Thursday, June 30, 2011

Well Worth The Listen And The Buy, Ellipse By Imogen Heap Now Rocks My IPod!





The Good: Impressive and almost entirely unique musical sound, Most of the lyrics
The Bad: Duration, Some less inspired lyrics
The Basics: Originality blends with mediocrity on Imogen Heap's Ellipse, an arguably wonderful album brought down by a few cliches.


For those who do not check such things - as I seldom do when they do not pertain to me - I recently came into possession of an Ipod Touch (reviewed here!). When that happened, I was granted an opportunity to try a few things that I had never had a chance to do before. The first of these opportunities was to try a digital download of an album. I was excited, in no small part because it meant that I would not have to go through the labor of copying the c.d. into MP3 format, it would come appropriately configured from the beginning. So, when I looked through the iTunes store and had a chance to select, I picked Ellipse by Imogen Heap.

Imogen Heap is a fairly obscure British musical artist whose work I was introduced to over a year ago by a dear friend who moved away. She had Heap's album Speak For Yourself (reviewed here!) and while I enjoyed it, it was only recently I actually began craving it. My wife, it turns out, listens to me extraordinarily well and as a result bought me a copy of that album for my impending birthday. So, I decided to go and see what Heap has been up to since and I bought her new album Ellipse.

With twenty-six songs clocking out at 97:30 (as a digital download, the same amount spread over two discs on c.d. at the thirteen song mark), the two-disc Ellipse is distinctly the work of artist Imogen Heap. The album, which is characterized as an "electronic" album, is the creative concept and execution of Imogen Heap. Heap wrote all of the lyrics and she programmed all of the instruments. As well, Imogen Heap is the sole credited producer of the album, so it is hard to argue that this is anything but the intended musical vision of Heap herself.


That musical vision is eclectic, though it is not an incredibly audacious album. Ellipse has moments - the first single "First Train Home" being a perfect example - where it is a very traditional pop-dance album. But beyond that, the songs are interesting and populated by produced bells and keyboards. "Wait It Out" is a more traditional pop ballad, but even the socially conscious "Bad Body Double" which has great lyrics sounds very typical pop/techno. Even so, songs like "Tidal" use a wide array of instrumental sounds (given that it is all produced, it is tough to call it an actual instrument, though it sounds like flutes at times) and Imogen Heap's Ellipse is easy to listen to and enjoy.

Instrumentally, the most creative track might well be "Aha!" "Aha!" features rapidly moving low strings creating a spooky bassline (very Stanislas) and Heap's vocals coming out more as a moan, which enhances the creepy vibe of the song. "Aha!" has a very untraditional, but classical (as in Classical music) sound to it. In this way, Imogen Heap is incredibly creative even when she still has songs like "Earth" which is a very simple pop-dance number and "Little Bird" which is a slow, quiet ballad in a surprisingly boring tradition.

Vocally, Imogen Heap probably would have scored higher if I had less experience with musical artists. Heap has a great soprano voice, but she uses it in ways that are either entirely original or sadly derivative. So, for example, on "Tidal," Heap's vocals go for lower and more powerful, instantly evoking the sound of Annie Lennox from her album Songs Of Mass Destruction. By contrast, on "Swoon," she sings high and fast and the song is delightfully original. Inarguably, she has a great voice and on Ellipse, she allows it to be heard. Unlike songs on Speak For Yourself, she does not rely on production elements to alter her vocals and she has a beautiful, natural voice.

That voice articulates her own lyrics wonderfully, though with a noticeable British accent. Ellipse is a decently-diverse album as far as the content of the songs go, though it does seem to be more intended for adults than children. Heap unabashedly explores sexuality on songs like "Swoon" and "Between Sheets." She has a healthy expression of desire and she is playful when she sings out "You and me between sheets / It just doesn't get better than this / The many windswept yellow Stickies of my mind / Or the molten, emotional front line / I couldn't care less I'm transfixed in this absolute bliss" ("Between Sheets"). She is fun, free and at the same time emotionally involved.

Rather impressively, Imogen Heap also sings about issues like distorted body image ("Bad Body Double") and the excitement of being alive being crushed by infidelity ("Aha!"). But most of the songs are about love and relationships and fulfilling desires, which makes her more musically audacious songs seem more standard. The lyrics actually have the effect of making the songs seem more average than they might otherwise be.

That said, Heap has an astonishing ability for imagery. When she sings about wrestling with issues of fate, she makes it picturesque and melodical. Her lines "First the Earth was flat / But it fattened up when we didn't fall off / Now we spin laps around the Sun / Oh the gods lost 2-1 / The host of Heaven pointed out to us from lightyears away / We're surrounded by a billion galaxies / Things are not always, things are not always how they seem / Will you be ready" ("2-1")? Outside the repetition at the end of the song, "2-1" is poetic and well-constructed and makes for a song that is not the typical Top 40 pop rock.

At the end of Ellipse, that is what one is left with. It is easy to recommend the album because Imogen Heap is creating something unlike anything anyone else is producing now. But at the same time, where one song is instrumentally fresh, it seems to be lyrically or vocally stunted. Or, for example, where "Half Life" is lyrically powerful with its musical storysong of trying to figure out the science of love and relationships, it is musically pedestrian with a very traditional piano sound and Heap's vocals sound light and airy in a way that is very girlish. The album is erratic and while it has a good number of hits where Heap gets things right, she has at least as many where the album falls flat.

On disc 1, "The Fire" stands out as an instrumental track played on piano with a simulated fire. The disc 2 version of "The Fire" is just the sounds of a fire crackling and that is unimpressive at best. The first disc in this two-disc set is identical and the second disc, outside the fire noises for "The Fire" are the same songs as disc one, stripped of their vocals and lyrics.

It is easy to recommend the two-disc version of Ellipse because Imogen Heap is creating something unlike anything anyone else is producing now and her music is actually quite stunning. Still, where one song is instrumentally fresh, it seems to be lyrically or vocally stunted. Or, for example, where "Half Life" is lyrically powerful with its musical storysong of trying to figure out the science of love and relationships, it is musically pedestrian with a very traditional piano sound and Heap's vocals sound light and airy in a way that is very girlish. The album is erratic and while it has a good number of hits where Heap gets things right, she has at least as many where the album falls flat.

The best songs are "Bad Body Double" (Disc 1) and "Aha!" (Disc 2) the low points are the less memorable lullaby "Little Bird" (Disc 1) and "The Fire" (Disc 2).

For other strong female artists, please check out my reviews of:
Timbre - Sophie B. Hawkins 
Left Of The Middle - Natalie Imbruglia
Laws Of Illusion - Sarah McLachlan


7.5/10

For other music reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.

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I Get It: Sour Grapes On Jelly Belly Sour Grape Flavored Jelly Bellys!


Sour Grape Jelly Belly Jelly Beans - 10 lbs bulk
Click to buy directly from Jelly Belly!


The Good: Good flavor, Great quantity
The Bad: Artificial grape flavor (mild problem)
The Basics: A near-perfect Jelly Belly, Sour Grape Jelly Bellys are one of the best flavors of Jelly Bellys, despite tasting more like artificial grape flavor than actual grapes.


