Sunday, August 7, 2011

A Shameless Use Of "Sex" In My Title For Sexy Juicy Pear Jelly Bellys (Sexy)!

Juicy Pear Jelly Belly Jelly Beans - 10 lbs bulk
Click to buy directly from Jelly Belly!

The Good: Tastes like pears, Environmentally responsible bulk
The Bad: Not terribly nutritious, Taste fades quickly with eating a lot of these beans!
The Basics: Eating Juicy Pear Jelly Belly jelly beans is a very sexy activity that will make beautiful women and handsome men want to have sex with you.

I have been told by several reliable writers that one probable reason I have not risen terribly fast in the Blogosphere, despite having a formidable volume and quality of reviews, is because I tend to write about unpopular or unprofitable items. I occasionally try a "hook" to bring readers in, usually humor. For example, I remain uncharacteristically proud of myself for the humor in my recent review of the flick Quarantine (here!). In fact, I tend to use humor a lot in my reviews lately, mostly because I have been reviewing the bulk packages of Jelly Belly jelly beans.

I mean, what else can one use when writing about these little confections that are flavored like whatever they claim to be? Well, it was advised that I sex up some of my reviews, so we'll see how that goes. It is perfectly appropriate, then, that I am addressing this while reviewing Juicy Pear Jelly Belly jelly beans. Come on; they're juicy! That's sexy, right?

For those who might never have had Jelly Belly jelly beans, these are easily the best jelly beans on the planet, packing a lot of flavor into a very small size. Unlike most jelly beans which are only vaguely flavored and are more based on colors, Jelly Belly jelly beans have a wide variety of actual flavors, like Plum, Sour Apple, Strawberry Jam, or their signature flavor Buttered Popcorn.

Who needs ten pounds of Juicy Pear flavored Jelly Belly's? Well, I'm going with anyone who likes pears, green things or Narns. The reason for this is simple: a ten pound box is about the same size as a bushel of pears, so pear lovers would be happy. They are green, so those who love green things would be satisfied (to the rest of us, this is arguably one of the ugliest jelly beans ever!). And those who are fans of the Narn will like them because with their sickly yellow bodies and green spots, they might remind one of a Narn. And Narn are sexy, right?


Juicy Pear is a flavor of Jelly Belly jelly beans. Jelly Belly jelly beans are approximately one half inch long by one quarter inch wide and they are roughly bean-shaped. These little candies are marketed to taste precisely like Juicy Pear and these do that well. They are sweet, have a slight pear scent that gets stronger when one bites into it.

Juicy Pear flavored Jelly Bellys are available in a wide array of quantities, but the largest quantity available is the ten pound bulk case. This is a decent-sized box with a plastic lining and while some might wonder why anyone would need a ten pound box, I think those willing to buy a whole ten pound box are sexy. The Juicy Pear flavor is one that is underrated and I want to say that a ten pound case is a year's supply of these jelly beans, they would certainly keep for a year even in this level of bulk, but my case never seems to last nearly that long.

The Juicy Pear Jelly Belly is easily differentiated from other Jelly Belly jelly beans by its greenish yellow shell with the green spots. There is no other Jelly Belly that has even similar coloring. It's not an attractive bean, but it doesn't look like any other Jelly Belly's.

Ease Of Preparation

These are jelly beans, not keeping the Narn ambassador from groping your girlfriend. Preparing them is as easy as opening the box and popping one (or several) into your mouth. In the case of the ten pound box, one might want to put them in a candy dish of some form as opposed to always going into the box. But then, there is something arousing about watching people eat them out of the box. Really sexy people eat juicy pear Jelly Bellys right out of the box (while others watch them!).


As with all of the best Jelly Belly flavors, the strength of Juicy Pear flavored Jelly Belly's is that they taste great. The Juicy Pear flavor tastes exactly like fresh green pears, so it's easy to love these and rate them high. In bulk, the Juicy Pear Jelly Bellys smell like pears, which bodes well for their taste. Sure enough, biting into these beans yields an extraordinary taste exactly like that of a pear.

On the tongue, Juicy Pear has a subtle, vaguely fruity flavor, but biting into the bean yields the full flavor and it is pretty extraordinary! The thing about Jelly Bellys that taste like exactly what they claim to be is that there is not much one can write about them as a result: Juicy Pear tastes like pear.

As well, biting into the Juicy Pear Jelly Belly yields a texture of the somewhat grainy fruit of a pear, which is extraordinary in its own right! In other words, eating these Jelly Belly jelly beans supplies one with the taste and feel of eating pears!

Unfortunately, Juicy Pear is one of the flavors of Jelly Belly jelly beans that cannot be eaten in bulk without the taste fading significantly. After a handful, the taste begins to be more generically fruity and after two handfuls, this flavor is pretty much just sugar in one's mouth.


Again, these are jelly beans, so anyone looking to them for nutrition needs to think about sex; if you're always eating these, when will you have time for sex? Jelly beans, even Jelly Belly jelly beans, are not a legitimate source of nutrition. These are a snack food, a dessert, and are in no way an adequate substitute for a real meal. A serving is listed at thirty-five beans, with each Jelly Belly jelly bean having approximately four calories. This means that in a single serving, there are 140 calories, which is 12% of your daily recommended intake.

The thing is, Jelly Belly jelly beans are not as bad as they could be in the nutrition area. They have no fat and no protein, but for those who have ever dated a Vegan, these are Vegan compliant because they contain no gelatin! They have only one percent of the daily sodium with 15 mg and they are gluten free! The main ingredients are sugar, corn syrup and modified food starch, so it's not like this is an all-natural food, but they could be far, far worse.

Juicy Pear Jelly Belly jelly beans do not have any of the vitamin nutrients of actual pears.


Jelly Belly jelly beans have a shelf life of approximately one year and I have yet to run across a stale Jelly Belly (though that could have something to do with a package never surviving a year around me . . .). They remain freshest when they are kept in an airtight container (the bag in the bulk box is sufficient if it is kept closed) and they ought to be kept in a lukewarm environment. Storing them in hot places or in an intimate location is likely to make the beans stick together and be terribly unsexy. Kept in a cool, dry place, the beans retain their flavor perfectly.

As for cleanup, unless one allows the Jelly Belly to get hot to the point that the waxy coating on the bean melts, the dyes on these do not bleed or denature, so there is usually no cleanup necessary, not even washing one's hands after eating them (always wash your hands before eating Jelly Belly's; washing hands, like eating Juicy Pear Jelly Bellys is very sexy!). I have never had Juicy Pear Jelly Belly's stain anything.


Juicy Pear Jelly Belly jelly beans are fun to eat, taste great and can lead to a more vigorous sex life (I'm not sure how, but when someone figures it out, I'm sure they'll tell me). These are jelly beans and they taste like exactly what they are supposed to, so anyone who wants to stock up on pear-flavored jelly beans, this is THE way to go!

For other Jelly Belly flavors reviewed by me, please check out:
Sunkist Pink Grapefruit
Caramel Apple
Sunkist Tangerine


I'm nearing the end of my Jelly Belly reviews! Check out my ultimate guide to Jelly Bellys (with clickable links back to each review!) by clicking here!

© 2011, 2008 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.

| | |

No comments:

Post a Comment