The 2017 Dead Men Tell No Tales Pirates Of The Caribbean Ornament Is A Mixed Bag Of Booty!

The Good: Great sculpt, Generally good coloring detail, Decent sound clip
The Bad: No light effect, Right-heavy, Bead coloring is incongruent with the rest of the ornament
The Basics: The 2017 "Dead Men Tell No Tales" ornament is all right, but still leaves fans chasing an elusive perfect Pirates Of The Caribbean ornament.


It seems like sometimes, Hallmark makes a decent bet on a franchise that has pretty much burned itself out. The Pirates Of The Caribbean film franchise seems pretty well played-out, but Disney keeps churning out films. To match the studio's lack of creativity, Hallmark did an ornament for the latest film that is a virtual recycling of an earlier Pirates Of The Caribbean ornament. The 2017 Dead Men Tell No Tales ornament is unlikely to thrill even the die-hard fans, but it is not at all the worst ornament that could have been done for the new film.

For those unfamiliar with the idea of the ornament, Dead Men Tell No Tales is the Pirates Of The Caribbean skull with the crossed bones behind it from the logo and promotional materials for Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (reviewed here!). To the best of my knowledge, the symbol does not actually appear in the film this time around

Basics

The "Dead Men Tell No Tales" ornament recreates the skull with the earrings and crossed bones behind it. The ornament, released in 2017, is completely accurate in its sculpting and looks appropriately rendered in three dimensions, which makes sense because the original logo skull was a computer-generated effect and could thus be made into a 3-D framework for an ornament exceptionally easily. But Hallmark made sure to get details precisely right, like the depth of the mouth cavity and shape of the teeth in the skull. The beads are well-molded, so much so that one would expect them to be flexible and mobile they look so much like they are hanging appropriately from the skull (which says something given that the skull has no ears!).

The Hallmark "Dead Men Tell No Tales" ornament is made of a durable plastic and is colored precisely. The skull is not a black and bronze, which is accurate to the logo. While the skull is impressively detailed like the logo from Dead Men Tell No Tales, the rest of the ornament has more plain coloring and the bright contrast on the earrings looks terrible compared to the rest of the ornament. Each of the beads on the earring is painstakingly colored, but they look unworn compared to the coloring for the skull.

Given that the Dead Men Tell No Tales ornament is 3 7/8” wide by 3 3/4” tall and 1 3/4” deep and the ornament has a sound feature, the $19.95 initial price is not bad at all.

Features

As a Hallmark Keepsake ornament, "Dead Men Tell No Tales" has a sound effect, but not a light effect. Given that the eyes could be made to light up, it is a little disappointing that the battery-operated effect does not include a light component. As it is, though, the sound clip is impressive. When the button is pressed, a sound clip for the Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales soundtrack and it lasts for about thirty seconds. I was impressed – in addition to the quality of the sound – by the volume of the sound clip! This is one of the loudest ornaments Hallmark has produced!

Balance

As with all ornaments, the intent of the Hallmark Keepsake "Dead Men Tell No Tales" ornament is to be hung on a Christmas Tree. And for those creating the ultimate movie nostalgia Christmas Tree, the "Dead Men Tell No Tales" ornament is very much unnecessary. The ornament has the standard steel hook loop embedded into the top center of the skull. This is fairly obvious and necessary for the ornament. Hanging there, the ornament is a bit biased on the right side. The right heavy aspect of the ornament is not overwhelming, but it is noticeable.

Collectibility

Hallmark Keepsake began delving into the collectibles market in 1991 with Star Trek when it introduced the exceptionally limited edition original U.S.S. Enterprise ornament (click here for that review!). Within a few years, every major franchise from Star Wars to A Nightmare Before Christmas to Indiana Jones started making Hallmark ornaments. "Dead Men Tell No Tales" is one of only a few Pirates Of The Caribbean ornaments on the market and it is one of a few not to feature Jack Sparrow. Given that the ornament that was very similar that was released years ago did not appreciate in value, it is hard to believe that this one will - especially now that the franchise is on the downswing.

Overview

Fans of the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise, pirates in general and Hallmark ornaments are likely to be split on the Dead Men Tell No Tales ornament; it is well-sculpted, has a cool sound function, but the coloring is distinctly split and the balance is not at all perfect.

For other Pirates Of The Caribbean ornaments, please check out my reviews of:
2013 Pirates Of The Caribbean ornament
2012 On Stranger Tides ornament
2011 Captain Jack Sparrow ornament

7.5/10

For other ornament reviews, please visit Ornament Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Pirates: The Next Generation - Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Is More Mediocre Than Awful.

The Good: Good performances, Kaya Scodelario is good, Effects are generally good
The Bad: Dull plot, Low on character development, Most of the humor falls flat, Thinly developed villain
The Basics: Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is about what one expects from the franchise at this point, a tired callback to the prior entertaining films.


I had no drive to see Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. In fact, Johnny Depp is off the list, much like Mel Gibson, at this point, so I would have been content to never see the latest Pirates Of The Caribbean film. But, the cheapskate in me won out and when Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales was part of a double feature locally, I justified watching Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales as a freebie while paying for the other film. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales generally tries to ignore Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (reviewed here!) and hearken back to Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End (reviewed here!) instead. As such, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is essentially the story of Henry Turner, Will Turner's son.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is, as one might expect, a film filled with chases and the fairly unrelenting nature of the pace is contrasted occasionally by attempts at humor and flashbacks filled with exposition. But, at its core, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is a fantasy film that is Henry Turner's quest to rescue his father, played off the undead Captain Salazar hunting Jack Sparrow. The macguffin in this particular film is Poseidon's Trident and the quest for that is the excuse to have a new pirate chasing Jack Sparrow while Henry attempts to do his own thing.

As a child, Henry Turner rows out to sea and manages to locate the Flying Dutchman, home of his father, Will. Will urges Henry to give up his quest to rescue him, but advises him to enlist Jack Sparrow to help him. Nine years later, Henry is aboard a ship that is attacked by the undead Spanish Captain Salazar. Salazar asks Henry to deliver Sparrow a message, but Henry - as the lone survivor of the attack, accused of insubordination - is arrested by the British and taken to St. Martin. Jack Sparrow, as it happens, is on St. Martin, attempting to rob a bank by literally stealing the bank. Henry manages to slip away from his captors to the British jail, where he finds Carina Smyth. Carina is a scientist who is following her father's journal to a map that no man can read that will lead to Poseidon's Trident. Henry, Carina, and Sparrow escape execution and head for the seas on a quest to find the Trident Of Poseidon, which Henry believes will allow him to free Will from the Flying Dutchman because it will imbue Jack Sparrow with complete control over the seas.

