The Rise And Fall Of A Great Video Game: Destiny: The Collection

The Good: Graphics, Playability, Story/concept
The Bad: Story becomes dependent upon multiplayer mode
The Basics: Destiny begins as a compelling solo video game that decends into an unfortunate social exercise that makes it impossible to finish as one began it.


I have, only as I reached middle age, gotten into playing video games. I found I actually enjoy the reinforcement of little goals and playing games that have intriguing stories and good graphics. I never would have guessed that I would have gotten into first-person shooter games, but when the stories are interesting, I find I can get captivated by them. While going through my year of playing Star Wars: Battlefront (reviewed here!), one of my real-life friends recommended that I try Destiny. As Star Wars Battlefront became more of a repetitive exercise for me, I decided to take her advice and my wife picked me up Destiny: The Complete Collection.

I got Destiny: The Complete Collection for the Playstation 4 (reviewed here!) and I have been playing it for the past nine months on that system.

Basics

At its core, Destiny is a first-person shooter game in a science fiction warfare setting. The game is broken into three essential modes: Story, Co-operative missions, and player vs. player combat.

The story mode is a single-player experience that has the player portraying a Guardian, one of the last surviving people in the solar system tasked with protecting the remaining human population. The player makes a journey to Earth, the moon, Mars, Venus, and a massive alien ship embedded in Saturn's rings (the Dreadnaught) to fight little rogue aliens (The Fallen), massive war robots (the Cabal), mindless alien drones (the Vex), a race of killer humanoid insects (the Hive) and a sinister race invading the solar system that absorbs entities from all those races and makes them into shadow warriors (The Taken). In the main story mode, the player explores the remaining habitable portions of Earth and its colonies within the solar system to protect the Visitor and the remaining humans from the invading forces, while collecting artifacts and weapons to level up.

The multiplayer mode allows players to team up to do specific missions that involve bigger bosses than one player could reasonably handle. Players work together to perform complicated story missions that cannot be done by one player and do mini-strikes that allow them to work together in variations of other story adventures. There is also a very basic combat experience where the team of players combats enemies in an arena setting as part of the expanded training.

Unfortunately, this is where Destiny goes horribly wrong. Destiny begins as a single-player game that allows players to move through the world at their own pace, explore aspects of the setting that interest them and accomplish goals in their own desired order. Where I wrote "allows" at the top of the paragraph above, the terminology was imprecise; "compels" is a far more accurate word. Players begin the game and can make the journey as they see fit and take their time. But, at the end of every major map, there comes a point where the player cannot play on their own. Bungie, the makers of Destiny, force players to connect with other players and form a six-person Fireteam to accomplish important story points like killing every major Big Bad. It's like Bungie is the stereotypical doting parent, concerned that their kid is playing too many video games and forces playdates with other children. As a forty year-old, that's pretty shitty to me.

The multiplayer story modes are not labeled and are not intuitive. So, players who come to the game on their own will suddenly get to an important story point (like killing the leader of the Hive or eliminating the Taken King) and find themselves locked out of progressing . . . not through any clear mechanic, but rather taking the next labeled step in the game and finding it impossible to progress. So, for example, after spending hours and hours trying to get to more than three checkpoints on "Crota's End" (called Lanterns) without being blown up, swarmed by so many Hive that no single combination of weapons can thin the herd enough to survive or fall down pits in the darkness, players who have started the game on their own are likely to just give up.

But, alas, to continue playing the game where the single player was the hero in their own story, players must log onto Bungie's message boards on the internet, find a fireteam and join it. I came to Destiny late - the game was released at least two years prior to me even hearing about it - and people who continued to play the multiplayer story modes have, generally, become an intolerant bunch. Whatever process of discovery existed in the early days of Destiny gameplay by which players figured out what the team members had to do in each of the forced team play story adventures - where people had to stand, when they had to move, what order to accomplish things in, etc. - has long since passed. As a result, players who play the multiplayer story modes are (by a vast majority) made up of people who know what they are doing and have very specific goals to accomplish with continuing to play those modes. As a population, as a player community, they are not overly tolerant of newbies or those who have different skill sets. So, for example, I am not a professional player and one of the aspects of gameplay that I tend to have difficulty with jumping. I am not a strong jumper in video games. So, on a multiplayer mission that requires all of the players to cross a massive chasm within the Dreadnaught while avoiding getting knocked into said chasm through well-timed jumps . . . I am a clear liability to the team. One need not possess much imagination to guess how a team of five players who are ready to confront a Big Bad might react to being held up for an hour while the sixth player attempts to jump across a chasm that everyone else has already crossed.

This style of gameplay is incredibly frustrating for new players and players who are not social. The most common result is that the Fireteam leader, fed up with the team's weak link, will simply jettison them from the game. So, a player might begin one of the story missions they require to advance and conclude a level, but will end up entirely at the mercy of other players and their impatience. It's a sucky way to design a game and it is not at all player friendly. Any game that requires solo players to rely upon the kindness of strangers and live up to their standards to conclude the game is poorly designed. It's a system that invites bullying, so it was utterly unsurprising to me as a non-professional player that I would have numerous portions of gameplay where I was unable to complete the story and would be made to feel terrible by other players who accepted my presence on a team for a portion of the story's gameplay, but then threw me off the team because I was not as good as the rest of the team.

Emotionally, the only real recourse a player has is in the player vs. player mode. In the player vs. player mode, players either join a randomly assigned team or assemble a team of like-minded murderers and they go out to fight in various settings against other players. The Player Vs. Player modes range from games where the players must hold control points to "ignite a rift" using a "spark" (it's essentially Capture The Flag with massive casualties when the flag is destroyed) to free-for-all combat between players.

At the end of virtually every mission or round of combat, players are awarded points, artifacts, and/or weapons and armor to level up their character.

Story

To its credit, Destiny has a pretty cool story. Opening in the present day, astronauts reach Mars. There, they uncover and encounter the Traveler, a massive satellite that reinvigorates and inspires humanity. Humans spread out throughout the solar system and enter a new golden age. After eons of expansion, The Traveler's enemy finds it and virtually wipes out humanity.

The solar system is overrun by Taken, Vex, Cabal, Hive and Taken forces. But, one day, the little mechanical device known as a Ghost resurrects The Guardian (the player) and helps them to escape the Fallen-infested Cosmodrome. The Guardian is then reunited with the leaders of Earth, who work with the Traveler to retake the solar system.

Game Progression

The main story of Destiny has pretty reasonable progression. The player starts on a map and, while they might explore almost any part of it, there is a pretty linear sense of movement throughout the story. When a player encounters a story node along their current plotline, they begin a well-contained mission, like having to climb up one of the remaining rockets on Earth to recover computer codes for one of the surviving military leaders or bring the Queen in the Rift the head of one of her enemies in order to prove loyalty and competence to her.

In general, the story mode follows a linear progression from Earth to the moon to the planets Venus and Mars before the solar system is invaded by the Taken out near Saturn.

That said, Destiny, at least in the form of The Complete Collection, is severely weakened in its progression by its open format. Destiny has "social areas," where players go to store excess weapons, decrypt found blueprints into weapons and armor and meet with non-player characters who assign missions and goals. Unfortunately, there is no linear progression to the types of missions or goals that the non-player characters give. So, for example, a player who meets with the Titan Leader Zavala and sees that there are missions he has to help one level up might accept them . . . without any indication that a low player-level character cannot possibly accomplish, much less enter, them. So, for example, Zavala has goals pertaining to Nightfall Strikes that a Level 1 player might take on . . . not knowing that Nightfall Strikes are not accessible to anything but the highest-level players. In a similar vein, players might easily pick up weapons from the weaponsmith that are well above their player level to use or involve targets the player does not yet have access to (like a weapon that is to be used exclusively against the Cabal before player has access to the Mars map). Going through the game a second time as a different type of character, I was instantly miffed that in the first group of goals my character was given, two required high-level characters, requiring me to either hold the quests for considerable time before I could attempt them or forcing me to abandon/decline them.