As a Freudian, I had to say that reviewing a Jelly Belly flavor like Sour Grape Jelly Bellys afforded me an opportunity I could not resist to make all sorts of jokes about rationalization. Actually, my wife came up with the real "sour grapes" sentiment as I prepared to rate these Jelly Bellys and because she had such a good point, I decided that I could not consider the Sour Grape a perfect flavor of Jelly Belly. It is so close, but it's not there. The reason for this is simple: Sour Grape Jelly Bellys do not taste like actual grapes, they taste like the manufactured, prepackaged, conditioned taste of grapes that we all recognize as grape flavor, despite it not being quite the taste of actual, real, off-the-vine grapes. Are they bad? No, not by any means. But as my partner sourly pointed out (little joke!) for a company like Jelly Belly that trades on tasting exactly like what they are supposed to, the Sour Grape flavor tasting like Recognizable Grape as opposed to Actual Grape is a detriment, even if it is a slight one. That said, these are a wonderful flavor of Sour Jelly Bellys that deserve the attention of candy connoisseurs!

For those who might never have had Jelly Belly jelly beans, these are easily the best jelly beans on the planet, packing a lot of flavor into a very small size. Unlike most jelly beans which are only vaguely flavored and are more based on colors, Jelly Belly jelly beans have a wide variety of actual flavors, like Sour Apple, Tangerine, Green Apple, or their signature flavor Buttered Popcorn.

Who needs ten pounds of Sour Grape flavored Jelly Bellys? If you can't have ten pounds, why should anyone, right? Anyone who might like Sour Grape Jelly Belly jelly beans will likely find that this is the best way to get them in bulk in an environmentally responsible way for the least amount of money.

Basics

Sour Grape is a flavor of Jelly Belly jelly beans from the Sour line. Jelly Belly jelly beans are approximately one half inch long by one quarter inch wide and they are roughly bean-shaped. These little candies are marketed to taste precisely like Grape, with a sour twist, and they live up to that fairly well.

Sour Grape flavored Jelly Bellys are available in a wide array of quantities, but the largest quantity available is the ten pound bulk case. This is a decent-sized box with a plastic lining and while some might wonder why anyone would need a ten pound box, I suggest maybe I didn't want them anyway (yes, I know that's sweet lemons!). I suspect that for most people who actually get them, a ten pound case is a year's supply of these jelly beans.

Sour Grape flavored Jelly Bellys are fairly easy to recognize and distinguish from other Jelly Bellys, except in the Sour Assortment. There are only ten Sour flavors and the closest within the assortment is Sour Blueberry, which is a blue color. These opaque purple-blue jelly beans are a bit more blue than they ought to be and in low lighting they may easily be confused with the Sour Blueberry flavor. If the sours are mixed with the standard beans, the only ones one risks mistaking them for is Plum or Island Punch. The Sour Grape Jelly Bellys are disturbingly close to the Plum Jelly Bellys, but are darker and a little more blue than the Island Punch Jelly Bellys.

Ease Of Preparation

These are jelly beans, not being shut out of the job you didn't really want anyway. In the case of the ten pound box, one might want to put them in a candy dish of some form as opposed to always going into the box. Then again, you're not likely to get them out of the box anyway, without some nepotism, so why bother, right? You can always eat them out of the box, if you can even get into it.

Taste

Sour Grape Jelly Bellys have almost no bouquet, so tasting them is the best way to actually get their flavor.

Sour Grape Jelly Belly jelly beans taste like an unsweetened grape juice from concentrate that has turned, like a red wine before it reaches its full potential. The taste is clearly that of grape, though it is the grape flavor that we consider grape, not the even more sour taste of actual grapes. Ironically, had Jelly Belly made a simple authentic grape flavor, it would have qualified as Sour Grape. Instead, this tastes like Bubble Yum's grape flavored bubble gum that one started chewing right after putting a Sour Patch Kid in their mouth. When I made that analogy, my partner sat up, nodded and said, "exactly!" Then she grumbled, "I wish I had thought of that."*

Sour Grape holds up remarkably well over many beans as well and this is one of the Sour Jelly Belly flavors that actually does not burn out the tastebuds. Usually, if one has something that is super sour consistently, it agitates the tastebuds and they lose their sensitivity to the sour flavor. Fortunately, this is not the case with Sour Grape. It is a more mild, sour flavor than some of the other Sour Jelly Bellys and it does not overwhelm the senses.

Nutrition

Again, these are jelly beans, so anyone looking to them for nutrition needs to understand they are designed to compete with Sour Patch Kids (as if anything could!) and other sour candies, so they're not going to be terribly nutritious! Jelly beans, even Jelly Belly jelly beans, are not a legitimate source of nutrition. These are a snack food, a dessert, and are in no way an adequate substitute for a real meal. A serving is listed at thirty-five beans, with each Jelly Belly jelly bean having approximately four calories. This means that in a single serving, there are 140 calories, which is 12% of your daily recommended intake.

The thing is, Jelly Belly jelly beans are not as bad as they could be in the nutrition area. They have no fat and no protein, but for those who have ever dated a Vegan, these are Vegan compliant because they contain no gelatin! Some concerned Vegans consider the wax in the coating to not be Vegan compliant. I suppose it depends on just how strict a Vegan your Vegan is, if this matters at all. Every Vegan I know considers these to be animal free! Jelly Belly jelly beans have only one percent of the daily sodium with 15 mg and they are gluten free! The main ingredients are sugar, corn syrup and modified food starch, so it's not like this is an all-natural food, but they could be far, far worse.


Storage/Clean-up

Jelly Belly jelly beans have a shelf life of approximately one year and I have yet to run across a stale Jelly Belly (though that could have something to do with a package never surviving a year around me). I have noticed, though, that Sour Grape is a flavor more susceptible to heat. If they are not kept cool, more than any other flavor I have had around, these sweat and their shell is softer. I have no explanation for it, but they do not seem to go bad, they just seem softer than most Jelly Bells. They remain freshest when they are kept in an airtight container (the bag in the bulk box is sufficient if it is kept closed) and they ought to be kept in a cool environment. Storing them in hot places is likely to make the beans stick together and be gross. Kept in a cool, dry place, the beans retain their flavor perfectly.

As for cleanup, unless one allows the Jelly Belly to get hot to the point that the waxy coating on the bean melts, the dyes on these do not bleed or denature, so there is usually no cleanup necessary, not even washing one's hands after eating them (people with cleaner hands get the better Jelly Bellys!). I've never had Sour Grape Jelly Bellys stain anything.

Overall

Sour Grape is a generally wonderful flavor of Sour Jelly Belly, despite tasting more like processed grape flavor than actual grapes. Most consumers will not notice the difference, making them ideal for more casual consumer. But for those with serious and discriminating tastebuds, there is a noticeable difference.

9/10

For other Jelly Belly flavors reviewed by me, please check out:
Caramel Corn
Sunkist Lime
Soda Pop Shoppe Assortment





* She didn't really, but it was funny and fit the "sour grapes" theme.

For other food or drink reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.



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Sour Grape Jelly Belly Jelly Beans - 10 lbs bulk Click to buy directly from Jelly Belly!

"I've Got That Sinking Feeling..." The X-Files Descends Into Average Territory With The Sixth Season!


The Good: Some fun, clever episodes, Moments of character
The Bad: A greater sense of repetition in this season, no exceptional highs
The Bottom Line: The X-Files - The Complete Sixth Season concludes the conspiracy with the aliens and otherwise presents remarkably simple bottle episodes.


The X-Files is the series I am currently embedded in to the point of not watching much of anything else on DVD until I can finish the series and get my reviews posted (finally). But the thing is, when the series begins to turn toward the common, it sure takes the fast train there. In the sixth season of The X-Files, it got right on that train. The stories tend to be much more formulaic and when they do diverge, they do not do nearly enough to impress the viewers.