With Jack Sparrow having given away his compass, Salazar and his ship are able to surface and they begin slaughtering various pirates, most of which are part of Barbossa's new fleet. When Salazar attacks Barbosa's main ship, Barbosa negotiates for his life. He begins a hunt for Jack Sparrow to save his own life (and in the hopes of getting his beloved ship, the Black Pearl, back from Sparrow). With Salazar hunting them, Barbosa and Sparrow search for the Trident Of Poseidon.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales feels like it is a pitch for future Pirates Of The Caribbean theme park rides the way it includes so many chase scenes. There's the stealing of the bank, the pirates and undead sharks on the island and, of course, the rescue of Sparrow, Smyth and Henry Turner; much of the movie feels like exactly what it is, a prolonged series of chases, as opposed to the protagonists actually hunting something.

The character relationships in Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales suggest that Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides did not resonate as strongly with fans of the franchise. The first three Pirates Of The Caribbean films featured Jack Sparrow, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann and while Sparrow flirted with Swann, the movies kept putting Turner and Swann together as they built a romantic relationship. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales tries to replicate that chemistry by having Henry Turner and Carina Smyth at the start of their relationship, butting heads but clearly headed in the direction of a relationship. The film is complicated by putting Barbosa into Smyth's backstory, but the bulk of the film is Henry and Carina's story.

The irony here is twofold; for a franchise built upon Johnny Depp's charisma, celebrity and sense of comic timing, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales avoids keeping the focus on Depp's Captain Sparrow for too long. Second, for all the press for Salazar as the villain, his appearance in Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales acts as more of a secondary complication than the primary focus of the film. Salazar acts as a medium by which the film can present a bonanza of special effects.

To be fair, when it is lit in a way that the effects can actually be seen and appreciated, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales looks amazing. The effects - while not linked to any sensible sense of physics - are visually impressive for their level of detail and creepiness.

The real winner in Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is Kaya Scodelario. Scodelario follows Keira Knightly as a strong female character in the Pirates franchise who might appear at moments to be a damsel in distress, but is actually highly motivated and capable. Scodelario's Smyth is a scientist who is self-actualized and self-motivated, which allows her to play as headstrong, smart, articulate and fun for the bulk of Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.

Brenton Thwaites is well-cast as Will Turner's son, as he looks a lot like a young Orlando Bloom. Thwaites and Scodelario play off one another well and make Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales watchable, if not particularly good.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales moves to make Captain Sparrow the king of the seas, but it is other characters in the film who are resourceful and rise to heroic heights. As a result, odds are pretty good that Depp's Sparrow will easily be trumped by Amber Heard as the ruler of the seas when Justice League is released later this year. As it stands, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is a humorless continuation of the franchise where Jack Sparrow is minimized to lead to a potential continuation of the franchise that allows other characters to grow and take over when Depp no longer has the box office appeal the franchise needs to survive.

For other films currently in theaters, please check out my reviews of:
Wonder Woman
Baywatch
Alien: Covenant
Guardians Of The Galaxy, Volume 2

4/10

For other movie reviews, please check out my Film Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2017 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Well-made, But Not Exciting, The 2013 Pirates Of The Caribbean Ornament Is A Mixed Bag!

The Good: Great sculpt, Generally good coloring detail, Good balance, Decent sound clip
The Bad: No light effect, Subject is entirely unremarkable.
The Basics: The 2013 "Pirates Of The Caribbean" ornament is well crafted, but unexciting, making for a more mundane-feeling ornament than it ought to have been.


With the new year’s worth of exciting Hallmark ornaments now on display at Hallmark stores everywhere, I find myself amused by the franchises that are surviving with the collectibles versus the ones that Hallmark has given up on. This year, for example, is the first in three years where the company has not produced a Twilight themed ornament. And yet, the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise not only had a new ornament, it is a step up – in terms of content – from the prior years, which featured Johnny Depp-based appeal with the 2011 Captain Jack Sparrow ornament (reviewed here!) and the 2012 “On Stranger Tides” (reviewed here!). This year, Hallmark avoids my usual gripes about skin tones with its Pirates Of The Caribbean ornament when it released the skull symbol used with the logo from the credits and promotional materials (not quite iconic yet, really), but in the process, they produced an ornament that simply does not feel exciting or interesting, despite being well made and offering more value than some of the prior Pirates Of The Caribbean ornaments.

For those unfamiliar with the idea of the ornament, Pirates Of The Caribbean the skull with the crossed swords behind it from Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl (reviewed here!). Honestly, it has been a while since I watched the movies, so I only recall the symbol from the ride upon which the films are based, the opening credits for the first film and the promotional materials for the rest of the franchise. The skull symbol is the subject of the Pirates Of The Caribbean ornament.

Basics

The "Pirates Of The Caribbean" ornament recreates the skull with the bandanna and crossed swords behind it. The ornament, released in 2013, is completely accurate in its sculpting and looks appropriately rendered in three dimensions, which makes sense because the original logo skull was a computer-generated effect and could thus be made into a 3-D framework for an ornament exceptionally easily. But Hallmark made sure to get details precisely right, like the depth of the mouth cavity and the tiny earring that hangs from the bandana. The beads on the forehead “earring” are exceptionally finely molded, making for an impressive effect.

The Hallmark "Pirates Of The Caribbean" ornament is made of a durable plastic and is colored precisely. The skull is not a clean white, which makes sense and even the handles on the swords are painted with enough subtlety and color variation to make them look like worn leather! Each of the beads on the earring is painstakingly colored and this is one of the ornaments that lives up to the standards set by the promotional materials on the coloring and sculpt fronts.

For an ornament that is 4 ¼” wide by 3 ¼” tall and 2” deep, the $17.95 initial price for the ornament is not bad.

Features

As a Hallmark Keepsake ornament, "Pirates Of The Caribbean" has a sound effect, but not a light effect. Given that the eyes light up in the logo, it is a little disappointing that the battery-operated effect does not include a light component. As it is, though, the sound clip is impressive. When the button is pressed, a sound clip for the Pirates Of The Caribbean theme plays and it lasts for about thirty seconds. I was impressed – in addition to the quality of the sound – by the volume of the sound clip! This is one of the loudest ornaments Hallmark has produced!

Balance

As with all ornaments, the intent of the Hallmark Keepsake "Pirates Of The Caribbean" ornament is to be hung on a Christmas Tree. And for those creating the ultimate movie nostalgia Christmas Tree, the "Pirates Of The Caribbean" ornament is very much unnecessary, but a fun addition. The ornament has the standard brass hook loop embedded into the top center of the skull. This is fairly obvious and necessary for the ornament. Hanging there, the ornament is absolutely perfectly balanced.

Collectibility

Hallmark Keepsake began delving into the collectibles market in 1991 with Star Trek when it introduced the exceptionally limited edition original U.S.S. Enterprise ornament (click here for that review!). Within a few years, every major franchise from Star Wars to A Nightmare Before Christmas to Indiana Jones started making Hallmark ornaments. "Pirates Of The Caribbean" is one of only a few Pirates Of The Caribbean ornaments on the market and it might be the only Pirates Of The Caribbean ornaments not to feature Jack Sparrow. It seems to be a crapshoot as to whether or not the sound feature will drive the fans to the ornament, though if I had to bet, I’d bet it won’t, despite the incredible quality of the ornament!

