The Burden Of Being Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

The Basics: With the second trailer for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, lifelong Star Wars fans are given hope that one of the biggest technical issues in the franchise will be fixed . . . leaving fans wondering if the "fix" will be worse than the problem!


Prequels have a tough balance to weigh when one looks at films from an artistic sensibility instead of a business model. After all, as a business model, prequels and sequels make perfect sense; there is a calculation that can be done to figure out the potential for any blockbuster work to draw in money from the same sources a second time by examining sales reports for the initial release and then the permanent home release (digital, DVD, Blu-Ray, rentals, etc.). But from an artistic sense, prequels are near-impossible to get right.

That said, easily the most anticipated film of the final months of 2016 is Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. With the final trailer to Rogue One: A Star Wars Story dropping, fans of the Star Wars franchise have almost every reason to be excited about the movie. Unfortunately, with the release of the final trailer for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Disney and Lucasfilm may well have given up too much information to keep the secrets they have desperately been clinging to and fans are already taking to the internet to explore every nook and cranny of the trailer.

It takes a lot for me to write about a film's trailer, as opposed to waiting for the film. In fact, I can only recall before writing about the problems posed to survivors of childhood crimes as an instant reaction to seeing the Rise Of The Guardians trailer (that article is here!) before now. But, the truth is, the Rogue One: A Star Wars Story had enough to get me to geek out and want to share in the joy of discussing the big concept alluded to in the Rogue One: A Star Wars Story trailer. It is worth noting that I have nothing to do with the film, so my theories and excitement can easily be undone by the film going in an entirely different way than the trailer made it appear.

The basic plot of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story has been known for a few months now. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is the story of how a team of Rebel spies managed to acquire the plans for the Death Star that would be passed from Princess Leia to R2-D2 in A New Hope (reviewed here!). The Rogue One: A Star Wars Story trailer fleshed out that basic plot by finally revealing some of the character relationships for the first time. Fans now know that the film's protagonist, Jyn Erso, is the daughter of the man who apparently designed the Death Star (which ought to be enough to get fans asking "Was he old enough to be alive and designing weapons so sophisticated in the time period of Revenge Of The Sith, where the Death Star plans were first shown?) and that Galen Erso is captured by the Empire and used to design the Death Star's weapons' systems against his will. But, in revealing the relationship between Jyn and Galen with a voiceover that helps characterize Galen as a reluctant villain working to save his daughter's life, the marketing team for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story may have let slip the answer to many fans' hopes.

Is it possible that Rogue One: A Star Wars Story was entirely created (outside profit motive) to finally put to rest one of the agonizing technical problems with A New Hope?!

Those who love the Star Wars franchise have had to accept ribbing for decades with a pretty major plot hole in A New Hope. Virtually every major commentary and parody of A New Hope from movie scholars to Blue Harvest (reviewed here!) has made fun of the fact that the Death Star had a pretty glaring technical problem which allowed it to be destroyed with comparative ease. George Lucas needed a plot device to actually allow his heroes to succeed and within the past forty years some engineer had to point out that an engineer would make a heat vent based on efficiency without concern about the tactical implications of it - their priority would be on function for the problem being solved, not necessarily the drawback of it. If nothing else, the final trailer of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story seems to imply that the film will finally give a concrete reason as to why the Death Star had such a glaring technical issue with it.

For those who loathe fan theories or people who like to look at the way things fit together and make sense of evidence presented to them, which has the potential to spoil the power of the joy of revelation in the first viewing, this is the last chance to turn away! Yeah, there are dozens (I don't have huge readership, so anyone from Lucasfilm who might read this and get pissed about the spoiler - hey, don't put the relevant data in the trailer if you don't want perceptive people to figure it out! - it's not like I could ruin the first viewing of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story for millions of people!) of fans who might be affected by reading on, so blah blah potential spoiler alert.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story might be the story of how the Death Star plans came to be in possession of the Rebellion, but it is potentially the story of exactly why the Death Star had a vent into which a proton torpedo or two could be shot, destabilizing the entire super weapon. If the final Rogue One: A Star Wars Story trailer is any indication, it was by design. The final Rogue One: A Star Wars Story trailer reveals that Galen Erso is working on the Death Star, apparently under Director Orson Krennic's direction, against his will. Galen loves his daughter Jyn Erso and appears to be mortgaging his freedom and technical skills for her life. But the opening line of the trailer declaring his love for his daughter and that all he does is for her makes viewers believe he has a conscience.

Amid all of the explosions, characters glaring and shots that remind fans just how awesome AT-ATs are, the Rogue One: A Star Wars Story trailer leaves fans with the almost inescapable conclusion that Galen Erso purposely put in the technical fault which will allow the Death Star to be easily destroyed. A father, imprisoned by the forces of evil, wants to be able to prove to his daughter that he is not as far gone as it might appear on the surface, proves to her his heart is still good by revealing that as powerful as the Death Star may appear, it may be destroyed by materials the Rebellion already has.

And herein lies the problem with prequels and the concept of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. How does one make an immediate prequel to A New Hope without causing more technical issues than one initially had? The trailer for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story shows Jyn and Captain Andor in Imperial uniforms infiltrating an Imperial facility . . . while this is a pleasant callback to A New Hope, it potentially creates a continuity problem for the same nitpicking fans who loathed the technical glitch in the Death Star. If Jyn's team infiltrates an Imperial facility (and, presumably, steals the Death Star plans or rescues a prisoner, as the trailer implies) and makes it out safely and Darth Vader at the outset of A New Hope knows the plans have been stolen, the burden on Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is to create a scenario by which subsequent security measures that were implemented would still allow Luke Skywalker's team in A New Hope to, essentially, do the same thing. In other words, if Jyn Erso infiltrates an Imperial facility, steals plans and/or rescues a prisoner, and Darth Vader learns about it, the only way to make the Empire truly seem villainous and efficient is for countermeasures to be made as soon as Vader finds out what happens to prevent the same type of theft or extraction. If viewers are not given that, the natural question viewers will have is, "How the hell did the Empire survive so long when it is so inept?!" So, the writers of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, in playing the same basic technique for infiltration as seen in A New Hope are stuck with making it different enough from the infiltration already seen that it could be still believable that Luke Skywalker's team could do the same thing.

In making Rogue One: A Star Wars Story a vital tie-in to the original Star Wars Trilogy, the balance is a tough one to make credible. If the revelation that Galen placed a technical fault in the Death Star is not done by simple exposition - which it shouldn't be, not just because of the lack of dramatic intensity of it, because as die-hard geeks will note, in A New Hope, the plans have to be analyzed by the Rebels on Yavin to find the fault in the Death Star - it must happen in a way that is organic and ties in to the character elements that led to the creation of the technical fault.