Similarly, Destiny goals are often neither intuitive nor self-explanatory. So, for example, one is given a speeder to move around on and the mechanic in the Last City can assign the players goals. I have had a goal of "Overcharge 3 Reached." I have no idea what "Overcharge 3" is. I've tried many different things; I could find the answer easily enough by looking it up, but the game should not require players to go to a completely external source just to learn about the goals they are supposed to accomplish!

That said, weapons and armor upgrades are entirely intuitive and well-executed. Players are given a lot of direction at the game's outset for how to acquire and upgrade weapons and armor, so as the game progresses, that becomes intuitive pretty fast. . . as does collecting resources so one has the continual ability to upgrade one's weapons and armor.

Effects

The effects in Destiny are homogeneously amazing. The visuals for the environments look fantastic and the animation is usually clean and flows exceptionally well. Destiny is remarkably glitch-free on the visual effects and it creats an impressive setting that looks great.

As an older player, it is worth noting that while the speed of the graphics are good and the rendering of adversaries is excellent, the scope, scale and lighting are frequently problematic. To see and, usually, to aim, I almost constantly had to engage the scope on whatever weapon I was using. This has the unfortunate consequence of removing the radar, which informs players where the enemies and goals are! That said, Destiny has superior directional information. Enemies in Destiny can shoot players from a decent distance, outside the effective radar range; the on-screen graphics that indicate where a player is being hit from attacks are excellent.

Arguably the most impressive effect in Destiny is the quality of the voice acting. Bungie employed genre favorite actors like Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Lance Reddick, Erick Avari and Bill Nighy to voice non-player characters who pop up during the movie portions of the game (Peter Dinklage was originally in the game, but apparently got edited out when the expansions began). The actors create distinctive characters for the Ghost and the leaders of the surviving factions within the Last City, making for an exciting sense of flow and continuity through the different story elements.

Replayability

Destiny was, at least until today when Destiny 2 was officially released, constantly adding challenges, weapons and events to Destiny, so the game appears to have incredible replayability. As well, there are three different styles of character a player may create - Titan (essentially brute soldiers), Hunters (more mobile and precise operatives, like bounty hunters) and Warlocks (essentially magic-users) - that each have different strengths, capabilities and forms of attack. As a result, players may play through the story portion of the game multiple times and have very different experiences with each run through. Going back through the game, for example, reminded me of one of the irksome aspects of the environment that allows multiple people to be playing in the same spot at the same time; when one is playing their own personal mission, they might have specific goals, like "make ten headshots" and when other players are playing around you, they might have similar goals. In areas where there are very few enemies, the game gets bogged down by several people all trying to kill the same enemies to accomplish their goals!

The player vs. player portion of the game changes with each and every attempt and events like the Iron Banner insure that there is always something for a Destiny player to do in the game environment!

Overall

Destiny is an excellent idea for a video game for those who want a role-play first person shooter game. Unfortunately, the forced community quality of it - the way the game abruptly transitions from a solo-player game to one that absolutely forces player interaction without any way to complete the story or have the full player experience without having to join an online community and interact with other people is a serious detraction to casual players and solo players alike and ruins the overall experience of Destiny.

For other game reviews, please be sure to visit my reviews of:
Injustice: Gods Among Us Ultimate Edition
Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
Middle Earth: Shadow Of Mordor

7/10

For other video game reviews, please check out my index page on the subject by visiting my Software Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Agent Dale Cooper's Horrific Version Of The Odyssey: How David Lynch Thrilled And Disappointed Twin Peaks Fans!

The Good: Most of the acting, A lot of good direction, Moments of engaging plot, Basic concept
The Bad: The end (seriously, way to piss on your legacy, David Lynch!), Drifts and tangents that go nowhere, More information undermines the strong concept . . .
The Basics: Twin Peaks returns for a long-awaited third season to bore, confuse, delight and ultimately infuriate the fans of the beloved, surreal series.


I admire an ambitious concept. I truly do. And it is hard to argue anything other than the idea that David Lynch is one of the reigning masters of ambitious concepts. David Lynch has a long history of making television shows and movies that demand attentive, engaged viewers. So, when David Lynch publicly confirmed that Twin Peaks would be returning to television for a third season - after being off the air for more than twenty-five years, the reactions of the die-hard fans was more of an indifferent, "we know; you told us it would be back around this time in the last episode!" than the enthusiasm some might have anticipated.

The third season of Twin Peaks, somewhat commonly known as Twin Peaks: The Return because all of the episodes were called "The Return Part X," was an ambitious concept and David Lynch met a number of serious challenges in executing the season that he had more than twenty years to conceive and tinker with. At its core, Lynch described the new season of Twin Peaks as The Odyssey for Agent Dale Cooper and it was widely reported before even the first episode aired that Lynch wrote the entire series as one massive script and then broke the story up into the episodes. That is an ambitious idea . . . and it shows in the execution of Twin Peaks Season Three. In fact, the episodes themselves often hold up much poorer as individual episodes than the season holds up; the sheer volume of detail and callbacks throughout the eighteen-episode third season of Twin Peaks virtually begs for a single binge viewing by an audience that is alert, engaged, and able to handle a lot of screaming.

Conceptually, David Lynch had a Herculean task in creating a third season of Twin Peaks. Since the very end of the original Twin Peaks (reviewed here!), viewers who invested in the concept of the show had plenty of time to accept the sad reality of the show's protagonist. Agent Dale Cooper was trapped within the ethereal abode of evil known as The Black Lodge, while a doppelganger of him - possessed by the ultimate evil entity Bob - was free on Earth. Within (what used to be) the series finale, Agent Dale Cooper was told that he would be trapped in the Black Lodge for twenty-five years. The thing is, for all of its faults, the second season of Twin Peaks was constructed pretty solidly in terms of its lore about the Black Lodge and some of the concepts pertaining to it. The Black Lodge was not, in the original Twin Peaks simply a place; it was a place that existed in physical reality only in specific times. So, right off the bat, David Lynch was somewhat hamstrung by his own concept; given all of the established information of the original Twin Peaks, saving F.B.I. Special Agent Dale Cooper should have been a matter of his doppelganger being returned to the right place and time to push him back into the Black Lodge and Agent Cooper escaping at that time.

There is, alas, not much of a television show in that. So, David Lynch threw out his own book; in the new rendition of Twin Peaks portals are all over the fucking place. In fact, from the moment Agent Dale Cooper manages to escape the Black Lodge through one of the many, many other exits that manifest, the attentive viewer has to ask, "Why the hell did Dale Cooper wait twenty-five years to leave through one of these other exits?!"

Twin Peaks Season Three picks up with Agent Dale Cooper right where Season Two left off. Dale Cooper is in the Black Lodge and the twenty-five years have passed and he has aged. He encounters Phillip Gerard (the one armed man) and The Arm, who encourage him to take an alternate route out of the Black Lodge, noting that Dale Cooper's doppelganger did not return to the Black Lodge. Bob, still in Cooper, has become a crime lord who is doing everything he can to avoid returning to the Black Lodge and he has managed to avoid his old friends from the F.B.I. by using a laptop from a long-missing agent. When Agent Cooper manages to make it to our plane of existence, Cooper is in a car accident and incarcerated, which puts him on the radar of F.B.I. Deputy Director Gordon Cole, Agent Albert Rosenfield and their protege, Agent Tammy Preston.

