After The Definitive Collection: Terminator 2: Judgment Day Still Rocks!

The Good: Effects, Plot, Acting, Character
The Bad: Nitpicky stuff on all levels.
The Basics: A compelling film filled with amazing effects, strong characters and definitive direction. See The Terminator first, then this!



Terminator 2: Judgment Day is one of the rare sequels that is both better than the original and takes the film franchise in a very different direction. James Cameron exploded the summer blockbuster with a big-budget sequel to the more obscure science fiction horror film The Terminator (reviewed here!). When I first saw Terminator 2 on DVD, I was blown away by the medium and how effectively it translated the movie that I had only seen on a grainy VHS to the screen. Terminator 2: Judgment Day remains one of the litmus test films when testing out new equipment.

If you've never seen Terminator 2: Judgment Day or the original The Terminator you're missing out; the sequel was easily as groundbreaking in special effects at the time as The Phantom Menace was and Terminator 2: Judgment Day was twice as good! More than that, Terminator 2: Judgment Day has a lot that has made its way into the American collective psyche since its release.

The Special (or "Ultimate") edition of Terminator 2: Judgment Day is a treat, because like most special editions, the film is re-edited to include extra scenes or scene fragments that were left out of the original theatrical release to keep it more "up tempo" for the summer movie audience (who, apparently, Hollywood directors are under the misconception, don't want to think). The Ultimate Edition does that, adding scenes that reveal Sarah (Linda Hamilton)'s human side (and her legs!) as well as key scenes of the Terminator (the T-100, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, that is) that add to its character.

On a plot level, it's easily one of the most engrossing science fiction chase films of all time. Doing away with the suspense of the original in favor of more action, Terminator 2: Judgment Day occurs ten years after the original and, unfortunately, is ruined by every review ever written by it. That is, given the opportunity for a "pure viewing" (that is knowing nothing about the film before seeing it) after seeing the first makes the film much more interesting. That is to say, on a tone level, much is lost by knowing the nature of Schwarzenegger's Terminator role before seeing the film; it's wonderful to watch it with someone who has seen the first but is ignorant of the second as, up until the moment the T-100 draws its gun and saves John Connor, his allegiance is unknown and assumed to be hostile and that's wonderfully played out.

The plot is less simple than most such chase movies: having, as improbable as it may seem, failed to kill Sarah Connor, the computer villains of the future (2029) have sent back another Terminator to kill John Connor while he is young and weak. The heroes of the future, led by an older John Connor, send back a protector. The catch is the new Terminator (the T-1000) is made of liquid metal and can morph (change shape) into anything it has touched that is of equal mass. IT makes for load of awesome special effects. So, the protector, a T-100 Terminator, finds John and together they rescue Sarah Connor from a mental health facility that is easily one of the worst health care facilities ever envisioned for the present day. Together the trio flee the T-1000, arm up and, under Sarah's direction, hunt down the architect of the dismal future, a brilliant, good-natured, and socially conscious computer scientist named Daystrom (yes, it's a pretty blatant Star Trek allusion!) and, . . . compel him to not continue his work. In the process, the T-1000 continues to hunt them into a very cool, violent showdown.

If you haven't seen this film, it's easily worth your time. Why? It's interesting and surprisingly socially conscious. That's ironic considering the level of violence in the film was denounced at the beginning by various concerned parties. The truth is, there's an overwhelming amount of social commentary, from the lecherous mental health workers who abuse Sarah Connor in various ways to the way machines are programmed and used to the way Daystrom recognizes the importance of the Bigger Picture and his role in Judgment Day.

The acting is, surprisingly, good or, at the very least, competent. Linda Hamilton is amazing as Sarah Connor. The true scene stealer, though, is Robert Patrick, who plays the T-1000. He carries with him a presence that is wonderful and translates very impressively to the character he plays. And he has a face and demeanor that he plays as downright cold very well.

But, of course, the real importance is in the characters and, in this case, the most important ones are the humans: John and Sarah Connor. Sarah's obvious shell-shock and change in demeanor from the original is well played and realistic. In fact, it's almost impossible to watch The Terminator after seeing Terminator 2: Judgment Day because of how weak and whiny she appears in that film. Only slightly less compelling is John Connor, who mixes his sense of destiny well with his feelings of distrust for his mother and longing for the stability of parents.

All in all, far more than a summer blockbuster, this film stands up after years as an interesting and often fun character romp through a world of consequences and potentials.

For other films by James Cameron, please check out my reviews of:
Avatar
Titanic
Aliens

9/10

For other movie reviews, please be sure to visit my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011, 2001 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.





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Suave "Refreshing Waterfall Mist" Is An Average Shampoo!

The Good: Inexpensive, Intriguing scent, Cleans hair, Lathers well
The Bad: Scent does not endure, Packaging
The Basics: "Refreshing Waterfall Mist" is an adequate shampoo, but it is not one that lights the world on fire or especially inspires one to buy it.


About two weeks ago, I actually had a few extra dollars, shampoos and conditioners were on sale and I had my first proper haircut in fifteen years, so I felt inspired to take care of my hair. I bought a whole bunch of inexpensive hair care products to use and review and it wasn't until I got them home and began to use them that I came to realize I had gotten Suave products, not the usually similarly priced VO5 ones!

Suave has been expanding its line of inexpensive shampoos and conditioners. In virtually every market in the United States, Suave shampoos and conditioners may be found on sale for $1.00 for a 15 fl. oz. bottle. Refreshing Waterfall Mist shampoo seems is a fairly standard scented shampoo for all hairs that does not seem to rely on gimmicks and is ideal for a staple shampoo. Technically, this listing is for a four-pack of this shampoo; the content of the bottles is identical and often there is little price savings on the bulk pack. The 15 fl. oz. bottle is a cylindrical tube bottle with a flip-top lid that is easy enough to open with one hand, sort of. The bottle is not contoured and does get slippery when wet. Indeed, the shape of the bottle might not necessarily be problematic save that when it is wet, there is very little friction on the bottle and it slips from one's hand quite easily.

Even more problematic is the lid. The lid is a standard flip-top lid and so long as the bottle is not wet, there ought to be no problem with using one's thumb to flip the top. The issue, however, is that the top of the bottle is a pressure ring, not a screw on top. What this means is that when one applies pressure to the top to open the spout, the user is almost just as likely to flip the entire top off. This is annoying and my first experience with this problematic aspect involved carrying the bottles; the top came off of one though sheer force of gravity and perhaps the best advice I might give is to hold the bottles by the bottom.

Inside the bottles is Refreshing Waterfall Mist shampoo and it is a light blue translucent gel. This shampoo has good leg and is refreshingly more viscous than watery. The scent is an intriguing sea scent. "Waterfall" is actually a fair name for this scent as this has the scent of water. The best way to describe the scent is that this smells like everything after one surfaces from swimming in a clear freshwater body. The scent is like having the concentrated smell of water up one's nose.