This is the season that followed the release of The X-Files: Fight The Future (reviewed here!), the first cinematic endeavor of The X-Files. With all that Mulder and Scully have seen by this point, it is natural that Scully begins to believe more and between that and a more overt sense of romance between Mulder and Scully, recreates the series as something more obvious than it had been. This is a disappointment for those of us who had been enjoying how unique and different the series had been. The argument may be made, though, that the sixth season of the show is the last of the "indispensable" The X-Files because the conspiracy that had been going on for fifty years is undone, finished. There are a few ambitious and well-executed episodes, like "Triangle" and "Dreamland" I and II, but after the conspiracy-killing "One Son," the season slumps. In fact, the only episode of note after that is "Field Trip," which is the penultimate episode of the season. It's pretty sad when your season finale is not such a "knock it out of the park" episode that the penultimate episode is more noteworthy.

Having been removed from the x-files, Mulder and Scully look to prove what happened to them in the Antarctic by tracking down the new, virulent, murderous aliens which are reconstituting from the Black Oil using human hosts. With the aid of Gibson Praise, who is hunted by the members of the conspiracy because of his ability to communicate with the aliens, Mulder and Scully track an alien to a nuclear power plant where it evolves into a new form of alien.

Following this incident, Mulder and Scully quietly work on cases that resemble the x-files, which result in Mulder getting abducted by a psychopath who may have been experimented upon by the government, a trip to the Bermuda Triangle that puts Mulder back in the 1939, and an Area 52 employee who swaps bodies with Mulder to escape his humdrum men-in-black life. The agents deal with ghosts, a demon, the return of the Cigarette-Smoking Man and his annoying son, Jeffrey Spender. With the return of Cassandra Spender, though, the agenda of the aliens becomes clear: conquering the planet as opposed to any form of peaceful coexistence! This puts Mulder and Scully in the crosshairs as they attempt to thwart the alien colonists and find an unlikely ally in . . . Krycek! As the season rushes toward an end, Mulder and Scully encounter a rubbing from a U.F.O. that makes Mulder go insane and puts Scully on course for an experience she cannot deny!

In this season, the pair is dumped on by a new Assistant Director - Kersh - who threatens their jobs at every turn. Skinner becomes compromised and extorted using a bioweapon controlled by Krycek and Mulder's mentor Arthur Dales returns to spin more stories. When Mulder and Scully return to working on the x-files, they encounter a repeating day ("Monday"), are forced to go undercover as a couple in a planned community ("Arcadia"), and go after killer dogs in "Alpha." There's a pretty uninspired story about a writer whose novel seems to be coming true, putting Scully in mortal danger ("Milagro") and one about a baseball player who was actually an alien ("The Unnatural"). The Lone Gunmen get their own episode ("Three Of A Kind") and the series finally pays off the promise of "Clive Bruckman's Final Repose" (reviewed here!) with "Tithonious."

The thing is, the highs are not as high as in other seasons and while "Two Fathers" and "One Son" are generally lauded as a great ending to the conspiracy story, it's clear that this was more of an "out" for the writers who had so mixed up the various elements of the mythology by this point that they needed to end it lest it become more confused and nonsensical. In fact, as the season opened and closed talking about humans possessing alien DNA it largely felt like the writers were just throwing out random scientific terms to play to their audience as opposed to actually writing something that made sense and worked in the context of the series. Moreover, it is an idea that the series never satisfactorily delves into. And while there are passing attempts at creativity, some of them, like "Milagro" seem like pale afterimages of much greater episodes, like "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space'" (reviewed here!).

The sixth season of The X-Files is a fair balance of episodes that expand the mythology of the show as well as shake up the central characters. New guest stars enter and recur, old ones return and a whole load of recurring characters are killed! At the heart of all great television are the characters and here is how the sixth season finds the primaries on The X-Files:

Fox Mulder - Reinvigorated in his faith in a conspiracy between the United States and other governments with extraterrestrial life forms here on Earth, Mulder returns to his roots with an eager interest in the x-files. Thwarted at almost every turn by Kersch and Spender, he comes to rely more on Scully and Skinner, trusting only them as he makes his biggest leaps forward,

Dana Scully - Having seen proof of extraterrestrial life, she begins to work more with Mulder as opposed to questioning him at every turn. Her scientific approach still is used to confirm many of his suspicions, but she begins to grow closer with Mulder through a series of events which put them more overtly on the same side, as opposed to anything so adversarial. As well, she encounters a man who provides her with something she never asked for: eternal life!,

Assistant Director Walter Skinner - No longer Mulder and Scully's direct superior, he risks his job to help Scully find Mulder in the Bermuda Triangle and offer them support when he can. Realizing this, Krycek infects him with a biomechanical toxin that he controls, putting Skinner under his thumb,

Krycek - Once more the protege of the Cigarette-Smoking Man, he soon finds himself abandoned by him and after attempting to teach Jeffrey Spender how to be like him, he abandons the shreds of the conspiracy and goes rogue, making Skinner his tool,

The Cigarette-Smoking Man - Outted as alive again, he continues to kill for the conspiracy, taking in Diana Fowley, Mulder's past love interest. He looks out for himself when it becomes clear that the colonists are turning on the humans who had aided them, a move which saves his life and sets him up for future machinations.

By this point, the two stars of The X-Files have their beats down pretty well. David Duchovny continues to play Mulder as a fairly brilliant guy who does what he can to get by. In this season, Duchovny gets to play Mulder as a fish out of water ("Triangle"), himself trapped in the body of another in Area 51 ("Dreamland II"), and as Scully's husband ("Arcadia"). Duchovny seems to relish the comedic roles he is given, though when the show needs dramatic gravitas for terrible things like Mulder going mad ("Biogenesis"), he still earns his paycheck!

At least on par is Gillian Anderson. She is given the chance to be incredibly funny in "Three Of A Kind" and she is awesome with the physical comedy opposite the Lone Gunmen, who play her straightmen for the episode! As well, in the latter episodes, Scully is actually played by Anderson as a happier person and it is refreshing to see! Not always serious now, Anderson has a little room to play and she does it well in this season.

On DVD, The X-Files - The Complete Sixth Season has a great commentary track by Chris Carter on "Triangle" and a mediocre one on the mediocre episode "Milagro" by director Kim Manners. As well, there are several deleted scenes, with branching options to put them back into their appropriate episodes at the correct points, which is a nice touch. There are two blase featurettes and the usual promotional spots for the episodes.

All in all, this is a rather average season of science fiction television that is well-executed but not extraordinary. It is definitely not the series most people remembered and loved. Still, it's better than a lot of television and there is enough here to recommend it. It might be the last set that has moments of real intrigue as the main conspiracy dies here and what it's replaced with . . . well, that's for the next one!

This set is better than most average DVD sets out there and it it certainly worthy of the time and attention of anyone who likes science fiction and/or drama. Then again, fans of The X-Files would probably be better served by purchasing the Complete Collection, reviewed here!

For other shows that made it to a sixth season, check out my reviews of:
Lost The Complete Sixth Season
Frasier - Season 6
Gilmore Girls - Season 6

6/10

For other television set reviews, please check out my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011, 2008 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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It Does Exactly What It Promises, It's A Cat Litter Scoop!




The Good: Easy to clean, Durable, Filters clumping litter well, Easy to store
The Bad: None that I can find!
The Basics: The perfectly-designed, specialized tool for removing clumping litter from litter boxes, the cat litter scoop filters out clean litter while containing solid waste without absorbing nasty smells!


My cat litter scoop is a simple device made of glossy pearlescent blue plastic that is designed to fish clumps of kitty litter out of my cat's litter box. I use Cat's Pride Scoopable kitty litter and this scoop does a great job of flexing around the clumped litter to keep it together, while still being strong and firm enough to scrape the sides of the litterbox with.