Dale Cooper, however, has not managed to simply return to our plane of existence. He is insensate in the body of Dougie Jones, who has a wife, son, prostitute and gambling problem. In Jones's body, Cooper is deposited at a casino in Las Vegas where he wins a lot of money by following stimuli from the Black Lodge. While Dougie's wife, Jane, strong-arms Doug's debtors, Dougie is sent back to work at an insurance company where Dale Cooper manages to point out insurance irregularities to his boss and get on surprisingly good terms with the mobsters who run the casino. While Dougie is hunted by assassins hired by Cooper, Cooper manages to get released from prison, survive one of his compatriots attempting to assassinate him and avoid other attempts to get dragged back into the Black Lodge using technology from that place and ethereal beings who heal him whenever he is mortally wounded.

While Agent Cooper slowly asserts himself and Cooper cuts a swath of carnage across the U.S., Rosenfield and Cole enlist Diane to help them figure out just who Cooper is. And in Twin Peaks, Margaret (the Log Lady) sets Deputy Chief Hawk on a search that clues him into the idea that there are two Coopers and that the case of the long-missing F.B.I. agent is soon to be resolved!

The third season of Twin Peaks has its highs and lows, but for the most part it does tell one long, somewhat absurd, story with a bunch of nostalgia-driven tangents thrown in. One of the greatest limitations of the third season of Twin Peaks was that David Lynch had to tailor the story around the actors who were still alive, still acting, and still interested in participating. To his credit, Lynch got actor Everett McGill to come out of retirement to play Big Ed Hurley again. It's nice, it's very Twin Peaks and, sadly, it is entirely unnecessary.

Unfortunately, Michael Ontkean could not be persuaded to return to Twin Peaks for the revival. Within the narrative of the third season of Twin Peaks, Ontkean's absence as Sheriff Harry Truman is explained and not prohibitively conspicuous (there is a lot going on in the season!), but for fans of Twin Peaks, Lynch pushing the project along without his participation becomes a tonal unforgivable sin. One need not rewatch much of the original Twin Peaks at all to see that the lifeblood relationship of the series was the one between Agent Dale Cooper and Sheriff Harry S. Truman. They had a relationship built on mutual respect, professionalism and a shared desire for the truth that made them bond quickly. Twin Peaks had tons of relationships that were, essentially, soap operatic connections between the characters, but Truman and Cooper had a bromance long before the term was ever coined!

Within the third season of Twin Peaks Sheriff Harry S. Truman's absence is glossed over with medical excuses delivered by his brother, Sheriff Frank Truman, who has taken over the Twin Peaks Sheriff's Department. Frank Truman is played quite well by Robert Forster, who manages to be the least-obtrusive new addition to the Twin Peaks cast (for those keeping score, Chrysta Bell breaks out in Twin Peaks Season 3 as Agent Tammy Preston, but David Lynch uses her frequently for window dressing and there are several scenes where Bell seems to be trying desperately not to look like she is a supermodel playing an F.B.I. Agent . . .).

The third season of Twin Peaks is fundamentally two narrative streams - the story of Agent Dale Cooper, Cooper (Bob) and the law enforcement officers that are figuring out the long-cold case of the missing F.B.I. agent (Chief Hawk and Agent Cooper's former F.B.I. colleagues) and a series of nostalgia-driven scenes that pertain to Twin Peaks. Indeed, most of Cooper and Agent Cooper's narrative occurs well outside the Washington state town of Twin Peaks . . . and much of the drama within Twin Peaks has absolutely nothing to do with the dual-Coopers' narrative.

The second narrative track includes scenes with Norma Jennings (who is franchising the RR Diner), Shelly (who is still working at the RR Diner and has a troubled daughter), (former) Dr. Jacoby doing a podcast, Nadine Hurley listening to that podcast, and (eventually) Audrey Horne popping up to indicate that she suffered a psychotic break. There is a high nostalgia aspect to the Twin Peaks scenes involving the cast from the original - Norma Jennings has an opportunity, she changes her mind, she and Big Ed get a delightful happy ending, it's cute to see and it offers some minor catharsis for two characters who did not spend a lot of time at the narrative forefront of the original Twin Peaks. Similarly cute is the lone appearance of Andy and Lucy's son, who was named after the bird who witnessed Laura Palmer's murder and provided the sheriff's clues. The scene with Wally is dull as hell, but hardcore fans will find it cute that Lucy and Andy named their kid after the bird. Ironically, Jerry Horne being lost in the woods plays into the main narrative more directly than almost all of the other tangent storylines.

And the nostalgia storylines are not all thrilling or happy. Shelly and Bobby had a relationship, it burnt out, and they now have a cocaine-abusing daughter who shoots up a door. Shelly and Bobby's daughter is a distant tangent storyline that gets dropped mid-season as it appears part of Cooper's agenda is keeping drugs flowing into Twin Peaks High School, but that fizzles out after Cooper is captured in South Dakota. Those who love Audrey Horne will be excited when she eventually pops up in the narrative . . . until they follow the clues back and realize that after leaving the Black Lodge, Cooper raped Audrey while she was in a coma following the bank explosion and the ass hole hellion who has been running around killing people and beating up others, Richard Horne, is her son and she likely went crazy as a result of that abuse.

To the credit of David Lynch, Twin Peaks Season Three contains some explanations for the evil in the woods in the form of nightmarish, surreal divergent scenes that show how the entities from another place interacted with the Earth, seeding both Bob and Laura Palmer into the mix. Also to Lynch's credit, if he was going to break his own wheel, his cheats were pretty clever. Phillip Gerard prepared for the battle between Dale Cooper and Cooper, seeding manufactured people like Doug Jones (and another, far more spoilerific one) onto Earth to be a part of Agent Cooper's escape hatch. The second doppelganger gets explained, but the Doug Jones storyline is initially irritating, especially given that Jane Jones does not seem to stop to notice what the audience immediately observes; that Doug is simply repeating the last thing said to him. Lynch even insinuates that there is another person attempting to leave one of the alternate realities the same way that Agent Cooper is (i.e. by using a back door from The Other Place and replacing a manufactured doppelganger already on Earth), in the form of a prisoner at the Twin Peaks jail who exhibits the same repeating trait as Doug Jones. But, like so very many plots in the third season of Twin Peaks, that is not actually resolved and is unceremoniously dropped before the end of the series.

The third season of Twin Peaks is an investment for fans of Twin Peaks. So little of the third season occurs within Twin Peaks that viewers have to watch a lot of the season and take on faith that the show is going somewhere. Twin Peaks Season Three meanders, but it does return to Agent Cooper and his struggle to return to Earth after twenty-five years sitting on his ass in another dimension. The faith viewers place in David Lynch is justified in the seventeenth episode of the season . . .

. . . and then utterly shat upon in the season finale. Without any spoilers, Twin Peaks Season Three climaxes an episode before its end. The final episode of the series proves in the first few moments what most viewers will easily suspect coming out of the prior episode and then it turns the entire series upside down. And not in a good way. David Lynch had an audacious storyline for the third season of Twin Peaks, but its resolution is one of the most insanely conceived, poorly-executed finales that one immediately suspects will be one of the episodes fans of Twin Peaks watch the least. Seriously, watch up to the end of the seventeenth episode and you'll be happy. If you have a hankering to watch the final episode, go back and watch the second season episode of Twin Peaks with the "Miss Twin Peaks" Pageant. You might say, geh! This is terrible; whatever is in the eighteenth episode of the third season of Twin Peaks cannot possibly be this bad. You would be wrong. It's like David Lynch said to himself, "I hate every one of my fans and I want to not just undermine my classic Twin Peaks, I want people to think of how I end this season and make it hard for them to ever want to watch any part of the series again." Yeah, the end of the third season of Twin Peaks was enough to drag the entire season rating down by at least a point. Why? Because a season review is about how the whole story holds together and what it does and says. With one episode, David Lynch makes the viewer forget about the annoying, surreal tangents, the mysticism, the pointless added characters, the beloved classic characters, the essential struggle between good and evil, the delightful quirks of Twin Peaks and just get a sour taste in the mouth and a headache that cannot be cured by coffee and cherry pie.