When in the shower and one's nostrils are opened by the steam (I tend to like very hot showers) this shampoo diffuses reasonably well. Thus, in the shower, one has water scented showers, which seems somewhat redundant. The point, I suppose is that this is supposed to make one feel clean. It works on that level.

When it comes to use, this is a simple shampoo and one need only flip the lid and dispense a small amount into the palm of the hand before applying it to the hair. The Refreshing Waterfall Mist shampoo requires only about a quarter-sized dollop to clean a full head of hair. This lathered up remarkably well, which meant I could get away with using less of it. I have long hair and as a result, shampoo can be an annoying expense when the shampoo I am using does not lather up and clean well.

In the case of the Refreshing Waterfall Mist, it lathers up wonderfully, such that a quarter-sized dollop can easily stretch to coat a very full head of hair, like mine. Used judiciously thus, the 15 oz. bottle may easily last a full month to six weeks with daily hair washings. This makes its value a little greater than some shampoos I've recently tested and a pleasure to use.

And, quite simply, as a shampoo, it works. Hair comes out looking and feeling cleaner after its use than before. I think the most objective test for a shampoo is to see if hair is cleaner using the shampoo vs. rinsing your hair with water alone and for the basic functioning of a shampoo the Refreshing Waterfall Mist shampoo lived up to that basic litmus test.

I tend to like shampoos that leave my hair smelling delightful, like whatever scent they have lured me in with. Given that the Refreshing Waterfall Mist Shampoo barely smelled like anything outside water to begin with, it was little surprise that it left no scent on my hair after it was rinsed out. To be fair, the shampoo adequately cleaned the hair such that other scents were eliminated, but it did not leave anything remotely scented in terms of bouquet behind. So, it being winter as I write this, my hair is often subjected to smoke from the wood stove I use to heat my house. It takes on the faint aura of smoke if it is not washed for a day. The Refreshing Waterfall Mist shampoo removed the smoke smell just fine. But it left my hair smelling neutral and like hair as opposed to anything else. This mostly just means I cannot smell my hair throughout the day to get any sort of energizing effect or be taken away in my mind to somewhere more pleasant.

Refreshing Waterfall Mist Shampoo has no discernible conditioning properties. There is a separate conditioner that has the same scent. As it stands, Refreshing Waterfall Mist works fine as a day to day shampoo that will clean your hair, but for those looking for a bold scent, actual moisturizing qualities, or something that will do more than simply strip away dirt and bothersome scents, this is not the shampoo for you, with or without its accompanying conditioner!

A coin-toss ultimately determined that I would not recommend this very average product.

For other Suave shampoo reviews, please visit my takes on:
Tropical Coconut
Fresh Mountain Strawberry
Ocean Breeze
Juicy Green Apple
Orchid Petal
Suave Professionals Rosemary Mint

5/10

For other health and beauty product reviews, please be sure to visit my index page here for an organized listing of them!

© 2011, 2008 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Blah, Despite The Scenery, Out Of Africa Is Hardly An Engaging Film.

The Good: Well-shot, Redford's acting and character
The Bad: Pacing, Meryl Streep's character, Lack of chemistry
The Basics: Filmed beautifully and not lacking in the occasional charms, Out Of Africa is a film that relies too much on style over substance to entertain.


To be fair at the outset to Out Of Africa, the film's status as a winner of Best Picture has long been in dispute by me (from well before I saw it) for no other reason than my favorite film of all time was released the same year and was not even nominated for the illustrious honor. Yes, I'm part of the cadre of people who absolutely loved the film Brazil (reviewed here!) and the fact that it was not even nominated for Best Picture is a slap in the face to Terry Gilliam and genre films. That said, my critique of Out Of Africa, which I finally took in yesterday morning, has much more to do with the character elements and plot progression than it does anything outside the film itself.

Out Of Africa is based upon the writings of Karen Blixen and Judith Thurman, but this is a review of the film, not any of those writings (or any judgments on the real lives of either of those actual historical individuals). As such, my views are strictly limited to what is in the film (on DVD). Out Of Africa is not a bad film and I did enjoy the beginning of it a lot more than many of the other films I have seen of late. But the truth is, the movie drags and the characters are almost universally unlikable. What ultimately made me consider it an average film was that the two leads spend most of the movie without any real chemistry between them. Robert Redford is charismatic and wonderful as Denys and Meryl Streep has her moments as Karen Blixen, but on screen, the two have no real romantic chemistry. Redford holds his own at being intriguing and desirable better than he manages to be romantic or interesting as a foil opposite Streep. And while the movie isn't boring, it is a film very much mired in Africa and the protagonist is largely unlikable.

Karen moves to Kenya to be married to the Baron Blixen and en route, her train is stopped so an ivory hunter, Denys may load his wares onto the train. Karen and Denys exchange a few words, but the train soon gets going again and Denys disappears into the grasslands. Karen and Blixen marry and soon thereafter, Denys and his hunting companion, Berkeley Cole, show up. As Karen and Blixen begin using the indigenous people to plant their coffee crops (no one had ever tried to grow coffee in Kenya before), Cole and Denys spend time hunting and visiting the plantation the Blixens have built. Soon, though, Baron Blixen away more frequently and Cole and Denys stop by to be entertained by her while he is away. When war breaks out and the European colonial forces (primarily British and German) do battle in north Africa, Karen is left alone, longing for her husband.

But soon, the marriage goes sour as Karen contracts syphilis from Blixen and has to return to Denmark for treatment. She returns to Kenya where she takes on the burden of running the plantation on her own. As Blixen begins outright and open affairs on her, Karen tries to manage the labor, deal with the banks, educate the young Kenyans and keep herself satisfied. Denys makes the latter possible and her affair with him lasts until she tries to tie him down. Circumstances in Africa and with Denys force to her to reconsider her life choices and her time in Africa comes to an abrupt end.

I enjoy a wide array of films, but by and large my favorite movies are all dramas. Having seen so many dramas, there are very few things that come up in most dramas that leave me surprised. Out Of Africa has the distinction of having managed to surprise me with the abrupt right turn it takes in the last ten minutes. Unfortunately, it has pretty much the same abruptness as "And they all fell into a pit and died" did when I was a kid and had to put the battlefields of toys I had out away when called abruptly to dinner. There is a distinct lack of continuity and satisfaction in the resolution to Out Of Africa.

What it does have, though, is a strong sense of realism in its last few minutes. Making far more sense than a woman letting a man publicly cheat on her without divorcing his sorry butt, the end to Out Of Africa comes with an abruptness that many lives contain. Even so, the end is hardly satisfying and it comes after hours of sitting through an unsatisfying film.