Overview

Fans of the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise, pirates in general and Hallmark ornaments should love the Pirates Of The Caribbean ornament. For my money, it lacks an X factor of greatness and while I remain impressed by it, I find myself not excited about it and rating it accordingly.

For other Hallmark genre ornaments released in 2013, please check out my reviews of:
Hogwarts Castle Harry Potter ornament
Boushh Star Wars Limited Edition ornament
U.S.S. Kelvin Star Trek ornament
Scarlett’s Green Gown Gone With The Wind ornament
At Jabba’s Mercy Star Wars ornament
Iron Patriot Iron Man 3 ornament

7.5/10

For other ornament reviews, please visit Ornament Review Index Page for an organized listing!

© 2013 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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So Close To The Ideal, The “On Stranger Tides” Pirates Of The Caribbean 2012 Hallmark Ornament Gets Everything But The Skin Right!

The Good: Great sculpt, Generally good coloring detail, Good balance
The Bad: Slight coloring issue for the skin
The Basics: The 2012 "On Stranger Tides" ornament is amazing and right on the border of being value priced, but the monotonal skin coloring robs it of perfection.


As I have been eagerly reviewing the brand new line of Hallmark ornaments, I have the vain hope that my loyal readers are eagerly awaiting the review of one of the perfect ornaments from Hallmark. As one who took some flack for not simply blindly praising the 2011 Captain Jack Sparrow ornament (reviewed here!), I was pleased by how nice the new On Stranger Tides ornament actually is. But it is not a perfect ornament – though to most fans, it will probably come close enough to overlook the flaw which, objectively I cannot. The On Stranger Tides ornament is so close to perfect, but not quite there and if, later in the season, it does not appear to be selling out, this could be one of the very best investment ornaments of a basic character from the 2012 Hallmark line at half price.

For those unfamiliar with the idea of the ornament, On Stranger Tides features a moment from Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (reviewed here!). Jack Sparrow has found that many of the pirates have been magically entrapped in bottles, most notably his Black Pearl. Peering into one of the bottles with the pirate ship, Jack Sparrow looks on in amusement. This is the subject of the On Stranger Tides ornament.

Basics

The "On Stranger Tides" ornament recreates Jack Sparrow holding the bottle with the pirate ship, though it is unclear if it is a specific moment from On Stranger Tides. The ornament is just Jack Sparrow, with the bottle in his raised left hand. The ornament, released in 2012, is a very cool and accurate sculpt of Jack Sparrow standing in a surprisingly neutral pose. He has a bandanna on his head and that masks much of his hair, though the ornament features the character's braids on the sides of his face.

Hallmark clearly made quite an effort on Jack Sparrow as he has decent detailing like the buckle on the belt he has going across his chest like a bandoleer and each and every ring on his fingers. I was super impressed by the inclusion of the cut near Sparrow’s right eye both molded and painted there. Measuring four and one-half inches tall, three inches wide and one and three-quarter inches deep, the "On Stranger Tides" ornament is one of the larger Hallmark character ornaments this year. For me, it is hard to see how Hallmark is able to add $3.00 to the initial issue price year over year, though. For sure, On Stranger Tides is a better ornament than the Captain Jack Sparrow ornament, but for $17.95 (as opposed to $14.95 for last year’s ornament), I think I want it to be perfect. Were it $14.95, the On Stranger Tides ornament would not solve the coloring issue with the skin tones, but it would not compel me to be more cautious in my recommendation of the ornament.

The Hallmark "On Stranger Tides" ornament is made of a durable plastic and the translucent bottle in Jack’s hand is a masterwork of detailing that helps set a new standard for what Hallmark is capable of accomplishing. The ornament is incredibly detailed in the sculpted details and the colored details are fabulous, outside Jack Sparrow’s skin tones, which are monotonally tanned, lacking in realistic depth and shading. Considering how Hallmark got the depth and shading right on every strip of leather, the fabrics and boots, and even making the metals on the buckles and weapons look worn, it is astonishing that the ornament did not land the skin tones. Unlike the Captain Jack Sparrow ornament, On Stranger Tides has decent detailing to the eyes.

Features

As a Hallmark Keepsake ornament, "On Stranger Tides" could have a sound effect, but it does not. Instead, this is a less-expensive option that is just the character.

Balance

As with all ornaments, the intent of the Hallmark Keepsake "On Stranger Tides" ornament is to be hung on a Christmas Tree. And for those creating the ultimate movie nostalgia Christmas Tree, the "On Stranger Tides" ornament is a great option that can only enhance the tree of those who love pirates. The ornament has the standard brass hook loop embedded into the top center of Jack Sparrow's head. This is fairly obvious and necessary for the ornament. Hanging there, the ornament is absolutely perfectly balanced. The cool sword he has hanging from his belt helps keep the ornament in right balance and On Stranger Tides is well-engineered in that regard.

Collectibility

Hallmark Keepsake began delving into the collectibles market in 1991 with Star Trek when it introduced the exceptionally limited edition original U.S.S. Enterprise ornament (click here for that review!). Within a few years, every major franchise from Star Wars to A Nightmare Before Christmas to Indiana Jones started making Hallmark ornaments. "On Stranger Tides" is one of only a few Pirates Of The Caribbean ornaments on the market and at least the third of Jack Sparrow. Johnny Depp fans and fans of the Pirates movies are very happy about the "On Stranger Tides" ornament. They have a lot to be happy with with this one. Given its slightly higher starting price, it seems difficult to assume that it would be an initially worthwhile investment ornament.

Overview

Fans of the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise, Johnny Depp, and Hallmark ornaments are likely to be thrilled by this ornament, despite its minor problem. On Stranger Tides might well be the best ornament of Captain Jack Sparrow and it makes for a worthwhile ornament that is easily one of the very best ornaments from Hallmark in 2012.

For other Hallmark genre ornaments released in 2012, please check out my reviews of:
The Final Battle Harry Potter ornament
Momaw Nadon Star Wars Limited Edition ornament
Edward And Bella’s Wedding Twilight ornament

9.5/10

For other ornament reviews, please visit my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2012 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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The 2011 Captain Jack Sparrow Hallmark Ornament Is Almost Better Than The Movies!

The Good: Great sculpt, Generally good, Comparatively inexpensive
The Bad: Slightly off balance, Sloppy paintwork on all the ornaments I've seen.
The Basics: The 2011 "Captain Jack Sparrow" ornament is slightly off balanced and poorly detailed with the coloring, but is a pretty impressive sculpt and is generally colored well.