Will Rogue One: A Star Wars Story go for utter camp? For sure, it could; "We looked at the plans of the Death Star and if you look closely, the lights for the Death Star spell out 'Jyn' in this sector . . . but there is a pixel missing from the 'y' and when we zoomed in on it, we discovered this exhaust port!" But the smart money is on there being a file name in the Death Star plans that has Jyn's name in it that highlights the exhaust port and what it connects to. After all, despite the lack of sophisticated graphics when A New Hope was created, the Death Star is an incredibly sophisticated piece of technology and finding the one weakness as fast as the exposition in A New Hope is hardly realistic - otherwise why wouldn't R2-D2, who had the plans stored in him for some time, have analyzed them and found the fault, so when he was recovered, simply revealed "Hey, look what I found?!" So, if Galen Erso created a fault in the Death Star that the Rebels could exploit, the burden on Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is to have a mechanism by which the Rebels on Yavin would be able to find that fault and - to be satisfying drama - it ought to tie in directly to Jyn.

The Star Wars universe is a huge, rich, place and fans have a lot of reason to hope that Rogue One: A Star Wars Story will flesh out that universe well, but if the implications of the trailer play out in their most logical way, the franchise runs the risk of creating something more ridiculous than the technical fault it seeks to justify! Hopefully, Disney and Lucasfilm has some die-hard fans on staff whose sole job it is to read scripts like that of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story and fix the potential problems long before the film goes into production.

For other articles about movies and television, please check out:
The 10 Essential Star Trek Experiences
The 10 Best Movies Of 2014
The Top 10 Episodes Of Frasier

For other movie reviews, please check out my Film Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2016 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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It Doesn't Work: The Bell Windstorm Floor Pump With Gauge Is An Absolute Failure!

The Good: ? - Inexpensive, I suppose
The Bad: Not particularly durable, Doesn't work, Cheap
The Basics: I bought a Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge when I was in a pinch for a tire pump and it completely failed to work for me!


There is a pretty common "bit" in comedy when it comes to banter, where one person says something to another person as a list of things they are expressing and the person to whom they speak responds with the same response every time. Such banter tends to work best when it is a couple of words and is more than simply a "yes" or "no" response being repeated ad nauseum. In the case of the Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge, any sales pitch one could give me would be met with a reply of "It doesn't work." "Solid steel barrel . . ." "It doesn't work." "Gauge that reads up to 120 PSI. . ." "It doesn't work." "Foot pedals to stand upon while pumping . . ." "It doesn't matter; it doesn't work." You get it.

I had a soft tire that needed filling and I stopped in at the nearest local hardware store I could find for a tire pump. The only one they had was the Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge and, given that I won't travel on a deflated tire whenever I don't have to and they were closing for the night, I purchased the Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge with a sense of desperation and rushed out of the store to fill my tire. So, I was, understandably, upset when the Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge failed to work. Like most tire pumps, the Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge has a Schrader valve that one attaches to the tire, then depress a lever to allow the pump to push air into the tire's valve. There was no combination of movements that made it possible to connect the Schrader valve to my tire to push air into the tire and get a gauge reading from the pump.

So, I'm out the $26.

The Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge is a tire pump that has a 17" tall 1 1/2" in diameter steel barrel shaft that connects at the top to a plastic handle and at the base to plastic foot pedals that allow one to stand upon it while pumping . . . if it would actually pump air. The most compact this device gets is 23" tall by 3" deep by 8 1/2" wide, so it is likely to remain in one's garage, as opposed to being transported with a cyclist. The Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge features a 2 foot long rubber hose that ends in a Schrader valve.

Use of the Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge is very easy. Simply connect the Schrader valve to the tire you want inflated by pressing it firmly on the tire valve and then pushing down the lever on the Schrader valve. At that point, the gauge should read the current tire pressure. Step on the foot pedals to stabilize the Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge, then left the two handles atop the pump with both hands and push down.

Then, when nothing happens, save the sound of air whooshing out the valve, chuck the Bell Windstorm Floor Pump with Gauge and go and buy a floor pump that works!

For other reviews, please check out my reviews of:
Max Pen 521A 2 in 1 Sharpener
Slime Black Anodized Valve Caps
Celtic Knot Claddagh Urn For Ashes Sterling Silver Pendant

0/10

For other reviews of other, random, things, please check out my Other Product Review Index Page for a listing of all those reviews!

© 2016 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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More Expensive Than Worthwhile, Ultra-Pro 7MM Toploaders Are Good For Nuisance Cards!

The Good: Durable, Clear, Easy to use
The Bad: Big cards slide right out, Expensive
The Basics: Usually necessary only for those shipping extra-thick trading cards, the Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders are a tougher sell for collectors.


When it comes to trading cards, recent years have seen the advent of thicker trading cards, which do not fit into the traditional toploaders (reviewed here!). Instead, cards like badge and costume cards require larger – thicker - protectors. While most of the thicker cards do not fit into the traditional 9-card card pages, most collectors who keep their cards in binders tend to find more inventive ways to store and display their extra-thick cards than with thicker card protectors. The gold standard for thicker cards are Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders. Because there are so many things that can befall a trading card – given that they are generally fragile, usually cardboard, objects – having protection for extra thick trading cards is absolutely essential. Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders provide that protection.

Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders are solid polypropylene protectors that are clear and less firm than their thinner counterparts. Because the space inside the toploader is 7mm of space, the otherwise hard sides of the toploader have quite a bit of give to them. Sealed on three sides, the Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploader accepts a card by sliding it in through the wide opening at the top of the toploader. The Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders fit virtually any 2 1/2” by 3 1/2" trading card that would be easily evident in the unopened pack of cards – like overthick badge cards. When properly placed in the Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploader, the corners of trading cards are protected and the surface of a trading card is able to resist scratches and dents as well.

Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders are a far cry from perfect, though. Nothing short of a Lucite block will keep a trading card in absolutely mint condition and Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders do a fair job of protecting cards. However, Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders leave way too much room inside the toploader; in order for them to fit a thicker card, the opening is so wide and so flexible that oversized cards easily slip out.

I am a fan of one-stop solutions; a product that actually solves whatever problem it claims to on its own. Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploaders require one to tape the toploader closed in order to be effective, especially when using these toploaders to ship cards. To get your card out of the toploader, simply turn it over and gently tap the bottom; your card will slide out exceptionally easily.

Ultra-Pro 3” X 4” 7mm Toploader are easy to use and are pretty much the only option for those transporting or shipping extra-thick trading cards, but they are a far cry from an exceptional product!

For trading card reviews, be sure to visit my reviews of:
2013 Star Trek Movies Star Trek Into Darkness Preview Set
2009 James Bond Archives trading cards
Star Wars Jedi Legacy trading cards

5/10

For other card product reviews, be sure to visit my Card Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2015 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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The Gay Community’s Struggle Will Only Get Worse Unless They Learn From The Mistakes Of The Women’s Rights Movement.

| | | The Basics: With the Supreme Court striking down the Defense Of Marriage Act, gays, lesbians and transgender individuals need to unify and get a civil rights bill passed or today’s ruling means nothing.