All that said, Kyle MacLachlan is amazing in the third season of Twin Peaks. Straddling three roles with an effortless quality, MacLachlan makes viewers care about Agent Cooper once again and feel genuine emotions for him. When MacLachlan plays Dougie needing to go to the bathroom (having forgotten such basic things), it is painful to watch - expertly performed by the actor. Similarly, MacLachlan manages to make Cooper a stone-cold villain that raises the level of tension every time he appears on screen.

The supporting cast of Twin Peaks Season Three is good, but the highest praise should be reserved for the late Miguel Ferrer. Ferrer plays Albert Rosenfield and the magic of his performance is that Albert has mellowed considerably over the twenty-five years, but Ferrer plays him in a way that the viewer never once doubts they are watching Albert at work. Given that an acerbic quality and angry deliveries were the hallmark of Albert in the original Twin Peaks, it is no small feat to reinvent the portrayal of the character and make him feel like the same old guy!

Fans of Twin Peaks who were waiting for the event to be complete and for a final analysis before watching will want the bottom line. It is this: Binge watch the third season of Twin Peaks. Find one day you can devote to it, watch episodes one through seventeen and stop there. The event is worth it . . . up to a point and David Lynch rather politely gave a clear point where the season stops being worth watching.

For a better idea of exactly what this season entails, please check out my reviews of the specific episodes at:
"The Return Part 1"
"The Return Part 2"
"The Return Part 3"
"The Return Part 4"
"The Return Part 5"
"The Return Part 6"
"The Return Part 7"
"The Return Part 8"
"The Return Part 9"
"The Return Part 10"
"The Return Part 11"
"The Return Part 12"
"The Return Part 13"
"The Return Part 14"
"The Return Part 15"
"The Return Part 16"
"The Return Part 17"
"The Return Part 18"

6/10

For other television reviews, please visit my Television Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Indifference Undermines Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food

The Good: Nutritious, Good dental benefits, Good ingredients
The Bad: My cats were not at all excited by it, Expensive
The Basics: Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food is a well-made cat food that none of my cats showed any particular preference for, making it hard to justify the price.


Lately, my cats have been my (metaphorical) guinea pigs for my reviews. Whatever cat food is at my local discount store in a decent quantity, I tend to stock up on for them and I then get their opinions for my reviews. Every now and then, the store has a lone bag and I need something for my cats and then another shipment comes in of the same cat food; under those circumstances, the best endorsement or critique I might be able to give is whether or not - when the second shipment came in - I stocked up for my cats. With the Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food, I did not.

One bag of Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food was so neutrally-received by my three cats that I could not justify spending any more money on the product when quite a bit more came into even my local discount store.

Basics

Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food is a cat food formulated for adult cats. The Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food regularly comes in a two pound heavy plastic bag that is resealable and our discount store had a couple of bags on sale for $3.99, which is well below what most people will pay for the same size bag! As someone who cannot generally afford such things, the fact that my cats are at all enthusiastic about the Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food made it very frustrating that it would usually cost quite a bit more.

The Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food comes in hard pieces are surprisingly homogeneous 3/8" in diameter balls. The little brown balls of Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food require cats to chew them and that does give them a dental benefit, which is nice.

Ease Of Preparation

Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food is a hard cat food that comes in a small bag, so preparation only involves opening the bag and measuring out the proper serving size for your cat, as determined by its weight. Timber, Evie and Elim get between 1/2 and 2/3 of a cup of the Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food each per day (as they are now all between 7 and ten pounds . . . well, we're trying to get Timber back down in that range as he becomes a little less active . . .). When properly fed those servings, only Timber actually finishes their food in a day when exclusively fed Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food.

Elim, Evie And Timber’s Reactions

The Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food smells strongly of fish. The fishy scent to the cat food seems like it would be a big draw for three adult cats . . .

. . . but it was not.

Timber, Elim, and Evie each ate the Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food, but none of them came rushing for it. Not one of the cats reacted to the bag being opened or the food being poured into their bowls after their first taste. All three cats will eat the Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food, when it is the only option, when they are hungry, but none of them actively seek it out or show any enthusiasm for it when they are anything but truly hungry (and Timber has been known to gorge himself on foods he likes!).

Nutrition

The Grain Free Adult Beyond Cat Food is a very nutritious cat food. The guaranteed analysis of it indicates that it has a minimum of 45% crude protein and 18% crude fat. With no more than 3% crude fiber and 11% moisture, this is a food that is very balanced and nutritious for adult cats. This food also has notable amounts of Taurine (at least .2%), Omega-3 and Omega-6 Fatty Acids, Phosphorus, and Vitamin E. Always have adequate water near your cat’s feeding area!

As well, those who are concerned about what goes into their pets will be pleased by how good and natural the ingredients in the food are. The main ingredients are deboned turkey, deboned chicken, and chicken meal.

Overview

Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food is adequate and nutritious, but none of my cats are so thrilled by it that its (full) price can be justified. For a premium cat food, I expect even one of my cats to consistently come running; Wellness CORE Grain Free Adult Cat Food did not excite any of them enough to justify spending money on a second bag.

For other cat foods, please visit my reviews of:
Nutro Indoor Adult White Fish & Whole Brown Rice Recipe Cat Food
Friskies Classic Pate Turkey & Giblets Dinner
Fancy Feast Medleys White Meat Chicken Primavera With Garden Veggies & Greens Pate Cat Food

5/10

For other cat products, please be sure to visit my Pet Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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The Tragic Irony Of Doctor Who Season 10

The Good: Good characters, Decent performances, Some very engaging plotlines, Good writing for Peter Capaldi's Doctor
The Bad: A couple of wonky episodes that do not live up to the rest
The Basics: Doctor Who Season Ten finally finds the right voice for Peter Capaldi's incarnation of The Doctor . . . right before his tenure ends.


Whenever there is a casting announcement for Doctor Who, fans have a tendency to get very polarized. When Peter Capaldi was announced as The Doctor, though, a lot of people - who knew his other works - were very excited. Unfortunately, after two seasons of Doctor Who where Capaldi's talents were used poorly on Steven Moffat-plotted seasons where the writing did not match Capaldi's abilities, a lot of Doctor Who fans were disappointed. After almost a year without new Doctor Who episodes, Doctor Who returned for a tenth season, which was announced early on as Peter Capaldi's final season as The Doctor.

It was not long into the tenth season of Doctor Who before those who had initially been excited about Peter Capaldi being cast as The Doctor began to hope that Capaldi's impending departure was a bit of deception from the BBC on the order of the promise that Clara was leaving the series after Capaldi's first season as The Doctor. In other words, in the tenth season of Doctor Who, the writers managed to find both the right voice for Capaldi as The Doctor, a Companion who was smart and interesting enough to hold her own with The Doctor and plots that were generally engaging again. It's almost like Steven Moffat loped his way through his time as Executive Producer of Doctor Who and was determined not to leave the series completely hated by the fans, so he actually put some effort into producing the tenth season.

The tenth season of Doctor Who retained Nardole as a Companion for The Doctor and introduced Bill, a young woman who worked at the University where The Doctor has been teaching for decades. Doctor Who Season Ten begins at a very different place than the prior seasons; having loved, adventured, and lost River Song, The Doctor has returned to Earth where he teaches at a University and guards a mysterious vault in the basement below his office. Accompanied only by Nardole from the prior period in his life, The Doctor is acting as Earth's defender to fulfill a promise to River Song.

