to go until Jade will leave for a prestigious internship, Jade and David begin a steamy, young relationship. After the two weeks, Jade stands up to her father and rejects the internship. To try to drive a wedge between Jade and David, Hugh takes his family to their cabin. David follows, invited by Jade, but Hugh continues to dig into David’s past to push the young couple apart. Despite David witnessing Hugh making out with another woman, Hugh works to break his daughter and David up. David, Jade, and their friends have a wild night out – including breaking into a zoo – which the jealous Jenny (a classmate who harbors feelings for David) uses to try to win David away from Jade. After David is arrested, he and Hugh get into a fight and Hugh pushes Jade away from David. But, their love is not to be denied and, despite a restraining order from Hugh, David and Jade continue to have feelings for one another.

The basic premise of Endless Love is a fundamentally flawed one. Following a tragedy like the death of a student in high school, it is incredibly unlikely that Jade would be an unknown to all of her peers. After a decade in school with a person, it’s not like everyone forgets who they are – especially after a publicly known tragedy. So, the idea that Jade is utterly unknown by anyone in her graduating class is too tough a sell from the beginning.

Endless Love is also off in some of the critical details. Like all formulaic romantic dramas, there is a climactic event, in this case a house fire. In addition to having insurance, rich people like the Butterfields have smoke detectors. In fact, in order to be insured well, they have to have a lot of smoke detectors and they usually have a crapton of fire extinguishers. For as bland as the “love at first sight” romance of Endless Love is, the failure of suspension of disbelief for me really came with the idea that a candle fire could possibly spread so far in a house of people so obviously wealthy. For all my issues with the upper class, no one knows how to protect their own stuff like the fabulously rich (especially those who are characterized as working their way up to it).

On the character front, the romance between Jade and David has to be one of the least interesting cinematic couplings of all time. David is just the first guy to come along and pay attention to Jade. One suspects that the reason the two characters are seen doing so little other than having sex is that they really don’t have much to talk about. Despite the closing monologue to Endless Love, there’s nothing demonstratively wonderful about the romance between Jade and David.

As for performances, the best chemistry in the film is between Bruce Greenwood and Robert Patrick. Greenwood and Patrick share a single, ridiculous, scene (Patrick’s Harry Elliot comments on how he saw David and Jade together when there was no evidence of that in the movie!), but the two seasoned actors have great banter between each other that feels very natural. Greenwood might be playing a monolithic antagonist and Patrick may be playing yet another working class man struggling to provide a better life for his family, but the two actors play protective and smart well such that when they meet on film their scene actually makes for a late high point for the movie.

The on-screen chemistry between Gabriella Wilde (Jade) and Alex Pettyfer (David) is minimal. Wilde seems to be trading on her stereotypical Hollywood good looks without backing Jade up with any sort of screen presence. Pettyfer, who has the ability to present characters with decent emotional range, makes David into a moody, mysterious young man whose outbursts of emotion are more expressive of anger than love. When the two are onscreen together, there is little emotional connection or resonance to them individually or as a couple.

I didn’t remember seeing the preview trailer for Endless Love until I was about three minutes into the film. But then, the entire thing came back to me and I realized I had, essentially, seen the whole film. For a genre plagued by predictability and formulaic conceits, an over-revealing trailer is the death knell of a romantic drama. If you are tempted to watch Endless Love, save yourself the hour and a half and watch the two minute thirty second version instead; you won’t have missed much.

For other romance films, please check out my reviews of:
The Vow
Letters To Juliet
Stay
Lust For Love

2.5/10

Check out how this movie stacks up against others I have reviewed by visiting my Movie Review Index Page where films are organized from best to worst!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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An Action Figure That Won’t Stand For Action Poses: The New Legacy Collection 212th Battalion Clone Trooper!

The Good: Incredible sculpting, Amazing poseability, Exceptional detailing, Decent accessories!
The Bad: Poor balance, Left hand does not really hold the accessories, Production markings.
The Basics: The Star Wars Legacy Collection 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is a good new version of the Clone Trooper, but it cannot stand in truly lavish poses, despite its exceptional jointwork!


When it comes to Star Wars action figures, I am about at my threshold for Clone Troopers. Given that there are legions of Clone Troopers seen in two of the Prequel Star Wars, it seems like it would be a figure one might be willing to get an infinite number of the various Clone Troopers to establish a generic standing army of anonymous soldiers. But, when spending money on toys, it seems like there is a line and for Clone Troopers, I’m about there. The reason is simple: with the new Amazon.com Exclusive Legacy Collection 212th Battalion Clone Trooper, it seems that Hasbro has jumped the shark; the company has made dozens of great Clone Trooper action figures, but with the new 212th Battalion Clone Trooper, they sacrifice functionality for style and that is an unfortunate choice.