I am the dark cloud on this very bright day, but the gay, lesbian, and transgendered community needs one today. I have been eagerly waiting for the Defense Of Marriage Act to be struck down since President Clinton signed it into law in 1996. During the brief time I spent running for the U.S. House Of Representatives, I vocally spoke in favor of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered rights and promised that I would do what I could to help end “don’t ask, don’t tell,” and repeal DOMA, should I make it to office. So, then, why am I not celebrating today as millions are elated by the news that the Supreme Court has struck down key elements of the Defense Of Marriage Act and paved the way for gay, lesbian, and bisexuals to marry?

Because history has provided us with more than enough information to illustrate that today’s ruling is not the end of the fight and, odds are, there are worse things in the store for the gay, lesbian, and bisexual community coming for the next few decades.

Sorry, there it is, that’s me and this is the dark cloud moment. If you don’t believe me, just ask a woman who wants an abortion in Mississippi.

How are the two related? It’s simple; after every major Civil Rights ruling by the Supreme Court, the affected group has gotten lazy and their supporters feel like their work is done and they move on to their next cause. After almost every major Civil Rights ruling, Congress fails to follow the Constitutionally prescribed remedy when a law is determined to be unconstitutional, which is to pass a new law. That is why, after the slaves were freed, the United States suffered through a reactionary Reconstruction and decades of heinous actions in the years of legally sanctified segregation. That is why, after forty years, when talking about abortion rights, we still refer to Roe V. Wade instead of the Abortion Rights Protection Act.

After the Supreme Court determined that women have a right to privacy under the 14th Amendment and that right to privacy extends to their right to have an abortion, there was . . . no successful follow-up. In fact, the Equal Rights Amendment failed . . . and women and liberals gave up on trying again to pass it. In the years since, states have worked to undermine the rights acknowledged in that ruling and now many have laws that specifically undermine a woman’s ability to get an abortion in those states.

So, while most liberals, gays, lesbians, sensible conservatives, and others who value civil rights are celebrating today, I am not. Right now, throughout the United States, there are conservative think tanks with obscene amounts of money who have their legal teams combing over the language of the decision in United States v. Windsor. Those lawyers are hired to draft laws for every state where conservatives think they can get enough support which will dismantle the ability for gays, lesbians, and transgendered people to marry or have their marriages from other states legally acknowledged at the state level. You will see such laws by 2014 when the Tea Party will use them to win votes and Congressional seats and the fight will be that much harder to win.

I will celebrate when the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered Civil Rights movement proves me wrong and organizes enough to stop history from repeating itself yet again and gets an Equal Rights Amendment passed.

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Less Bang For The Buck: Hulu Plus Disappoints.

The Good: Affordable, Has many current shows
The Bad: No CBS, Last five episodes of many shows, Wonky search engine, Glitchy, One week trial period.
The Basics: Hulu Plus is an unfortunately erratic television and movie streaming service that is not worth utilizing.


Recently, my wife and I had cause to use our free one-week trial of Hulu Plus, an online streaming service, even though we already use and pay for Netflix. My reason for going ahead with the trial week was simple: I play Dragon City on Facebook and one of the offers was to subscribe to Hulu to get gems in the game and, frankly, I wanted them in order to pick up a dragon offered for a limited time. That’s not to say I was not happy to try Hulu Plus – I was eager to see Parenthood’s fourth season and my wife loves New Girl and through Hulu Plus we were able to watch the entire second season (reviewed here!) during our trial because it is on there (in our area, we do not get FOX over the airwaves) – but because there are so many programs on Netflix that I still have in the queue, I was in no particular hurry to cram in all the television (if you’re looking for movies, don’t bother with Hulu, the film selection is so anemic that the site itself does not invest much in promoting the fact that it even has movies on the platform) into a week.

Even so, a week was all I needed to determine that Hulu Plus is a vastly inferior online and via Playstation 3 (reviewed here!) streaming service. For the week we had Hulu Plus, we streamed shows on our television via our Playstation 3, on our laptop computers, and on my wife’s Nook.

What is good about Hulu Plus is exceptionally easy to define: Hulu Plus is very easy to install (it was already there on our Playstation 3 and my wife had the app version of the site installed on her Nook in minutes after she went looking for it. I also used www.huluplus.com to find shows on my laptop because it is just that much easier than trying to use the Playstation 3 virtual keyboard or my wife’s tablet to type and scroll through results. So, Hulu Plus is, to its credit, very easy to install.

Unfortunately, Hulu Plus is not as easy to use as it is to install. First, the platform is glitchier than any of the other we have tried. By that, I mean that more than any other streaming platform, we found with Hulu Plus that we would be watching a program and the episode would freeze up and require us to reboot the entire system (not just Hulu Plus). We easily diagnosed this as a platform issue because our other wireless devices did not lose the internet connection when the Hulu Plus connection failed mid-program and after eight months with Netflix, we have never been disconnected from the site without our entire wi-fi connection collapsing (it would be a pretty lousy thing if Hulu Plus did this on purpose during their trial period, but I have no evidence at all that that is what happened). As an added annoyance, when Hulu Plus fails, it does not reboot the episode one was watching to the precise moment it failed. Usually, the feed backtracks about a minute before getting to the point one actually left off.

The interface is generally easy to use, save the search engine. Hulu Plus has a terrible search engine that brings up results that are frequently not even tangentially related to the program one wishes to watch. If, for example, one searches for a program that Hulu Plus does not have, it will frequently flood the screen with episodes of any other program that featured stars from that show on any other program (like how searching for Spin City will bring up virtually every talk show that Michael J. Fox or Heather Locklear ever appeared on that Hulu Plus has in their database).

The only real benefit of Hulu Plus is that for many networks, it contains the most complete database of television series’ for a $19.99/month of all of the streaming services. Oddly, though, for a service that prides itself on having some of the newest programs online, it lacked an entire season of Psych or Weeds that Netflix actually had (and Netflix was still behind a season!). My point here is that even their selection is comparatively hit or miss. Where it excels is in providing current seasons from many broadcast and cable television shows, their database is exceptionally wonky. For example, Hulu Plus had the complete latest seasons of Modern Family and New Girl, but only the last five episodes of Happy Endings, Revolution, and Once Upon A Time.

What really irked me was that Hulu Plus has no current seasons of shows on CBS. I understand (though it annoyed me) that HBO and Showtime – premium cable channels both – would not participate in the streaming site Hulu but . . . CBS?! I was annoyed that I could not catch up on 2 Broke Girls during the free trial week, but when I learned that it was because CBS is trying its hand at its own streaming service, my reaction was (literally) “Come on!” Really, CBS?! You think more than any other broadcast network you have the oomph and programming to make your own streaming service? For sure, you have some wonderful programming for young, hip people, but the network is not known for young and hip. No, CBS is the network of shows that are watched by more people in the older demographics . . . the ones not so likely to be hip to streaming. CBS is not going to have an easy time of making their own streaming service and making it profitable and keeping their programs away from established platforms like Hulu Plus is not going to create a groundswell of demand for CBS’s programming to the extent that people will go out and spend actual money on a CBS-only streaming platform.