This kitty litter scoop is the perfect device for removing litterbox clumps and feline feces from the litterbox. It is 11" long, 3 1/2" deep (the scoop is angled, so this adds depth), and 5" wide at its widest point. The cat litter scoop has a 6" handle for the 5"+ scoop, which allows one to scoop litter when it is attached to the litterbox walls with some force, without breaking the scoop and without getting one's hands too close to the litter, even if it slides to the back part of the scoop.

Using the cat litter scoop is easy; plunge the scoop into the litterbox and drag it toward the litter clump, angling the front under the deposit. Then, raise the scoop and fresh, clean litter will filter out the scoop's slots and the feces or solidified cat litter will remain in the scoop and may easily be dumped, flushed or otherwise emptied.

The cat litter scoop is made of a glossy, nonporous plastic which prevents clumping litter from adhering to the surface of the scoop. This makes it remarkably easy to clean the scoop as there is seldom anything to clean. When litter does adhere, the cat litter scoop easily washes off with just running water.

To store the cat litter scoop, there is a hole at the gripping end of the scoop's handle which makes it easy to hand the scoop on a nail or hook near the litterbox. The purpose of the scoop, of course, is to have a tool uniquely for cleaning out the litterbox so one does not have to use a slotted spoon, shovel or other device that is not as precisely intended for this purpose.

Believe it or not, this is a pretty calibrated device. Small clumps hold together well and leave a clump that easily filters the clean litter out, but some cats pee with a sprawl philosophy. The result is that sometimes the scoop needs to be shaken slightly, which usually splits the clump into two or three pieces. Still, the larger clumps do not break up more before the clean litter filters out.

In the five years I have had this cat litter scoop, none of the slot tines have broken and the plastic has not absorbed any odors from the litter or its contents.

For other cat products, please check out my reviews of:
Pro Pac Tempting Tidbits Tuna and Whitefish cat treats
Cosmic Cat's Fatty Frog cat toy
Vroom Around The Room Cat Laser

10/10

For other pet product reviews, please be sure to visit my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.

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An Hour And A Half Of Bruce And Michelle Yelling Is All The Story Of Us Is.


The Good: Moments of humor, Capable acting, Narrative technique, Moments of writing, Eric Clapton's music
The Bad: Near-constant yelling, Characters, Resolution, Advertising
The Basics: A fair attempt to show how relationships disintegrate over time with children and age, The Story Of Us flops in its loud, angry and ultimately un-entertaining execution.


The Story Of Us is an inconsistent film, perhaps that's the point of it, perhaps that's why opinions on it are so polarized. I think it's appropriate that the overall rating for this film, after 180+ reviews, is three stars. It has a "like it or hate it" feel to it. Right off the bat, it's getting more points from me solely because I laughed at it more than I laughed during Meet the Parents; I couldn't bear giving it the same low rating as that film.

The Story Of Us is about Katie and Ben Jordan, married for fifteen years, two children. In their fifteenth year of marriage, they find themselves fighting more often, sexually and emotionally distant and basically spending the summer while the children are away separated. In the process, they reminisce and progress. While they go on, Ben moves out, the kids remain ignorant of their difficulties, Katie takes a cooking class and life progresses.

In the process, there is much yelling.

There's a LOT of yelling. Ben and Katie yell, scream, holler and roar at one another. They're loud. I swear, they must have shot the final scene first because I can't imagine with all of the screaming, they wouldn't be completely hoarse by the end of the film. The problem is, it's annoying. We GET that the characters are frustrated. We understand that. But it seems the vast majority of the film is the two main characters screaming at each other. While this might appeal to older people going through this sort of thing (or not), it definitely doesn't appeal to younger people, especially those who went through it in their own childhoods. That's why this film won't endure; the younger generation lived listening to their parents openly fight like Ben and Katie do. Why watch a film of it?

The only respite comes in the restaurant. Scenes are interspersed with Ben and Katie at a restaurant with friends. Here, the film's writers try to make broader statements about men and women. For the most part, they are good. They show insight, they're funny. In these scenes, Rob Reiner, Rita Wilson and (the uncredited) Paul Reiser shine. Reiser is a scene stealer in each of his scenes, Reiner is funny and his lines are perfectly executed. It seems Wilson got the job of making all of the broad statements on females. She's good.

I liked the narrative technique; the jumping from past to present and back. Unfortunately, it culminates in an epiphany. It's a fine epiphany, I suppose. The problem I have with it is that it is that very moment that they choose to show in the previews. That is, the preview sells you on a movie filled with the 15 years it took Ben and Katie to grow apart. Instead, you're stuck with the end of it and all of the cool images come in the last five minutes.

Okay, a moment ago, I said the epiphany was "fine," I'd like to take that back now. In any other movie, with probably any other couple, the epiphany would be fine. In The Story Of Us, it isn't. It doesn't fit. The film sets up for ninety minutes how Ben and Katie have fallen out of love. It establishes perfectly why they won't be trying again. Thus, the epiphany and resulting decision seems to be out of place. It doesn't fit. It's as if at the last minute, a happy Hollywood ending was tacked on. The truth is, it doesn't fit the characters and it doesn't fit the film.

The end ruins an already shaky film. The only things that kept me watching were the moments of humor and the music. Strung throughout the film is a wonderful song Eric Clapton is singing that fits the film perfectly.

All in all, The Story Of Us is about two people who have children, who ruin their marriage and cause them to fall out of love and hate each other until the last possible moment when they decide to go out for Chinese food. There are better examples of films about the disintegration of love and relationships and as soon as I see one, I'll be sure to cite it so you watch it instead of this!

For other dramas about families, please check out my reviews of:
Once And Again Season Two
Cyrus
Parenthood Season One

4/10

For other movie reviews, please check out my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2001 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.


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History Texts Of A World That Doesn't Exist: The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy!



The Good: Generally good pacing, Moments of character
The Bad: Largely neglects character for the plot, Reads like a set of history books, Repetitive
The Basics: A series of dense books that read like history texts, The Lord Of The Rings encapsulates the years taken to destroy the One Ring in Middle Earth.


I know it is chic to love all things Tolkien. After all, Middle Earth is treated as an enshrined territory in the collective unconscious that no one may criticize or condemn. Those who read The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy well in advance of Peter Jackson's cinematic version (reviewed here!) tended to condemn the director for all that was omitted. Having read the six volumes (three books) of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, I have to say what is far too unpopular these days to state: kudos to you, Peter Jackson! Jackson took a trilogy of books that were plot-heavy, frequently lacking in character and magic of language and transformed them into a film series that is a real impressive work. Like an artist who reconstructs history in film through the analysis of historical documents, Jackson constructed a powerful world from a series of books that read like history texts.

There, I said it: I prefer a movie to a book series in this one instance. I have a good reason. Tolkien's novels are frequently dry and plot-heavy, relying on a lot of exposition to the detriment of genuine character development. Jackson, for example, has moments where he alters Tolkien's vision to actually infuse bland, neglected characters with genuine personality, something Tolkien too frequently neglects in these books.

The three books of The Lord Of The Rings have been nicely repackaged to be purchased together and give the complete story of the War of the Ring.

In The Fellowship Of The Ring, Frodo Baggins is given a ring by his departing uncle, Bilbo. After some years, the wizard Gandalf returns to visit Frodo and he confirms what he thought he knew, that the ring Frodo now has is the One Ring, the object that has allowed evil to amass in the world again and the reason nine Dark Riders have been out scouring the countryside. So, Gandalf, being a wise wizard, tells Frodo to leave his home eventually and go to the elf capital of Rivendell.