For those unfamiliar with the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper, they are the Republic Clone Troopers seen on Utapau in Revenge Of The Sith (reviewed here!). These are the Clone Troopers who were augmented with orange accents on their armor and were the group of Clone Troopers who turned against Obi-Wan Kenobi.

The 4" 212th Battalion Clone Trooper figure is another generic shock troop which suffers from a few minor defects that rob it from being worth stocking up on. The extent to which this Clone Trooper falls down (literally) comes out more when one looks closely at the figure.

Basics

The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper figure stands 4" tall to the top of his helmet. He wears the white, orange and black armor of the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper and this figure does have a removable helmet. Beneath the helmet is a generic Clone Trooper head with a somewhat stern look on his face. The head includes ears that are very well-detailed and molded, but somewhat underwhelming on the coloring details (the lips, for example, are not colored). Unlike some of the other Clone Troopers and 212th Battalion Clone Troopers, this is neither a filthy, worn-looking figure nor a completely clean version of the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper. This has a burn marks at various points on the armor, like knee, chest and helmet.

As one might expect from the fact that the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is based on the generic Clone Trooper, the new 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is an amazing sculpt. The figure's armor includes such realistic details as a soft belt with flaps and buttons on the pouches there. The armor on the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper's outfit looks slightly worn, which makes sense given that the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper was shot at repeatedly. The coloring details on the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper's armor are also pretty wonderful and this looks exactly like the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper's in the pictures (and in the movie). The seeming simplicity of the figure is undone by the fact that the figure is so detailed that it includes the fine detailing like the black vents on the sides of the helmet.

Unfortunately, the sculpt has production issues that several of the other figures do not have. On the back of the left thigh are deep imprints of a production number. On the bracers, near the elbows, are tiny raised letters that seem to indicate the which sides the arms belong on.

Accessories

The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is a Republic Clone Trooper and comes with a standard Republic Clone blaster and a Blaster Rifle. The 1 1/8" long gun fits in the right hand of the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper's and looks entirely proportionate there. This is a completely generic, monotonal black firearm and, rather frustratingly, the figure cannot hold it in its left hand because of how narrow the figure’s grip is.

The blaster rifle is a big gun seen being utilized by the 212th Battalion Clone Troopers in Revenge Of The Sith as they attack the Jedi and General Grievous’s forces. The 2 11/16” rifle is big, but clean and monotonal black. The fact that the scope for the gun is on the bottom is weird, but accurate. The figure may only hold the blaster rifle in its right hand, though the left hand may be arranged to support the rifle’s barrel.

Like the rest of Amazon’s 2013 Legacy Collection figures, the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper features a droid part. The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper features the right arm of TC-70. The copper arm is augmented by silver and dark purple accents. The hand looks articulated and jointed exactly like what one expects of a Star Wars protocol droid. The arm has a simple swivel joint at the wrist and the elbow has an appropriate hinge joint. The arm has a peg at the shoulder which allows it to plug into the torso section of the Build-A-Droid figure.

Playability

The four inch toy line was designed for play and the 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is only good in that regard. The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper has poor balance, but incredible poseability, illustrating the latest in molding technology. The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is articulated at fourteen points, only one of which is a simple swivel joint! The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is articulated at the ankles, knees, groin socket, bust, shoulders, elbows, wrists and head. The head is on a ball-and-socket joint, as is the bust of the figure. The knees, ankles, groin joint, shoulders and elbows are all hinge joints on the ball-and-socket, giving them exceptional poseability and playability. The wrists have simple swivel joints which do all they truly need to do.

Unfortunately, the figure has terrible balance. While the figure may be posed well, the toy does not remain standing without using the holes at the backs of the feet. That makes this a great figure to augment vehicles or accessories, but it stands poorly on its own.

Collectibility

The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is part of the Legacy Collection with the build-a-droid figure that was released in 2013 exclusively through Amazon.com. The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper was released with equal frequency as the rest of the line. Given how this is 212th Battalion Clone Trooper easily interfaces with a number of toys and has multiple playable options, it is one that fans might be willing to stock up on, but for the fact that there are other, less problematic Clone Trooper figures. That makes it unlikely that it will appreciate in value significantly or fast.

Overview

The 212th Battalion Clone Trooper is a good Clone Trooper figure, but hardly one of the most original Star Wars toys ever made. If it were not for the build-a-droid piece, this might have been one of the figures in this toy line one could pass on.

For other Clone Trooper figures, please check out my reviews of:
Vintage Collection VC15 Clone Trooper
Vintage Collection VC38 Clone Trooper (212th Battalion)
Vintage Collection VC60 501st Legion Clone Trooper
2009 Legacy Collection BD37 Clone Commander Deviss
2009 Legacy Collection BD47 Commander Bacara
2008 Legacy Collection GH1 Commander Gree
Attach Of The Clones Collection #49 Clone Trooper Republic Gunship Pilot

7.5/10

For other Star Wars toy reviews, please check out my Toy Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2014 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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