I blame this on Karen Blixen. I'm not blaming the real Karen Blixen, but Karen Blixen as a fictional character in the film Out Of Africa is hardly an interesting subject of a film. She sits, she whines in long, pedantic voice-overs, and she tries to get the local tribal leader to send the kids of the village to the school. Gold star for the last part and her trying to get the locals healthcare, but these events are minor incidents in between long scenes of Karen leading a caravan of supplies to the menfolk or her telling stories to the visiting men. More often than not, Karen is pretentious, bored and boring.

Moreover, Karen is part of a whole method of storytelling that seems to follow the "two wrongs make it right" philosophy that has become so prevalent in our society. Karen's affair is no more justified than her husband's many affairs. I'm not knocking her for having the affair with Denys - though Out Of Africa gets into the most banal element of common "chick flick" dialogue as Karen tries to get Denys to commit to her - as much as I am acknowledging that it makes her no better than her husband. The Baron Blixen is almost universally characterized as a scoundrel and part of that comes from his womanizing ways. So why Karen doesn't divorce him and then proceed with her own affairs is troublesome.

Conversely, Robert Redford is wonderful, though director Sydney Pollack does not try to get him to commit to an English accent for the role of Denys. In fact, early in the film, I suspected Denys and Cole (whom Karen is more instantly outwardly infatuated with) were Australian. After Redford drops the attempt at an accent, he is charismatic and holds the interest of the viewers simply by the way he holds himself on screen and the casual way he delivers some of the movie's best lines.

On DVD, Out Of Africa has a full-length commentary with director Sydney Pollack that is informative and fairly entertaining. There is also a documentary on filming the movie and the challenges of making the books into a movie. As well, there is the original theatrical trailer for Out Of Africa.

Out Of Africa is a marvel when it comes to the cinematography, including some wonderful scenes that include hosts of African wildlife. This makes the setting almost like another character in the film and while it is a wonderful setting, it cannot make up for the unlikable protagonist. As a result, Out Of Africa ends up as a very average love story between two people who are proximate more than sharing a genuine bond.

[As a winner of the Best Picture Oscar, this film is part of W.L.'s Best Picture Project, available here! Please check it out!]

For other beautifully-shot films, please check out:
Disney Nature's Oceans
Orlando
The Red Violin

6.5/10

For other film reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.



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The Hangover Part II Reminds Us Why We Loved The Hangover, But Little Else!

The Good: Moments of humor, Moments of character development
The Bad: Plot is entirely derivative of the first film.
The Basics: After all of the hype, The Hangover Part II, arrives as a surprisingly middle-of-the-road comedy which does little the original didn't already do.


Now that I have time again to go to the movies, I am enjoying the outset of Summer Blockbuster Season and my loyal readers can expect much more in the way of current film reviews in the foreseeable future. That starts today with the only film my wife has wanted to see in the theaters lately, The Hangover Part II. The best possible summary I can provide of this film actually comes from her. When I asked her for a little time to write the review of the movie, she asked me, "Couldn't you just take your review of the first one and change the names?" It's a cute thought, but not one that entirely works.

My wife and I were very excited to be a part of the hype surrounding The Hangover (reviewed here!). We went to a preview screening a month before the movie was released and we even still have the shot glasses we received from it. Last Christmas, I gave her The Hangover on Blu-Ray and it was exciting to rewatch it together. So, it was with some disappointment that I had to admit that it would be pretty easy to fudge a review of The Hangover Part II wherein I simply changed the names of people and places to fit the newer film. More than that, The Hangover Part II lacks the charm of the initial film and its originality. The Hangover Part II is more like "The Hangover 2011" than the second chapter in a growing story. This is pretty much a remake of the first film, set in Bangkok as opposed to Las Vegas.

Two years after their disastrous bachelor party in Las Vegas for Doug, Stu has fallen in love and is planning to marry Lauren. Phil and Doug have some reservations about flying to Thailand for the wedding, but because Stu is such a good friend, they decide to make the trip. Doug, trying to keep peace in his family, begs Stu to allow Alan to come along and despite his mistrust of the man who roofied him years ago, Stu invites Alan to join the wedding party. Alan is immediately jealous of Lauren's little brother, Teddy, who is a sixteen year-old genius already pre-Med in college. When the five arrive in Thailand, Stu is embarrassed at his dinner by an insulting toast from Lauren's father and another from Alan. Trying to loosen him up, Lauren recommends the men go out to the beach for a single drink.

Stu, Phil and Alan awaken the next morning in a filthy room in Bangkok where they discover Teddy's finger, a monkey and Leslie Chow, the man the guys locked in the trunk of a car in Las Vegas. Chow prepares to tell the guys exactly what happened the night before when he overdoses on cocaine and dies. This leaves a bald Alan, Stu with a Mike Tyson tattoo around his eye and a very groggy Phil to try to find Teddy. Their journey puts them in the company of a silent monk, a smoking monkey and a gangster who needs an account number from Chow and if the guys cannot deliver the goods, Teddy will be killed!

The Hangover Part II utilizes a startling number of elements from The Hangover beyond the same cast and characters, so much so it is hard to believe the film will have the staying power that the original did. There are the wounds (Stu lost his teeth in the first, now he has a tattoo and Teddy has lost a finger), the dependent (in the first, it was a baby, this time it is a monkey and a monk), the mistaken identity ("Black Doug" and "Monk Teddy"), and hookers for Stu which are cast in essentially the same ways. In fact, the plot of the two movies not only is virtually identical - the search for Doug vs. the search for Teddy - but it unfolds in almost the exact same way.

What separates the two films most - other than the setting - are the character aspects. What made The Hangover so compelling was that it was a guy's film wherein the men are actually trying to take responsibility. They are on a quest to determine what happened to them in their drunken stupor because they want to know and they want, to some extent, to be held accountable. In The Hangover Part II, the plot meanders and is driven less by clues that the men possess and more by external forces acting upon them. They do not have all of the answers in their pockets: they receive calls from Doug, they are told where the monk was from and they are extorted to get to Chow. This movie is less about the guys trying to do anything remarkable and more about the way they are pushed around.

The obvious exception to that is in the character of Stu. Stu has a character journey, albeit an obvious one and one which simply recasts him as the character equally smart as Phil, which was not evident in The Hangover. Stu becomes more self-actualized through the events of The Hangover Part II, but even that seems to serve the plot more than be an organic growth of the character. Stu is shoved down repeatedly throughout the film until he suddenly puts his life together for the final scene and while it is satisfying to watch, it lacks any realistic quality.

Furthermore, the key hook for The Hangover Part II has to be in how the events duplicate themselves and the answer is ridiculously unsatisfying. How the men end up blacking out a second time is what has to sell the viewer and it falls drastically short of being rewarding when it is revealed. The suspicion, naturally, centers on Alan and it takes a pretty dim viewer to not figure out well before it is revealed how the men end up drugged, when they are given sealed beer bottles.