But, after meeting Bill and realizing she is not a complete moron, The Doctor starts to feel reinvigorated and he makes exceptions to his rule about not traveling off-world. Soon, he is showing Bill important places in time and space on his usual type of adventures. As a result, The Doctor, Bill, and occasionally Nardole, find themselves at distant human colonies in the future, encountering sea monsters in the past, surviving a haunted house, and visiting a space station and Mars. In the process, The Doctor is blinded and Bill sells Earth out to an alien race . . . which ultimately leads the trio to a distant colony ship where they encounter one of The Doctor's most deadly foes and he and Bill are put in mortal peril.

The Tenth Season of Doctor Who is nowhere near the best of the series, episodes like the witless trip to Mars with ancient British soldiers are still disappointing, but the writing is much better for the key characters of the series than in the prior seasons. The Doctor has leveled out in his mood; he is snarky without being mean and he has moments where he does not posture over his compassionate instincts.

In a similar vein, Nardole becomes more assertive in an interesting way and the new Companion, Bill, is instantly characterized as smarter and more capable than many of the prior Companions. Bill figures out most of the Doctor Who tropes on her own without needing The Doctor to explain them to her, which is refreshing. Bill, who also happens to be a lesbian, is fortunately granted a characterization that separates her from the prior, moon-eyed Companions who inevitably develop romantic feelings for The Doctor.

Pearl Mackie and Matt Lucas break out in the tenth season of Doctor Who. The two relative newcomers play off Peter Capaldi and Michelle Gomez (who appears in many of the episodes in the latter half of the season) quite well. It is refreshing to see Lucas play Nardole as someone who is not simply used for comedy relief. In the tenth season of Doctor Who, Nardole acts often as The Doctor's conscience and forces him to keep his word to the departed River Song. Pearl Mackie plays Bill as a credible young woman, who has lost her mother, and is drifting along with the day to day until The Doctor arrives in her life. She is given big, emotionally-complicated moments to play - like having Bill at a point where she is forced to make an unholy deal with aliens who want to enslave humanity. For a one-season Companion, Mackie makes the most of her time as Bill and makes the character's brief arc memorable and one that pulls at the viewer's heartstrings.

More than anything else, though, the tenth season of Doctor Who unleashes the performance potential from Peter Capaldi that went terribly underused in his prior two seasons. When Capaldi is forced to play blind, Capaldi rises to the occasion and when The Doctor is cautiously optimistic about rehabilitating Missy from her psychotic tendencies, Capaldi plays his reactions to Michelle Gomez with complexity and subtlety.

Ultimately, Doctor Who Season Ten might not be perfect, but it is the best season Peter Capaldi had and it is enough to make fans wish he had more time in the role of The Doctor.

For more information on the content of this season, please check out my reviews of the episodes contained in it at:
"The Return Of Doctor Mysterio"
"The Pilot"
"Smile"
"Thin Ice"
"Knock Knock"
"Oxygen"
"Extremis"
"The Pyramid At The End Of The World"
"The Lie Of The Land"
"The Empress Of Mars"
"The Eaters Of Light"
"World Enough And Time"
"The Doctor Falls"
"Twice Upon A Time"

7/10

For other Doctor Who episode and movie reviews, please visit my Doctor Who Review Index Page!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Sturdy Glassware, Disintegrating Feature, ThinkGeek Disappoints With The Battle Of Hoth Pint Glasses [2017 Review This Again]!

The Good: Good initial artwork, Good glassware
The Bad: Expensive for pint glasses, "Function" does not work properly, Not dishwasher safe, Incredibly poor durability - decals wear off completely!
The Basics: The Star Wars Battle Of Hoth Pint Glasses from ThinkGeek quickly degenerate into pretty standard pint glasses, making for a disappointing investment.


[There is a big meme in the art community going around now called "Draw This Again." In the meme, artists illustrate how they have grown in their chosen medium by putting side-by-side pictures of art they created in the past and now. My wife had the great idea that I should do something similar with my reviewing. So, for 2017, I will be posting occasional "Review This Again" reviews, where I revisit subjects I had previously reviewed and review them again, through a lens of increased age, more experience, and - for some - greater familiarity with the subject. This review is one such review, where I am re-experiencing ThinkGeek's image-changing Star Wars pint glasses. These glasses were originally reviewed here!]

My wife is pretty incredible in terms of finding gifts for me, despite me being a tough person to shop for. Despite that, she often finds fun things to give me and it always stinks when she makes the effort and the gift turns out to be a lemon. Such, however, is the case with the Star Wars Battle Of Hoth pint glasses. My wife picked me up a pair of the ThinkGeek Star Wars Battle Of Hoth pint glasses, but within a month of hand-washing the glassware, the decals on them had completely worn off, making them virtually indistinguishable from other, plain clear-glass pint glasses.

The Star Wars Battle Of Hoth Pint Glass Set Of 2 are two identical pint glasses that feature artwork from The Empire Strikes Back (reviewed here!). The pint glasses are predominantly blue and white and feature the AT-AT's coming across the ice plains of Hoth with a snowspeeder headed toward them.

The Star Wars Pint Glass Set Of 2 features artwork that is identical to the promotional photos of the AT-ATs on Hoth that have appeared in books and things like toy boxes for years - since The Empire Strikes Back was released. The AT-ATs are silkscreened on heavy, clear glass. Each set of two is identical. As the name implies, each pint glass holds a little over two cups worth of liquid. A whole 16 fl. oz. fits into the glass. Wider at the top, the 5 3/4” tall clear glass drinking glasses are both identical, including the image silkscreened onto them.

The Star Wars Battle Of Hoth Pint Glass Set Of 2 was constructed with a color-changing gimmick. The snowspeeder is supposed to be invisible until a cold liquid is placed into the glass. Unfortunately, the snowspeeder is entirely visible, regardless of there being any liquid in the glass and while it is initially faint, it does get darker like it is supposed to. When a cold liquid is placed in the pint glass, the snowspeeder gets more distinct and darker, but it never truly fades to be anywhere near close to surprising for its appearance when a liquid is added. This was less of a detraction for me because the snowspeeder being visible the whole time looks authentic and cool - and is appropriate for the setting without any form of "cloaking."

Unfortunately, the Star Wars Battle Of Hoth Pint Glass Set Of 2 is entirely lacking on the durability front. It took less than a week of using and cleaning the pint glasses before each of them showed noticeable wear. While the snowspeeder on the glasses held up fine, the rest of the silkscreening showed some chips and scratches. The glasses are not dishwasher safe and having hand washed the pint glasses with softer cloths to try to avoid damage, it was especially frustrating that the glasses already show wear to the silkscreening. It took less than a month of use before the entire decal sleeve slid right off both of the glasses, making them just plain, dull pint glasses. This is entirely disappointing for any Star Wars fan who likes the concept and spends the money on them.

ThinkGeek appeared to rush the Star Wars Battle Of Hoth pint glasses to market before the technology was perfected, making for a gift that will ultimately disappoint their target audience.

For other kitchen supplies, be sure to visit my reviews of:
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Pint Glass Set Of 4
Star Trek Decloaking Klingon Bird Of Prey Mug
Norpro Deluxe Stainless Steel Baster Set

.5/10

For other kitchen product reviews, please be sure to visit my Kitchen Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Twin Peaks At The End: "The Return Part 18" Lopes To A Conclusion (?)

The Good: The acting is okay, Early on the plot works
The Bad: Conclusion is terrible, Light on character development, Boring, Boring direction (usual David Lynch night driving shots).
The Basics: "The Return Part 18" mortgages the proper end of Twin Peaks for a boring, obscure, terrible conclusion.


