An Amazing Cast Helps Create A Surprisingly Good Family Comedy With Beethoven!

The Good: Decent cast, Moments of plot, performance, and theme
The Bad: Some hammy overacting/family movie conceits
The Basics: Despite its over-the-top silliness at points, Beethoven holds up as a strong family comedy!


As a matter of sharing parts of herself, my wife will periodically have me get out movies I either missed that she watched and enjoyed or films from her past that I have never had the impetus to watch before. A few weekends back, I had a taste from each category when she got out Game Change (reviewed here!) and Beethoven. The irony for me was that the film I expected to appreciate more - Game Change - did not hold up nearly as well as the family flick my wife recalled from her childhood and wanted to see again.

From the opening shots of Beethoven, as I realized I was watching a young(er) Oliver Platt and Stanley Tucci and that this family film that spawned several sequels actually had an impressive cast (mostly talent before they hit it big), Beethoven actually manages to entertain and tell a family friendly story in a way that makes it reasonable that it would start a franchise. Beethoven is hampered by the conceits that make it feel like a Disney live-action film (it is not!); hammy overacting, reversals that are larger than life and a plot progression so predictable that only children will not see the end coming in the opening frames of the film. Even so, for a movie hampered by such obvious conceits and employing both child and animal actors (neither is overly recommended by most directors), Beethoven manages to tell a decent story and, to be fair to it with all of the genre problems it possesses, is not a film I felt like I’ve seen a thousand times over.

The patriarch of the Newton family, George, is a reticent business-focused man who has worked hard to provide for his wife and three children (two daughters, one son). One morning, after the witless criminals Harvey and Vernon rob a pet shop of its puppies and two of them escape, a cute St. Bernard puppy, wanders into George’s home and wakes up little Emily with dog kisses. Pressured into keeping the puppy by the family that sees him as inhuman, George suddenly starts spending an inordinate amount of time and money on providing for the dog, who is soon named Beethoven. While George struggles to win new corporate patrons for his air fresheners, the family falls in love with Beethoven.

But Harvey and Vernon were not working alone. They were employed by the nefarious veterinarian, Dr. Varnick. Varnick has taken money from a gun manufacturer who wants small animals in order to test its new bullets. When Varnick discovers Beethoven (who by that time has grown to have a skull density that a bullet manufacturer would really appreciate!), he orchestrates a kidnapping that could result in the dog’s death. George has to choose between believing the authoritative vet and his daughter, who witnessed the set-up; it is a choice between mounting a dangerous rescue or allowing Beethoven to be put to death!

Beethoven makes good use of the talent involved and it is easy to see how David Duchovny, Patricia Heaton, Oliver Platt, Stanley Tucci and even Charles Grodin (who plays George unfortunately like a boss I once had who was a complete and total ass!) were eager to take the project. Despite Heaton and Duchovny being tossed about and forced to do the screams one might expect out of a Little Rascals short, they have the chance to play villains who are stiff and eager to take advantage of Grodin’s George. The roles are different from anything else I have seen them play, so it does give them something completely different to play.

The child actors in Beethoven are surprisingly not horrible, which is a rare thing for me to find. Led by Nicholle Tom (Ryce), the Newton children seem like a viable family and they are presented in a professional and realistic way. Sarah Rose Karr brings more to Emily than a cute face – she plays determined and hurt well and when her character, neglected, falls in a pool, the viewer actually believes she is drowning. Even Christopher Castile does fine as Ted.

What was unsurprising to me was that the actor who played the title character, Beethoven, was only in this film. Chris is a big dog and what shocked me was that director Brian Levant included scenes where Chris was clearly limping! Regardless of the disclaimers at the end of the credits, it does not seem like Chris was in the best of health when Beethoven was shot.

And the main plot conceit – testing new bullets on dogs – is absurd and monstrous enough to add menace to the film. It is probably enough to scare children, but as an adult, I was more surprised that the film was audacious enough to present such a strong stance on animal cruelty and testing. Such plots are usually relegated to a b-plot in an animated film, but Beethoven puts it up front as the a-plot in the live-action film. Color me impressed.

Not to be taken overly seriously as a work of great cinema, Beethoven nevertheless impresses in that it has an impressive cast working in ways I had never seen.