It ends up that Frodo doesn't go alone. He and three other hobbits head toward Rivendell, experience misadventures with charming (if pointless) characters like Farmer Maggot and Tom Bombadill until he reaches Bree and meets a man named Strider. Strider is a rogue. Okay, the book calls him a Ranger, but basically, he's a freelance scout. He was sent to find Frodo and guide him to Rivendell. Once at Rivendell (half the novel later), a Council is called, lots of people tell stories and a group of nine is sent to take the ring to the Cracks of Doom to destroy the ring. Lucky them.

What works is the characters are mostly interesting. Frodo certainly is and the novel revolves around him. Most of the other characters are fairly flat, but Frodo is well-defined. As well, the novel sets up for a grand adventure well. It's pretty much the ultimate journey story. And the duration of it makes sense. That the novel takes place over many years makes sense and it lends itself to the idea of the size of the world and how hard it was to travel in this mythical place.

What doesn't work in that is the pacing. The novel is long. That's fine. I like long books. I write long books. The key to being able to read a long novel is it can't feel long; it can't feel tiresome. The Fellowship of the Ring feels tiresome. Especially through the entire first book. Like Star Wars there are different "episodes" throughout the Lord Of The Rings. The Fellowship of the Rings is Book 1 and 2. Book 1 is slow. It provides a lot of backstory and gets the characters out of bed and to where they need to be for Book 2. Book 2 is better paced, but disproportionate. That is, the first two chapters in it are so slow and dense (information-laden) that it's easy to give up on the book there, yet afterward, it's a fairly quick read.

The other main fault is the narrative perspective. The focus is so much on Frodo that we don't see much beyond him. So, while other characters are thinking and feeling, we get very little of that, yet sometimes they will suddenly make a connection Frodo has been struggling with. This lends itself to abruptness. Allow me to elaborate:

I am loathe to compare movies with novels. I am someone who fervently argues that they are two different media and usually books are books and can't hope to be successfully made into films. In this case, outside the obvious commercial success of the series, I can't see why this novel was made into a film. That is, the writing is often vague and, well, the situations tend to be rather dull for a film. One of the big complaints I've seen people have had with the film of The Fellowship Of The Ring is that it shows the battle between Gandalf and Saruman (yes, that's a different character from Sauron, the big bad guy) while Gandalf is held captive. In the novel, it's vague; after reading Gandalf's tale of his time with Saruman, it's not completely clear that Saruman has gone over to evil; it sounds more like he's an independent party. And that's the other thing, the only place we see it is in Gandalf's tale after the fact. If one were to make a film of The Fellowship Of The Ring in a literal translation from book to screen it should be one of the most dreadfully dull experiences ever as over half of it would simply be people sitting around telling stories. And singing. The bulk of The Fellowship Of The Ring is not people doing anything, it's people sitting around going on and on telling things that have happened. Telling stories. And they aren't telling them passionately. It's not like they are telling stories filled with emotion and character. Instead, they are giving flat narratives that could be historical documents. There's so little passion, little vitality, throughout much of this novel.

If you can imagine sitting through 300 pages of campfire stories, this novel is ideal for you. Except usually, campfire tales have a passion to them. There's usually a tension there. I suppose it would be better to say, if you can imagine sitting around a campfire and having different parts of a history text recited, that would be more accurate. For about 300 of the 526 pages of this book, that's the feeling. There's a lot of telling, not showing.

This has a double effect. It can be especially draining to read this novel. It's dense. There are so many facts, so many details. But they aren't details on characters, they're historical ones. This can either be boring and annoying or wonderful. It may be wonderful in that it may immerse you in an entirely different place and time. Completely immerse you there.

Despite being loathe to compare the two, this novel is a good argument FOR the film. That the journey takes long here in the novel is nice, but it loses an air of immediacy that the film possesses. In this book, the Evil is somewhat nebulous, where and when it will strike seems to be happening so far away. In the film, the sense of being chased adds to the sense that the whole quest is important. As well, the film provides more detail on the characters, which is what ought to matter. In the novel, Boromir, for example, is largely absent until the final chapter where he suddenly makes his move. The film does a better job at painting him as shifty before this event.

Basically, the difference between the film and the novel is the film is - surprisingly - leaner and more precise, more character-driven. The Fellowship Of The Ring is the start of an epic story and the novel packs it with so much extraneous stuff (I'm not even going to call it information) as to kill any momentum it might have. Is it good? Yeah. It's better than Stephen King. Is it great? No. It lacks real character and any significance beyond creating itself. It's entertaining if you want to be immersed in it, but needlessly complicated and thus not a terribly enjoyable casual read.

The Two Towers begins with Merry and Pippin being abducted and Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn pursuing them with the intent to rescue them. This lands the larger people in the land of horse tamers going to battle against the traitorous Saruman with the help of a returned member of the Fellowship. While they go to war, they are unwittingly aided by Merry and Pippin who have escaped their captors and found themselves in league with Ents, an ancient, tree-like race. The second half of the novel consists solely of Frodo and Samwise attempting to get into the land of darkness. They are joined much of the way by Gollum, who has been following them.

What works is that the books does not get bogged down with the sweeping history of Middle Earth the way the first book did. The Two Towers is well-paced and easy to read. As well, the plot is interesting and it continues along plausibly. The novel feels like a middle act, yet it works well as such.

Where the novel fails is in the character development. Frodo is the same split person he was in the first book, Sam is his same loyal self, Gandalf returns at least as powerful as he was before, Merry and Pippin are perhaps less worthless and more intelligent - or perhaps experienced - in this second novel, but they continue to leave little lasting impression. Likewise, it seems the whole point of Gimli and Legolas in the book is to make the point that people initially prejudiced against one another may work together and make things better between them.

The problem is that after they spend one scene saying "You're not as bad as I initially thought," they continue to do so. Over and over again. The novel gets repetitive rather quickly. Even the book's most intriguing character, Gollum, who is suffering from a sort of split personality thing as he fights his desire for the ring, becomes annoyingly predictable. This happens because Gollum/Smeagol oscillates regularly between subservience and homicidal, so we expect the reversals, we predict treachery.

The Return Of The King finds the former Fellowship divided. As Pippin and Gandalf take to Minas Tirith because of Pippin's curiosity over the palantir, Merry finds himself pledging his loyalty to Theodin and finds himself in the company of a kind, quiet warrior, as Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas attempt to gain allies. After half the book is over, we finally rejoin Frodo, Sam and the journey of the One Ring as they race to destroy the source of all evil in Middle Earth.

The problem with The Return Of The King, fundamentally, is that it builds up the story of the members of the Fellowship for such a long time in the hopes to add dramatic tension, when - in fact - it undermines it. By saving Frodo's predicament to the last half of the book, the reader knows there is an important portion of the story being neglected. As a result, such conceits that Tolkien takes, like having the villains drop Frodo's armor in front of the heroes to declare the Hobbit as dead, are ridiculous. After all, Tolkien would not reveal the death of the principle character as a tease and then simply explain how it happened in the second half. Furthermore, the attempt goes against common sense beyond all suspension of disbelief; Tolkien attempt to trick the reader into believing Frodo is dead and evil is taunting the heroes, in contrast to the menace the Ring has been said to have up until this point. In simpler terms, Tolkien fails to make the reader believe his cheap tricks because the reader with a brain knows if Frodo is dead and Evil has the One Ring, it would not taunt the heroes, it would simply sweep over them and kill them all.

Moreover, one of the most important aspects of the novel, Aragorn gaining allies from an unlikely source, comes out of nowhere. After setting up the hopeless situation quite well, Tolkien whips out a tremendous ace in the hole and that does not read right.