I have not, traditionally, been a fan of the films in the Pirates Of The Caribbean Saga. Even so, I can recognize that its popularity has been such that it is a new merchandising cash cow for Disney and the franchise has infiltrated one of my favorite products: Hallmark Keepsake ornaments. Even with my antipathy toward Pirates Of The Caribbean, I was pleasantly surprised to discover this year's Hallmark ornament for Pirates Of The Caribbean was actually so good. Sure, a jaded portion of myself thinks that the 2011 Captain Jack Sparrow ornament is critically timed to keep fans interested with the forthcoming DVD release of Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (reviewed here!), but the truth is that Hallmark got it almost completely right with the ornament and they deserve some praise for that.

For those unfamiliar with the films, in the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies, the lead protagonist is Jack Sparrow, a quirky sea pirate played by Johnny Depp. He is frequently at the center of mayhem as he searches for objects of value on his adventures, usually at sea. Jack Sparrow with a pistol and a sword in mid-leap is how Hallmark captures the sea captain for the 2011 ornament.

Basics

The "Captain Jack Sparrow" ornament recreates Jack Sparrow from no particular moment in the Saga, but it captures the adventure of the character. The ornament is just Jack Sparrow, with a pistol in his right hand, raised, and a sword in his left hand. The ornament, released in 2011, is a very cool and accurate sculpt of Jack Sparrow with his shirt billowing out behind him. He has a bandanna on his head and that masks most of his hair, though the ornament features the character's braids on the sides of his face.

Hallmark clearly made quite an effort on Jack Sparrow as he has decent detailing like the brooch on his shirt and the buttons on his shirt's cuffs. Measuring four and one-half inches tall, three inches wide and two and three-quarter inches deep, the "Captain Jack Sparrow" ornament is one of the larger Hallmark character ornaments this year. As well, it is surprisingly affordable at only $14.95.

The Hallmark "Captain Jack Sparrow" ornament is made of a durable plastic and has Jack Sparrow in mid-leap. The ornament is incredibly detailed in the sculpted details and the colored details are generally good. More than any other Hallmark character ornament I've seen, Captain Jack Sparrow looks like he has realistic depth and shading to the skin tones on his face and chest. But I've looked over thirty of this ornament and not a single one was colored perfectly. The bandanna, buttons, the jewelry on Sparrow's clothes, hair and the various color accents on his gun, all seem to be variable quality as far as the paint jobs go. As well, the ornament has eyes that lack luster or zest and considering that those are key selling points for most fans of Johnny Depp as Sparrow, that is a pretty brutal blow against the ornament.


Features

As a Hallmark Keepsake ornament, "Captain Jack Sparrow" could have a sound effect, but it does not. Instead, this is a less-expensive option that is just the character.

Balance

As with all ornaments, the intent of the Hallmark Keepsake "Captain Jack Sparrow" ornament is to be hung on a Christmas Tree. And for those creating the ultimate movie nostalgia Christmas Tree, the "Captain Jack Sparrow" ornament is a surprisingly affordable option that can only enhance the tree of those who like a lot of lights and sounds. The ornament has the standard brass hook loop embedded into the top center of Jack Sparrow's head. This is fairly obvious and necessary for the ornament. The only hanging problem for the "Captain Jack Sparrow" ornament is that the balance is slightly off. When hung properly, the Captain Jack Sparrow ornament is slightly backheavy, causing the front to lean up at about a fifteen degree angle. This is minor, but noticeable and consistent through all of the Captain Jack Sparrow ornaments I tested.

Collectibility

Hallmark Keepsake began delving into the collectibles market in 1991 with Star Trek when it introduced the exceptionally limited edition original U.S.S. Enterprise ornament (click here for that review!). Within a few years, every major franchise from Star Wars to A Nightmare Before Christmas to Indiana Jones started making Hallmark ornaments. "Captain Jack Sparrow" is one of only a few Pirates Of The Caribbean ornaments on the market and at least the third of Jack Sparrow. Johnny Depp fans and fans of the Pirates movies are very happy about the "Captain Jack Sparrow" ornament. They have a lot to be happy with with this one.

Overview

Fans of the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise, Johnny Depp, and Hallmark ornaments are likely to be thrilled by this ornament, despite its minor problems. For those looking for an affordable, decent genre ornament, Captain Jack Sparrow might well do it!

For other Hallmark character ornaments, please check out my reviews of:
2011 Fleeing The Fiendfyre Harry Potter ornament
2011 Limited Edition Bossk ornament
2010 Limited Edition Harley Quinn ornament

7/10

For other ornament reviews, please visit my index page on the subject by clicking here!

© 2011 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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More Surprising Than Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Being Made Is How Mundane It Is!

The Good: The film starts well and ends all right, Generally the acting
The Bad: No real character development, 3-D effects do not add anything, Ian McShane is underused, Movie lags.
The Basics: Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is a strangely slow-moving series of monotonous sequences that barely add up to a typical summer action-adventure film.


When I first heard about a film being made based upon a ride at Disney World, I was skeptical. The ride was Pirates Of The Caribbean and the film did not knock me out. So, when I heard that there was going to be a fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film, it was hard for me to muster up the effort to care. Having now seen Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, it is hard for me to muster up the enthusiasm to write much about it, so this is likely to be one of my shorter film reviews.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides reinvigorates the franchise without the two characters that couldn't reasonably appear given how the last film ended. So, where in the Pirates timeline this occurs is a bit murky, though it is after the first trilogy. My main complaint with Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is that it is nothing viewers have not seen before. Moreover, it doesn't feel like much in the way of an organic movie. For sure, it looks fine (though the 3-D effects do not add very much to the movie, so shelling out for the 3-D version is not recommended), but rather than being a cohesive film it feels more like a series of frenetic events loosely connected by scenes where I didn't grow to care more about the characters. So, there's a chase followed by a swordfight followed by a mutiny leading to a battle at sea and then a climactic battle with little else in between. And after two hours, I didn't care a bit.

Gibbs, the first officer of Jack Sparrow's ship, the Black Pearl, is brought to trial in London where he is acquitted by Jack Sparrow himself, who is impersonating a judge. After a chase to elude the British soldiers and King George himself, Sparrow goes in search of a doppelganger using his name to recruit a crew for his new ship. Having lost the Black Pearl, Sparrow becomes interested in the impostor and fights with his double until he discovers that it is Angelica impersonating him. A former romantic interest, Angelica is searching for the Fountain Of Youth, which Sparrow recently had a map to. Dragooned by Angelica, Sparrow finds himself aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge working for the mysterious pirate Blackbeard.

While Barbossa, who now has only one leg, hunts for Sparrow, the Fountain and the two components needed to make the Fountain's water worthwhile (two chalices in the possession of the corpse of Ponce de Leon and a mermaid's tear), Sparrow leads a mutiny on Blackbeard's ship. Fighting officers who are mindless voodoo zombies for Blackbeard, Sparrow haplessly finds himself involved in rescuing a missionary, capturing a mermaid, and leading the Spanish (and English) to the fabled Fountain Of Youth.