On the acting front, The Hangover Part II has absolutely nothing viewers have not seen before from the principle actors. Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong and even Justin Bartha show us nothing in their performances that they did not in The Hangover. Paul Giamatti is good in his brief scenes, but the style of humor easily fits inside his range. Indeed, the most surprising performance comes in the cameo at the very end of the movie (which I shall not ruin).

That said, The Hangover Part II is funny, but it is not an essential comedy film. It is largely a series of callbacks to The Hangover and it was utterly unnecessary. The Hangover Part II is not unenjoyable, though, and it contains enough crude humor, male nudity jokes, and adrenalin-driven moments to make it a decent "guy's night out" film, but it's hardly one to spend beyond matinee price (or sale price when it is released on DVD) on.

For other films with Ken Jeong, please check out my reviews of:
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
Vampires Suck
Despicable Me
Furry Vengeance
Couples Retreat
Step Brothers

5/10

For other movie reviews, be sure to visit my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Brightest Day - Volume 3 Finishes The Saga Well!

The Good: Theme, Some character development, Most artwork, "Bonus" feature
The Bad: Assumption that readers will understand the very end of the book . . .
The Basics: The Brightest Day Saga ends in Brightest Day - Volume 3 with a climax that has the potential to truly change the DC Universe . . . if only it were ballsy enough to be maintained!


For those who do not read my blog regularly, I am a scholar of literary works who has, in recent years, become very interested in graphic novels and comic books because many of them are telling ambitious, interesting or controversial stories. The big commercial comic book companies, like Marvel and DC Comics have a tendency to follow action-adventure plots that speak to a younger audience, reserving their more cerebral works for limited series works like Justice (reviewed here!) and Kingdom Come (reviewed here!). As a case in point, there was remarkably little philosophy in the massive DC Universe crossover event Blackest Night. But the books of Blackest Night gave way to the Brightest Day storyline and following on the heels of Brightest Day - Volume One (reviewed here!) and Brightest Day - Volume Two (reviewed here!) comes the conclusion of the Saga in Brightest Day - Volume Three. Understanding the events in this volume is almost entirely dependent upon reading Volume One. While reading Volume Two helps, it is not as essential as one might suspect. While I did not recommend Volume Two, Brightest Day - Volume Three is one that I do recommend.

Part of that recommendation comes from the fact that Brightest Day - Volume Three (which compiles issues seventeen through twenty-four of Brightest Day comic books into one sleek hardcover) develops into a work which is much more philosophical than the usual DC fare and the meandering story told throughout the other books finally converges in an interesting way. At the climax of the first volume, heroes and villains resurrected at the end of theBlackest Night Saga were given tasks by the White Lantern that they must now achieve in order to save the Earth. At the center of them is Boston Brand and his search for the one who will take his White Ring and become the guardian of Earth. And the choice for the Guardian is an intriguing one.

Under the sea, the Bermuda Triangle is opened and Siren's forces, in league with Black Manta, begin their assault on Earth. Lost in space after apparently destroying the Universe, Firestorm realizes he is in the Anti-Matter Universe. Doing what he can to reconcile the Jason and Ronnie personalities, they go in search of Deathstorm. Meanwhile Carter and Shiera discover they are pawns for a powerful conqueror, who wants to destroy the Star Sapphire homeworld. There, they fight Queen Shrike and in defeating her, the pair is returned to Earth where they encounter Boston Brand in the Star City forest and his White Lantern ring unexpectedly turns on them, disintegrating the pair!

With Hawkman and Hawkgirl disintegrated, Boston Brand rejects the will of the White Lantern Ring, despite it making the purpose of the events of the Brightest Day a bit more clear. Jackson and Aquaman flee Siren's forces in an attempt to keep Jackson out of the Bermuda Triangle. Unfortunately, a water spout carries the pair to land, where Siren and Black Manta openly attack. With Black Manta wounding Aquaman, the battle looks hopeless, especially when Boston Brand determines that he cannot aid them. But the Ring makes it clear that this is Aquaman's test and in marshaling the undead sea life to his side, Arthur Curry manages to accomplish his mission, but at an extreme cost!

Meanwhile on Mars, J'onn J'onzz successfully breaks free of D'Kay and he squares off with the other Green Martian. Through his fight with her, he is forced to chose the world he will live on: the barren Mars or Earth. Defeating D'Kay, he is joined by Boston Brand at the Star City forest and he meets his fate. Deep in the Anti-matter Universe, Ronnie and Jason hunt down Deathstorm, the Black Lantern perversion of Firestorm. There, they have an incredible battle and the result is that the White Lantern pulls Firestorm back into the primary universe, into the forest where Boston Brand encounters him and the new protector of Earth is chosen.

Without revealing the end of the Brightest Day Saga, the climax is a real mixed bag. The premise of Brightest Day was established pretty early on: Boston Brand and the resurrected heroes and villains are supposed to save the world. Brand's mission, specifically, is to pave the way for the new protector of Earth and at the climax when the new protector of life on Earth is revealed, the reader almost has the impression that Geoff Johns and Peter J. Tomasi have reduced the whole Saga to a pun. Given that this is the follow-up to the dark and epic Blackest Night Saga, there is something insulting about that. What isn't insulting is the idea that Brightest Day - Volume 3 reveals a strong message of protecting all life on Earth. There is a pro-environment message which is clever and has never been used as the unifying theme in a major DC (or, to the best of my knowledge, any comic book) crossover.

More than that, it is in the final act that the premise of Brightest Day becomes even more contrived than one might have wished it to be. While Blackest Night was a sprawling story focused on a single goal, Brightest Day is a fractured story with no clear overall goal. So, for example, Maxwell Lord, Jade and Osiris are entirely absent from the narrative of Brightest Day - Volume 3, save the exposition at the very end. Similarly, Digger Harkness and Hawk come into the narrative for the penultimate chapter and finale with no real point to the rest of what they might have been doing the whole time. In other words, like Blackest Night there is the sense that there are missing events in the Brightest Day Saga not covered in the three main books. That is disappointing.

Also disappointing is the last page of the book that reveals an adversary that will be utterly unrecognizable to readers who did not follow one very specific DC franchise. As one who did not, seeing the last panels, I felt the book was trying for a big villain revelation and, frankly, out of context I just did not care. That, too, felt cheap.

One of the admirable aspects of Brightest Day - Volume 3 is that the characters actually have a chance to develop. As the Aquawar rages, Boston Brand becomes infuriated that he finally respects and loves life enough to fight for it, only to be prevented from intervening. Similarly, Arthur Curry (Aquaman) has an actual character journey which works; he must accept life and come to thrive at being the outsider he has always been. This allows him the potential to accept Mera's actions as she has turned her back on her people. Outside Boston Brand, this gives Curry one of the most deep character journeys in the book and it works!