Outside that, the novel is written with little detail or linguistic magic, continuing to treat a fantasy epic like a historical text. The result is that much of the war story and action therein is less thrilling, more tactically-based. While the book has good pace in those sections, it is not as exciting as something like the movie The Return Of The King. And they are two different animals.

The good thing about the book is that it does deal with the characters in an interesting and respectful way. Minor characters, like Pippin, suddenly take on tremendous importance, making all of the other pieces of the story fall together nicely for him. Similarly, Merry's, the other hobbit who is accompanying the men, role becomes more important and more defined, making his place in the first and second book more than simply a necessary evil.

The best character work, however, takes place via three characters. Aragorn, the man that the title of the book refers to, finally makes the character leap that Gandalf has been egging him to make the entire time. Aragorn takes responsibility for himself, casts off centuries of doubt and insecurity and rises to King, becoming a leader of more than simply a pathetic band on an impressive quest. Now, Aragorn takes control of armies and the wills of those who would swear allegiance to him.

Gollum, though he makes most of his character work in The Two Towers, makes an impressive leap forward by illustrating the power of the One Ring over his life. Gollum's decent into madness is completed in this book and his character's resolution works to change everything, especially the outcome of Frodo and Sam's quest.

Characterwise, the real winner of The Return Of The King is Sam. More than Frodo, Sam dominates the latter half of the novel as a hobbit of action, determination and unflinching resolve. Sam becomes a symbol for the strength of good over the most heinous evil. Unlike others in the series (i.e. Boromir and Frodo), Sam does not try to use the tool of Evil even to accomplish a true and honorable goal. In fact, the One Ring continues to repel Sam, making his determination to do good seem more real. He remains a steadfast and true symbol to the end.

The problem is, the end does not come at the end of the last chapter. Volume 6 (the last half of the novel The Return Of The King) effectively ends after only a few chapters, but well over one hundred pages from the end of the final chapter. Allow me to explain: J.R.R. Tolkien attempts to illustrate that following the War of the Ring, Middle Earth is irrevocably changed. Thus, following the resolution to the war, much time and many many pages are spent in a tour back through Middle Earth to see the lands the Fellowship passed through. The bulk of the end of the book returns the Hobbits to Hobbiton to find it taken over by a dark force and it is the story of how the Hobbits liberate their homeland.

And it's boring. It is flat-out dull. If you saw the movie The Return Of The King and wondered when it was going to finally end once and for all, imagine a hundred pages of reading and feeling the same thing. The "Scouring of the Shire," as it is called, plods on and on and has the feeling of Tolkien simply not knowing when to end the book. Whatever magic surrounded Middle Earth is beaten to a pulp and squeezed out by the time Tolkien is done with this last book.

The real detriment of the scouring of the Shire is that it completes a book, already flimsy on character and top-heavy on historical-style narration, by destroying any real genuine notion of character. That is, because the Hobbits get involved in another adventure, they fail to reflect in a meaningful way on the magnitude of the adventure they were already on. In short, the importance of attempting to destroy the One Ring is undermined completely by devoting so much time and energy to cleaning up a small country under siege after the task is done.

Ultimately, this is a rather average series of books that had potential, but Tolkien didn't reach it in these books. Under the idea of "art inspires creation," Tolkien's work inspired far superior works of art and it is for that reason - and that reason alone - I ultimately recommend this boxed set.

This boxed set includes the following books:
The Fellowship Of The Ring
The Two Towers
The Return Of The King

5/10

For other book reviews, please check out my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011, 2008 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.

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When Lwaxana Comes To Town And Does Her Thing . . . The "Cost Of Living" Gets High!


The Good: Funny in parts, good acting, some character development
The Bad: Often overly silly, Awkward presentation of Lwaxana
The Basics: When Lwaxana Troi returns to the Enterprise, she disrupts life for Worf and Alexander in a somewhat disappointing episode.


Up until this point in the Star Trek The Next Generation story, Lwaxana Troi has been a subplot and when she appears, she usually - like Q - manages to get a barb in against Worf. And that has been fine in the past. But in the fifth season of the series where Worf has more responsibilities and obligations, it becomes harder to use him simply as the brunt of her effortless sense of humor. In "Cost Of Living" Lwaxana Troi is finally made accountable for what she says and does. It's about time.

When Lwaxana Troi visits, she finds her daughter engaged in what she ought to be; counseling a member of the crew. In this case, it is family counseling and she is doing her best to help Worf establish guidelines for his son, Alexander. She also has news of her own; she is going to be married. When Lwaxana interferes with the delicate situation between Worf and Alexander by trying to allow Alexander to have some fun, she opens herself up to ridicule from Counselor Troi. While working around a somewhat contrived emergency in space, Counselor Troi and Alexander learn that Lwaxana is possibly marrying for all of the wrong reasons.

It's refreshing to see Lwaxana trapped in a situation where she seems like a hypocrite and this one certainly qualifies. While she tries to help Alexander explore what it is to be uninhibited, she does a good job of picking out one of the most conservative men in the quadrant for a relationship. Unfortunately, this kills much of the surprise in the episode. We know in the first moments Lwaxana meets her potential husband that there will be no love connection.

Better than Lwaxana's appearance is the development in the relationship between Worf and Alexander. It's refreshing to see that all of their problems have not been miraculously solved since we saw them together last. This adds an air of realism to their relationship that bears notice.

The acting in "Cost Of Living" is decent. It becomes immediately apparent that Brian Bonsall, the actor who plays Alexander, can act and is not afraid to do so. It's a rare thing for a child actor to be able to pull off a recurring guest role and in the case of Alexander, it must have been especially difficult for Bonsall to do without falling into the same "role" over and over again. But in "Cost Of Living," Bonsall does an excellent job of progressing the character forward. So while Alexander and Worf are still two character in conflict, Bonsall does an excellent job of adding some reason to the character such that it is not simply a repetition of the petulant child routine from "New Ground" (reviewed here!).

Equally impressive is Michael Dorn, who does an excellent job spitting out every parental cliche while seeming reasonable about it. That is, Dorn takes what could be flat lines and breathes some life into them, which is refreshing to say the least. Marina Sirtis here is given the chance to do more with Counselor Troi than play her as annoyed with her visiting mother and she rises to the occasion.

But the awkwardness comes in Majel Barret, who returns as Lwaxana Troi. When last we saw Lwaxana (back in the fourth season's excellent episode "Half A Life," (reviewed here!), she was learning to accept the death of her latest beau. So, when Lwaxana appears here, it makes less sense for her to have such a drastic dichotomy. When she is serious and resigned to being married, that makes sense given the tremendous loss she feels over Timicin's death. When she is freewheeling and alive, that makes some sense as well, if one wished to believe Lwaxana is either over the death or in denial of it. But the drastic oscillation between moods is unsettling and hard to reconcile. Part of the problem certainly is Barret's; she plays Lwaxana as incredibly freewheeling as she engages Alexander, without a hint or thread of sadness and as a result, she creates the strange split-personality aspect to Lwaxana here.

Ultimately, the problem with "Cost Of Living" is that it tries to be funny and ridiculous by having Lwaxana and Alexander in the most pretentious, esoteric holodeck environment yet seen and contrast that with some parasite that has infected the starship Enterprise. This has the result of making the silly portions seem completely ridiculous and the threat to the Enterprise is very difficult to take seriously. In the end, we fail to.

[Knowing that VHS is essentially a dead medium, it's worth looking into Star Trek: The Next Generation - The Complete Fifth Season on DVD, which is also a better economical choice than buying the VHS. Read my review of the fifth season by clicking here!
Thanks!]