Honestly, there's not much more to recount than the plot here. The rest of Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is nothing new at all. Sparrow does not grow, change or evolve in the course of the film. Similarly, Johnny Depp seems more subdued in the role of Sparrow, as if he is getting sick of playing slightly crazy or crazed. The result is that he slouches through the role and doesn't land the character with the sense of panache that made him so popular to begin with.

Add to that, the supporting cast is woefully misused or underused. Geoffrey Rush returns as Barbossa and his character is out for revenge. Having lost the Black Pearl and his leg to Blackbeard, Barbossa seems like he ought to be more angry than Rush plays him and this is an unfortunate twist for an actor who has such presence to him usually.

The same can be said for Ian McShane as Blackbeard. For sure, McShane has an amazing pirate look and he sells the appearance of Blackbeard. But his gravitas is entirely underused in the role. He kills coldly and he threatens members of the crew and his own daughter, but when he does it comes across as more mundane than terrifying or evil. That's not to say Blackbeard isn't evil; he is. But it is more his acts than the way McShane acts as him that sells him as evil in this film.

I've not been a fan of Penelope Cruz and her performance as Angelica in Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides did not turn me around on her.

As for the special effects, Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is adequate, but in no way extraordinary. Two of the major battles are cheated by being in darkness, so the effects department gets away with making some of the battles ridiculously simple and just keeping them moving fast to seem in any way extraordinary. But things like the arrival of the Queen Anne's Revenge in Whitecap Bay reminded me of The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader (reviewed here!).

Ultimately, this is pretty mindless summer fare and with over two hours of runtime, it feels long. In contrast, I saw this as a double feature with X-Men: First Class (reviewed here!) and while they are about the same duration, this felt about three times as long. I wouldn't even bother catching this for free on television.

For other Pirates Of The Caribbean films, please check out my reviews of:
The Curse Of The Black Pearl
Dead Man's Chest
At World's End

3.5/10

For other film reviews, please be sure to visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2011 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Geoffrey Rush At Trilogy's End With Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End

The Good: Entertaining, Geoffrey Rush's acting, Effects
The Bad: Predictable plot, Theme which prevents characters from developing, Disney conceits
The Basics: When Jack Sparrow is rescued, pirates come together for a political meeting to decide their fate for comedy, then much battling.


The Pirates Of The Caribbean films have not fared well with me as a reviewer. Honestly, while I could see the appeal to children and enthusiasts of special effects movies, I remained underwhelmed as an adult viewer. Indeed, while I found Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl (reviewed here!) to be generally entertaining, I felt it was a pretty straightforward and unremarkable film. With the sequel, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, (reviewed here!), I found myself ultimately feeling like this was a movie I had already sat through. So, it was with low expectations that I sat down to watch Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End, a film that the producers thankfully punctuated correctly.

The film begins where Dead Man's Chest ended, with Captain Jack Sparrow lost to the kraken (Davy Jones's not quite domesticated pet) and the crew of the Black Pearl regrouping with the mysterious Tia Dalma and the apparently resurrected Barbossa (the villain of The Curse Of The Black Pearl for those keeping score). This is all pertinent information for those coming to At World's End as a Pirates Of The Caribbean virgin. Fortunately, the film is remarkably accessible for those who have not seen Dead Man's Chest or did not enjoy it.

Barbossa and Elizabeth Swann are dispatched to Singapore to find the pirate lord Sao Feng, one of the nine pirate lords and the one Barbossa would like to enlist to aid in finding Jack Sparrow and rescuing him from Davy Jones's locker. With the help of Tia Dalma, Swann, Barbossa and Will Turner journey to Davy Jones's locker to find the Black Pearl and Captain Sparrow. Meanwhile the East India Company is using Davy Jones to round up and slaughter the pirates on the high seas, which leads to the death of hundreds of pirates and those who are foolish enough to attempt to stop them, including Governor Weatherby Swann, Elizabeth's father.

Once Jack is rescued from his surreal prison, Barbossa and Jack convene the council of the nine pirate lords to attempt to resolve the situation with Davy Jones. Barbossa's plan is to set free Calypso, the sea goddess who is imprisoned in human form and let her destroy their enemies. Sparrow and Swann want to fight and slay Jones, for various reasons. Meanwhile, the East India Company advances upon the pirates, threatening their very existence.

At World's End is both a welcome change and a rather erratic and long film. The movie is long - over two hours, forty minutes - and more than that, it feels long. It feels long because the series has set up so many loose ends that need to be tied up and it adds new elements (like the Calypso storyline) that need to be developed as well. The tying up loose ends takes time and most of it is generally satisfying. In fact, I found I enjoyed the beginning of this movie quite a bit more than Dead Man's Chest.

The bloated middle of the film then relies a great deal more on comedy than the other two films. It's straight-out comedy for the middle section as the pirate lords convene and the antics of the Black Pearl having two captains. The last third, then, becomes a rip-roaring adventure that . . . well, feels like a theme park ride. As the crew of the Black Pearl is set against the crew of the Flying Dutchman (the vessel of Davy Jones), the movie takes on the feel of an amusement park ride, which harkens back to the origins of this film franchise.

Much of the movie is kept as needlessly complicated - not terribly sophisticated, but rather complicated. Turner is attempting to rescue his father from the Flying Dutchman, Barbossa is looking to pay off a debt to Tia Dalma, Jack believes by slaying Davy Jones he may achieve an immortality of sorts and Swann is motivated by guilt and revenge.

This is a good enough place as any to mention what I found most troubling about At World's End - other than that it felt long. None of the characters in this film are particularly compelling because not one of the major characters is dependent upon themselves, their abilities or their talents for their destiny. All of the characters are trapped by the machinations of others. To wit: Captain Sparrow needs the crew to rescue him, Barbossa is dependent upon Tia Dalma for his life, (Swann and Turner's lack of fate being in their hands is the result of decisions made very late in the film, so I will not ruin that), Calypso is dependent upon the pirate lords to set her free, and Davy Jones is completely extorted by anyone who menaces his heart. As a movie marketed especially toward young people (hence an initial opening with an 8 P.M. showing, as opposed to a midnight one), this is a fairly troubling theme. None of the characters control their own destiny; that's a terrible message to send to young people.

Aww, who cares? Despite the marketing toward young people, rewatching this film is likely only to disappoint the younger audiences. Why? It's not Jack Sparrow's movie. It's not Will Turner's film and it's not Elizabeth Swann's film. It's Barbossa's. Barbossa dominates the screen up until the moment Jack Sparrow first appears and he does not go quietly after that. Indeed, while I would bet that Barbossa has the greatest amount of screentime, I am virtually certain that Geoffrey Rush, who plays Barbossa, outnumbers every other actor for sheer number of lines. It is charged to Rush to explain much of the machinations and the movie and he is in almost every scene Sparrow is in, plus far more at the beginning.