Sadly, not all of the character development makes sense. Boston Brand, who becomes such a cool protagonist that I am already looking for a Deadman and White Lantern Boston Brand figure (hint, hint, fine readers!), has a romantic subplot with Dove that is utterly underdeveloped. Their early trials which started the bond between them are not strengthened through any events in in Brightest Day - Volume 3 making it seem inorganic and contrived.

At least in the plus column is the artwork. The pencillers make everyone look recognizable - though the Martian Manhunter occasionally looks like a cartoon character instead of a rich as others - and the coloring is excellent. The panels of epic battles have a decent sense of movement to them and readers are easily able to follow the visuals that accompany the dialogue.

In hardcover form, Brightest Day - Volume Three features the cover art and variant cover art for the issues which comprise these chapters. What is still missing are the parallel storylines, like Maxwell Lord's journey and Jade's story outside the main Brightest Day narrative. More than feeling like a cheap excuse to get DC readers to buy more books, one feels that the writers actually respected readers not to overload them with stories that deserved a fair telling on their own.

Ultimately, Brightest Day - Volume Three concludes the Saga and, strangely, this feels like a good point for the DC Universe to call it quits. Knowing that their new storyline (Flashpoint) is another story that essentially dabbles in an alternate universe or a change to the fundamental laws of the DC Universe, it seems anticlimactic that a protector of the planet would be chosen only to have the planet fundamentally altered. Indeed, the end of this book and the beginning of the new DC Universe storyline might well illustrate that the writers feel it has all been done already as well. As DC heads in a far less cerebral direction, it is refreshing to close the book which ends - for the most part - with characters excited about the potentials of life and a rebirth of the planet.

For other DC Universe graphic novels, please check out my reviews of:
Blackest Night: Black Lantern Corps - Volume One
DC Online Universe Legends - Volume One
Identity Crisis

7/10

For other book reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2011 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.



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The Best "Torture Geordi Episode Is "The Mind's Eye"

The Good: Excellent plot, good character development, and nice pacing
The Bad: Nothing terribly noteworthy, save the plausibility of the consequences
The Basics: When Geordi is captured by Romulans and brainwashed, the crew must foil a plot at ruining relations with the Klingons with one of their own working against them!


I've established in many previous reviews that Geordi LaForge is essentially the whipping boy of Star Trek The Next Generation and "The Mind's Eye" is probably the best example of his being tormented on the series. It's also one of the most intense and rewatchable episodes of Star Trek The Next Generation.

Geordi is en route to Risa for a vacation when his shuttlecraft is stopped by a Romulan warbird. Geordi is abducted and the Romulans use the opportunity to test a mind control technique that seems unique to Geordi; they stimulate him directly through the inputs to his VISOR and brainwash him to be a killer. Geordi returns from Risa to find the Enterprise engulfed in a Klingon dispute on the planet Krios. There, the Federation is accused of supplying Kriosian rebels with weapons to fight the Empire. Soon, a Romulan connection is exposed and Geordi's programming is brought into play.

The episode is a very important one in the story of Star Trek The Next Generation and it marks the beginning of the series' attempts at serialization. There is a mysterious figure in the shadows of the Romulan Warbird who becomes important and the technique the Romulans use will be attempted by another villain in the future.

"The Mind's Eye" is creepy, especially the sequences involving Geordi and Miles O'Brien and the great thing about this episode is that the tension and feelings of horror are sustained over multiple viewings. This is not an episode that once we know the end it cannot be returned to. There are details that become more appreciable with further viewings.

Levar Burton plays Geordi quite well here doing all that is necessary to suspend our disbelief in the technological aspects of the brainwashing. Burton effectively uses his facial expressions to convey pain, confusion and an utter lack of emotion throughout the episode, no small feat considering his eyes are completely covered most of the time.

The nice thing about "The Mind's Eye" is that it acknowledges the complexities of the rest of the crew. Picard's role in the Klingon empire is once more alluded to and Worf's discomfort around Klingons is once more highlighted. Data's detective skills once more become pivotal and it's an interesting character leap as he investigates his best friend.

The acting holds up upon repeated viewings with Burton dominating the episode, though it ought to be noted that Michael Dorn gives a decent performance, especially in his use of facial expressions to convey his disappointment and anger. Dorn and Burton both overcome awkward make-up in this episode to bring reasonable emotions to their characters.

And the plot is something the franchise had not done extensively at this point; it makes one of our heroes into a villain. This is an episode that does it well and it increases the tension even with more than one viewing.

People who are not typically fans of Star Trek The Next Generation will enjoy "The Mind's Eye" for the simple political thriller feel it has. This is an episode that delivers a high bang for the buck as the characters all work toward attempting to stop the Kriosian situation from escalating into a civil war. With one of our heroes under the influence of evil . . . the tension grows and grows until the climax.

[Knowing that VHS is essentially a dead medium, it's worth looking into Star Trek: The Next Generation - The Complete Fourth Season on DVD, which is also a better economical choice than buying the VHS. Read my review of the fourth season by clicking here!
Thanks!]

8.5/10

For other Star Trek episode and DVD reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2007, 2003 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.





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An Awesome Expansion To A Complex And Otherwise Annoying Game: Hoth CCG Rocks!

The Good: Decent images, Fills in gaps, Rule page is limited
The Bad: Confusing rules when one does get them, Somewhat overproduced
The Basics: Despite the difficulty in learning the game for players who pick up only this set, "Hoth" remains one of the stronger Star Wars CCG sets, especially for Imperial-affiliation players!


In the realm of Star Wars gaming cards, there are very few of the early releases that I actually like. The reasons for this are twofold. First, most of the early Decipher Star Wars CCG products were released in Limited (black border) and Unlimited (white border) forms. This was annoying to collectors as the die-hards came to feel like they were being milked for the same product twice and it was hardly fun to collect. Second, the first two sets focused on A New Hope, which was not my favorite installment in the Star Wars Saga, not by any means. So, when "Hoth" came along, my enthusiasm jumped, despite the fact that Decipher was once more presenting the same product in black and white border versions. Interestingly enough, "Hoth" never became so overprinted as "Premiere" and it maintained its value in the secondary market well.

Basics/Set Composition

The Star Wars Customizable Card Game “Hoth” set was the second Star Wars expansion set and it began the presentation of the second Star Wars film in the card game form. The "Hoth” set is a 160 card set focusing on characters, ships, alien races and scenarios presented in "Hoth," mostly the latter half. This set begins with the opening of The Empire Strikes Back through the escape from Hoth whereby Luke Skywalker was separated from Han Solo and Princess Leia. The set consists of 80 Light Side and 80 Dark Side cards which form sets of 54 common cards, 54 uncommon cards and 52 rare cards, with the most popular characters and vehicles being given rare status and the background supernumeraries filling out the more common cards. Unlike the first two sets, this is mostly packed with obscure characters and none of the big names, save a single card of Luke Skywalker.