4.5/10

For other Star Trek episode reviews, be sure to check out my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2007, 2003 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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B'Etor: She Can Blow Up The Enterprise And Seduce Klingons, But Can't Stand Up!




The Good: Good character, Generally decent sculpt, Generally good accessories
The Bad: Poor articulation, Poor balance, Accessory coloring
The Basics: Good for fans of Star Trek: The Next Generation who need a B'Etor figure, this Playmates toy underwhelms those looking for an articulated toy or display piece.


Some action figures scream for a two-pack and it is unfortunate when they arrive on the market on their own. In the Star Trek action figure line, there is no better example of figures that are worthy of a two-pack than the figures of Lursa and B'Etor. The figures were released individually as part of the Star Trek: Generations line of action figures and ironically, the figures bear the same problems and benefits.

It would have been nice if Lursa and B'Etor had been a two-pack, but given how lame the rest of the Star Trek: Generations toy line was, perhaps it is better that they fleshed the line out with both villainous Klingons. Sadly, though, the B'Etor figure is a good idea, but this entire toy line was botched by Playmates and illustrates an overall lower quality than prior Star Trek toys they produced, making this a tough sell to anyone who is not a die-hard fan. B'Etor became another casualty in Playmates's attempt to cash in on the fans of Star Trek without producing a quality toy. Still, because there is almost nothing of B'Etor on the market, this figure becomes necessary to fans of the franchise by default. After all, B'Etor is one of the franchise's leading villains!

Basics

The Star Trek: Generations action figure collection contained fourteen figures and it was released late in 1994 to coincide with the release of the film Star Trek: Generations (reviewed here!). This line-up included the B'Etor action figure which was quickly bought up and sought by collectors. The Generations line of figures was plagued by action figures that were less articulated than prior Star Trek: The Next Generation toys from Playmates as well as a bevy of main crew figures who bore no resemblance to the uniforms they wore in the actual film! This problem did not escape collectors and most of them ended up as pegwarmers. B'Etor, like Lursa, was an exception to that. The reason was simple; B'Etor had appeared on Star Trek: The Next Generation and her sculpt as an action figure was not specific to Star Trek: Generations.

The B'Etor figure is the feisty Klingon woman from the Duras household as she appeared in Star Trek: Generations. B'Etor is dressed, as she always is, in heavy armor with a stiff skirt. Her breastplate - metal in the series, simply a keyhole cut out in her Generations armor - exposes the center of her breasts as well as internal sideboob. This is a suggestive, if impractical, outfit for a woman who antagonizes people and is likely to get into a knife fight. Still, it makes for an interesting action figure or conversation piece. Her hands are molded to be able to carry her accessories, so this figure is designed for play or display.

Standing at 4 3/4" inches tall, this is a decent likeness of B'Etor immortalized in plastic. There is a fair level of uniform detailing, but to be fair, this was not the most detailed costume B'Etor ever wore. B'Etor looks appropriately stern - with a strong jawline - and in control in her armor and the molding and paint details of her costume are good. Playmates went pretty light on the details of the costume, though they did capture such details as the Klingon script on B'Etor's gauntlets, shoulder and a glyph on her neck. B'Etor's face is molded in a neutral expression, which is a bit surprising as this character usually scowled or used a kittenish expression to get what she wanted. Her face possesses pretty decent amounts of details, with her lips being tight and thin, along with a fair amount of coloring detail around the nose, eyes and forehead ridges. The forehead ridges are molded in and colored with a realistic amount of shading. Still, on her chest and hands, the flesh tones of B'Etor lack any subtlety or shading and her hair is monotonally colored. Also off is her shoulder communicator, which is molded into the figure, but then not painted!

Accessories

B'Etor comes with five accessories, plus a mini-poster: A Klingon club, a Klingon blaster, two Klingon daggers and an action base which was the standard style for the Star Trek: Generations collection. B'Etor is unfortunately over-accessorized, but given the way her hands are molded, she can carry any two accessories at one time. The Action base is enough to support B'Etor and allows the otherwise tipsy figure to become a decent display piece. The action base is a StarFleet Delta symbol, modeled after the communicators which were introduced in Star Trek: Generations and a sticker in the center with the name "B'Etor" on it. Near the center of the symbol is a peg which fits into the hole in either of B'Etor's feet!

B'Etor, of course, comes with several weapons, but most are weapons B'Etor never used in the series or in the film. Still, she comes with the obvious Klingon weapons and it is unfortunate that her Klingon blaster does not have a holster or attach to her hip in any way. This one and a half inch gun fits perfectly into either of B'Etor's hands and is very detailed with molded details. Devoted collectors will notice that this is the same Klingon blaster that Gowron figure came with. The Klingon disruptor is well-detailed, but is a little purple gun that bears little resemblance to the Klingon firearms shown on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

The Klingon club fits in either of B'Etor's hands and is a ridiculous weapon that was never seen on the television series or in the movie. The three inch long spiked club looks nasty . . . or it would if it weren't purple! The club has interesting molded details, like a grain to it, but no coloring details and it fits clumsily despite the handle which is designed to keep it in the figure's grip.

The daggers are the most appropriate accessories for B'Etor as she was often seen with daggers in the series and in the film Star Trek: Generations. One dagger is the traditional Klingon d'k'tang dagger with three blades and a lot of attitude. The other is a larger Klingon knife unique to this figure. The blade on that has openings and it has a back blade which is notched and wicked-looking. Both blades fit in either of B'Etor's hands.

Unfortunately, all four of these accessories are molded in an iridescent purple plastic that is lacking in realistic coloring detail and cheapens the overall appearance of the figure. B'Etor is over-accessorized and with the lame coloring of the accessories, it is tough to get excited about how many options there are for her.

The Star Trek: Generations line of Playmates action figures also comes with a mini-poster unique to the action figures. The Generations poster resembles the packaging from the action figure line and is a 9" x 11 1/2" poster folded up featuring Kirk, Picard, the U.S.S. Enterprise-D and a Klingon Bird-Of-Prey.

Playability

B'Etor was part of a rushed line of action figures from Playmates and she was a real letdown at the time. One suspects this figure only sold so well because there was only one B'Etor figure and there are so few females from the Star Trek franchise encapsulated in action figure form. Molded in a stately pose that makes her look dignified, but less active, this is a decent sculpt of B'Etor. B'Etor is endowed with a pathetic four points of articulation: shoulders, waist and neck. All of the joints are simple swivel joints. As a result, the neck turns left to right, for example, but the head cannot nod. Actually, the head cannot turn more than ten degrees, because B'Etor's hair prevents movement. The shoulders are not ball and socket joints and only rotate. Not truly a joint, the top of the boots, which connect to the underside of the skirt, rotate a few degrees, but this does not stabilize B'Etor in any way.

Moreover, for use with actual play, B'Etor may not bend or extend at the elbows, so she is horribly inarticulated for a warrior. This makes her more of a display piece. Unfortunately, away from her action base, this B'Etor figure tips over ridiculously easily. It is almost impossible to get her to stand up. Conversely, on her base, B'Etor is quite stable, making her a fine figure for display.


Collectibility

Playmates mass produced the first few waves of Star Trek figures, but by the time the Star Trek: Generations series came along, they were a little more conservative in their production. With this toy line, they overproduced the main cast, so villains like B'Etor were underproduced within the line. As a result, this B'Etor has actually appreciated! Seldom found for less than $10.00, B'Etor continues to grow in value as the years pass by.

Playmates tried to make the figures collectible. Each figure has an individual number on the bottom of her right foot. In the attempt to make them appear limited, they had numbers stamped on them, though one has to seriously wonder how limited something should be considered when there are at least 27,000 figures out there (my B'Etor is #026666!).