That leads me to the final problem with Hulu Plus: original programming. Original programming has become a competitive point between the various streaming platforms and it is one that will define who spends money on a streaming platform. Netflix, for example, created original programming with House Of Cards Season 1 (reviewed here!) and resurrecting Arrested Development for a fourth season (reviewed here!). What is Hulu Plus’s original programming? Damned if I know. Seriously, Hulu Plus, if your platform prides itself on giving people the ability to catch up or rewatch all of their favorite shows, you need to give consumers more than a one week free trial run if you ever expect your original programming to take off. Consumers come to your platform based on the strength of what they know they like and what friends have recommended to them (but they’ve been smart and thrifty enough not to just buy on DVD on spec). During the one week trial on Hulu Plus, I saw an ad for a program or two unique to Hulu Plus. I have absolutely no memory of them. And yet, I know Amazon Prime has Alpha House with John Goodman coming out. How do I know that? I had more than a week to look around Amazon Prime!

In short, Hulu Plus is my bet to be the first on-demand streaming platform to fail. It does not have smooth streaming, the search engine is annoyingly unspecific in the results it finds and its library is not consistent enough to allow fans to truly binge on their favorite programs or immerse themselves entirely in new series’. For all those reasons, regardless of what original programming Hulu Plus might create, as it exists now, Hulu Plus is the runt of the litter.

For other websites I have reviewed, please be sure to check out my takes on:
ValueVapor.com
Google.com
eBay.com
Barnes And Noble.com

3/10

For other website or software reviews, please be sure to visit my Computer Reviews Index Page!

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Justin Bieber Responds To His Anne Frank House Gaffe!

| | | The Basics: Justin Bieber made a public relations gaffe when he signed the guest book at the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam, below is an internal memo from his public relations firm bouncing around public responses.


For internal use only.

As you know, our main client, Justin Bieber, committed something of a faux pas when he recently visited the Anne Frank House, by signing the guest book with a comment suggesting that Anne Frank would have made a good Belieber. What we want to avoid is any sort of Mel Gibson-esque rant where our client suggests that Belieberism might have worked out better for Frank than Judaism did. To that end, we have crafted a few potential responses for the upcoming press conference and would like to come to a consensus internally before advising our client. The options, as we see it, to cull from include:

1.Whimsy and self-depreciation. After a brief apology, our client explains his actions by holding up a photograph of Selena Gomez and states, “Up until recently, I was tapping this. I broke it off with her, so clearly, I have gone insane.” The world would understand.

2.Tribute. After a brief apology, our client announces that his next album, previously planned to be entitled Celebrity Crush will be renamed Songs For Anne. None of the content will be changed.

3.Sympathy. After a brief apology, our client should give a teary tribute to the trials and tribulations of all those who suffered through the Holocaust. He will then explain that he is a fan of Anne Frank and that what he meant the comment as a sign of his respect for her. He could close, with tears in his eyes, with the phrase, “Maybe if Anne Frank had had dance music, the Holocaust wouldn’t have been so bad for her.”

4. Cultivate the “bad boy” image. We’ve been given the opportunity to rebrand our client. Without apologizing, our client should simply explain his actions by stating directly, “I was in Amsterdam; I was high at the time.”

5. Honesty. After a brief apology, our client explains that he is the recipient of the finest American education from private tutors that money can buy, “I didn’t even know there was a Holocaust!”


For other general articles, please visit my articles on:
Concert - East Lansing, MI - March 8, 2013
Anne Hathaway For Wonder Woman!
It Is Time For Politicians To Throw Some Patronage To The Young.
© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Great Prices, Better Customer Service, ValueVapor.com Is A Great Online Shopping Site For E-Cigs And Supplies!

The Good: Good shipping, Good selection, Superior customer service (the best!)
The Bad: Not the most precise descriptions of products to truly benefit new customers.
The Basics: ValueVapor.com is the site online to purchase electronic cigarette supplies!


My wife was, when I first got to know her, a smoker. She gave up cigarettes for me, which was pretty awesome. That’s love. However, after two years of marriage, she really wanted to smoke again. Sigh. So, we reached a compromise; after doing a lot of research, we learned that e-cigarettes, which produce steam, not smoke, did not stain, smell, or have the carcinogenic first or second hand effects of regular cigarettes. It is, for the most part, a harmless endeavor and when my wife decided to get re-addicted to nicotine, I was just glad that she wasn’t doing it in a way that would kill her, me or make all of our stuff smell. Now, several systems removed from the first electronic cigarettes, my wife has found a few sites that provide e-cigarette supplies and fluids. I’ve gotten in the habit of buying her e-cig supplies as a gift, largely because (unlike in New York where we lived together for the first three and a half years of our marriage, where the e-cigs are a growth industry) there are no e-cig supply shops within two hundred miles. So, I’ve whittled down the sites she and I buy from and the best one we’ve yet found is Value Vapor (www.valuevapor.com).

I've been doing business with Value Vapor online for two years now. ValueVapor.com is the web-based presence of the Austin, Texas, based electronic cigarette product distributor. ValueVapor.com ships out of Austin daily and they pride themselves on their low prices, which they certainly deliver upon.

ValueVapor.com sells e-cigarette systems and liquid nicotine. They have exceptionally competitive prices and it worth noting that Value Vapor does not produce the equipment they sell. As a result, I find that it is worth mentioning that Value Vapor, as a distributor of e-cigarette supplies, is not responsible for the overall quality of the products. Our experiences with e-cigarette supplies have been that 1. They are the epitome of planned obsolescence and 2. The technology continues to be refined. E-cigarette systems have an initial price tag (usually in the $30 - $100 range) that has put a lot of people off to them. However, most good e-cigarette sellers point out that that cost is the equivalent to x packs of cigarettes and you get y packs of cigarettes worth of steaming out of the equipment (y usually being about ten or more times the value of x). And it’s a good pitch, but experience has quickly shown that atomizers, cartomizers, batteries and cartridges burn out at a vastly accelerated rate vs. the promises e-cigarette manufacturers make. Since my wife began steaming two and a half years ago, she has gone through six completely different e-cigarette systems. Given that we have had precarious financial situations throughout almost the entire last three years, you have to believe that she has tried every possible way to clean, recharge, and otherwise reuse and rotate her parts in order to make each system work for as long as possible.

What does this have to do with ValueVapor.com? Valuevapor.com is selling a product which is known to have issues; the basic technology is much more fragile than manufacturers want to admit. Serious smokers who turn into equally serious steamers are burning through this equipment much faster than manufacturers want to admit. ValueVapor.com distinguishes itself in this regard in two exceptionally important ways. First, they have an exceptional inventory. Value Vapor is constantly evolving its inventory with the latest in e-cig technology and they sell a greater variety of e-cig systems and more of the newest systems than anywhere else we have found on the internet. The second way they distinguish themselves is in the customer service department.