The 160 card set features 36 Characters (Droids, Rebels, Imperials and Aliens who make up the primary characters for playing with, like Commander Luke Skywalker and Probe Droid), 1 Creature (in this case the Wampa who assaulted Luke!), 8 Devices (Equipment for characters to use, like the Echo Trooper Backpack or a Electro-Rangefinder), 1 Epic Effect (longterm changes for the game which make primary missions, in this case the Imperial attempt to Target The Main Generator), 25 Effects (Changes to the situations which allow for movement during the game, like getting healed in a Bacta Tank or succumbing to Frostbite), 42 Interrupts (immediate changes to gaming conditions which may be played even by the player on the defensive, like a Crash Landing or having to Fall Back!), 4 system locations (star systems which form the “board” of the game, like Hoth or Ord Mandell), 15 Site locations (places on the planet Hoth for characters to move around at, like the Echo Med Lab or the Wampa Cave), 2 Ship (cards that transport characters from star system to star system and engage in space battles, like the the Star Destroyer Tyrant or a Rebel Medium Transport), 9 Vehicle (cards representing planetbound transports which move players from site to site, like a Snowspeeder or Blizzard Walker), and 16 Weapon cards (which feature equipment used to kill characters or destroy ships, like a Surface Defense Cannon or a Probe Droid Laser) . This set, unlike The Empire Strikes Back is evenly split between the Empire and the Rebellion, though the Rebellion has more recognizable characters in this set based on the bias from the film.

The booster pack box comes with forty packs of fifteen cards.

Playability

At its most basic level, this is a board game where one constructs the board and pieces out of a selection of cards. The starting purpose of the game is to drain your opponent of Force without depleting your own Force and to survive the trip around the Star Wars Universe with whatever your player throws at you. The basic idea is to assemble a sixty card deck (for beginners), lay out the board (spaceline) and play against an opponent. In laying out the board, players get the power from the Force they need to play other cards.

Locations form the board for the game and almost all of them have an indicator which puts into play Light Side and Dark Side Force points, which the player may then tap into to “buy” characters, ships, weapons and tactical cards to thwart their opponent. Events represent the obstacles that opponents can use to make the game more than just a basic search and kill game. The rulebook clearly defines what each deck must possess in terms of numbers of the card types. But basically, one starts by laying out a board, assembling a starship and its crew and traveling along the planets and through space to either crush the Empire or put down the Rebellion.

This is a very complex customizable card game, but it represents a level of gaming sophistication designed to appeal to younger adults and actually challenge them, which is a decent idea given the thematic complexity of the Star Wars universe. The problem, of course, is that most people who would be most stimulated by this game do not have the time or effort/interest to learn to play it. As a result, the late-teens that basically run the CCG players world seem to have had mixed impressions about this game.

It takes a great deal of time and energy to learn the game and the truth is, I've never mastered it. I've played a few times, I tap into my Force pretty quick, get a staffed ship up and running and the moment my opponent can afford to play their ship card, I blow it up. That was a lot of prep for about five minutes worth of gameplay. With "Hoth," I have had similar luck in mauling my opponent through a series of quick reversals which allow powerful cards to enter the game quickly and then stomp the few characters my opponent can afford to bring out (there's something gratifying about landing an AT-AT right near the front door to the Rebel base and just shooting the opponent before they can get off the ground.

Rules/Rule Changes

There is no rulebook in this set of cards. Instead, one has to get a rulebook from the Premiere set (reviewed here!). In this set, there were no additional card types or rules. Each box comes with a play sheet which describes the physical layout of the Hoth cards for laying out the Location cards. That sheet also has a few clarifications as well, but otherwise, players are expected to know how to play the game by this point.

Highlights

Players, collectors and fans of Star Wars will appreciate the image quality of the situations from "Hoth," even if it is not the most character-rich expansion set. The “Hoth” set fleshes out the game with some impressive Imperial officers, like Admiral Ozzel and General Veers, as well as a few good Rebel characters. But mostly, this is a way to establish a base on Hoth and try to fend off the Empire once they invade.

For a highlight, my choice is simple: the Blizzard 1 card. Blizzard 1 is an AT-AT (the Imperial Walker vehicles which crushed the Rebellion on Hoth) and this is the most powerful one in this deck. It may take six Force just to bring it into play, but once it is there, it stomps everything with its 7 power and can defend itself well with its 7 points of Armor. Outfitted with an AT-AT Cannon, it becomes even more powerful and should it be destroyed, the loss is significant. This is a great card for players and fans alike as it has an awesome image and is powerful for players.

Collectibility

The white border set has only fair collectability, but the black border version was sufficiently uncommon so it maintained its value for years. Either way, the “Hoth” set seems to be one of the earliest sets which was rare enough to retain its value, so most fans are likely to be pleased with it.

The cards come in packs of 15 cards that feature one rare, four uncommon and ten common cards, usually split 7/8 between Light and Dark Side cards (packs tend to go either way). This means that even with a box of forty packs it is unlikely a collector will be able to assemble a few common sets and at least one uncommon set. A full master set takes two boxes with ideal collation.

“Hoth” cards were found in packs as well as packs of Reflections products and the Anthology boxed set, so they are strangely common to have remained as valuable as they have.

Overview

The "Hoth" CCG is a set I still enjoy, mostly because I love the source material. The game is still complex, but this was never so overproduced as to be problematic. Instead, this is a relatively fun trading card game which most Star Wars fans are likely to enjoy.

This set culls material from The Empire Strikes Back, which is reviewed here!

This set was preceded by “A New Hope” (reviewed here!) and followed by the Star Wars CCG expansion "Dagobah," reviewed here!

This is a set of gaming cards that I proudly sell! Check out my current inventory of them in my online store by clicking here or here!

8/10

For other card reviews, please be sure to check out my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011, 2010 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.



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When The Accessory Is Better Than The Figure: "Gasgano and Pit Droid" Flop!

The Good: Not a bad likeness
The Bad: Neither figure stands up well, Simple, Pointless articulations, Low value for cost, Arms fall off!
The Basics: Disappointing and poorly made, Gasgano is a lousy figure, but the pit droid is all right in this two-pack.


Every now and then, I encounter some toys that I find myself scratching my head and asking "What, honestly, is the point?" I felt that way recently when I reviewed the Star Wars "Episode 1" two-pack of Ody Mandrell and Pit Droid and as I sit down to review a similar two-pack, I find myself feeling the exact same way. Like the other two-pack, this features two diminuative creatures from Star Wars Episode 1 that could never effectively be marketed on their own. Unlike the other figures, these stand up (poorly), but they fall apart easily because the main figure is so thin in crucial points! Moreover, the pit droid that comes with this figure of Gasgano, because they did things like interact with Jar Jar Binks and get sucked into podracers, was probably on screen longer than Gasgano! Either way, the two-pack of Gasgano and the pit droid is a tough sell!