Overview

B'Etor may be an obscure figure from a movie where the merchandising was largely botched, but she remains the only B'Etor on the market (hint, hint Diamond Select!). As a result, it is hard not to endorse her for the die-hard fans and that is the only market which will appreciate this otherwise underwhelming Klingon toy.

For other toys based upon Star Trek: The Next Generation from Playmates Toys, please visit my reviews on:
Esoqq The Chalnoth
Geordi LaForge in Dress Uniform
Klingon Bird Of Prey

5/10

For other toy reviews, please visit my index page to see an organized listing of all the toys I have reviewed!

© 2011, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.


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Music To Catch An STD To: Blackout Is Generic Pop-Dance Music About . . . Britney Spears Having Sex!



The Good: Short (listener does not suffer long)
The Bad: Not a memorable tune in the bunch, Overproduced, Derivative of other artists, Short, Repetitive
The Basics: Britney Spears released Blackout and it is such bland bass-and-keyboard-driven pop that it is utterly unmemorable.


Unlike most of the U.S., I don't truly care for the whole Blonde Revolution where whatever thin blonde jailbait dangles herself in front of the cameras on MTV becomes the next big celebrity. It has been a long time since Britney Spears was considered wholesome and hearing she was releasing a new Greatest Hits album, I realized that I have pretty much been out of listening to mainstream pop music where she might have released any songs since around the time she released My Prerogative, her first "best of" album. Indeed, as a serious student of all sorts of music, it does not surprise me that I have only reviewed her single of ". . . Baby One More Time" (here!) and her album Britney (here!). So, today, I got my hands on Blackout to listen to what Ms./Mrs./Who Knows Anymore Spears was producing since I last heard her. Wow, talk about falling far from one's position!

Britney Spears rose to prominence and fame on generic pop-songs that were suggestive, but energetic and perversely wholesome. On "Blackout," she presents songs that are monotonously sexual in nature with dance beats that pound out and vocals that are so overproduced that it would take a magician to find where Spears' actual voice is. Every song sounds like it was produced by the team that did Nelly Furtado's album Loose and this is a particularly banal outing as far as the music goes. Of course, if the liner notes, which feature photographs of Britney Spears and a pole (for pole dancing, not any other type of pole), her in kinky outfits and suggestively taking on a priest in a confessional, are any indication, this album is only intended to sell the sexed up image of Britney Spears without actually needing the music.

With only a dozen tracks, clocking out at 43:37, Britney Spears trades in her blonde hair and hints of talent for a black hair dyejob and a monotonous role spewing the sexually-charged lyrics she is given on Blackout. The album is only marginally the work of Britney Spears, so it is hard to blame her too much. She is only credited with co-writing two of the songs (neither of which are stellar in any way) and she does not play a single instrument on the album (not that there are many actual instruments on this album). But for a performer who puts so much faith in her presentation, what is most alarming is that Britney Spears does not receive so much as a co-producer's credit on any song. This is very much a studio-assembled monstrosity and it is very easy to overlook Spears as an artist because she is not one. She is largely performing like a corporate puppet on Blackout.

Musically, the album is a creation of several different producers who creating backing instrumental sounds on mixing boards. None of the songs have much other than programmed instruments and as such, this is a very blase presentation of keyboards, bass and programmed percussion. The only song that seems to have a real tune is "Ooh Ooh Baby" and it is clearly derivative of "Rock'N'Roll 1 2 3." The song that precedes it, "Hot As Ice" is pure bubblegum pop with a singsong presentation that is easily dancable, but entirely unmemorable after it is done playing. Indeed, my latest listen to that song ended two minutes ago and I can only hum the refrain and I'm not even sure I get it right!

The sound of the album is monotonously throbbing. This is dance-pop music that evokes images of clubs filled with hot sweaty late-teens and early-twentysomethings. The predilection toward lyrics consumed with either sex or Britney Spears (singing about being Britney Spear) makes one imagine a strobelight-filled club with loud music, jerks dateraping in the hallways and losers filming it all for broadcast on YouTube minutes later. In other words, this is very much a product of the time, a product of adults trying to figure out what will get young people to buy and an immature view about relationships that leaves adults more nauseated than anything by the lyrics on the album.

As for the vocals, Britney Spears may be able to sing . . . but it is not evident on Blackout. For sure, on "Why Should I Be Sad," the closest the album comes to a ballad, Spears' voice comes through when she sings softly and kittenish. The rest of the album is so overproduced with reverb and other vocal production elements that her voice blends with the keyboards more often than not. There is nothing distinctive or incredible about the vocals and most of the lyrics (not worth hearing anyway) are obscured by production elements.

Opening with the shamelessly spreadlegged "Gimme More," Blackout is a musically raunchy romp through the life of Britney Spears . . . or who she is willing to be portrayed as. When not being obsessed with sex, Britney Spears sings about being Britney Spears. There is no subtlety when she sings "I'm Miss American Dream since I was 17 . . . They're still gonna put pictures of my derriere in the magazine . . . I'm Miss bad media karma / Another day another drama . . . I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous / (You want a piece of me) / I'm Mrs. Oh my God that Britney's Shameless . . . I'm Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in . . . I'm Mrs. she's too big now she's too thin" ("Piece Of Me"). Singing about the controversy that surrounds one is about as original as . . . well, any song by Eminem. One is almost surprised that Matthers was not a co-writer of that song!

In addition to being utterly repetitive ("Radar" is so inane that the only thing breaks through the lyrical monotony is a tune that comes close to sounding like an OutKast single), the songs on Breakout are mundanely sexual in a way that exhibitionist sex usually is. So, while those who initially heard Britney Spears and liked her wholesome persona might be offended when she relays the lines "Make it a / Freakshow Freakshow / We can give em a / Peepshow peepshow / Don't stop it let it flow / Let your inhibitions go / It's a crazy night / Let's Make a make a freakshow" ("Freakshow") the song is utterly unmemorable because so many of the other songs are blandly sexual. Yes, one supposes brunette or blonde, Spears expects all her listeners will salivate at the suggestion that she is sexually active. After one accepts that she is, her presentation of what sex is becomes entirely banal.

With songs like "Get Naked (I Got A Plan)" and "Heaven On Earth," it is hard to pick what might actually be worthwhile on this album. But then there's "Hot As Ice," a purely ridiculous pop song that has "yeah" as so many of the principle lyrics that it is impossible to take seriously. Spears takes no credit for lyrics like "I'm just a girl with the ability to drive a man crazy . . .Make him call me mama . . . Make him my new baby. . .New and improved I'm saying thank you very much / Living legend / You can look but don't touch / 'Cause I'm / Cold as fire, baby / Hot as ice / If you've ever been to heaven, / This is twice as nice" ("Hot As Ice") and what is truly astonishing is that she found three writers who would! The song is so ridiculous that it is almost impossible to view it as anything other than harmless, dumb, overproduced pop music with no real lasting value.

And that is where I leave Blackout, a Britney Spears album that may or may not have songs on her new compilation (I'm at a loss for which tracks she might have picked from this outing). The album is dated pop from a pop princess whose shark is so far behind her one couldn't even guess where she jumped.

The best track is "Hot As Ice" and that is mostly for the ease of mocking it. There are no superlatively bad tracks because the album is so homogeneously bad.

For other former Artist Of The Month artists I studied, please check out my reviews of:
Any Day Now - Joan Baez
@#%&*! Smilers - Aimee Mann
50 Greatest Hits - Reba McEntire

0/10

Want to see how this album stacks up against others? Check out my index page organized by rating by clicking here!

© 2011, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.

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