Rush lives up to the challenge of acting here and on this outing he is unlike any other character he has ever played as Barbossa. Rush has an eccentric quality that he lets run wild in this film and his pirate accent is flawless and well-delivered. As well, Rush - whose character gives a great deal of exposition - is able to explain much of the plot-heavy movie with credibility and authority that does not drag down the pace of the film significantly.

Chow Yun-Fat appears as Sao Feng, but his role is more like a cameo and his character seems very much like Lando Calrissian from The Empire Strikes Back (reviewed here!). In fact, the troubling aspect about the attempted complexity of the plot is that as I watched At World's End, I began to feel that it felt familiar and it did not take long to place it. The level of politicization and the complexity of the machinations and explanations was almost beat by beat identical to Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones (reviewed here!). Indeed, after Sparrow is rescued, Turner and Swann occupy a plot much like that of Anakin and Padme, Sparrow and Barbossa begin machinations like the politics of the Jedi trying to unravel the Kamino mystery, with Davy Jones occupying a role frighteningly close to that of Count Dooku. Scary.

Sadly, director Gore Verbinski telegraphs the action in At World's End far more than George Lucas did in Attack Of The Clones. The fight sequences in the climax of the movie set up all of the elements in ways that only a child is likely to be surprised by the sequence that follows.

Part of the problem is the same Disney conceits that plagued the first two films, only in this outing, Verbinski and writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio take it even further. I refer to the annoying Disney sidekick conceit. In The Curse Of The Black Pearl, Pintel and Ragetti were introduced as sidekicks for comic relief (holding the same essential role as, say, Timon and Pumbaa in The Lion King). We get that Disney likes to make ridiculous pairs whose purpose is to have asides to explain plot to children and provide comic relief and we understand that Pirates Of The Caribbean is a Disney film. In At World's End, though, the viewer is plagued by the pairs of Pintel and Ragetti, Cotton's parrot and Barbossa's monkey Jack, and two officers from the East India Company who are guarding Jones's heart. Indeed, the only point to the latter two I could find was as a "play ball or you'll be replaced in the next sequel" implied threat to actors Lee Arenberg (Pintel) and Mackenzie Cook (Ragetti).

Beyond all that, though, the film is entertaining. The special effects, while not terribly new or original, are decent. They happen at a speed that is easy to assimilate and they all make sense given the physics and "reality" of the world created in this film.

Johnny Depp, despite taking the back seat to Geoffrey Rush, is entertaining and in this outing he is more purely eccentric and comedic. Depp has more conservative body language this time out and he plays the character as more consistent, lessening the general crazy of Sparrow for a more specific crazy created by his isolation in Davy Jones's locker. Depp is cool and collected much of the movie and his performance is more consistent and his sense of comic timing is much sharper and less cliché.

Both Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley appear in At World's End and they do nothing with their performances that we've not seen before. Indeed, Bloom trips over one of his best, most poignant lines, early in the film about the nature of trust. In the end, their performances resonate equal or less than the cameo by Keith Richards.

Now on 2-Disc DVD, At World's End looks and sounds great and the set is loaded with featurettes about the making of the film and the impact of the franchise. For those who missed the post-credits scene, the DVD is a great place to catch it. Especially noteworthy in the bonus features is the featurette painstakingly detailing the making of the Maelstrom scene. There are also deleted scenes and bloopers to give fans even more to love. Fans will also enjoy the behind-the-scenes presentation of the shooting of Keith Richards' footage. In many ways, the DVD presentation enhances the film and outshines the primary content.

In the end, it is entertaining and it's just enough to recommend the film, regardless of how long the film feels.

For other Disney live-action films, please check out my reviews of:
Tron: Legacy
Oceans
Alice In Wonderland
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe
Tron

6/10

For other film reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2008, 2007 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Nothing New Under The Sea Sinks Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

The Good: Special effects, Moments of acting, Moments of character
The Bad: It's been done before, in Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl!
The Basics: While not terrible, Dead Man's Chest is nothing particularly new for those who have seen Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl.


The best sequels do more than continue a story. I recognize I'm coming late to the phenomenon that is Pirates Of The Caribbean as it took me quite some time to see and review The Curse Of The Black Pearl (reviewed here!), but I always try to watch movies outside their hype. Sequels, when I review them, need to work both as a self-contained movie and as continuation of a larger story. Three of the best sequels that come instantly to mind are The Empire Strikes Back, Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan, and The Two Towers. The worst sequel that come instantly into my head is The Whole Ten Yards. And Batman And Robin (for the apples to apples comparison). Never forget how bad Batman And Robin was. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is no Batman and Robin, but it's no Wrath Of Khan either.

Stood up on her wedding day, Elizabeth Swann discovers her fiancee, Will Turner, has been arrested for abetting a pirate and she soon shares his fate. Compelled to find Captain Jack Sparrow and his compass, Turner and Swann separately head to the seas. Jack Sparrow, for his part, finds himself at the mercy of Davy Jones, a squidlike captain of the Flying Dutchman, a ship full of cursed men who are being claimed by the sea. Sparrow's debt compels him to harvest others while he attempts to get the key to Davy Jones's locker, which will allow him to turn the tables on Jones.

From the outset, Dead Man's Chest suffers terribly on plot from the character aspects. From the moment Jack Sparrow reveals that he is looking for a key to Davy Jones's chest, the movie has mortgaged itself. Sparrow needs a key and he's using Will Turner to get it. He knows what he's looking for because he has an imprint of it, like a shroud with a stain in the exact shape of the key. Sparrow, ridiculously, leaves Turner at the mercy of Jones on the hope that Turner might end up with the key. Anyone who was even mildly awake during The Curse Of The Black Pearl ought to be able by now to see the critical fault of Dead Man's Chest and how the plot is unnecessarily complicated based on who the characters are.

For those not with the program: Will Turner is a blacksmith. Sparrow has an imprint of the key, essentially the blueprint. Turner is compelled to get Sparrow's compass, all Sparrow needed to do was give Turner the shroud and have him MAKE A KEY! Bam, movie's over. Turner makes a key, Sparrow recovers the chest, the day is won.

But no, that's not what happens.

If you're reading this review and it never occurred to you that Sparrow could have simply asked Turner to make a copy of the key to open Davy Jones' chest, that's all right. It's not all right that this concept did not seem to occur to screenwriters Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio or director Gore Verbinski or even - apparently in a meaningful way - to actor Orlando Bloom, who plays Will Turner.

This is a long movie, about two and one half hours. A significant portion of that is spent trying to find the key to open the box. To make clearer; this is an overcomplicated movie for the story being told. From the outset of the concept, it makes little sense.

Sigh.