Value Vapor has absolutely amazing customer service. In addition to a decent use of social media platforms (like Facebook) where they keep customers up to date about current merchandise and offer a number of giveaways, they frequently throw in freebies with orders (all you have to do is ask politely at checkout and returning customers usually get a little gift!) and they respond exceptionally quickly to e-mails and customer service requests that come through their online forms. But above that, they seem to recognize that the products they sell have a fragility and an planned impermanence. They respond quickly, efficiently, and to the benefit of their customers consistently to all issues that come up with the mechanics of the product they sell. Lesser e-cig companies – and we have (or more accurately “had”) dealt with a surprisingly high number – pretty much tell the customers to go to hell because they have nothing to do with the manufacture of the e-cig products (a vast number of e-cig systems come with manuals that are only written in Chinese, so it’s not like the manufacturers are terribly responsive to the needs of the U.S. market); Value Vapor does the exact opposite. They take incredible responsibility for the product they sell and work exceptionally hard to replace, refund, or otherwise work with customers to ensure they keep coming back. And to be fair to Value Vapor, my wife (who would give ValueVapor.com a ten out of ten if she were writing this review!) wanted me to note that the systems she has bought through Value Vapor have been the tertiary systems (in other words, we went through five e-cig systems prior to getting the systems through Value Vapor and since then, she has only had two and they have lasted the longest and been the most easy-to-use; the highest quality product).

Visiting Valuevapor.com, the visitor is brought from a basic security warning page designed to deter those under eighteen from proceeding to a stark sales page. ValueVapor.com is a straight-to-the-point sales-oriented website that does not waste time, space or bandwidth on unnecessary features or programs. Usually on the front page there is a list of the current promotion going on at the site.

First-time visitors to ValueVapor.com are encouraged to open an account, though anyone using the shopping cart will be able to register after they find the items they are looking for, if they don't want to "risk" it. ValueVapor.com does not keep credit card information on-file, but has secure servers for transmitting that information each time. Customers at ValueVapor.com may have multiple shipping and billing addresses stored in their account and I've found that useful for when I was in the process of a move or shipping items as gifts. ValueVapor.com’s account management is simple to use.

One of the nice things about placing orders with ValueVapor.com is the friendly customer service and the way they are on top of the information they have. What robs ValueVapor.com of a perfect rating (because it is hard to hold the website accountable for the general failings of the e-cig technology) is the lack of detailed information on the page. Many listings – especially for components to existing systems – lack enough descriptive information to provide those who find ValueVapor.com from making all of their shopping choices based on what is in front of them. So, for example, the “Blank Cartridges ‘True 901’ (Flat-Tip Black)” that ValueVapor.com sells for $.49 has the title as its description. This tells the shopper nothing about what systems it is compatible with, how to use it, etc. Given how new e-cig technology is, this is to the detriment of the website and the shopping experience.

Fortunately, ValueVapor.com has an incredibly knowledgeable, customer service-oriented staff that is fast with replies to e-mails. Ideally, a website like ValueVapor.com should not require the interactions, but Value Vapor more than makes up for that structural defect on the customer service and product knowledge end . . . all without having high prices.

The search engine on Valuevapor.com is a good one and I’ve had no problem finding any products in stock using that (as opposed to the list bar on the left side of the site). Product pages at ValueVapor.com include at least one image of the product (which may often be enlarged). While they might be low on product descriptions, they have amazing product selection and it is easy to assemble an order that has a great variety of e-cig parts.

As well, Value Vapor has frequent promotions and their customer service never diminishes when they (presumably) get slammed during their great deals. Check-out through ValueVapor.com is simple with a shopping cart interface which is as easy as clicking buttons (after one has established their account). Shipping usually occurs within twenty-four hours and ValueVapor.com e-mails an update to users as to the status of their order. ValueVapor.com has exceptionally-detailed shipping information that they provide to their customers. When we place orders with Value Vapor, we know exactly where in the world the order is (it is probably the most complete shipping record we get from an online seller!).

Customer service, selection and low prices all come together to make the seemingly simple website ValueVapor.com the very best electronic cigarette supply supplier on the internet!

For other website reviews, please check out my thoughts on:
eBay.com
google.com
barnesandnoble.com

9/10

For other website and computer product reviews, please visit my Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.

Slime Black Anodized Valve Caps Do What They Are Supposed To!

The Good: Inexpensive, Durable
The Bad: Do not actually prevent leakage
The Basics: Slime Black Anodized Valve Caps for car tires adequately and stylishly seal the tire stems on automobiles.


A few months ago, my wife and I were noticing some leakage from our car’s tires. She noticed the car pulling to the right and while we could not find anything wrong with the tires, we did notice that the right side tires were missing the caps on the tire valve stems. That was when we picked up a four pack of Slime Black Anodized Valve Caps.

It ought to be noted right up front that there are two schools of thought on the effectiveness of valve stem caps for maintaining tire pressure. Rationally, it only makes sense that valve caps would prevent leakage that otherwise comes from anything pressing down on the release in the valve to deflate the tires over time. The other side says that valve caps hold in air and that seems unlikely given my experiences. The tires continued to deflate at about the same rate even after we replaced the valve caps with the Slime Black Anodized Valve Caps.

That said, the four pack of Slime Black Anodized Valve Caps was a decent value and has allowed us to seal up the tire valves. And they are pretty stylish. Each of the four aluminum Slime Black Anodized Valve Caps is 1/2” in diameter and 3/4” tall. These caps look like little glossy black bullets. On the side of the more cylindrical part (they have a domed top, though it is a little more oblong – like a bullet – than the standard valve caps) there is texturing which makes them exceptionally easy to twist on and off the valve stems – even in winter!

These valve stems twist on and twist off exceptionally easily. There is no trick to using them and they look good that way. Having since gone through a snowy Michigan winter and a lot of rough roads around here, any leakage that would normally come from those conditions does seem to be stopped by using these valve stems. But mostly, they just prevent people from walking up and easily deflating my car’s tires!

For other automotive reviews, please check out my takes on:
2009 Kia Rio5
2007 Ford Focus
2005 Honda Civic Hybrid

7.5/10

For other reviews, please check out my Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Why Fun Is The Most Dangerous Band On The Radio Today.

The Basics: The only way to appreciate Fun is by turning off one’s brain, but their message is misogynistic and militaristic for anyone who hears their music.