The end of Twin Peaks arrives with "The Return Part 18" and the final episode has a lot to wrap up. Perhaps the most daunting aspect of "The Return Part 18" entering the finale is that the show has a burden of wrapping the storyline up with a sense of permanence that the original Twin Peaks was never bound by. By the time "The Return Part 18" aired, a significant number of actors who were integral to the original Twin Peaks - and the revival - were now dead, making a fourth season somewhat conceptually difficult to execute (even harder than a reboot twenty-five years after the original series). So, to make a truly satisfying end to the third season of Twin Peaks, writer and director David Lynch could not make another great cliffhanger (whether he knew that when he wrote the episode or not, well before it aired at least one critical actor still in play had died, which would have required a rewrite/reshoot before the finale ended if the series was going to continue). "The Return Part 18" opens with a particular burden as the prior episode ended at a point that seemed to entirely re-imagine the set-up to Twin Peaks!

And it fails.

Flat out, "The Return Part 18" is a conceptual failure that neglects the bulk of Twin Peaks to put Agent Dale Cooper on the most unsatisfying journey possible that is likely to frustrate, more than thrill, fans of the show.

Following the events of "The Return Part 17" (reviewed here!), "The Return Part 18" has Agent Dale Cooper having returned to Twin Peaks, defeated Bob in the mortal world with Freddy's help, and then disappearing into a nether realm. In the other place, Dale Cooper was able to see some of Laura Palmer's final moments and then - apparently - participate in them. "The Return Part 18" opens after the prior episode worked to tie together past elements and had Agent Dale Cooper, apparently time traveling, attempting to remove Laura Palmer from the timeline before she could be murdered!

Cooper, in the Black Lodge, is in flames, while Philip Gerard makes a new Dougie and returns him to Las Vegas for Janey and Sonny Jim. Agent Dale Cooper attempts to save Laura Palmer, but she disappears before he can get her to safety. He returns to the Black Lodge where he encounters The Arm, Laura Palmer and Leland Palmer. Agent Cooper is finally able to leave the Black Lodge properly, where he is reunited with Diane and together they drive off. When the tripometer on their car hits 430 miles, Dale pulls the car over and Diane implores him to consider his actions. After a kiss, Dale and Diane drive across a threshold, time traveling, finding themselves on the road at night. They stop at a motel, where Agent Cooper goes to get a room and Diane appears to see her own doppelganger.

Dale Cooper awakens the next morning in the motel room, alone. Dale finds a note to Richard from Linda and leaves the motel (in Odessa) and drives to Judy's, a diner. After rescuing the waitress at the diner from three thugs, Dale gets the address for the diner's other waitress. Dale Cooper arrives at the other waitress's home, where he finds Laura Palmer, though she claims not to be. Despite that, Laura leaves Odessa with Dale and they drive back to Twin Peaks for a terrible conclusion.

"The Return Part 18" is deliberately dense. The episode features time travel without a big flash or obvious portal and more doppelgangers and surreal aspects. The story's first half remains remarkably focused on Dale Cooper and Diane. The purpose of their time travel is not immediately evident and that is likely to be frustrating to some viewers, especially after how literal and concrete (if weird) much of the prior episode was. Dale and Diane seem to have an idea of what they are doing in the early parts of the episode, though their plan is not made immediately clear to the audience, up through and including, their prolonged sex scene.

Dale Cooper's journey in "The Return Part 18" is initially tough to grasp. There are anachronisms - like the old telephone in the motel and the signage in the diner - that seem to support the idea that Dale Cooper is now in the past. But, he continues to drive a modern car and the Valero is clearly one from the 2010s, so there is a whole "what the hell is going on" feeling through the bulk of the episode. Once Laura Palmer comes into "The Return Part 18," the episode is so mired in surrealism and intentional obfuscation that even fans of Twin Peaks will be wondering how this can possibly be the end of Twin Peaks.

Director David Lynch's obsession with night driving shots continues through the bulk of "The Return Part 18" and in this episode they quickly become tedious. By the time Dale and Laura arrive back in Twin Peaks at night, it is hard not to be so confused and bored that one actually wants Twin Peaks to just be done.

The final line of the episode and possibly the series seems entirely stupid given where the episode began (Dale Cooper seemed to know he was time traveling when he was with Diane). Given how vast the cast of Twin Peaks is, the tight focus on Dale Cooper seems like it would be incredible, but in the reworked world of Twin Peaks, Cooper is aimless and unsatisfyingly journeying to an unclear conclusion.

Is the world safe from Bob? Is Audrey Horne's horrific coma undone by completely rewriting history? What the fuck was the point of Twin Peaks?!

The tragedy of "The Return Part 18" is that there is no satisfying way to return to Twin Peaks from this point. For a man obsessed with bringing his beloved series back to television, David Lynch created a tremendous "Fuck you!" to the fans with his final episode of the revival of Twin Peaks.

For other major finales, please visit my reviews of:
"The Doctor Falls" - Doctor Who
"Come To Jesus" - American Gods
"World's End" - Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.

[Knowing that single episodes are an inefficient way to get episodes, it's worth looking into Twin Peaks - The Complete Third Season on DVD or Blu-Ray, which is also a better economical choice than buying individual episodes. Read my review of the temporally displaced season of the surreal show here!
Thanks!]

2/10

For other television reviews, please visit my Television Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Not Even If It's Free! Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars Disappoint!

The Good: Nothing!
The Bad: Expensive, Limited shelf life, Terrible flavor, Not overly nutritious or filling, Poor aftertaste
The Basics: Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars are not at all what they claim to be like and not worth trying.


My local grocery store has a truly awesome promotion. Every week, the store provides its loyal customers with a freebie. Last week, the free item was a Larabar Fruit & Nut Bar. I eagerly clipped the digital coupon and picked out a Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bar to enjoy.

I, alas, did not enjoy the Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars.

Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars do not taste at all like the promised chocolate chip cookie dough and they were an incredible disappointment, even free. Perhaps the best possible statement on Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars is that my wife refused a second bite of the bar and in her refusal, she noted, "that thing brought a tear to my eye!" No food ought to do that.

Basics

Larabar is a health food company and the Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bar are the first product I have tried by the company.

Each Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bar is in a 1.6 oz. bar that is foil-wrapped. Each bar represents a single serving and the Snack Bars are each 1 1/4” wide by 9/16” thick by 3 1/8” long Snack Bar that is unsurprisingly breakable or squishable. A box of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars contains five bars. Each bar looks like a compressed nut bread.

Ease Of Preparation

Eating Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars is simple. After removing the foil wrapper, simply pull out the bar and stick it in your mouth. There is no particularly complicated equation to eating this snack; it is an entirely ready-to-eat food!

Taste

Unwrapping the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bar, the consumer is greeted with a vaguely fruity aroma. There is a metallic scent that combines with the awkwardly fruity scent in the bouquet.

In the mouth, the Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bar tastes fruity and sour. There is a vague, only instantaneous, flavor of chocolate before the flavor finishes like dates. These bars taste mostly like dates, but do not taste at all like cookie dough.

The dried fruit flavor remains as a fairly unpleasant aftertaste in the mouth well after the last of the bar is consumed.

Nutrition

Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars are intended as a snack bar and they are good on that front. Each 1.6 oz. Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars represents a single serving and they are fairly nutrient-filled. Made primarily of cashews, dates and semisweet chocolate, the ingredient list is made of entirely recognizable ingredients. These bars were produced on equipment that processes nuts, so people with nut allergies need to be concerned. The chocolate in the Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars does not include milk, so they are Vegan-compliant. They are gluten free and the Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars are marked as Kosher.

Larabar's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars have 210 calories, 100 of which are from fat. A full serving represents 15% of one's RDA of saturated fat and they are cholesterol-free. Surprisingly, they are comparatively low in sodium with only 55 mg (2% RDA) per serving and there are 4 grams of protein to be had by eating a full bar. These are a significant source of Copper (20% RDA), Magnesium (15% RDA), and 10% each of Iron and Phosphorus.