Gasgano, one of several podrace pilots who raced against young Anakin Skywalker in The Phantom Menace (reviewed here!), was made into a thin, jockey-like action figure with four arms. Unique to The Phantom Menace, this podracer is small enough that Hasbro felt they needed to add a second small figure as well and tossed in a little pit droid. Because he was relegated to only the first film, many collectors forget about him or pass his red-carded figure by.

Those who take the time to look over this 4" Gasgano figure tend to pass him by anyway; he is light on details and cannot stand up without assistance. Still, he fleshes out the full Star Wars universe fairly well, but given the lack of unique podracer toys, making more podracer pilots was an odd choice on Hasbro's part. Moreover, in the film, Gasgano was shown briefly as an alien podracer whose strength appeared to be in his arms and the flexibility of them. This figure's arms just fall off!

Basics

Gasgano is sculpted with his four arms in his flight suit. His hands are open entirely, so he is not able to hold any accessories, if there were accessories he was sold with to hold! He looks more or less like he did in The Phantom Menace. Basically, he looks like a little stick-headed jockey. Flatfooted, Gasgano (and his pit droid) fall over with even minimal vibrations in the area. Only the peg hole on the bottom of his foot will allow him to stand erect.

The Gasgano figure stands a slight 2 7/8" tall to the tip of his racing helmet. Gasgano is appropriately coifed in a simple flight suit which is molded to the figure. The figure is cast entirely in soft plastic and his head rotates on an elongated neck. The figure is cast in white plastic that lacks any surface shading, so he almost looks like an animated character. The only real details are on the racing stripes and the harness on his abdomen.

This toy is an accurate sculpt, but not a very exciting one. The character the figure is based upon is a CG character and Lucas and his ILM team were still getting such characters realistic-looking when the figure was made. As a result, the figure is only as good as the source material.

Accessories

Gasgano, being a pilot is molded with his goggles over his eyes and his only real accessory is a standard white Pit Droid. The pit droid accessory is a 3 1/4" biped-pit droid that does little but tip over. Hasbro made it articulated at the neck, groin socket and shoulders, but the only way the droid does anything but tip over is if it is leaning against something or its articulation is used to put it into a sitting position. As well, there is some irony in the fact that the pit droid is more articulated than Gasgano!

In addition, this figure comes with only the standard CommTech chip for this series of figure. For the "Episode I" figure line, Hasbro toyed with action figures that spoke to those who took them out of the package. Thus, each figure came with a chip that featured an image of the character and a voice chip. When placed on the CommTech reader and read, the CommTech player would play dialogue from Gasgano on it. This chip has phrases in alien gibberish, so it is not worth even recording here. The chip utilizes the actual dialogue from the movie, so it sounds perfectly like Gasgano.

Playability

The four inch toy line was designed for play, but Gasgano is terribly lame in that regard. This is a fairly literal thing; the Gasgano figure is very poorly-balanced even when in a flatfooted position. He does not stand up on his own, which makes two figures in this pack that fall right over at the first sign of gravity. Sure, Ody's legs can be spread so he does splits, his "skirt" resists even that!

Because of the balance issues, Gasgano is a poor figure as far as posability goes. He is given only five points of articulation. The lowered flexibility pretty much mandates collectors pose the figure in sitting or using one of the standing pegs on a playset. Gasgano, as an action figure, has joints at each of his four shoulders and neck. There is no articulation in the legs, nor can he sit down, which is fairly ridiculous for a podrace pilot! The neck turns all the way around, though.

Gasgano cannot hold any accessories, neither can the pit droid. All they do is fall over.

Collectibility

Gasgano is part of the last of the 1998 "Episode I" collection of four-inch action figures. This series of Star Wars action figures was generally overproduced, but Gasgano seems to be less overproduced than the initial run and as a result, figures like Gasgano are quite a bit harder to track down than their first wave counterparts. As a result, Gasgano may be found, but he is usually priced above the discount rack prices some of the other figures ended up with. Still, most collectors avoid Gasgano because of the playability and balance issues.

Overview

Unimpressive in every way, Gasgano and his pit droid are two figures for the price of one that remind collectors that sometimesyou get just what you pay for.

For other Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace action figures reviewed by me, please check out my reviews of:
TC-14
Destroyer Droid
Saesee Tiin

2/10

For other toy reviews, please visit my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011, 2009 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.




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Mellow Guitar, Bass And Drums Is Hardly Naked Music: The Nudes By Pele Underwhelms

The Good: Decent instrumental sound
The Bad: Short, Songs blend together quickly.
The Basics: Pele presents a fairly monotonous instrumental album with the trio strumming amelodically for just over half an hour.


Today, when my expected shipment of music did not come in, I went to the website for Pele’s album The Nudes, downloaded it and have been listening to it all day.

It’s not for me.

With only eight instrumental songs, clocking out at 37 minutes, The Nudes is an energetic and monotonous work by the trio Pele. All of the songs were written by members of the band – Chris Rosenau, Jon Mueller, and Matt Tennessen. They play all of their own instruments, which are a single guitar, a bass, and drums or keyboards (from Mueller, depending on the track). The Nudes is an instrumental jazz or instrumental pop album and after nine listens, what sticks out most to me is how few of the songs actually stand out.

Basically, each song sounds like a fairly jazzy jam session with the guitar and bass leading in musing tones while the percussion keeps time. “Monkey Monkey Las Vegas,” for example, has no real melody, it is just a repetitive rise and fall progression by the guitar. To the credit of the guitarist and bassist, they clearly have nimble fingers which are able to strum and finger fast. However, they do very little with that talent. This is not like a series of climactic guitar riffs. Instead, they groove along and do pretty much the same thing on each song. “The Mind Of Minolta,” for example, sounds virtually identical to “Monkey Monkey Las Vegas,” save that it has more stops.

Virtually all of the songs have a similar format. The guitar and bass play back and forth for a couple of minutes, then the drums are given the chance to break loose a for about thirty seconds and then the song declines by slowing down the tempo and getting quieter. The album is formulaic and after so many listens, the reason I am unable to recommend The Nudes is because so few of the songs are actually distinct. Instead, it sounds like a warmup period for a very limited jazz band.

The exception to this is “Therapists,” which is a more musing track because the bass keeps a steady melody the entire time. That song is emotionally evocative of something sadder and more contemplative. The only other track that seems to break the mold of the monotonous strumming on the guitar and bass with a mild interlude from the drums is “Total Hut.” “Total Hut” features more deliberate fingering and the song is plucked out, so it has a Mexican flavor to it. And, in the middle of the song, the producers shift the guitar and bass into different channels, so one ear gets one sound and the other gets the other instrument and the back and forth is playful and musically clever.