Music, like all forms of art, has the ability to influence its listeners and impassion an audience to feel emotions or take a stand based upon the desires of the artist. Music frequently gets blamed for the social ills and rebellious spirit of the younger generation – from the hip-shaking imagery of Elvis Presley to the open anarchy of Public Enemy. But on the radio today, coming out of the young music artists, there is a prevalence of an attitude that does not so much encourage youth rebellion as it inspires the glorification of “young and dumb.” Ke$ha openly embraces an attitude of young and slutty (promiscuous does not enter into it as much as drunk, disorderly, and easy). But, despite that obvious – and to many young women unappealing – approach taken by Ke$ha and her ilk and the preponderance toward misogyny in modern rap (this is nothing new and is openly combated by the likes of Dr. Cosby), after a debate with my young sister-in-law on the Fun song “We Are Young,” it occurred to me that there is no band on the radio today promoting willful stupidity and self-destructiveness than Fun.

Fun has, from their album Some Nights, two radio hits. Both “We Are Young” and “Some Nights” are catchy radio jingles that play off the listener’s easy attachment to repetitive, epic-sounding lines. And if Fun’s songs had no lyrics, they would be harmless enough. Unfortunately, though, they do.

The debate with my sister-in-law came from my assertion that it is incomprehensible that all the “family values” types that raised a stink about any number of obvious rap songs or the flagrant sexuality of Madonna have not had any issue with their children listening to the music of Fun. Fun’s first hit might seem innocuous enough with the repetitive refrain of “Tonight / We are young / So let’s set the world on fire / We can burn brighter than the sun” (“We Are Young”). It seems to be an anthem of youth empowerment.

But, in order to get to what appears to be a song about kids making the most of their lives, one has to get through the intro. Young people who are fans of Fun, like my teenage sister-in-law, seem to go to long lengths to avoid actually paying attention to the opening to “We Are Young.” In the opening, Fun sings a musical storysong about a guy in a bar who has a lover who is being approached by a new man, “. . . asking ‘bout a scar, and / I know I gave it to you months ago / I know you’re trying to forget / But between the drinks and subtle things / The holes in my apologies . . .” (“We Are Young”) and who is acting as a lookout for his friends who are in the bathroom doping up.

This is not a song about youth empowerment, it is an anthem that openly disregards abusing women and encourages drug use and lawbreaking (acting as a lookout). And all of that is fine in the world of “We Are Young” and Fun because they are just kids doing what kids do. Note to young people: apologies don’t have holes, excuses do. If someone is giving excuses for why they hit another person, they are rationalizing, not expressing remorse. Good people don’t do that. And listeners should not buy into the idea that any action can be justified or brushed off solely by the flimsy excuse that those committing the transgressions are young.

And yet, “We Are Young” not only received massive airplay and a Grammy nomination, it had enough financial success for Fun to encourage the label to release a second single. The second single was “Some Nights” and while it, too, seems like a powerful anthem, it has been co-opted by military enthusiasts for an obvious reason: while it has a catchy tune, it advocates thoughtless obedience to a militant cause.

In “Some Nights,” the musical protagonist constantly asks and asserts, “What do I stand for? / Most nights I don’t know . . .” Despite the song declaring that the protagonist is in a state of war and having militant drumming ideal for marches, “Some Nights” advocates a position that glorifies young and dumb again. The musical protagonist is fighting a war (“This is it, boys, this is war – what are we waiting for?”), yet doesn’t know what their own principles are. This might be why after declaring they are part of a war, they are willing to suggest, “Why don’t we break the rules already?” (“Some Nights”). This isn’t a song advocating a military mindset, it is a subtle justification for torture, mercenary killing, and lack of respect for human life. The very last people in the world who should be in the military are those who lack principles; who fights, who kills, without having an ideal or nation they are fighting for? Psychopaths.

“Some Nights” is a glorification of a sociopathic viewpoint. Following on the heels of a song that only works if one is willing to completely ignore the spousal abuse component or accept that even violence against women is fine, so long as it is young people committing the violence, this is a mortifying state of affairs. How Fun’s works remain on the radio is a mystery; all Americans – not just parents – should reject the band Fun and its works and try to get radio stations to stop playing their songs. After all, if the track record so far is domestic violence and unprincipled killing, do we really want to know what the subject of the “third strike” song might be before listeners are exposed to it?

For other musical analysis commentary, please visit my article on why the LGBT Community Should Actively Boycott Katy Perry.

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Too Brittle To Be Worth Recommending, Choice Ties 17 Inch Extra Heavy Duty Cable Ties

The Good: They can work well
The Bad: Brittle, Expensive
The Basics: Choice Ties 17 Inch Extra Heavy Duty Cable Ties are useful, but break too easily to be truly useful.


When I moved from New York to Michigan, I was on my own. My wife had made the trip before me and set up shop in Michigan, so I was responsible for getting our pets and all of our possessions to Michigan. That meant that I had to rent a U-Haul. Unfortunately, the “fine folks” at U-Haul ripped out the underside of my car when putting my 2005 Honda Civic Hybrid (reviewed here!) up on the trailer I rented. I had no idea that the crunching sound the car made when the worker put it on the trailer was the bottom shield of the car getting separated from the bottom, nor did I know that the tearing and subsequent clunking was that plastic shield (which protects the engine from all manner of crap coming off the road) dragging along the road as I tried to drive the car. With the local U-Haul affiliates unwilling to take any sort of responsibility for writing up and paying for the damage to my car (or just getting this problem repaired, considering I had paid for the insurance when I rented the U-Haul and trailer!) I took the only recourse open to me: I made a car repair. For the last six months, my car’s front has been held together with zip ties (cable ties). Last weekend, there was a big snow here in Michigan and the last of those ties broke off, so I had to find replacements. I went with Choice Ties 17 Inch Extra Heavy Duty Cable Ties.

Choice Ties 17 Inch Extra Heavy Duty Cable Ties are 17 1/2" long black plastic cable ties that are 3/8” wide. They have a blockish end through which the cable tie is fed and in that block, there is a simple latch that “locks” the tie to itself and prevents any backward slippage. Choice Ties 17 Inch Extra Heavy Duty Cable Ties come locally in packs of 25 for $8.59. That struck me as pretty expensive, but given my need, I bought them anyway.

Unfortunately, after repairing my car with only eight of the Choice Ties 17 Inch Extra Heavy Duty Cable Ties, I am down to ten cable ties. What happened to the other seven? They broke. Even though I was going around car parts that were well over the minimal diameter the cable tie could accommodate and the cable ties were binding parts that exerted far less pressure than the 175 lbs. that these ties are supposed to withstand, they snapped, their locking portions cracked off and they broke even before I could cut their tips off!

Losing almost half of the ties one is attempting to use is terrible on the quality front, but to be fair to Choice Ties, the eight that are in use on my car have held perfectly. I’m not waiting until they snap to find less important uses for the remaining ten; if I can’t trust most of a product to work, I am not buying it again and I am certainly not endorsing it for anyone else to use.

2/10

For other reviews, please visit my Review Index Page for organized listings of the various types of reviews I have written!

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Less Inspired Than Some Of The Others, The Jedi Training Film Cel Is A Mediocre Collectible!

The Good: Unique, Very collectible, Variety
The Bad: Comparatively poor investment, Less intriguing shot selection
The Basics: In 1996, Lucasfilm offered pieces of the original film prints from The Empire Strikes Back and the Jedi Training Film Cel was one of their less impressive ones.