Storage/Cleanup

As a healthy snack, Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bar remain fresh so long as they are kept in their wrappers. Our bar had an expiration date of December 12, 2017, so these do not have the best shelf life for a snack of its type. The only real clean-up for the Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars comes from wiping up crumbs.

Overall

Larabar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars are so bad that I cannot find anything redeeming about them to recommend. Anyone hoping for anything even remotely like the promised flavor is only setting themselves up for absolute disappointment.

For other reviews of random foods, please check out:
Quest Beyond Cinnamon Roll Cereal Protein Bar
Barilla Bacon & Cheese Pasta Sauce
Frosted Crush Orange Pop Tarts

0/10

For other food and drink reviews, please check out my Food And Drink Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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SO. FUCKIN'. GOOD! Twin Peaks "The Return Part 17" Ramps Up The Series!

The Good: Amazing tension, Great acting, Good character moments, Wonderful plot development
The Bad: Nothing!
The Basics: "The Return Part 17" is the episode of Twin Peaks every fan has waited twenty-five years for!


Twin Peaks is a series that requires - and always has - some serious investment of attention on the part of the audience. David Lynch requires viewers to pay attention to details and remember strange, minute aspects of the plot and characters to put together the puzzle-like stories that he weaves. As a season, the third season of Twin Peaks had a demanding concept with an execution that was problematic for its concept; David Lynch wrote the season of Twin Peaks (supposedly) as one long script before cutting it up into the eventual eighteen episodes that aired. The problematic aspect of that is that small details in the earliest episodes make an appearance in the final episodes and unless one rewatches the entire series before the two-part season finale, odds are, they will go into the final episodes woefully unprepared (three months is far too long to go without reinforcing some of the weird details in play in "The Return Part 17").

"The Return Part 17" is a direct follow-up to "The Return Part 16" (reviewed here!) and it is impossible to discuss the first part of the season finale without making specific references to where the prior episode left off. After all, "The Return Part 16" started cutting some of the superfluous plot threads with Richard Horne and the pair of assassins getting killed and Agent Dale Cooper finally returning to Earth with his memories intact (albeit in the constructed body of Doug Jones). "The Return Part 16" also revealed explicitly that Audrey Horne is not in the place and time she initially appeared to be (suggesting incredibly heavily that she has suffered a psychotic break). "The Return Part 17" is responsible for further whittling down of the sprawling plotlines and characters that have characterized the third season Twin Peaks event.

Opening with Albert and Gordon Cole regrouping after Diane disappeared in their hotel room, Cole reveals that there was an entity colloquially called "Judy" that was revealed to him by Major Briggs. Cole reveals that Ray was working for him and that Cooper was looking for coordinates. Bud gives Cole Agent Cooper's message, which gets the team headed to Twin Peaks. At the Twin Peaks Sheriff's Department, the woman from another place awakens, agitating the other prisoners. Benjamin Horne gets a call from Wyoming, where his brother has ended up in police custody. The next morning finds Cooper at the coordinates he has sought, when a portal opens allowing him to safely return to an alternate reality.

But the attempt to escape is only a teleportation for Cooper. Cooper is teleported to the Twin Peaks Sheriff's Station where he confronts Andy and in her cell, the woman from the other place becomes severely agitated. Chad, the corrupt cop who is in prison there, uses the opportunity to escape. Andy steps into a dangerous situation and in the process, Freddy steps up to heroic levels. And when Dale Cooper finally makes it back to Twin Peaks, his return puts him in direct conflict with Bob and Cooper!

"The Return Part 17" has some truly amazing line, not the least of which is Gordon Cole telling Albert that he is sorry, despite Albert understanding his reasons. The pacing for the episode is fairly unrelenting after the initial conversation in which Gordon Cole delivers exposition needed to explicitly tie together - for characters within the narrative - what the viewers are likely to have figured out already.

The surreal aspects of "The Return Part 17" are far less distracting and weird than in many other episodes of Twin Peaks. The first major alternate dimension is a room where Major Garland Briggs's disembodied head (a necessity considering actor Don S. Davis has been dead for years), where The Giant is seen and appears to activate the teleportation device.

The sense of tension in "The Return Part 17" has an amazing sense of tension to it. Throughout the episode there is a sense of movement and the constant development of a threat unseen in explicit terms. Kyle MacLachlan is amazing for insinuating that tension into every scene he is in as Cooper. His tightened body language connotes that Cooper is ready at any moment to leap into action and what action he is going to take a mystery. When it comes, the payoff is incredible.

Freddy, with his green-gloved fist does more in "The Return Part 17" than Danny Rand did as the Iron Fist in the entire season of that show!

Ultimately, "The Return Part 17" is the episode fans of Twin Peaks have been waiting for and it perfectly moves the story of Agent Dale Cooper in his epic struggle with Bob toward its logical conclusion. The beauty of the episode is that it is the right combination of dense and satisfying - the proper Diane is returned to Earth, Experiment is revealed to be a template, there is an epic fight with Bob and David Lynch's use of a faded head over one of the critical scenes is no doubt to be the subject of much scholarly interpretation. But, at its core, "The Return Part 17" pays off almost all of the critical elements of Twin Peaks, leaving the final episode as a denouement.

For other penultimate episodes of note, please visit my reviews of:
"Love Is To Die" - True Blood
"The Sound Of Her Voice" - Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
"Absolution" - Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.

[Knowing that single episodes are an inefficient way to get episodes, it's worth looking into Twin Peaks - The Complete Third Season on DVD or Blu-Ray, which is also a better economical choice than buying individual episodes. Read my review of the temporally displaced season of the surreal show here!
Thanks!]

10/10

For other television and movie reviews, please visit my Film Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Without Pretense, Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao Chocolate Bars Thrill Chocolate Lovers!

The Good: Great dark chocolate flavor, Wonderful ingredients, Good corporate ethics
The Bad: Nothing!
The Basics: Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars are perfect!


Every now and then, I have a concern that I am unable to enjoy the simple things in life and that my high standards prevent me from truly accepting simple things for what they are. Sometimes, simple things completely live up to all they promise to be. This concern came up as I sat down to review the Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars. I was concerned that I would be too harsh on such a simple candy bar, but the truth is, even with the higher initial cost of the Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars, there were nothing wrong and everything right with them!

The Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars are perfect for anyone who loves dark chocolate!

Basics

Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars are one and three-eights inch by one and five-eighths inch rectangles of chocolate that are about three-sixteenths of an inch thick and connected side by side and in rows, to form a bar of ten segments. Each bar comes unified in a foil wrapper. The foil-wrapped chocolate bar is sealed in a cardboard package.

Each chocolate bar is sold in a way that it is easy to segment and control portions. In this form, the 3.17 oz. bar, the chocolate bar represents two and a half servings. Each bar appears solid and smooth on the bottom and is stamped with the Green & Black's logo.

Ease Of Preparation

These are candy, so preparing them is as simple as opening the cardboard and then opening the foil wrapper from around the actual chocolate. There is no trick to eating Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars.

Taste

The Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao bars are quite aromatic. The Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao bars smell delightfully of dark chocolate and the scent is clear and inviting.

In the mouth, the Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao bars are rich and chocolatey. The Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars have a flavorful and slightly dry flavor. The impressive aspect of the Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao bars is that they are not at all bitter, but not so sweet that they lose any of their dark chocolate, cacao flavor!

The Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bar have virtually no aftertaste to them, which is a surprise given how impressive the rich chocolate flavor of the bars actually are.

Nutrition

These are candy, so health aspects are seldom one's top concern. That said, the Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars are made of pretty great ingredients, justifying their expense. The sole ingredient is bittersweet chocolate. There is nothing unpronounceable in these candy bars.