That one track, though, is not enough for me to recommend The Nudes.

For other instrumental albums, please check out my reviews of:
The Red Violin Soundtrack
Greatest Hits - Chopin
The Last Of The Mohicans Soundtrack

4/10

© 2011, 2010 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.





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"Care For A Glass Of Orange Juice?" "No, I'll Get Mine In Jelly Bean Form."

Orange Juice Jelly Belly Jelly Beans - 10 lbs bulk
Click to buy from Candy.com!

The Good: Great, precise orange juice taste, Environmentally responsible bulk
The Bad: No real nutritional value, Some are not as strong as others.
The Basics: A great flavor of Jelly Belly jelly beans, Orange Juice is strangely hit or miss with some of its beans!



There's something terribly disappointing about loving something for a while and then discovering a flaw in it, especially after one has eaten a lot of something. With Orange Juice Jelly Belly jelly beans, it took working my way through most of a ten pound case before discovering that Orange Juice Jelly Bellys are strangely inconsistent bean to bean. Unlike most Jelly Bellys I've tasted which taste virtually identical bean to bean, Orange Juice seems to be plagued by some beans that are virtually tasteless, mixed in with the ones that taste precisely like Orange Juice. There are no structural differences or ways to tell the difference between the good beans and the bad ones, but after going through a case, I've found perhaps one in ten is not up to the standards of the other nine. This, of course, is a jelly bean tragedy.

For those who might never have had Jelly Belly jelly beans, these are easily the best jelly beans on the planet, packing a lot of flavor into a very small size. Unlike most jelly beans which are only vaguely flavored and are more based on colors, Jelly Belly jelly beans have a wide variety of actual flavors, like Cantaloupe, Pomegranate, Sour Peach, or their signature flavor Buttered Popcorn.

Who needs ten pounds of Orange Juice flavored Jelly Bellys? Well, I live near Syracuse, New York where the local teams are the Orangemen (I've never bothered to find out the origins of that: this is apple and grape country) so when making things to sell Orange fans, this helps! I suppose those who like to pretend they are drinking their fruit could be happy with this quantity of Orange Juice Jelly Belly. Anyone who might like Orange Juice jelly beans will likely find that this is the best way to get them in bulk in an environmentally responsible way for the least amount of money.

Basics

Orange Juice is a flavor of Jelly Belly jelly beans. Jelly Belly jelly beans are approximately one half inch long by one quarter inch wide and they are roughly bean-shaped. These little candies are marketed to taste precisely like Orange Juice and they live up to that with surprising accuracy (at least the ones that taste like anything at all!).

Orange Juice flavored Jelly Belly's are available in a wide array of quantities, but the largest quantity available is the ten pound bulk case. This is a decent-sized box with a plastic lining and while some might wonder why anyone would need a ten pound box, I say "Get your Orangemen Jelly Bean bottle here!" I suspect that for most people, a ten pound case is a year's supply of these jelly beans.

Orange Juice flavored Jelly Bellys are remarkably easy to recognize and distinguish from other Jelly Bellys as well. They are a translucent orange color without any markings. This makes it easily distinguished from peach and the Orange Sherbet is both brighter orange (like neon) and opaque.

Ease Of Preparation

These are jelly beans, not squeezing ten pounds of oranges to get a single glass of orange juice out of it. Preparing them is as easy as opening the box and popping one (or a handful) into your mouth. In the case of the ten pound box, one might want to put them in a candy dish of some form as opposed to always going into the box. Then again, you could always just pour them into a glass or pitcher and store them there! There is no inherent adverse effect to eating them directly from the box.

Taste

Orange Juice is a perfect Jelly Belly in terms of taste. This bean does not seem to have an aroma, even when in the ten-pound case. That can be a little disconcerting, until one bites into a bean.

Orange Juice jelly beans taste exactly like orange juice, the concentrated fruit flavor of juice as opposed to the actual fruit. There is a strong citrus taste and this is one of those Jelly Bellys that wows the consumer with exactly how it tastes like what it is. If one were to solidify a glass of orange juice, this is exactly what it would taste like!

The flaw, as mentioned before, is that about one in ten of these perfect little beans tastes generic and sugary. It has nothing to do with the number of beans one consumes in one sitting; so this is not the classic Jelly Belly problem of taste fading. Some of the beans are simply - and troublingly - tasteless. But the ones that have flavor are universally concentrated orange juice. It's amazing!

Nutrition

Again, these are jelly beans, so anyone looking to them for nutrition needs to understand they are not a substitute for actual orange juice. Jelly beans, even Jelly Belly jelly beans, are not a legitimate source of nutrition. These are a snack food, a dessert, and are in no way an adequate substitute for a real meal. A serving is listed at thirty-five beans, with each Jelly Belly jelly bean having approximately four calories. This means that in a single serving, there are 140 calories, which is 12% of your daily recommended intake.

The thing is, Jelly Belly jelly beans are not as bad as they could be in the nutrition area. They have no fat and no protein, but for those who have ever dated a Vegan, these are Vegan compliant because they contain no gelatin! They have only one percent of the daily sodium with 15 mg and they are gluten free! The main ingredients are sugar, corn syrup and modified food starch, so it's not like this is an all-natural food, but they could be far, far worse.

Storage/Clean-up

Jelly Belly jelly beans have a shelf life of approximately one year and I have yet to run across a stale Jelly Belly (though that could have something to do with a package never surviving a year around me . . .). They remain freshest when they are kept in an airtight container (the bag in the bulk box is sufficient if it is kept closed) and they ought to be kept in a lukewarm environment. Storing them in hot places is likely to make the beans stick together and be gross. Kept in a cool, dry place, the beans retain their flavor perfectly.

As for cleanup, unless one allows the Jelly Belly to get hot to the point that the waxy coating on the bean melts, the dyes on these do not bleed or denature, so there is usually no cleanup necessary, not even washing one's hands after eating them (always wash your hands before eating Jelly Bellys, even if you don't have to hand-squeeze these beans). I've never had Orange Juice Jelly Bellys stain anything. Still, it's pretty wild to eat something so like a Orange Juice (as far as taste goes) without it actually being a liquid!

Overall

Orange Juice Jelly Belly jelly beans taste great - those that are blessed with flavor - but are knocked out of perfection by having a strange number that do not appear to have any flavor at all.

For other Jelly Belly flavors reviewed by me, please check out:
A&W Root Beer
Sour Strawberry
Chocolate Pudding

8/10

For other food or drink reviews, please be sure to check out my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011, 2008 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.



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Orange Juice Jelly Belly Jelly Beans - 10 lbs bulk Click to buy from Candy.com!