Back when the Star Wars Special Edition films hit theaters, I was hugely excited. I was in college, working multiple jobs and I had a little allowance. So, when I had the opportunity to own what was literally a piece of The Empire Strikes Back (reviewed here!), I was thrilled. I hunted down an awesome film clip from the Imperial Attack Edition of film clips (reviewed here!) and was very happy. Shortly thereafter, my partner at the time gifted me a The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cel.

I was not as impressed.

The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cel is most analogous to a trading card. The fundamental differences are that the The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cels are encased in a permanent plastic block and no two are absolutely identical. Lucasfilm released several Editions of the collectible film cels from Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi, each with several divisions of scenes so that collectors could try to get the part of the movie that was their favorite. The The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cels all feature film clips from the time spent on Dagobah embedded in them.

For those unfamiliar with the concept of collectible film cels, the manufacturer of the film cels (in this case, Lucasfilm) takes a movie that has a following, chops up a print of the film and embeds the individual film frames in a larger case so that fans may own a part of the movie they love. The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cel is a 2 5/8” wide by 15/16” tall embedded in a plastic (maybe Lucite?) case that measures 7 ½” by 2 ¾” by 7/16”. The chamber that actually houses the film cel is (supposedly) filled with an inert gas to prevent the film cel from degrading. This is the industry equivalent to using deacified paper for trading cards to prevent yellowing. All film cels in the The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cel collection feature the same case with Yoda and Luke Skywalker sitting facing one another, though many of the film clips (like the one I have) do not actually feature both characters in the shot. The plastic casing is sealed on all four corners with heavy screws.

In its way, each The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cel is unique. In addition to having a film cel that could only be from a specific, individual frame of the movie, the film cels come with an individual number. So, for example, my The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cel features a film cel of Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker on Dagobah. The film cel I have is just a head shot of the Jedi in training and it is hardly a compelling image or collectible.

Like trading cards, there is little that one can truly do with the The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cels. You buy them, find a way to display them and (if you’re investing) hope that it appreciates in value. The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Film Cels were found at stores like Spencer’s back in the day and they were nowhere near as popular as Lucasfilm hoped they would be. As a result, most of them were clearance and could be found inexpensively for years. Even now, they have not significantly appreciated.

I have a The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cel because I love the movie and because someone once gave it to me and I haven’t been able to unload it for the last decade and a half. It is nowhere near as compelling or interesting as many other collectibles manufactured around the same time and unless one gets one of the The Empire Strikes Back Authentic 70mm Film Originals Jedi Training Edition Film Cels with Yoda in it, it is hard to imagine why anyone would truly get thrilled by this.

For other Star Wars collectibles, please be sure to visit my reviews of:
Star Wars Premiere CCG
2012 Lego Stormtrooper Hallmark Ornament
Santa Yoda Super Deformed Plush

3/10

For reviews of trading cards, please be sure to visit my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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IGT & Facebook Inadvertently Cure Compulsive Gambling With A Bad Business Model!

| | | The Basics: By licensing to various Facebook online casino platforms, IGT and its licensees are following a business strategy that is ultimately self-defeating to both.


Since leaving my technology blogging job, it takes quite a bit to get me to write about technology issues now. Fortunately, my wife has presented me with something worth writing about that, over the course of the past several months, I have had the opportunity to observe and participate in. My wife, love her to death, is something of a compulsive gambler. While we lived near multiple casinos (check out reviews of them in my Travel Reviews!) and distance was not an issue to making an event out of those evenings, she illustrated a complete inability or unwillingness to quit while she was ahead. No matter what our personal financial situation at the time, or how much we loathed the cigarette and cigar smoke we were exposed to, she was almost pathologically unable to leave the casino before losing the money she brought or working back down to breaking even from a winning position.

I was impressed, however, when she found a solution to her potentially expensive hobby on her own. While I had picked her up several of the IGT computer games of several of her favorite video slot machines, she went online and discovered that several companies on Facebook were licensing some of her favorite games. Most of the games from IGT, the standard in video slot machines at all of the casinos we frequent, are licensed to Facebook apps like High 5 Casino, Jackpot Joy, DoubleDown Casino, and Caesars. It seemed like this would be an ideal solution for my wife; she would play online and not cost us money by going to the real casinos.

It did not take long for me to realize the folly of this approach, but it was not much longer before I realized that IGT and the Facebook licensees had created something that was ultimately self-defeating for both. For those unfamiliar with them, the Facebook platforms that license the IGT games do not pay out real money, though they accept real money to buy additional “coins” for play. Each platform utilizes a different series of reinforcement for players whereby they grant players a certain amount of coins at a regulated interval to encourage players to return and continue playing. So, for example, DoubleDown gives players a daily spin that allots them enough coins to play anywhere from a single spin to a hefty tournament. As well, Facebook friends, may send coins or spins to players once a day. On High 5 Casino and many of the other Facebook casino platforms, players are allotted coins based on their level of play at four hour intervals. Players may pay for additional coins and coins go on sale periodically.

Over the past year since my wife discovered the platforms with the video slot machines she likes, I’ve had ample opportunity to observe her, as well as playing some on my own. The platforms that my wife has given up on share many common traits: they have video slot machines that she is unfamiliar with (non-IGT games), game mechanics that are virtually identical across the different games on the platform, low reinforcement incentives, and a low rate of wins. Even a few of the IGT-licensed games that she played at casinos that are on platforms with low return incentives and low winning rates have caused her to stop playing on those platforms.

So, from ten or more platforms she was once subscribed to on Facebook, my wife now only plays on four. Three of them are IGT-licensees and the other one, she remains subscribed to by rote; she has achieved such a high level based on prior play that her four-hour and daily bonuses encourage her to return, even though she derives no real enjoyment from playing. On the other three, I have watched her devote a great deal of time – and on two of the platforms, what I would call a “significant” amount of money – to playing and “leveling up” on games she genuinely enjoys. However, over the past year, I have noted a steady progression that suggests that the business model that the Facebook licensees utilize is not sustainable and the business model IGT is pursuing is self-defeating. The intersection between psychology and economics in online video slot machine may well effectively treat minor compulsives of their obsessive gaming/gambling tendencies.

Tendencies surrounding gambling or gaming that could be considered compulsive are: 1. Participating in the activity without any demonstrative evidence of enjoyment, 2. Sacrificing all other activities for days at a time to participate in the gaming (for example, having to be told at the last possible moment to leave for work, lest one neglect going), 3. Classic behaviors associated with the activity having a disproportionate level of importance (i.e. “bargaining” by chanting for a “bonus game, please!” or expressing extreme anger over an unsatisfying bonus game/spin), and 4. Devoting time and financial resources to the activity regardless of the overall practicality of the activity toward meeting the goals the individual has set.