A serving from the Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars is considered four rectangles from the overall bar, which is a somewhat silly serving size for a bar that is segmented into ten pieces (as that means one whole bar is two and a half servings). From four squares, one takes in 210 calories, including 160 calories of fat. There is no sodium and 2 grams protein in each serving. There is a decent amount Iron (25% RDA) in each bar, but no significant quantities of any other major nutrients. The biggest nutritional detraction in the Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao are the 19 grams of fat per serving and the 55% RDA of saturated fat that comes from the 11 grams of saturated fat!

These are not Vegan-compliant, nor are they recommended for anyone with a nut allergy as they are manufactured on equipment that processes tree nuts and milk. They are not specifically marked as kosher (I'm not sure why), but Green & Black's uses sustainable cocoa farming for their cocoa, which is nice!

Storage/Clean-up

The bars of these Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars remain fresh for quite some time. The bars we picked up two months ago had an expiration date of April 2, 2018, though they will certainly not last that long as I will have consumed mine well before then! One assumes that if they are kept in a cool, dry environment they will not melt or go bad. It is hard to imagine just what it would take for these to go bad outside melting and refreezing.

As for cleanup, just throw the packaging away when you're done! These chocolate bars are made such that there is no real cleanup needed, unless one is eating them in a hot environment. Under that circumstance, it is likely one would need to wash their hands, though these bars do not melt as easily as cheap or milk chocolates. When this chocolate melts into most fabrics, it will stain.

Overall

Green & Black's Pure Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao chocolate bars are rich and flavorful without betraying the dark chocolate nature of the bars.

For Green & Black's chocolate reviews, please check out:
Pure Dark Chocolate Roasted Almond Bar
Pure Dark Chocolate Raspberry & Hazelnut Chocolate Bars
Pure Dark Chocolate Sea Salt chocolate bars

10/10

For other chocolate reviews, please visit my Chocolate Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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The First Season Of American Gods Peaks At "Come To Jesus"

The Good: Well-paced, Plot ties the season together, Good performances, Decent character moments
The Bad: Could use more Shadow Moon
The Basics: "Come To Jesus" finishes the first season of American Gods well, though it is very much the culmination of the prior episodes, as opposed to being a story driven by the show's protagonist.


As the first season of American Gods ratcheted up toward its end, the basic purpose of the entire series became clear: Wednesday is an Old God, who is nearing the end of his relevance and power in the face of New Gods, some of whom want to extinguish the ancient divinities (and reinvent others). Given the apparent invincibility of the New God Mr. World, the stakes are both high for the series and for a compelling season finale. "Come To Jesus" is the first season finale of American Gods and it bears the burden of ending in a place that makes viewers want to tune back in for the second season and put the characters in a predicament that justifies the faith viewers have put in the first half of the oft-surreal, oft-obscure show.

"Come To Jesus" (largely) succeeds with both goals.

Picking up after the events of "A Prayer For Mad Sweeney" (reviewed here!) which found Mad Sweeney (in the main narrative) overcome with a sense of guilt strong enough to make him change his mind about killing Laura Moon a second time, "Come To Jesus" is the culmination of the journey Wednesday and Shadow Moon began back in the pilot. Now, with a clear purpose, Wednesday is attempting to recruit Old Gods and "Come To Jesus" has him attempting to bring the Old Goddess Ostara, Easter, into the fray on his side. "Come To Jesus" is the ultimate episode for the atheists and agnostics who have invested in American Gods as it explicitly argues that modern religions have co-opted old religious figures, symbols, and holidays and that a god is anyone (or thing) that is worshiped (hence the multiple Jesuses in the episode).

Opening with Wednesday and Shadow Moon at Mr. Nancy's shop where he works his loom to create oufits for the pair. Mr. Nancy (Anansi) tells the pair the story of Bilquis and how she would be worshiped at orgies and bring down rulers in ancient Egypt. Bilquis evolves through the ages, until 1979, Tehran, where she is forced out of the Middle East. She retreats to America, where she is soon forgotten and homeless. On the streets, she is approached by Techno Boy, who offers her worship in the form of followers on a dating site in her name (Sheba). Nancy concludes the story by making his point explicit; gods need queens to truly rule and remain relevant.

Wednesday and Shadow Moon arrive in Kentucky, en route to their meeting in Wisconsin. The goddess Ostara is holding court on her day, which has been co-opted by the Christians as Easter. Shadow Moon quickly recognizes that he is in the presence of many gods, including several Jesuses. Wednesday tries to make Ostara angry over the fact that no one prays in her name and that antagonism affords them the chance to meet privately. Techno Boy hunts down Bilquis and calls in her debt to him, charging her with using her seductive powers to bring down one of his enemies. Laura Moon and Mad Sweeney arrive at Ostara's home, with Laura suffering further decomposition, while Wednesday pitches to Ostara that they starve the Americans so they start to worship Ostara again. Ostara meets with Laura Moon and reveals that she was killed by a god and cannot be resurrected using her powers. Ostara is alarmed when Media and Mr. World arrived and that leads to an escalation in Wednesday's plan.

"Come To Jesus" reveals what has been alluded to throughout the first season of American Gods, that Wednesday is the god most commonly known as Odin, the Norse god. Odin is in a war for his survival and "Come To Jesus" continues to defer the war; Wednesday is looking for a powerful ally so he might survive the impending conflict.

The brilliance in "Come To Jesus" comes from the casting. Kristin Chenoweth is perfectly cast as Ostara. Ostara is a long-forgotten goddess, whom Wednesday riles up. Ostara has been co-opted as Easter and she has compromised. But Ostara is tremendously powerful (she has the ability to bring spring) and Chenoweth is perfectly cast to play a character who is hiding her power and the full range of her majesty. Her perky deliveries are contrasted with frustrated lines and Chenoweth plays the transitions perfectly. In a similar fashion, Jeremy Davies plays Jesus Christ in a delightfully serene manner and his sadness over realizing Christians have co-opted Ostara's day for him is well-executed.

The imagery from the early episodes - Shadow Moon's bone orchard vision and the white buffalo with the flaming eyes - returns, which continues to insinuate throughout the episode that Shadow Moon is someone other than the simple man he appears to be.

"Come To Jesus" gives Emily Browning something very real and different to perform. Browning plays Laura Moon as dead, but wanting to be alive. Browning's subtle and dark performance contrasts incredibly well with Chenoweth's more perky and expressive acting. Browning expresses longing exceptionally well in "Come To Jesus" and it allows her to show off more emotional range in the part of Laura Moon than she was able to present in her character in prior episodes.

It is hard not to watch "Come To Jesus" and be completely captivated by the final act. When Gillian Anderson's Media steps into the episode, the pace accelerates in exactly the way a writer, director, and executive producer hopes to make a story that is relenting to its climax. "Come To Jesus" does what a season finale needs to . . . but it is the culmination, largely, of the season's plot elements with a somewhat unsatisfying arc for the primary protagonist. For sure, Shadow Moon has a part in "Come To Jesus," but he is still a bystander and enabler in what started out as his story. American Gods is not moved to its logical powerful, logical, conclusion by Shadow Moon, which is a little disappointing.

The special effects - CG and make-up - in "Come To Jesus" are wonderful and enhance the story in the best possible way, like good special effects ought to.

Ultimately, "Come To Jesus" is an excellent pay-off to a season that has been occasionally erratic, sometimes entirely surreal and it does everything a good season finale ought to, setting up a very different and potent second season of American Gods.

For other season finale episodes, please check out my reviews of:
"The Defenders" - The Defenders
"Call To Arms"- Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
"The Parting Of The Ways" - Doctor Who
"Episode 7"- Twin Peaks

[Knowing that single episodes are an inefficient way to get episodes, it's worth looking into American Gods - The Complete First Season on DVD or Blu-Ray, which is also a better economical choice than buying individual episodes. Read my review of the debut season of the surreal series here!
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9/10

For other television season and episode reviews, please visit my Television Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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