For other works featuring Melora Walters, please check out my reviews of:
The Master
Cold Mountain
Matchstick Men
Magnolia
Boogie Nights
Hard Eight

6.5/10

For other movie reviews, please visit my Movie Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Very Average Children's Movie, Utterly Underwhelming Cinema: The Spy Next Door.

The Good: Moments of early humor
The Bad: Utterly predictable, No real character development, Light on charm
The Basics: In another dismal child-oriented action-comedy, Jackie Chan takes on the role of a boyfriend trying to impress bratty kids while running away from an old villain.


Every now and then, I take a day and seat myself in a movie theater and I watch several movies over the course of the day. To prepare for such a day, I went and watched The Spy Next Door, which seemed from the previews like it might be a second rate Spy Kids. Unfortunately, this is one of the cases where the previews accurately call the actual movie experience: after a rather droll comedic set-up, The Spy Next Door becomes a banal action-adventure that is utterly family friendly and dull, even for kids in the audience.

The thing is, when I go to movies these days, I often take notes so I can keep track of important details. When I look over the notes I have on The Spy Next Door, I was unsurprised to find my notes reminded me "No one's laughing" and "predictable" (underlined several times) without much about the actual film. The reason for that is ridiculously simple: the film is very simple and the audience reactions were no more interesting than the actual movie. If nothing else, though, there were moments I vaguely cared about the characters or thought Jackie Chan did a decent job opposite the children in the cast and it was not the worst children's film I had seen this last week.

That said, The Spy Next Door is likely not to appeal to anyone, save children who have not seen an action-adventure comedy before.

Bob Ho is very much in love with Gillian, who has three children. While Farren, Ian and Nora dislike Bob on principle, Gillian has hopes for the relationship. When she has to go away abruptly, she begs Bob to take care of the three kids and, eager to impress her, he goes along with it. After initially cool reactions to Bob, the kids download a secret document and Bob's nemesis, Poldark, heads to recover the information for his own nefarious purposes.

Bob must defend the children and protect the secrets, without destroying the house.

The Spy Next Door quickly goes from being a blase "kids don't like the new father-figure" comedy to a generic chase film where the adult must protect the children and they, in turn, come to respect him. From the moment Bob's past as a spy is exposed and he and Poldark square off, the film becomes virtually unwatchable. Up until that point, the movie is more boring and a collection of jokes that are mild bodily function and physical humor jokes as the kids express their dislike of Bob through mild pranks.

Jackie Chan is at ease in the role of Bob Ho, probably because this is a cleaner version of his character from the Rush Hour movies, but is essentially the same use of Chan's physical abilities for comedy as opposed to action. Chan has moments where he does the perplexed face and shocked look, as appropriate. But The Spy Next Door does not raise the acting abilities of the mostly physical actor and the moments when the kids start to like him are entirely predictable and he does his best not to perform them with stiffness, instead appropriately melting at the right moments. But the performance is not at all interesting.

Sadly, the acting of the three child actors is not extraordinary in any ways. Madeline Carroll (Faren) is not a young version of Anne Hathaway and her performance does not remind the viewer even of the potential of younger performers, like Dakota Fanning or Alexa Vega. Instead, she and costar Alina Foley seem to have been cast mostly for their "cute" quality. After half a film of watching them perform as utterly obnoxious characters, the viewer is supposed to care about what happens to them and not want Poldrake to harm them. This is trading more on the fact that they fit the traditional mold of what is cute and they are kids way over their head than either the likability of either character or the talent of the actors. Similarly, Will Shadley does not inspire the viewer to make comparisons with any great child actors of years gone by.

Now on DVD, The Spy Next Door comes with minimal bonus features. In addition to a blooper reel which is not terribly funny, there are two featurettes. One of the featurettes focuses on the children of The Spy Next Door and the other is about Jackie Chan, both of which are pretty short and basic.

Ultimately, the problem with The Spy Next Door is that when the film is a comedy, it is a bland form of humor that is utterly forgettable and common. When the film turns to action, it is equally unimpressive and obvious. Even children are likely to be unimpressed with this film and parents might not want to have to try to explain to them why they made them sit through the 1 1/2 hours of it.

For other action-adventure movies for children, please check out my reviews of:
G-Force
Labyrinth
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

3/10

For other movie reviews, please check out my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2010 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.


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