My wife used to love going out to casinos. More than the travel, it was excitement to get out of the house and gamble for fun and (potentially, though seldom in reality) profit on video slot machines. When she discovered some of her favorite games on Facebook, I was initially thrilled. Gone were the potentially expensive trips to the casinos. However, when one of the platforms suddenly released a wide array of her favorite games at once, she decided to spend some money to gain access to those games. The mechanics of the platform upon which the games were hosted differ, but by buying coins and by leveling up, she suddenly had a huge number of her favorite games to play (some games only become available on some of the platforms to people who have played a certain number of spins/a certain value of coins/a set amount of time). After the first time she bought coins, it seemed like there would be no going back. She expressed a preference for the Facebook video slot machines over IGT’s computer games because on the computer games (that one may buy at the store), there was no reinforcement from leveling up and no consequence (if you run out of coins, you simply add a balance from which to play). She became quickly bored with the IGT computer games I purchased for her. However, once she started buying coins for her Facebook platform games, she rapidly got to the point where I was able to credibly note that it might be more cost effective to go out to a real casino and risk losing that money on the hopes that she might win real money as well (which is not possible on the Facebook gaming platforms).

But now, her spending on the Facebook platforms has fallen off dramatically, even though her play has not and in observing her behaviors – and those of her Facebook friends who also game – it becomes apparent that IGT, the Facebook licensees, and the individual gamers, all underestimated the long-term viability of the concept of Facebook gaming.

The minor compulsive gambler is quick to discover that the gaming experience is not as satisfying as they once experienced. First, there is only so much money a person may throw at an event that once made them money but no longer does before it becomes untenable and obviously irrational. Like a video game player who stops wasting money at the arcade and buys a gaming console, the Facebook players who actually enjoy the games are much more likely to go back to the IGT video games as they continue to release their video slot machines on disc or online. The reason for this is simple: they can win on that platform. The video games IGT releases allow one to play at “casino odds” or “ideal odds.” “Ideal odds” allow them to play, see the bonus games and make a massive pot. While they might burn through the IGT video slot game library fairly quickly, they are equally likely to stop playing the Facebook platform games and return to other, non-video slot pursuits. When one spends $50, $100, or $200 on Facebook video slot machines and is only able to play for fifteen minutes to an hour before losing their ability to play – usually without seeing a coveted bonus game – they become rationally disenchanted and emotionally jaded. Without the reinforcement of winning, video slot machines (especially the ones that do not pay real money) lose their appeal very quickly.

Unfortunately for the licensees, none of the major platforms on Facebook seem to have realized that gamers have much more fun when they are winning. Obsessed with making money, the licensees show no correlation between the odds when one spends money vs. when they use free spins/coins from the platform. In other words, when you spend real money to play the video slot machines on any of the Facebook platforms, it does not (for example) switch the odds on the machines from “casino odds” to “ideal odds.” In fact, higher level players are likely to become exceedingly frustrated with a platform when they pay money to buy large amounts of coins, which because they are at a higher level they may bet at higher rates to achieve bigger wins to level up (which is much harder at higher levels) faster, and lose it even quicker than they did when they were at lower levels. When the players stop spending money, the Facebook platforms will atrophy. Unfortunately for them, what keeps players coming back is game diversity and players who achieve higher levels (usually through obsessive game play) play at a rate that those platforms cannot possibly hope to keep pace. Unfortunately, the companies that host the IGT video slots are motivated, universally, by a very obvious sense of greed. In order to afford to license new games, the platforms must cause players to lose their coins in order to buy more. None of the platforms have hit on the concept that keeping players happy and playing is far more sustainable. Pretending for a moment that all of the platforms had the same quality of games, the platform that would survive would be the one where players were able to play and enjoyed spending their time and money there. What none of those platforms has yet realized is that it is in their best interest to create a situation where a comparatively moderate buy-in allows players to play indefinitely. So, for example, if one platform offered a sale on their coins where $200 (real dollars) bought players $10,000,000 (in virtual coins) and then the odds on the games went to ideal odds and those players suddenly found themselves with $1,000,000,000 (in virtual coins), they would have a platform that would be more likely to endure. Why? With such an obscene balance, players would keep coming back to unlock every possible new game and they would play for the reason they are online (as opposed to a real casino playing) in the first place: they enjoy the games. That platform not only get all of the players money, but they continue to get all of their time and attention. That is winning for a casino. But, of course, the Facebook platforms that license the real games are not actually about having fun; they are about making money. Their shortsighted view is that they would rather make $20 - $250 off a player over three months and that player drop the casino than “only” $200. It is a shortsighted approach and one that will be the demise of the Facebook casinos. Players will only play when they can win and they do stop when it is no longer fun for them!

Unfortunately for IGT, the model the Facebook platforms are utilizing is much more likely to take them down with them, as opposed to benefiting the gaming giant. The initial appeal to IGT for the Facebook gaming is obvious. Facebook is enormously popular. Therefore, IGT licenses its games to the virtual casinos on Facebook for the obvious advertising benefit. Facebook players who discover the IGT games on Facebook are likely to search for their favorites when they go to physical casinos. The opposite should be true, but even if it’s not, IGT has no reason to care; they made their money off licensing the games to the Facebook platforms. But the buck might well stop there in the long run. While the short term benefits are obvious, the long-term implications are much more potentially dire for IGT (and other licensers) if the Facebook platforms to whom they license their games continue to pursue greed over good gaming. The advantage the Facebook platforms have over the physical casinos is that players who play on Facebook have a disconnect between the money they spend and the games. After all, it is easy for players not to consider X credits that they paid for as “real money” anymore when the platform gives them Y credits every day, four hours, etc. However, once the transition is made to spending real money on the games, players want to see some results. Because they will not see real money, the result that they want to see is playtime and the maintenance of the bank (coins) they spend real money to buy. When they lose their bank fast, they not only become disenchanted with the games, they do not experience as many. While IGT essentially has players paying for their advertisement of their casino games, the advertisement in its current execution is a self-defeating one. Because players ultimately lose on the Facebook platforms, instead of developing a mindset of “let’s go play this in real life and make real money off it!” they instead evolve to the much more sour position of “If I can’t win on Facebook where it is free to play/inexpensive/not for real money/just for fun, why would I play it for real money in a casino?!” Like an advertising campaign of “Try our product, it’s gross!” or a campaign that jokingly insults its customer base, the advertising benefits for IGT are not sustainable or likely to bring real growth after the novelty wears off.

Instead, because of the greed of the Facebook platforms, IGT is slowly transforming an impulse-oriented customer base that could be very lucrative to its online, in-casino, and home gaming enterprises into disheartened ex-players who will see the IGT logo and opt for card games or unrelated activities, like photography, instead.

[Note: This article was developed using research and ideas from my incredible wife. Without her input, thoughts, and philosophies, this article would not have been possible. While the words are mine, many of the concepts were developed by her and she deserves the credit for that. Anyone who wishes to send her Facebook gift cards in payment, please message me!]

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© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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