So, everyone is using someone else, everyone in Dead Man's Chest is being extorted. Boo hoo. We saw that before in innumerable movies, including the previous Pirates Of The Caribbean. What is so disappointing about Dead Man's Chest is there's nothing truly new. Outside Davy Jones and Tia Dalma, there are no new characters of note.

Which leads us to the special effects. The danger of making a special effects movie is that in order to truly sell it, one needs to do something different with special effects, something that pushes the envelope of what has already been done. As a good example of this, I'll use the Star Wars prequels to illustrate succession. In The Phantom Menace there is Jar-Jar Binks and the podrace (a digital character and one big scene of spectacle that is mostly computer generated), in Attack Of The Clones there is the digital Yoda, the Clone Troopers, and the final battle sequence (a previously live-action character recreated as a digital, completely digital characters and an even bigger spectacle including entire shots that only exist on computer) and in Revenge Of The Sith there is the opening space battle, the fight between the digital Palpatine and digital Yoda and the incredibly long sequence of the lightsaber battle between Vader and Kenobi (entire digital realms, combination digital/live action and sequences where the reality and CGI have to flawlessly swap between one another while working with entirely digital backgrounds). Right or wrong, Lucasfilm escalates in each Episode to continue pushing the technology (and story) forward. Dead Man's Chest does not do that.

Sure, Davy Jones' crew is all manner of sea-people. That's cool, it's interesting, it looks good (generally), but it's not essentially new. A lot of the shots look similar to the undead crew from The Curse Of The Black Pearl. The argument could go that this episode has the Kraken, Davy Jones's giant sea creature. There is that. It, however, feels very familiar (probably because in the final shots of the movie, it looks like the Sarlaac from Return Of The Jedi) and is also not a terribly impressive effect. The tentacles of the kraken often suffer from the "Gladiator tiger effect." In Gladiator there is a digitally created tiger that suffers because it is lit as if lit from all angles. The tentacles are similar, becoming bright purple enemies that look completely unreal.

My final plot note is one I wish I could share, but it would spoil the movie for the three people reading this review who have not yet seen Dead Man's Chest. Sufficed to say, in fighting the kraken, various tactics are employed and the final assault on the creature makes little sense given the subsequent scenes. For characters who are manipulating one another constantly, they aren't terribly tactically gifted.

That said, much of what was enjoyable in the first movie is still enjoyable here. There are moments where the movie is tongue in cheek; for example, the crew of the Black Pearl finds themselves captured by cannibals when Sparrow flees Davy Jones. There are two groups of captives: all of the recognizable characters from the Black Pearl and the other group (with conspicuously black characters).

The acting is as blasé in Dead Man's Chest as it was in The Curse Of The Black Pearl, with Bloom and Knightley continuing to underwhelm. Jonathan Pryce continues his underused, but decent, portrayal of the now-disgraced Governor Weatherby Swann. The lone pleasant acting addition is Naomie Harris (who I enjoyed quite a bit in 28 Days Later) who has what amounts to a cameo as Tia Dalma. And on the character front, Pintel and Ragetti return to fulfill their Disney-standard role, with Ragetti going so far as to explain the plot, which is disappointing.

Thus, much of the movie comes down to whether Davy Jones and Jack Sparrow can sell the audience on seeing the film. Davy Jones is sad and lonely - he keeps a locket on his piano - and villainous. Jones is played by Bill Nighy, though all trace of the actor is digitally erased in order to create the creature effect. Nighy is a talented actor, but there is nothing that screams "Nighy!" left in his portrayal of Davy Jones, making it hard to comment on the acting. The character is fairly monolithic and it is not evident why he wants his entire crew to slowly transform into sea life aboard the Flying Dutchman.

Which brings us to Captain Jack Sparrow and Johnny Depp. Sparrow is pretty much the same as he was in the first movie. He's a pirate, conniving, selfish and humorous to watch. But he's not more. The revelation of how the compass works is unsurprising given how Sparrow feels about his ship, though it does make the resolution to the movie make less sense. Depp's portrayal of Sparrow is consistent. There's nothing truly new here in the portrayal.

That's the best way to sum up Dead Man's Chest. It's not new. It doesn't grow the characters, it does not progress the effects, it does not challenge the viewer in any meaningful way. It sets up the third movie completely and that's about it.

It left me wanting more.

For other films featuring Keira Knightley, please check out my reviews of:
Love Actually
Star Wars – Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

4.5/10

For other movie reviews, please visit my index page by clicking here!

© 2011, 2007 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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Standard Check: Reviewing Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl As A Litmus Test For A Reviewer!

The Good: Fun, Decent plot, Moments of acting, Moments of character, Special effects, Music
The Bad: Some predictability, Sparrow not as eccentric as I'd heard, Disney “standards"
The Basics: Fun and entertaining, The Curse Of The Black Pearl opens a new chapter in action-adventure/comedy and is worthy of a viewing, if not to own.


Sometimes, there is little point in writing a review. When I was still writing for the review website, I would occasionally look back at some of my older reviews that were buried under the 300 other reviews of the same film/product and I’d know that they are not being read. There is no point in writing a decent review for older material after twenty people have rated it. I can only imagine that there aren't people who look through the lists of reviews looking for an obscure reviewer. And, let's be honest, with some of the pop-culture standards like Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl, 99% of the movie-going public has already made up its mind, watched it or not and a review now is not going to sway someone. I doubt there is someone reading this review –in my brand spankin’ new blog - and saying, "Hmm . . .Pirates Of The Caribbean, I wonder if THAT'S a movie I would enjoy . . ." So, writing this review is somewhat pointless, save that reviews of well-reviewed works by some of us more obscure reviewers provides a baseline for our reviews on less-well-reviewed works. This review helps readers understand that my pantheon of reviews means. What does my 10/10 rating for Magnolia (reviewed here!) truly mean, if you can't compare it to something you've likely already seen? As important, what does my 0/10 rating for Did You Hear About The Morgans? (reviewed here!) or "Wrong Turn" truly mean if you can't compare it to another movie that is probably not as meaningful or well-known? And so . . .

When Disney announced that it was making a film based on their ride Pirates Of The Caribbean, I cringed. Some part of my mind was terrified that if it was successful, they would find a way to make their "Small World" ride into a movie complete with hypnotic, cult-indoctrinating theme and I would be forced into the killing spree I kept myself from as a child when visiting Disney World. Writers Ted Elliot, Terry Rossio, Stuart Beattie, and Jay Wolpert and director Gore Verbinski take a potentially deathly idea and create an entertaining comedy-adventure movie that succeeds beyond its concept.

As a child, young Will Turner is rescued from a pirate attack by a crew which includes Elizabeth Swann, who takes from him a necklace with a gold dubloon. Years later, as Turner pines for Swann and Swann - the local governor's daughter - avoids the advances and proposals of naval Commodore Norrington, the port they live in find themselves under siege by pirates who take Swann and head for the open sea. Desperate to recover the woman he loves, Turner enlists the aid of pirate captain Jack Sparrow, who is currently jailed in the port.

Sparrow and Turner steal a boat and head after the pirates that abducted Swann. They soon realize that the pirates are not normal, every day standard pirates. They are undead, cursed by stealing the gold and destined to roam the seas until all the pieces are back where they belong. Jack, who has a history with the ship - the Black Pearl - and its captain - the villainous Barbossa, uses the rescue attempt to gain revenge for wrongs done against him in the past and to recover the ship that used to be his.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl is entertaining and while I am not usually a fan of big special effects movies, the effects in this one are remarkably well done. The undead pirate crew is fun to watch and the effects move at a pace that makes them intriguing, easy to follow and of impressive quality. The effects are most prevalent at night, in moonlight, making it much easier to retain realism and the effects department seems quite attentive to this.

Similarly, the music is used quite well as an effect to keep the movie flowing. Whenever there is not a battle or significant dialogue, the music becomes sweeping and big to accompany the cinematography. Composers Klaus Badelt and Craig Eastman do fine work here using music as an effect.

What I like about The Curse Of The Black Pearl is that it is well put together. Things make sense and that is refreshing. So, those oriented to details will find much to enjoy about the movie. A nice example of this is that Sparrow's compass - when confiscated by the authorities - is noted as one that is not pointing North. It's not listed as "broken," just that it does not work like normal compasses. That becomes important and justifies the obsessive quality Jack has with preserving his personal effects.

This leads us to the characters. Given that this movie has been out in the public imagination for almost four years and already spawned one of the most successful sequels of all time - with another due this summer - there has been a lot of hype about the characters in The Curse Of The Black Pearl. That last sentence ought to be cut down; there has been a lot of hype about Captain Jack Sparrow. The best description anyone had given me before seeing The Curse Of The Black Pearl was that the movie works like two movies, with the standard pirate plot going in one predictable, regular direction, and one with the eccentric Jack Sparrow doing and saying things that are more winks to the audience.

I didn't see that. The Curse Of The Black Pearl only works because it does not take itself too seriously and the main force behind that is Captain Jack Sparrow, who - sadly - did not seem all that over-the-top to me. Sure, he's a crazy pirate, but he was hardly as funny or detached from the story or the other characters as I anticipated given the hype around him. Sparrow provides both comic relief and an opportunity to sell the idea of the treachery of the pirates. Sparrow works and he's what keeps the movie moving and entertaining.

Sadly, the more troubling character aspects come in two forms. The first is Captain Barbossa who is possibly the most subtle advertisement for Captain Morgan rum (how did they NOT do a tie-in here?!) and who is pretty much the villainous archetype. There seems to be no real connection to suggest why Sparrow would have had him as a member of his crew beforehand and little to suggest his ambition for a fleet of pirate ships once the curse is lifted. Morgan, er, Barbossa's big ambition to get the curse of the Aztec gold lifted is not so he won't be invincible, can wear decent clothes, or even make love to a woman. His ambition is to eat an apple. Fine, I can dig that. Man's been undead for a while, wants fresh fruit, cool. Why is it so easy for Sparrow to manipulate him with the prospect of more, then? It doesn't jive.

Far, far, far worse are the Disney influences on The Curse Of The Black Pearl, which I know is ironic for a Disney film. Disney has certain "kid friendly" standards that it keeps intact almost universally throughout its many animated and live-action films. Since Disney's rebirth of animated movies in the late '80s, early 90s, there have almost always been sidekicks for comic relief. Often they are a pair and their sole function in the movie is to make cheap gags, provide plot exposition for five year-olds and tell what the director isn't gifted enough to show or say what the writer cannot figure to say any other way. This might work in a "G" movie, but it's somewhat insulting in the PG-13 Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl.

In this movie, the pair is Pintel and Ragetti, undead pirates on Barbossa's ship, the latter of which is missing an eye. This witless pair explains pretty much everything, knocks into things and does things in an insultingly Disney way that most viewers are smart enough to figure out on their own or could live without.

That said, the rest of the characters are fairly standard. Elizabeth Swann is not a Disney princess, but rather the damsel in distress who at opportune moments can stand up for herself. Norrington is exceptionally generic as the "wealthy/successful suitor" that Swann should want and an adequate foil to Will Turner, down to how each uses objects in their surroundings. Turner almost always has his hands on something, Norrington gives orders to others, keeping his hands usually off the things he wants to manipulate.

And outside the characters, the action is pretty standard for a period piece like this. There are sword fights, people swinging on ropes, and the ship to ship battles involving cannon fire. The truth is, by the time this movie was made, it takes a lot to be a knockout with special effects battle scenes. The sword fights are living deep in the shadows of the battles from The Lord Of The Rings and Star Wars. It's just a factor of time, but there is nothing distinctive or great about them that pushes the envelope forward and the truth is, they are fairly unmemorable.

But they are entertaining. The swordfight between Turner and Sparrow is fun to watch. The stunts are decent, the pace is kept up well.

What makes The Curse Of The Black Pearl worth recommending and watching boils down ultimately is the acting. It's always wonderful to see Jonathan Pryce (save Carrington) and his role as Governor Weatherby Swann was one of the few pleasant surprises for me going into the movie. Orlando Bloom is fairly bland as Will Turner (there is nothing truly distinctive about him) and Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann continues her career as a photocopy of Winona Ryder. There is nothing here to recommend her performance as anything extraordinary.

So, it comes to Geoffrey Rush and Johnny Depp to sell The Curse Of The Black Pearl. And they do. Rush is playing the villainous Barbossa and while the character is problematic, Rush plays him well. There are moments where Barbossa must maintain a tired quality where his imprisonment as an undead wears on him and those moments Rush sells us on some form of underlying humanity in the character. And when he needs to be bad, Rush sells us on that with his icy gaze and menacing tones.

It is Johnny Depp that rules the movie, as Jack Sparrow. What Depp does - better than the character in some ways - is sell the idea that Sparrow is not necessarily crazy or not part of the world, but rather that in order to live the life the Captain is living, he has to act the way he does. Depp is adept at the fast-talk, the quick reversal and the physical comedy needed to keep The Curse Of The Black Pearl moving and from taking itself too seriously.

In the end, The Curse Of The Black Pearl is a pirate movie that is effectively mixing comedy and adventure to be something worthwhile and entertaining. But it's not saying something larger and its quality is in entertainment value, primarily in the form of the two biggest characters in the movie - Sparrow and Barbossa. If you want fun, this'll do.

But don't expect more.

For other films featuring Johnny Depp, please visit my reviews of:
The Tourist
Alice In Wonderland
The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
Charlie And The Chocolate Factory
Edward Scissorhands

5.5/10

For other movie reviews, please visit my index page!

© 2010, 2007 W.L. Swarts. May not be reprinted without permission.
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